286437714's recent activity
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Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (May 2026) in ~health.mental
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Comment on Why so many people are going "no contact" with their parents in ~life
286437714 Link ParentI hear you. It reminds me of the scenario where, you are describing a uniquely frustrating problem, and someone without your experience of it says 'Why don't you simply [x]?' Even if you're...I hear you.
It reminds me of the scenario where, you are describing a uniquely frustrating problem, and someone without your experience of it says 'Why don't you simply [x]?'
Even if you're actively asking for ideas and constructive help, having someone break problems with interpersonal relations down into a simple rubric feels insulting. I fully recognise that may not be the intent, but if [x] had have worked, people usually would have done it already.
As nice as it would be to have a database of solutions, it can't account for unique circumstances. I think the only caveat I'd supply there is if an experienced family or relationship therapist chimed in with general advice based on their career's worth of observations and study. Even then, though, so much of that career is based on emotions: does this professional make you feel at ease, do you feel like you can trust them, do you get along well enough to talk through things properly and give your unique perspective?
This is a bit of a non-sequitor, but it reminds me of how AI people are turning to LLMs as an alternative to therapy. The LLM is the spreadsheet you describe. But it can't parse the emotional component, it can't factor in other people's feelings, and it's designed to make you satisfied.
Of course asking an LLM about an interpersonal issue, especially a big one, feels better than months and months of work with a psychologist or therapist. The latter is the really hard work. It sucks. But I treat with the greatest suspicion people who emphasise the importance of expertise unless it's something they don't know about, or value.
I had to learn what I was feeling and why that might be from scratch as an adult. I tried every logical, data-driven, shortcut-y way, but I learned how either do the emotional labor or you keep on failing. And I learned I'm certainly not qualified to make sweeping statements about other people's lives or decisions based on what I thought made sense, because I have never been them. As much as we might wish it otherwise, most of the big issues in our lives can't be fixed with a firmware update.
Mine can, but, you know. Built different.
Sorry this thread has been frustrating for you. After a few years here there are dozens of people who are kind, empathetic, and okay with the concept of having emotions. They tend to get crowded out, but they're around.
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Comment on Why so many people are going "no contact" with their parents in ~life
286437714 Link ParentThe fact that those comments are so highly upvoted in relation to the original makes me thing the Rational Tilders have showed up. It's a weird quirk of the site. My pet theory is that because the...- Exemplary
The fact that those comments are so highly upvoted in relation to the original makes me thing the Rational Tilders have showed up.
It's a weird quirk of the site. My pet theory is that because the userbase tends towards topics with very cut-and-dry, logical rules (compsci, sysadmins, programmers, IT), they tend to be the silent majority in any prominent thread.
Especially when someone transgresses the unspoken rules of the site, one of which is 'This makes me feel [x].' I've seen it a lot, even if the poster tries to proactively defend against it by saying 'I know it's not logical, but I feel...' they tend to get dogpiled.
That's my amateur anthropology theory, but I've seen some pretty heated people here insisting they're acting as the voice of reason and logic when they (seem to) encounter a feeling they don't like. Just seems like they can't interrogate that, or perform that introspection of 'Hm, I just put three hours into an online debate that got increasingly heated, what might be going on here?'
Caveats: Not a professional, don't have a dataset I can source cause it's my own anecdotal observations, I am not immune and often have to get out the Wheel of Emotions to figure out what's going on in my head.
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Comment on Kraken | Official trailer in ~movies
286437714 Link ParentAh, Augustus, one doesn't need to be a Swede to wish for Norway to be devoured. It helps, but it's not mandatory.Ah, Augustus, one doesn't need to be a Swede to wish for Norway to be devoured.
It helps, but it's not mandatory.
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Comment on Kraken | Official trailer in ~movies
286437714 LinkFrom memory this film is from Norway, so it'll be nice to see my bitter rivals being torn limb from limb while sounding happy and upbeat speaking slightly garbled Swedish. Curse you Norway! (Just...From memory this film is from Norway, so it'll be nice to see my bitter rivals being torn limb from limb while sounding happy and upbeat speaking slightly garbled Swedish.
Curse you Norway!
(Just kidding, this looks awesome, and I love Norwegians. Hopefully this sparks a Baltic regional defense initiative for kraken.)
