Lia's recent activity
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Comment on So it turns out I was cheated on in ~health.mental
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Comment on So it turns out I was cheated on in ~health.mental
Lia Link ParentI've been through a similar situation that also landed me in a toxic relationship. I was even able to almost predict how the relationship would unfold, but even so I didn't have enough courage to...I've been through a similar situation that also landed me in a toxic relationship. I was even able to almost predict how the relationship would unfold, but even so I didn't have enough courage to just skip it as I had no prior experience of such situations (all my other relationships have been functional and I'm still good friends with my most important ex). Those things tend to start in an overwhelmingly positive way and it would have felt foolish to say no to something like that without any real evidence that it can't work. Well, I came out of it with that evidence in hand! And I believe you can say the same: it seems like you've done all you possibly could to help you guys get along and make the relationship work. Sometimes even the deepest effort and commitment aren't enough when the game is rigged against you.
The book is divided into sections ("rebuilding blocks") that you can read one at a time, even repeating the ones that you struggle with the most. This ensures you're never working with more than you are actually able to process. Each chapter also has a short section about how to deal with that particular aspect when it comes to supporting your kids through the situation.
I'd like to point out one more thing, regarding this:
It is hard however not feel that utter sense of betrayal in my gut and soul like a knife.
If you're American (or carry some cultural influence from there), you may have been taught to suppress negative emotions. But it is often better to just allow yourself to feel them. Obviously feeling them isn't the same as acting out, and the latter is where we sometimes need to restrain ourselves. But feelings themselves are not dangerous, even when utterly negative and appalling. The book is purposefully written in a way that will make you cry at times (and laugh at other times!). I recommend reading it after your kid has gone to bed so that you don't have to keep up appearances while reading! Once you've felt enough of the utter dogshit stuff, you'll have gone through most of it and it'll become gradually less and less. Then one day, you'll be over it completely.
Good luck!
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Comment on So it turns out I was cheated on in ~health.mental
Lia Link ParentI did not mention it in my reply but should have, so let me just pile on here. A caveat though: it isn't always easy to find one that is actually good and also a good fit for you (both things...I did not mention it in my reply but should have, so let me just pile on here. A caveat though: it isn't always easy to find one that is actually good and also a good fit for you (both things matter a lot).
I landed an amazing therapist on my first try, but when I wanted to continue a few years later, she was fully booked and I went through a few months with a bad fit and had to switch. The one after that was again good. But the not-so-good experience was kind of harrowing in that it probably caused some harm in some ways (while still being helpful in other ways). I'm glad that I had the confidence to realise I should keep looking, and the energy to do so.
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Comment on So it turns out I was cheated on in ~health.mental
Lia LinkI'm sorry that things had to go this way. I glanced at your earlier post as well and it seems like the issues were quite substantial. The kind of disconnect that leads to one person overspending...I'm sorry that things had to go this way.
I glanced at your earlier post as well and it seems like the issues were quite substantial. The kind of disconnect that leads to one person overspending even when it puts the other at risk, etc., is grave enough that you can sort of expect other types of betrayals to have happened as well. It's not necessarily that they are a bad person - some people just have blind spots large enough that they're not truly able to be accountable and unfortunately this manifests in lots of painful ways.
My go-to recommendation to read for anyone who is breaking up from a serious long term relationship is Bruce Fisher's Rebuilding. It was originally published in the 1960's if memory serves, based on the talks he gave at his divorce seminars. When going through my own breakup, reading this felt soothing because it's almost like a benevolent, wise character is talking to you directly. My edition is fairly old and I know many revised editions have come out since, but even the outdated version where he speaks of computers as if they're a novelty item, etc., still feels solid.
The theory behind the book and the adjacent divorce seminars (still being organised today if i'm not mistaken) is that there's usually a reason why we fall in love and develop close ties with people who end up driving us nuts. Uncovering these reasons is a journey worth taking, as it will protect you from getting into similar situations in the future. For myself it was a liberating and quite positive albeit sometimes painful experience. I feel like I am a more complete person today and I'm actually grateful for what happened because it started this process for me.
