Lobachevsky's recent activity
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Comment on Almost half of EU’s busiest flight routes are ‘hard or impossible’ to book on trains in ~transport
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Comment on An insight into looksmaxxxing/blackpill "ideology" in ~life
Lobachevsky Link ParentOf course, because of prior experiences. That's why people like Clavicular (and to some degree myself) choose to embark on the "looksmaxxing" (which is just a stupid word for figuring out how to...Because you can be incredibly attractive and full of self-doubt and have a poor self image.
Of course, because of prior experiences. That's why people like Clavicular (and to some degree myself) choose to embark on the "looksmaxxing" (which is just a stupid word for figuring out how to present oneself better) journey in the first place. We started out as unattractive and changed it overtime and most importantly observed the results. Of course it is very hard to undo the damage built up during the entire adolescence and beyond.
Regarding the types of spaces, am actually speaking mostly about interactions with straight men and straight/bi women, particular in nerdy hobby spaces (LARPing and TTRPG spaces in particular) and I'm using it as an example against a broader societal claim in a thread about that phenomenon, not to an individual person's experience in a thread about their personal struggle. Context matters.
Well it is also my personal struggle. LARPing and TTRPG are insanely niche spaces. Not sure what conclusions to draw from any of this. Good for you and the good people of LARPing and TTRPG spaces.
I have a degree in counseling. Fear of safety is not irrational, fear of rejection is 100% developed by attractive people. It's a human fear, not an "ugly fear." Because you can be incredibly attractive and full of self-doubt and have a poor self image. I personally believe Clavicular probably fits into that camp.
Why is it not irrational? We live in an incredibly safe society. As for being developed by attractive people, I was talking about people who have always been considered attractive and I guess pretty universally. Many people change as they grow up. That's why also you get the worthless "just be confident" advice given by people who haven't ever had their confidence questioned by reality.
my point is that you'll only make any level of connection with shallow people when you're focusing on "shallow" things. It's self-fulfilling.
You're the only one who described anything as shallow though. It's just your judgement and I'm not sure what to even respond because I've never mentioned anything I would consider "shallow".
But if you want to be "desired" and do not care that it's real
The whole point is that it is real if it comes from a stranger who doesn't know much about you. Then it is pure attraction. There is no chance of it being for financial gain, clout or anything like that.
Idk that notable dates with other grifters, or dating a minor last year, proves he's desirable for his looks vs his money and fame, personally.
You're focusing on that guy who I don't even know much about other than that he's become infamous for extreme levels of looksmaxxing. Again, I have nothing to say to that, other than that wanting desire is very normal and valid, feeling unattractive when absolutely no one shows you any signs of attraction without a lot of effort on your part is valid (if unfortunate) and that sort of experience is sadly very real for many young men.
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Comment on An insight into looksmaxxxing/blackpill "ideology" in ~life
Lobachevsky Link ParentWhy? Anyway I'm speaking more generally, not just about that particular person. That's good and all, but what is your point exactly? It is clear that the straight dating culture as such that men...it's incredibly likely he's disappointing his actual sexual partners while overstating his sexual activity...
Why? Anyway I'm speaking more generally, not just about that particular person.
As a poly, pan woman-ish in nerdy and kinky spaces. I, and others, approached men (and other women) all the time. They weren't thin and fit. (They still aren't.) I insisted my current partner date me (in a non-weird way) and he was disabled and overweight. But funny, and kind and not homophobic and he can cook and I love him. But even 20-year-old, "straight", "cis", naive, skinny me - who hung around a boyfriend far too long in college - wouldn't have found this whole Clavicular thing attractive.
That's good and all, but what is your point exactly? It is clear that the straight dating culture as such that men approach women massively more than otherwise. Kink, poly and queer spaces are their own bubbles that have their own quirks anyway. I don't think if a woman were to post issues she's had dating men it would be appropriate for me to post "well I don't do those things" like it changes her experience.
If people want to be desired by women, you'd think they'd listen to women about what they want.
People are notoriously bad at identifying what they want in reality, that's why when we compare self reports to what people actually choose we get quite different results. Not just in dating mind you. I actually think plenty of women give quite terrible dating advice, both to men and to other women, so I'll respectfully disagree with this generalization. At best it doesn't seem to be any better than advice given by men.
When women feel safe they will initiate.
If you had said "When women do not feel safe they will not initiate", I would agree wholeheartedly, and I would not just limit this to women, but to anyone really. To say that it's the only thing that matters I think is not right at all. That being said, I completely agree that safety and risk aversion is a solid part of this dynamic.
