not_a_doctor's recent activity

  1. Comment on How can I tell a woman that I'd rather wait to get to know them before having sex? in ~talk

    not_a_doctor
    Link Parent
    Both, I guess? I'm talking about multiple partners, so lots of variation. That's good advice you're giving, I appreciate that.

    But have you had actual problems or are you projecting your fears on to potential partners by assuming they want you to fuck them?

    Both, I guess? I'm talking about multiple partners, so lots of variation.

    That's good advice you're giving, I appreciate that.

  2. Comment on How can I tell a woman that I'd rather wait to get to know them before having sex? in ~talk

    not_a_doctor
    Link Parent
    This also happened to me multiple times. This is gold! I'll write that on a piece of paper! Yes, I did. Thank you for the advice.

    I had a difficult time maintaining an erection on first date hookups. I was so embarrassed

    This also happened to me multiple times.

    “Oooh wow you’re so sexy. I’d love to make out with you and press our bodies together...

    This is gold! I'll write that on a piece of paper!

    But I think you’ve internalized some shame about it

    Yes, I did.

    Thank you for the advice.

    4 votes
  3. Comment on How can I tell a woman that I'd rather wait to get to know them before having sex? in ~talk

    not_a_doctor
    Link Parent
    I get that, but sometimes women get deeply insecure, sometimes they try to make me feel insecure, sometimes they think I'm less of a man...

    I get that, but sometimes women get deeply insecure, sometimes they try to make me feel insecure, sometimes they think I'm less of a man...

    1 vote
  4. Comment on How can I tell a woman that I'd rather wait to get to know them before having sex? in ~talk

    not_a_doctor
    Link Parent
    The main issue I face is not my acceptance of the fact that I too am a demisexual, but that on multiple occasions I am expected to function in an entirely different way.

    The main issue I face is not my acceptance of the fact that I too am a demisexual, but that on multiple occasions I am expected to function in an entirely different way.

    1 vote
  5. How can I tell a woman that I'd rather wait to get to know them before having sex?

    This is, without a doubt, a very contemporary problem. Maybe a decade ago women were more repressed and this situation simply did not present itself. Men are trained by society to always look for...

    This is, without a doubt, a very contemporary problem. Maybe a decade ago women were more repressed and this situation simply did not present itself.

    Men are trained by society to always look for the "endgame", which is to achieve sexual intercourse as quick as possible. I was no exception. But, with experience, came the realization that quality comes before quantity, and sex is much better with intimacy and affection.

    Nowadays, I'd rather wait for multiple dates before having sex with a woman. That's an odd position to be in, especially in a sexist culture that prescribes a predatorial attitude for men. I am expected to take the initiative at all times, to be always looking for an opening.

    It doesn't help that I have a hard containing myself. Not to humblebrag, but getting women aroused is not something I find particularly hard. Sometimes it happens inadvertently.

    I understand that I'm supposed to have a conversation about it, but this comes with its own difficulties. How can I do this without implying that...

    • her desires are wrong/despicable?
    • I do not desire her?
    • I have a lack of libido or some kind of performance issue?
    17 votes