I can't give much practical advice but I want you to know some online stranger is over here rooting for you. Many of us are going through tough shit, some related to intimate relationships, others related to how unstable the world is these days. I'm in the latter category but in the end, it's all the same: it's not fun and we'd prefer to not have to feel like this and do these things, and yet we just feel them and do them. And one day we can look back and be proud that we survived.
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Comment on Olympic committee announces a broad ban on transgender athletes and athletes with differences in sex development in Women’s events (gifted link) in ~lgbt
Lia Link ParentI'm a cis woman and I suck at sports. No matter how much I practice, the performance levels that are attainable to me are average at best. In many other areas investing enough time and focus tends...I'm a cis woman and I suck at sports. No matter how much I practice, the performance levels that are attainable to me are average at best. In many other areas investing enough time and focus tends to get me excellent results, but in sports I'm stuck being completely average. And this means that top athletes, every single one of them, trans or not, must have some sort of biological advantage over me. So if someone is a trans woman and has some sort of advantage that is loosely or tightly related to being trans, I see that as part of the same phenomenon: they were simply born to excel at sports in a way that I myself wasn't. It would be ridiculous to try to ban these people from competing in the thing they excel at!
On to what you asked: if trans women were welcomed completely normally (as I believe they should be) and if this then eventually led to a situation where trans women dominated the competitions disproportionately (which I believe isn't happening at the moment), then the number of professional trans athletes would have to be so great that a third category would be warranted. Maybe call it "open"? Every gender could compete in it, no questions asked. We might get exciting cases where the open world record on something would potentially surpass the men's? Which might entice some male competitors to take part in the open category. I don't watch sports much but I probably would if there was a chance to see women compete against men, with at least some potential to do well.
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Comment on Why are we still doing this? in ~tech
Lia (edited )Link ParentNo? Unless you don't care about sustainability? I make tangible items for work and it's insanely hard because other companies have competing items made in third world countries for much cheaper,...if Anthropic is determined to bankrupt itself so that I can get deeply discounted comput... ational capabilities, isn't that all the more reason to make use of it while it's cheap?
No? Unless you don't care about sustainability?
I make tangible items for work and it's insanely hard because other companies have competing items made in third world countries for much cheaper, and a lot of customers only look at the price. I could do the same and just not care about people's working conditions and whether they receive acceptable pay, but I can't not care, so I do things the hard way. But I'm at a real risk of going under because so few customers care enough.
When it comes to tech startups, more often than not the idea is to underprice so severely that competitors go under and then raise prices when the market isn't healthy anymore (= no competition). In a healthy marketplace the best product would win but in this twisted reality the one with the most money to throw down the drain wins. The incentive structures are severely tilted towards billionaires getting richer at everyone else's expense (humans, animals, the environment, culture, now even democracy*) and the more consumers go along with it, the worse it gets.
I wish people would wake up and start thinking a little further ahead than "what unfair advantage can I extract this week". More often than not, you receiving that advantage means someone/something somewhere will unfairly suffer. But businesses will be run this way for as long as there are enough customers who only care about price.
*) Not to mention what it does to our economies that most venture capital is going into this insane money drain. The bubble is already many times the size of the latest financial crisis that led to severe consequences globally. And think about what else could be done with that money if it was invested in actually viable products and businesses!
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Comment on I hope you don't use generative AI - an essay about my experience offering an open-source tool in ~tech
Lia Link ParentI didn't know about the follow-up, thanks for mentioning it! This seems to be in line with a study that found AI assisted work makes people worse in lateral thinking both during the assistance and...I didn't know about the follow-up, thanks for mentioning it!
This seems to be in line with a study that found AI assisted work makes people worse in lateral thinking both during the assistance and after they no longer receive it - and more competent in deductive tasks while assisted, but less competent afterwards (less than how they started out). I'm using off-the-cuff terms and can't link to the study, and haven't checked for its credibility myself, but wanted to mention it in case someone can pitch in with more info.
It would be interesting, though, to see a well designed study that attempted to quantify how big the average productivity increase actually is.
Agreed! I'm not a programmer so I'm not sure how much of an impact the above mentioned deterioration of creative thinking skills can impact productivity in that type of work. If not a lot, then perhaps it is a net positive, as long as you/we accept that the productivity hike is tied to the tool and can't exist without it (which is of course normal for tools in general, but thinking about AI companies gatekeeping such tools makes me feel.. not that great).