It's that whole "men fear rejection and women fear murder" thing about dating.
I don't know if fearing murder in a country with like 100 murders per year, most of which are related to gang activity is really a rational fear though, while fear of rejection is based on very real life experience. No one usually starts with that fear and I'm sure attractive people never even develop it.
If you try to appeal only to shallow people, you'll never make connections with the people who aren't because they'll also perceive you as shallow. It's once again confirmation bias, not actual confirmation.
The issue is not with making connections, the issue is with feeling (being) desirable or not. "Connection" can describe all manner of things.
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Comment on An insight into looksmaxxxing/blackpill "ideology" in ~life
Lobachevsky Link ParentI don't think the issue is sex, otherwise just visiting a sex worker as some suggest would just magically solve everything. The issue is desirability. There's just something special in the feeling...There are so many attractive and thin/fit dudes who don't act like assholes but aren't famous; it's not his weight, it's being willing to grift. There are plenty of "morbidly obese" (ew for the language, btw) or "not conventionally attractive" men who have plenty of good sex. I can speak from experience. And there are plenty of horrid humans who other horrid humans will have sex with regardless of age, weight, looks, etc. for money or power as Trump proves.
He's confirmation only if you believe the images shown through the screen and not what's actually happening. Or, I guess, if any sex is worth any trade off... In which case hiring sex workers and treating them like humans would be less objectifying than what Clavicular is doing.
I don't think the issue is sex, otherwise just visiting a sex worker as some suggest would just magically solve everything. The issue is desirability. There's just something special in the feeling that someone finds you hot, not because you paid them to pretend, not because they want to settle, not because you charmed them with your charisma, not even because you're in love, but because there's some immense chemistry there, pure attraction. I think failing to experience it growing up and seeing it happen all around is what triggers this kind of attitude of forever chasing it more and more and just having really poor self image in general. I imagine that if you get famous it also wraps around the other end and it becomes "what if they are only doing this for clout" type of thing. But at least for me it's this constant self doubt. And becoming more attractive only confirms the worldview that human beings are incredibly shallow and looks are incredibly important.
The other reason I think this affects young men in particular is because men are practically always expected to be the initiators. I am sort of ashamed to admit it, but I still remember the time when I was approached for a casual encounter by a stranger for the first time and just sort of shut down because I couldn't even process what just happened.
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Comment on An insight into looksmaxxxing/blackpill "ideology" in ~life
Lobachevsky Link ParentNot sure how you got the idea that I think sexism doesn't exist from my comments, considering my whole point is saying that society currently sexist against men in particular, for which there is...Not sure how you got the idea that I think sexism doesn't exist from my comments, considering my whole point is saying that society currently sexist against men in particular, for which there is little pushback except for crazy redpill/blackpill spaces, which is a huge problem. I surely hope you don't think sexism can only be applied against women. Ignoring that, I know it exists, since I'm from a traditionalist, patriarchal and sexist country. I happened to have moved into one of the most gender equal countries on the planet however and I champion what progressive movement has done to accomplish this. It's also obvious that women still experience sexism.
The fact that I need to add these disclaimers to talk about what to me is just basic reality on the ground, and the feelings of me and other young men, is precisely the kind of negativity and lack of support from society that I mean. The fact that your go to response is to call me a "flawed, dehumanizing incel". Yet another illustrative example of the kind of treatment I am talking about. I used the word "incel" on purpose too, instead of just saying "I didn't get laid until my early 20s". Do you see how it's become synonymous with an insult and an instant negative perception?
"woman" to "conventionally attractive woman", and then you generalize a whitewashed version of their experiences that doesn't even acknowledge any of the real negatives even attractive women experience
Sorry, but I don't believe this. My personal experience aside, there's a massive gap between (young) men and women on the ability to find both sex and relationships. Unless you think women in general are more attractive than men, something else must be going on here.
And surely this has about 0 effect on issues like draft. By the way, I am from a country where all men must serve in the military. And women just don't. Please don't just ignore it like it's nothing, it is a part of every 18 year old guy's life there.
Ultimately, all I'm really trying to say is that sexism exists both ways, both men and women face struggles and it's not right to say that one side always has it worse. That's really it. I consider myself a feminist though I don't believe we can ever truly reconcile the biological differences. Hopefully we can get closer though, as we did with women to great success.
