Managing mania?

A bit too close to home for me to be objective: my brother had bipolar disorder and ultimately committed suicide in one of his down cycles. As a result of my experience (my brother dealt with this for decades, also adored the highs and self-medicated with alcohol to cope with the lows), my first and only recourse is to strongly recommend you talk with your primary care physician about maybe getting evaluated.

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/bipolar-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20355955

I wish you all the very best.

I'm bipolar and have a similar issue with mania a few times a year. At first I wanted to be manic more often, so I could be "my best self" all the time. But eventually I took a look at myself and realized the mania is hurting me and my husband. Yes I felt awake, alive, happy, and could finally focus and get things done. But I focused on the wrong things or in ways that hurt my life. Personally when I get manic I obsess over hobbies, and for me for years my manic phases were plagued with new pets. I have experience with rescue and veterinary work, so I was confident I could take care of them properly, and I could as long as the mania was there. But once there were so many of them and depression hit I found myself struggling hard and dragging my husband down with me. The animals were cared for, but we were not and yet I kept wanting more when I hit that mania. However, my depression is as much of a part of me as the mania is. I had to re-home some of my animals and find ways to turn the mania towards a healthier direction. So now I have tons of orchids and crochet projects going, because those aren't conscious creatures that need constant care.

I also find that during mania I tend to make giant life changes. Things like moving cross country, changing majors at school or jobs. I would hit mania and become unsatisfied with life and decide "now is the time for action." This might sound good to some, but in the end it means I can't commit to anything and now I have half a degree in four areas with nothing to show for it to employers. Also these changes aren't possible without affecting your family, so I have to live with how I've put my husband's life on hold over these things.

My suggestion is to speak with a psychiatrist as well as a therapist with experience with bipolar patients. In my case DBT therapy as well as DBT therapy books were recommended to me. Even if you think mania is a good thing, remember it's considered as part of a mental illness for a reason, as its a form of altered mental state. Feeling amazing, and like you could accomplish anything and everything is a part of mania, and can be dangerous. Be careful commiting to anything with in that state and don't think that manic you is better than depressed you. They're both a part of yourself with their own drawbacks that you should keep in mind.

My point to saying all this is, be very cognizant of the decisions you make and behaviors you display during mania. Even if they may seem positive, be aware that in the end mania is not your friend.

I don't believe mania can be "managed" by the patient alone. Mania is, by definition, unmanageable. Once it takes hold, you have no control over it. If you had control, then it wouldn't be mania, wouldn't it?

The only thing you can do (or, possibly, what can be done for you) is to see the doctor ASAP and up the medication.

That said, mania can most certainly be prevented. Among other things, you can reduce the frequency of manic episodes by taking the meds religiously (even one day off can be fatal), sleeping well and exercising, and identifying early signs of an upcoming episode (so you can address the causes before you get manic). That's about it.

Negotiating with mania is like arguing with a hurricane. Completely useless, and it's best to avoid it altogether.

Edit: also, to answer something you said, yes, there have been moments in the past when mania felt exhilarating. However, the negatives far outweigh the positives. I've hurt many people, including myself. That is not who I am. I have no desire to experience mania ever again. Unfortunately, I probably will.

Knowing this side of me exists is exciting but also kind of depressing given my awareness of its fleeting nature. How have you dealt with this?

This has been almost as difficult to deal with as the fallout of manic episodes. Keyword there being almost. Remembering how my mania has impacted the people around me helps. But also by building a low energy life that I'm satisfied with. If I manage that, what can the "power of mania" actually give me? At times, I wonder if I'm just fooling myself into thinking I'm satisfied this way though.

I’ve been through therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists and the best advice I’ve gotten so far was “save some (insert antipsychotic here) for when it happens.” For a long time, and even sometimes during severe highs, I went off medication and felt wonderful….until it doesn’t. There’s always a catch, always a crash, both up and down. I have mostly come to terms with having to take medication for the rest of my life. My psychiatrist has been great about keeping me on the minimum so I don’t become sluggish, tired, and stupid during normal times. Nothing is perfect, but you can achieve a sense of normal.

You should absolutely be evaluated by your primary care physician and, if necessary see a psychiatrist. They will be the best resources to help guide you to the right treatment, either medication or not, depending on what’s right for your individual needs.

For me, it has been a long road, and I can sympathize with you. I know it feels great now, but be wary of the quality of the work you do, and how you interact with others. I sincerely hope you have good luck and a short cycle.