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Comment on I hope you don't use generative AI - an essay about my experience offering an open-source tool in ~tech
Lia Link ParentThe mentioned study showed that when people say "this is useful to me", while that may be their experience, the opposite may actually be more true when their efficiency is measured. As well, what...The mentioned study showed that when people say "this is useful to me", while that may be their experience, the opposite may actually be more true when their efficiency is measured.
As well, what "sheer number of professionals" are you referring to? What's the number, specifically? Is it a certain subset of professionals you know personally, out of everyone you know, or a bunch of voices echoing online, or what?
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Comment on Meet Kit: Firefox's new mascot in ~tech
Lia (edited )Link ParentEdit: I initially misread your comment to say "we did something with AI". :D I'll leave this quote here anyway, in case someone wants a quick recap. I wasn't sure how to feel about this at first...Edit: I initially misread your comment to say "we did something with AI". :D I'll leave this quote here anyway, in case someone wants a quick recap.
I wasn't sure how to feel about this at first but now I think it's nice that someone is doing something in an attempt to educate people on how human artists do things and the value they provide. (It's also sad that this isn't just everyone's normal MO, but here we are.)
To bring Kit to life, we partnered with creative agency JKR and illustrator Marco Palmieri. We chose JKR because they’ve helped iconic character brands evolve for modern audiences, and we needed collaborators who could build a companion with range – not just a mascot.
Marco helped shape Kit’s personality through the kind of craft that only comes from drawing characters for a living. He started the way he always does: with a pencil. “I tend to stay away from the computer at the beginning,” he said. “I want as few obstacles as possible between me and what I’m trying to see.”
From there, the work moved into Illustrator, where Kit could be refined through many rounds of iteration.
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Comment on I hope you don't use generative AI - an essay about my experience offering an open-source tool in ~tech
Lia LinkThank you so much for the tools! I was able to get rid of my old bookmarked QR generator which was annoying AF. Getting to replace it with a bookmark that takes me to ALL of these tools at once...Thank you so much for the tools! I was able to get rid of my old bookmarked QR generator which was annoying AF. Getting to replace it with a bookmark that takes me to ALL of these tools at once and isn't annoying? You made my day. <3
Also enjoyed and agree with the article, nothing much to add.
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Comment on I hope you don't use generative AI - an essay about my experience offering an open-source tool in ~tech
Lia Link ParentWhile this is a mandatory component in the definition of art, it's not enough in itself. Not every human being is an artist, just like not everyone is a philosopher or a scientist. Every human is...Art is an intentional expression of human experience or emotion.
While this is a mandatory component in the definition of art, it's not enough in itself. Not every human being is an artist, just like not everyone is a philosopher or a scientist. Every human is inherently expressive though, and self-expression can be beautiful, valuable and interesting without being art.
I'm an artist and I often feel like I'm in a very small minority here on Tildes (if not completely solitary) with my opinions about art. I'm considering writing a standalone post about the definition but I'm feeling like it'll be a long essay and I don't have time for long essays right now. One day!
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Comment on Nasdaq's shame - how to rig an index to appease a billionaire in ~finance
Lia (edited )Link ParentThese don't have one currently and they didn't have one when tons of people put their retirement savings in over several decades. I personally have no skin in this game, but that doesn't stop me...Just don’t buy ETFs based on indices that have a fast track rule?
These don't have one currently and they didn't have one when tons of people put their retirement savings in over several decades.
I personally have no skin in this game, but that doesn't stop me from understanding the unfair, negative consequences to those who do. Out of curiosity: if you had a substantial part of your savings in these ETFs, what, if anything, would you do here? Close your eyes and hope it won't pass, try to sell everything before everyone else tries the same, just sit through it and accept whatever outcome, something else?
ETA: I just saw your edit to another comment where you say this isn't a normal 401K index fund. I was assuming it is, and that similar changes are somewhat likely to go through for S&P500 and FTSE too because otherwise they won't be able to list AI companies (who are not profitable, for one thing) and SpaceX. So you're saying I got this wrong?