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Comment on Why I find woke criticism of veganism and effective altruism so outrageous in ~society
286437714 Link ParentOh, sorry dude, I didn't know there was another thread. Blissful ignorance I guess.Oh, sorry dude, I didn't know there was another thread. Blissful ignorance I guess.
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Comment on Why I find woke criticism of veganism and effective altruism so outrageous in ~society
286437714 (edited )Link ParentAt the time of writing my comment, this post wasn't tagged with 'woke'. That's what I meant by 'I don't want to put the onus of a new tag on the taggers'. Meaning you, and cffabro. I was thinking...At the time of writing my comment, this post wasn't tagged with 'woke'. That's what I meant by 'I don't want to put the onus of a new tag on the taggers'. Meaning you, and cffabro. I was thinking of putting that into my filters before I remembered I've tried it before with post titles and it didn't work.
The 'woke' tag doesn't work because it only cuts out one kind of Angry Rant. I was hoping for a broader solution.
Is there currently a tag for op ed/opinion? If so, that could be paired with a source tag (Substack or Blogspot) to remove posts that are just Some Angry Random's Opinion, which tend to provoke discussions... like this comment section.
But I think that'd require being able to just set tags for ~society, as these kinds of things tend only pop up here. I don't think topic specific tags work, unless I'm missing something.
And if this was all a joke at my expense (referencing @nukeman's response), then, well, man, that sucks.
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Comment on Why I find woke criticism of veganism and effective altruism so outrageous in ~society
286437714 LinkFrom the about page, this is a blog of a bachelors in philosophy graduate who writes articles about how much they dislike woke, lefty, Bluesky people. I've noticed an uptick of these kind of posts...- Exemplary
From the about page, this is a blog of a bachelors in philosophy graduate who writes articles about how much they dislike woke, lefty, Bluesky people.
I've noticed an uptick of these kind of posts lately. I guess the broad genre is 'Angry Opinion Pieces', but the comments are much more fight-y than I'm used to on Tildes and I'd rather not see them. I've found filtering them nearly impossible.
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The authors aren't prominent, and are varied, so I can't create a filter as it's not just one person. It's generally Some Random Guy Who Thinks Lefties Are Dumb, but there'll be an appeal towards authority for why they're actually an expert in making this particular dunk post
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The source seems 'legit', or at least, it's possible something interesting might be posted from the source (in this example, Substack, but there are other less shady ones).
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The topic sounds like a real thing, but reading the article it boils down to Twitter-style infighting, often about topics that require deep Twitter knowledge to understand the background of the debate. These blog posts aren't educating me on anything that I think is actually impactful. It feels like clickbait, because the title is written quite broad, then the 'article' is mostly highlighting people they think are stupid, usually through embedded tweets.
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The comments on Tildes tend to be the submitter arguing why the submission is actually good, and why people are reading it wrong, like this example.
Does anyone have an idea for a topic filter that'll help cut down on these surfacing? I don't want to unsubscribe from ~society as there's a ton of thought provoking and interesting stuff in there, but I'm tired of 'Here Is My Detailed Argument About Why Lefty Online People Are Wrong About [whatever], And If You Disagree, YOU ARE ONE AND YOU ARE WRONG'
Back on old old reddit /r/videos put a 'YouTube Drama' tag, and that helped. These articles all feel like Twitter Drama, but I don't want to put the onus of a new tag on the taggers. I also doubt the submitters of these blog posts would categorise them the same way I do
I'm sincerely asking for help with setting up my filters here, not being tongue-in-cheek.
I had to do that with a therapist last year. The tricky thing is finding someone you can trust, and who actually measurably helps. They ticked the first box, not the second.
It was pretty hard finding another one, but I kind of eased up on myself by saying, 'I need a qualified person to help me, and I'll do what I can until I find one.'
It was a few months and a lot of luck leading me to my new one where I have made much more progress, and during that period I tried really hard to put myself into Maintenance mode instead of Make-Everything-Better-By-Myself mode. It really helped me out.
I'm so sorry for what you're going through though. The commercials and PSA's are always 'reach out and talk to a professional now', but never go in to 'sometimes it doesn't work out and you have to try again.' I get why, but man, I really thought it'd be as easy as walking into a doctor's office with a chest infection and getting some pills. Getting the right patient/therapist relationship adds so much complexity to it, as does where you're at, and life doesn't stop while you're trying to figure it out.
Can't fix it, but know what it's like. Feral screaming is entirely appropriate.