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Comment on What did you do to "prepare" for your marriage? in ~life
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What did you do to "prepare" for your marriage?
Hiya folks! My partner (M36) and I (F30) have been in a relationship for 2 years (living together for 1) and have started talking about marriage lately. Neither of us has popped the question yet...
Hiya folks!
My partner (M36) and I (F30) have been in a relationship for 2 years (living together for 1) and have started talking about marriage lately. Neither of us has popped the question yet (we both want to be proposed to), but we're starting to do "Marriage Mondays" and work through The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John M. Gottman and Nan Silver. (I was also thinking of reading The ADHD Effect on Marriage by Melissa Orlov since my partner has ADHD.)
We're both big into communication, studying relationship books, and making sure we iron things out before we take the next step. Before we moved in, we talked about divvying up household chores and made a spreadsheet detailing who does what. We also made sure that the spreadsheet was not a holy text, and if one of us was feeling bad (whether because of sickness, mental health, or work stress), the other would temporarily pick up the slack (or at least cut the other person some slack!) It's been great so far and I really do feel like we're in an equitable partnership. (As much as it can be, at least!)
But of course, marriage is a whole other story. We both live in a different country from where we're from and if we ever have kids, we won't be able to rely on either one of our families for much. I know the major topics of finance, kids, and careers, but is there anything else (besides the wedding) you all may have done or questions you asked to "prepare" for marriage?
29 votes
Interesting! Thanks for your insight! I really love that concept that we don't have to change what already works for us!
We haven't talked too much yet about finances but the country we live in "joint" bank accounts aren't really a thing so it kind of takes that out of the conversation for us anyways.
I'm not too worried about dividing up expenses for the time being. We have an arrangement where he pays the rent and I pay the utilities + groceries and I believe it balances out. I currently make a little more than him so I'm fine if it's a little over. However I feel like if we have kids that may make it harder to "balance" things out of who pays for what.