8 votes

Eclipse 1 - Prelude

Before time was time, nights were dreamless. No one narrated the hunts, and death was just a cessation of the body. Births were joyful but meaningless. Statements were nothing more than intentions among roaring, shouts, and racket. Sometimes two sounds came together in funny ways, but meaning was still far away from our primitive cogitations.

In these times of monotony, the Shadows entertained the primitive men. With no timbre or elocution, they came from the deepest layers of Earth’s mantle to tell stories under the moonlight. They lived in harmony, feeding on each other. The Shadows came to life with the laughter and the souls of the Men, and the Men lost the fear of the night with the histories told by the Shadows in a primitive symbiosis.

One day, a man died after eating a tasty looking fruit. Hunting was a gamble, and eventually, men needed to eat potentially dangerous elements. Another, more intelligent man, noted that the juice from his mouth indelibly marked the rock with a pattern that was pleasant to the eyes. He collected more of that fruit, avoiding to put it in contact with sensible areas. This man did not have a proper name. None of them did. They just knew that there was "The Boss", "The Hunter", "The Large" and "The Delicate".

Some men had soft lumps in their chests and above the thighs. Eventually, their bellies got big and other men came out from them. "The Delicate", who discovered painting, was of this kind. In secret, he drew their hunts in the cave. He made everything bigger and more menacing than it was: the spears, the beast, the joy, the moon, and the flames, that reached the sky.

It took some gestures and vocalizations for The Delicate to make The Hunter understand that that set of traces was him and that the thick line with a pointing end penetrating The Beast was his spear. But soon they understood and had great silence. Followed by a great laugh.

The Hunter imitated the muffled sound of the Beast’s steps and learned to use this sound to talk about the Beast even when it wasn't there. War shouts, death songs, the cutting of the meat, the crackle of the fire, the crickets, the frogs and all animals soon had their sounds, their own "words".

Men stories gained life by their own making.

The Shadows never came back.

Weakened, they returned to the depths. And, in the emptiness of their soulless existence, felt profound pain.

5 comments

  1. [5]
    cfabbro
    (edited )
    Link
    That was remarkably good writing and storytelling, @mrbig. You painted a wonderful picture of prehistoric life and it has left me wanting more! Are the shadows merely a metaphor, or an actual,...

    That was remarkably good writing and storytelling, @mrbig. You painted a wonderful picture of prehistoric life and it has left me wanting more!

    Are the shadows merely a metaphor, or an actual, physical, conscious manifestation in your world? If the latter, that could make for an amazingly entertaining fantasy story if thousands of years later, after humankind has developed civilization in their absence, the shadows return (for good/ill/both?).

    P.s. The fact you managed to write this in a language not your native tongue is doubly impressive. Well done... and please ping me if you ever write more, because I am itching to know how this story plays out! :)

    3 votes
    1. [4]
      mrbig
      Link Parent
      Thank you, this really encourages me to continue and is very important for me. <spoiler>Click to view hidden text</spoiler> The Shadows are not metaphors, they are actual physical beings with...

      That was remarkably good writing and storytelling, @mrbig. You painted a wonderful picture of prehistoric life and it has left me wanting more!

      Thank you, this really encourages me to continue and is very important for me.

      Are the shadows merely a metaphor, or an actual, physical, conscious manifestation in your world? If the latter, that could make for an amazingly entertaining fantasy story if thousands of years later, after humankind has developed civilization in their absence, the shadows return (for good/ill/both?).

      <spoiler>Click to view hidden text</spoiler>

      The Shadows are not metaphors, they are actual physical beings with wants and needs that used to be happy in their symbiosis with the humankind. They don’t actually have complete souls or minds, they’re kinda meant to be with the humans. But about 3000 three thousand years ago we broke the pact by discovering language, and you better believe they’re pissed as fuck.

      P.s. The fact you managed to write this in a language not your native tongue is doubly impressive. Well done... and please ping me if you ever write more, because I am itching to know how this story plays out! :)

      Thanks! I wrote in Portuguese and then translated with the help of internet tools. Not to advertise, but Grammarly is a godsend for me. I’m considering paying for it in the future. Cause getting the words write is easy, but the Devil is in the details!

      It’s interesting because I never merely translate the content: the story changes, things get tighter and better, and than I have to revert all those improvements back to Portuguese lol.

      Thanks!

      2 votes
      1. [2]
        cfabbro
        Link Parent
        As to the spoilers... awesome! Now I am really looking forward to reading more! p.s. That's really cool about grammarly. I have seen a bunch of ads for it on youtube, and it looked rather...

        As to the spoilers... awesome! Now I am really looking forward to reading more!

        p.s. That's really cool about grammarly. I have seen a bunch of ads for it on youtube, and it looked rather impressive but I didn't know if that was realistic or not. But given the strength of your writing here, it appears to live up to the expectation. I will have to check it out for myself at some point.

        1 vote
        1. mrbig
          Link Parent
          I think even the free-tier of Grammarly is very useful for a non-native speaker like myself. I don't know how useful it would be for a native speaker.

          I think even the free-tier of Grammarly is very useful for a non-native speaker like myself. I don't know how useful it would be for a native speaker.

          2 votes
      2. [2]
        Comment deleted by author
        Link Parent
        1. mrbig
          Link Parent
          I really don’t know how to use that

          I really don’t know how to use that