As others have said, this is a highly nuanced topic. I tend to use the rule of thumb that boundaries are about me, not others. I exercise them for self-respect and self-compassion. They are things...
As others have said, this is a highly nuanced topic. I tend to use the rule of thumb that boundaries are about me, not others. I exercise them for self-respect and self-compassion. They are things that I can control, not controlling others. To use the example in @catahoula_leopard's comment: "I don't want to talk to you when when you are derogatory to black people" rather than "You can't talk about black people in that way".
It's interesting as I've thought about writing this comment I guess you can write anything in this manner. One of the example's from Jonah Hill's text messages in the article. "I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who will surf with men" vs "you are not allowed to surf with men". The former could be considered a strange boundary, but it is clearly communicating it from the a "me" point of view and gives the power to the other person to decide whether they wish to adhere to it.
As with most of human communication too, so much of this is in the body-language and way you talk. So much gets lost through text.
As others have said, this is a highly nuanced topic. I tend to use the rule of thumb that boundaries are about me, not others. I exercise them for self-respect and self-compassion. They are things that I can control, not controlling others. To use the example in @catahoula_leopard's comment: "I don't want to talk to you when when you are derogatory to black people" rather than "You can't talk about black people in that way".
It's interesting as I've thought about writing this comment I guess you can write anything in this manner. One of the example's from Jonah Hill's text messages in the article. "I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who will surf with men" vs "you are not allowed to surf with men". The former could be considered a strange boundary, but it is clearly communicating it from the a "me" point of view and gives the power to the other person to decide whether they wish to adhere to it.
As with most of human communication too, so much of this is in the body-language and way you talk. So much gets lost through text.