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Comment on An insight into looksmaxxxing/blackpill "ideology" in ~life
Lobachevsky (edited )Link ParentI mean this is exactly what I'm talking about. I think the environment of hostility we face when all we're doing is sharing our experiences is a big reason why there isn't anyone doing this in the...I mean this is exactly what I'm talking about. I think the environment of hostility we face when all we're doing is sharing our experiences is a big reason why there isn't anyone doing this in the mainstream. In addition, as I've mentioned, normies simply don't understand the issue, just like you don't. It's assumed to be a personal failing, which is why you're sending me links to fashion advice. Your assumption is that I'm just not good enough. Now imagine someone sharing their experiences being treated poorly for being overweight. Would your response be to send links to dietary advice and rant about how anorexic people have it worse? And at least that and fashion you can change. Height is unchangeable and it's completely accepted that it's totally fine for women (and other men!) to discriminate based on it. I think this post is quite illustrative.
Growing up as girls, we get told "hey baby" by men, and "stop looking like a slut" by women. That kind of support? Among our peers, we try to look like we're not trying too hard ("whore!") and downplay anything we're trying to do on our own ("try hard!"). Then there's magazines and movies telling us what to buy. That kind of support?
Forgive me for assuming, but since you are mentioning magazines and movies, are you sure this is still true for the current generation of young women? The culture has changed massively and at least from where I stand, in Northern Europe there is no shortage of women looking as much like "sluts" as they want, and obviously plenty make this into a lucrative career online. This is mostly just accepted, and is yet another option women have.
Not only that, but in addition to all these great new options women got from progressive culture (which are great!) they still have benefits of the traditional, patriarchal societies. Women get approached, women don't need to pay on dates, women can advance in society through marriage or relationships (there are so many examples of this for me because I come from a poorer country). The issue of draft is all over Europe now and women mostly get a pass. And I do really believe that socializing as women is broadly easier, women are more welcome on average. That's my experience at least.
I think that the reason why red pill and black pill got popular with young men is simply because it is more accurate to their reality than saying that women always have it worse, all women are victims of oppression, all men need to figure their shit out. I think it's not the case for the new generation in first world countries anymore.
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Comment on An insight into looksmaxxxing/blackpill "ideology" in ~life
Lobachevsky Link ParentNot sure what you mean by support groups for girls to look their best. What I meant that there's support for most struggles women go through while young men and boys are largely on their own. The...Not sure what you mean by support groups for girls to look their best. What I meant that there's support for most struggles women go through while young men and boys are largely on their own. The word incel itself has become an insult.
Why aren't there groups of men supporting younger men in positive ways, online and off?
My guess is that it is because for anyone who does not have these struggles ("normies" and most women) it seems like a complete non issue and they think that something must be wrong with this increasing number of young men. The push is always to say that they must improve, they must do better, women are just upholding the right standard. The rhetoric around women's struggles is that society failed them, men failed them and so the push is for society to change. We've had wonderful transformation in our cultures due to this, but when it comes to supporting struggling young men there is absolutely no push for this. They must adapt or die, essentially.
So the only viable option is these online incel groups, often populated with incredibly bitter and jaded individuals, some truly hopeless, who are hell bent on convincing young men who actually have everything ahead of them that it's hopeless for them too. And the issue is, their toxic views are based on actual reality that is felt by these young men.
The algorithm is pushing yes but thousands of channels also exist to softmaxx, no? Heaven knows the cosmetic industry has tried for decades.
Not sure what you mean.
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Comment on An insight into looksmaxxxing/blackpill "ideology" in ~life
Lobachevsky LinkThis is an interesting topic to me because I've been an incel for most of my youth. Then I had a glow up through much effort and established myself as a pretty high tier "normie". In that sense I...This is an interesting topic to me because I've been an incel for most of my youth. Then I had a glow up through much effort and established myself as a pretty high tier "normie". In that sense I think blackpill is completely accurate, in some interpretation at least, but you can definitely change your situation. It's just that most people take the wrong lessons from it.
My experience is such that being attractive, especially as a kid, simply makes things easier for you. It's easier for you to get experience talking to people (and girls), your mistakes are forgiven more easily, you get more exposure to it all simply by existing. In that sense, when people say things like "oh it's all about confidence", that's true but for someone who is attractive it's much easier to reach that confidence and the threshold for how hard they need to try is lower. That's all well and good, we probably cannot do anything about it, the halo effect, etc.