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Comment on Nasdaq's shame - how to rig an index to appease a billionaire in ~finance
Lia LinkFrom the article, emphasis mine: Here's a TLDR on this from the Reddit Bogleheads sub: In the comment section, there is advice on how to influence this process/decision, but the author says they...From the article, emphasis mine:
Nasdaq recently circulated a Nasdaq-100 Index “Consultation” (located here). They are officially seeking feedback from investors on proposed updates to their index methodology. But let’s be real: this “consultation” is Nasdaq-speak for letting us know what they are going to force feed us, like a baggy foie gras duck. A thinly-veiled blueprint for how to forcefully transfer wealth from the retirement accounts of passive retail investors directly into the pockets of corporate insiders and early investors.
Here's a TLDR on this from the Reddit Bogleheads sub:
Both SpaceX and OpenAI are pushing Nasdaq and S&P and Russel/FTSE index providers to waive their listing requirements (including free float market cap, and seasoning) for an expedited listing on all indices. This would mean that instead of allowing several months/a year for 'seasoning' where price discovery takes place and the stock post-IPO finds a fair pricing, index investors would instead be forced to automatically buy these megacap stocks right at IPO with almost zero price discovery and are forced to take whatever inflated prices these companies list at.
I have seen quite a lot of people within the investment community (some small names and some quite big ones too) expressing concern that this is just giving VC's and early angel investors an opportunity to dump massively overvalued, unprofitable startups onto people's pensions.
Is there any hope that we can convince indexes not to drop the seasoning requirements? From now on, couldn't VC's just invest in junk companies, run the private market price into the trillions and then quickly list, dumping it onto people's pensions and taking the money?
In the comment section, there is advice on how to influence this process/decision, but the author says they used Gemini to come up with it and it's unclear whether it's actually viable so I won't paste it here. There is also a link to provide feedback in the document issued by Nasdaq. The deadline passed in February but the feedback form seems to be available still.
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Nasdaq's shame - how to rig an index to appease a billionaire
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Comment on Your AI Slop Bores Me: Larp as an AI by answering prompts as a human in ~tech
Lia LinkAwesome!! I'm a dopamine addict and this was a great way to get a fix without exposing myself to i) news, ii) online ragebait, iii) ads, iv) AI slop. 10/10Awesome!!
I'm a dopamine addict and this was a great way to get a fix without exposing myself to i) news, ii) online ragebait, iii) ads, iv) AI slop.
10/10
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Comment on Alternative news source recommendations in ~news
Lia Link ParentThanks for pitching in. A part of me is hoping she's just following a strategy geared towards growing the channel to start with, and then moves away from the clickbait once she has enough...Thanks for pitching in. A part of me is hoping she's just following a strategy geared towards growing the channel to start with, and then moves away from the clickbait once she has enough attention. Yes, I'm a naïve person who sometimes gets disappointed, but not always!
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Comment on Alternative news source recommendations in ~news
Lia Link ParentThanks. I've also been considering whether the person might be AI generated. The channel is definitely attractive to someone like me who would like to see a more euro-centric perspective on the...Thanks. I've also been considering whether the person might be AI generated. The channel is definitely attractive to someone like me who would like to see a more euro-centric perspective on the flood of political topics that originate in the US but affect us all. Or it would be, were it legit.
Another item that adds to my suspicion: she's mentioning a book she wrote but it doesn't seem to have a real person's name as the author, just the channel name. Why would any credible human do that?
(I'm giving this a bit more time before calling it and then I'll probably remove the recommendation from my comment.)
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Comment on Alternative news source recommendations in ~news
Lia (edited )LinkThe following are probably not exactly what you're looking for, but because I've been wanting to recommend them as alternative sources for news, I'm going to mention them anyway. Actually, one is...The following are probably not exactly what you're looking for, but because I've been wanting to recommend them as alternative sources for news, I'm going to mention them anyway. Actually, one is a solid recommendation and the other is something I'd like my fellow Tildeites to review and give comments on.