The problem is that there is virtually no support group for young men that are affected by this. You get ridiculed, bullied and shunned. You're told it's your fault, you haven't tried hard enough, you're given advice that doesn't match your reality by people who are incapable of understanding it. It's like as a white person there are certain aspects of living as a person of color that I just won't be able to understand. This is how I feel when women comment on anything related to these issues to be honest. I feel like the difference in average experience is just massive. And a big part of that is that support groups for women are plentiful, and they're seen as a good thing, while young men are relegated to these online groups that give them more and more extreme and desperate views, because there isn't anyone to advocate for them. Mostly because if you've never experienced this (meaning you're a "normie"), you just cannot comprehend how can someone even be in that situation - for you everything just works out and your opinions come from that perspective.
I do think it's ultimately a good thing that this view is becoming more mainstream. As you say, it is more honest and maybe will get more recognition for the young people affected. As it stands, it is frankly an accepted form of sexism.
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Comment on Allbirds announces pivot from running shoes to AI compute; stock surged over 700% in ~tech
Lobachevsky Link ParentI don't think it's particularly different from any other topic. Seems like these days (maybe it was always like this?) everyone needs a boogieman to hate on, no matter what reality is. For some...I don't think it's particularly different from any other topic. Seems like these days (maybe it was always like this?) everyone needs a boogieman to hate on, no matter what reality is. For some people it's immigrants or trans people, for some it's AI (for me it's the country of Sweden lol). I guess the scary part is how everybody is eager to point out how those people have got it all wrong, man they must be really stupid and gullible. But then do the exact same thing with another topic.
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Comment on The center has a bias in ~tech
Lobachevsky Link ParentWell that's because "AI" is a huge umbrella term for many different models that are also extremely highly customizable by their nature. It's like criticizing a car's performance without saying...Well that's because "AI" is a huge umbrella term for many different models that are also extremely highly customizable by their nature. It's like criticizing a car's performance without saying anything about its model, body, gear box or engine. And without having a driver's license.
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Comment on AI populism's warning shots in ~society
Lobachevsky Link ParentTo be frank, this is not at all surprising and in my experience that's the direction practically every progressive space online has taken under the guise of "well what's next, you want literal...To be frank, this is not at all surprising and in my experience that's the direction practically every progressive space online has taken under the guise of "well what's next, you want literal nazis colonizing our discussion?" Whatever is the progressive stance must be followed or you get shunned or at least it's the cause of a huge drama and rift in the community. AI just happens to be the topic where you disagree with that stance. Frankly it's made some unrelated hobby websites incredibly insufferable (thankfully most can still be enjoyed, just without participating in the forums).
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Comment on I think Tildes moderators and admins may need to make a decision regarding how to handle Harry Potter related posts in ~tildes
Lobachevsky Link ParentI really would rather keep anything US related out of my line of sight, and yet people on this forum keep responding with entirely (even self admittedly) US centric views generalized like they're...There's no world in which discussing Harry Potter is more important than someone requesting you don't.
I really would rather keep anything US related out of my line of sight, and yet people on this forum keep responding with entirely (even self admittedly) US centric views generalized like they're universal truths. Would it really be reasonable for me to demand everybody stop discussing anything US related on tildes? Somehow nobody ever thought so, they just told me to deal with it every single time. This can be quite frustrating.
Would it also be reasonable for me to comment on every war/atrocity the US has committed, on every single post related to the US or tagged as US related? And then say that it's just so people are aware? And label every single post criticizing the US as exemplary, even if it's not directly related to what's being posted? That's not spreading awareness, that's just being disruptive. People cannot help being from the US just like people cannot help having read/watched Harry Potter in the past and enjoying it.
Anyways, I just filter out US tagged posts and move on, which is what I recommend everyone does with whatever bothers them.
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Comment on I think Tildes moderators and admins may need to make a decision regarding how to handle Harry Potter related posts in ~tildes
Lobachevsky LinkSeems like this is what tags and labels are for, which you can filter out if some content is upsetting for you to see. Checking the trailer post, I don't think this necessarily calls for admin...Seems like this is what tags and labels are for, which you can filter out if some content is upsetting for you to see.
Checking the trailer post, I don't think this necessarily calls for admin intervention even, unless people start flinging insults at each other. The giant comment chain was hidden away from me when I opened the post, so looks like labels are working as intended. This, I think, is what makes Tildes superior to, for instance, reddit, where on topic posts would be downvoted to hell.
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Comment on Why are we still doing this? in ~tech
Lobachevsky Link ParentSo you're using 1 country as an example to say that any time a company provides a cheap and good service, it's a honeypot to capture the market? As I said, everywhere I've been to (not United...predominantly in the United States (12 acquisitions), followed by the United Kingdom (2 acquisitions), and China (1 acquisition).