Heather Cox Richardson is a political historian who discusses the current events (from the US angle) that everyone else is discussing, with some key differences: she includes viewpoints and topics I haven't seen mentioned anywhere else and she explains the key factors of the legal system around each topic so that I can actually follow along even though I'm not familiar with US politics that deeply myself. She doesn't shy away from 'boring but important', for example the Boundary Waters sulfide mining vote in Minnesota. For this reason I would classify her as an alternative source.
In the video I linked above, she follows her usual framework where she answers viewers' questions, but then she also weaves in an alternative version of a 'State of the Union' speech because not much leadership could be expected from the Tantrum Tyrant. If the thing is too long to watch in its entirety, I recommend this part in the end because it gave me hope, and it did so in a credible, non-fluffy way. See it especially if you are American! (But also if you are from somewhere else and developing resentment towards Americans due to their incompetent and immoral leaders.)
Downside: very prolific, doesn't edit her material much so it gets slightly rambly and long-form (but even her rambly mind is strikingly acute and its workings a pleasure to witness!).
Upside: no visual content so you can just listen to these while doing chores, sports, whatever.
ETA: She also fact-checks the Tantrum Tyrant and his regime in real time without losing track - a skill very much needed in these trying times of ubiquitous misinformation.
On to the second one:
[House of El](https://www.youtube.com/@HouseofEl/videos)From the description:
I’m El — PhD in Computer Science, systems thinker, and geopolitical analyst.
This channel unpacks how nations are built, and who they’re built to serve. Through sharp contrasts and quiet truths, we explore global power, hidden design choices, and the invisible systems shaping wealth, resilience, and collapse. From Nordic efficiency to American dysfunction, every video is a lens into what makes societies succeed or quietly self-destruct.
If you’re drawn to geopolitics, design thinking, and uncomfortable questions with elegant answers - welcome.
My gripes with this channel: her titles are unnecessarily inflammatory and it makes me think the content may not be fact-based, although I can't immediately pinpoint things about it that are false (but I'm also not an expert in this field). Her scripts sound AI-generated to the point of ticking me off. I'm not saying that they are, they just come with a lot of "It's not this, it's that" and other similarly overused structures. Maybe using AI helps her post more often or something and I'm willing to tolerate that if I can otherwise trust that she is a real person with real knowledge who carefully fact-checks her content before recording it. But I'm not entirely sure if I should. I'd love for someone to take a look and comment on this!
The reason I wanted to mention it here is because I just saw this rant from you and I think this channel's content may provide some relief: Europe seems to be acting in resistance, to a greater extent that I myself was aware of before. (You're still right that EU countries are guilty of colonialism too.)
I know I said two channels but I want to add a third one, even though it may be known by many on Tildes already and it's also focused on a hot topic: Pivot to AI. David Gerard posts a short, AI-related news story almost daily, with the aim to be as truthful as possible but often with a dose of lighthearted sarcasm.
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Comment on Untangling the connection between dopamine and ADHD in ~science
Lia Link ParentThank you for spelling all this out. The common misconceptions about ADHD are indeed more along the lines of "It doesn't exist", "It's those people with self-discipline issues" etc. Most laypeople...Thank you for spelling all this out.
The common misconceptions about ADHD are indeed more along the lines of "It doesn't exist", "It's those people with self-discipline issues" etc. Most laypeople probably don't even know what dopamine is. I would be extremely grateful to anyone who managed to educate the general public so well that they adopt the "It's about low dopamine" idea.
(Source: I live in a European country that is considered to have a great public education system and where people are generally quite informed.)
If anyone asks me, I usually tell them it's about dopamine dysregulation (which then either leads to further discussion and explanations, or not). I'm planning to read the article at some point to see how far off I am.
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Comment on Fix your hearts or die: The path to liberation for lonely men is feminism in ~life
Lia Link ParentWell, I was having a fairly crappy day when I read this and felt instantly better! Thanks for mentioning it. :)Well, I was having a fairly crappy day when I read this and felt instantly better! Thanks for mentioning it. :)
I've read it a couple times and I'm glad it's still sitting on my shelf because I may have to change careers if my current situation doesn't improve despite my giving it my all. And I believe this book will support me through that transition too! (My career is extremely important to me, almost like an intimate relationship, so I think letting go of it would feel similar to breaking up.)