So you're using 1 country as an example to say that any time a company provides a cheap and good service, it's a honeypot to capture the market? As I said, everywhere I've been to (not United States), there are both alternative apps and traditional taxi options. I have no comment on what went on in the US or what's the state of taxi services in the US. My guess is that it's something very specific to that country considering it seemingly didn't happen anywhere else.
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Comment on Why are we still doing this? in ~tech
Lobachevsky Link ParentWhat services did Uber drive out? The crappy traditional taxis? Last time I checked, everywhere I visit both those and alternative apps exist. And wasn't the point being "we shouldn't use those...What services did Uber drive out? The crappy traditional taxis? Last time I checked, everywhere I visit both those and alternative apps exist. And wasn't the point being "we shouldn't use those services even while they're cheap and good because it's a honeypot"? Sorry, but Uber is vastly superior to traditional taxis for most rides and when it isn't, traditional taxis still exist. So I don't get the point being made at all here. From my point of view, everyone benefits. The users get a new and better service that didn't exist before, the investors eventually get their profits and everyone benefits from progress (rental DVDs replaced with streaming, taxis replaced with apps).
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Comment on Why are we still doing this? in ~tech
Lobachevsky Link ParentSo... a company providing a useful service at a reasonable/low price is a "honeypot"? What does a company have to do to avoid being a "honeypot"? Since you bring up Netflix, apparently it's to...So... a company providing a useful service at a reasonable/low price is a "honeypot"? What does a company have to do to avoid being a "honeypot"? Since you bring up Netflix, apparently it's to maintain the same pricing for decades, since Netflix in its streaming form launched, oh god, almost 20 years ago. Or do they have to have shittier offering from the get go, is that more "honest"?
There's nothing wrong with using a service while it's cheap and good and paid for by investors, when the alternative is just not having a service at all. And for enterprise applications there are of course contracts which lock in the services and the prices for years to come.
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Comment on Nathan Fillion says 'Firefly' animated series in development in ~tv
Lobachevsky Link ParentMaybe you mean the movie, but the show just abruptly ends on a completely regular mid season episode.now that I look back, I'm more of the mind that it ended in a good place
Maybe you mean the movie, but the show just abruptly ends on a completely regular mid season episode.
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Comment on Meta to acquire Moltbook, the social network for AI agents in ~tech
Lobachevsky Link ParentI don't know why you're suddenly narrowing down "flawed code" to these specific things, but yes, we ship software that is full of security issues. We were storing plaintext passwords in memory for...I don't know why you're suddenly narrowing down "flawed code" to these specific things, but yes, we ship software that is full of security issues. We were storing plaintext passwords in memory for instance, that was only fixed like two years ago I think. There's many more known bugs we will likely never fix and even more of the ones we don't know about yet. We're talking enterprise software, with many millions of dollars in contracts.
You didn't answer what are you shipping to be so condescending, both in your original comment and now. Maybe you are lucky enough to work in one of the places to take their time and perfect their implementations, but we have clients, deadlines and product to ship. On the platform full of legacy code. And frankly, as I said, you are criticizing a novelty product. Who cares if you could hack posts on a social network for freaking AI agents? It's not that serious.
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Comment on Meta to acquire Moltbook, the social network for AI agents in ~tech
Lobachevsky Link ParentFlawed how? It's just a novelty project in a really new field. I don't know what do you ship exactly, but as a senior dev in enterprise, corners are cut all the time, I have plenty of past...Personally, I could not imagine shipping such a flawed product-
Flawed how? It's just a novelty project in a really new field. I don't know what do you ship exactly, but as a senior dev in enterprise, corners are cut all the time, I have plenty of past colleagues of mine to thank for mountains of unmaintainable nightmare code that nobody better touch now and we have very big and well known clients which rely on all this. And let me tell you, none of them give a rat's ass about it, or rather they do, but it's just a norm in the industry. That's the cost of actually shipping a product and all that legacy "flawed code" is making a ton of money, and the company has been acquired for a ton of money as well.
So, to me, this is completely in line with how software development works as a business, it just happens to be AI related.
Why are you so defensive about this?
Because all too often on tildes I see responses that seem more like dismissive grandstanding by somebody who is just disgruntled rather than any sort of analysis based in the real world.
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Comment on Meta to acquire Moltbook, the social network for AI agents in ~tech
Lobachevsky Link ParentWell, yeah... Making new stuff that no one else has is how you do it. Why are you so negative about this?Well, yeah... Making new stuff that no one else has is how you do it. Why are you so negative about this?
What, why? To have a train you need to have the entire route covered in tracks which need to be maintained. To fly you just need 2 airports and a plane.