NihJanitor's recent activity

  1. Comment on What's your coming out story? in ~lgbt

    NihJanitor Link
    The biggest coming out I did, though I'd come out to a few supportive friends before it happened, was after my suicide attempt. It was my third month in the hospital and my first in the rehab...

    The biggest coming out I did, though I'd come out to a few supportive friends before it happened, was after my suicide attempt. It was my third month in the hospital and my first in the rehab hospital where they were trying to get me figuratively speaking back on my feet.

    I'd gotten my laptop set up, and I was finally well enough to sit up in a wheelchair, and some of my old friends from high school and grade school were tossing around loose plans for the summer. I wanted to drop in, let them know where I'd been, what had happened to me, and everything, and why I probably wouldn't be back this year, but the prospect of telling everyone one-by-one seemed daunting, and I'd finally gotten to a place where I'd accepted that I was trans myself.

    So, instead, I pulled up facebook, and did one of those livestream videos. A lot of old friends of mine, even ones I hadn't heard from in a long time, popped up as I talked about my attempt, and that I was in a wheelchair, and that I'd probably be staying where I was for the time being, and that I was trans, and everything, and all of my friends were supportive, coming and offering their support.

    My family, on the other hand, wasn't so supportive. They weren't awful or bigoted, don't get me wrong, but they were the sort of misinformed and ignorant that's pretty painful to deal with. From my parents especially, I got "Why don't you just try being gay for a while," and "We know you really don't think these things through," and "We're just worried about you," and at one point my dad yelled, "Why does this all have to be about you?" I feel like the aftermath of a suicide attempt is a great time to make it all about me, but what do I know, right?

    Anyway, long story short is I've slowly been distancing myself from my family and leaning more on the support of my friends as I've transitioned, and I've never been happier.

    7 votes
  2. Comment on Trans Introductions in ~lgbt

    NihJanitor Link Parent
    Lol I totally parsed that wrong, sorry. I totally get you about denial and stuff though, it's rough and I don't blame you for not wanting to deal with it. The reaction I got from my parents when I...

    Lol I totally parsed that wrong, sorry. I totally get you about denial and stuff though, it's rough and I don't blame you for not wanting to deal with it. The reaction I got from my parents when I came out was "Why don't you just try being gay for a while instead" and stuff like that which is funny to me but at the time it was like oh gods just kill me now.

    I was lucky at least cause I was hospitalized at the time so the on staff therapist could come in and set my parents straight for me, so I didn't need to go through the horror and misery of educating them myself.

    Uh. Anyway my point is take your time and do it when you're ready, yaknow?

    2 votes
  3. Comment on What is your first-hand experience with the "Dunning–Kruger effect"? in ~talk

    NihJanitor Link Parent
    Well, honestly one of the things I see happening with the hypercompetent peeps I know is that they undersell themselves and get passed up for things or give up on them. So I'd imagine that's the...

    Well, honestly one of the things I see happening with the hypercompetent peeps I know is that they undersell themselves and get passed up for things or give up on them. So I'd imagine that's the biggest issue here: if overconfident peeps and underconfident peeps both think of themselves as being about the same then it'll be hard to figure out which is which when seeing them in action, doubly so if its a topic thats tough for most people to determine the quality of work on.

    If that's true, then we can see that even if we were to basically eliminate overconfidence this would still be an issue, since second-tier and first-tier peeps would still rate themselves the same. But that said, its also a tricky problem to manage, because blocks about how you must not actually be that good can be just as strong as blocks about how you must be good.

    To throw some paraphrased anectdotal evidence from two friends of mine in the ring:
    Bf: "You're amazing at computer science."
    Gf: "No I'm not, and anyway you're way better than me."
    Bf: "If I'm as good as you say then I must be able to accurately judge your skills, right?"
    Gf: "..."
    Bf: "Or do you think that's the one thing I'm not good at?"
    Gf: "Yeah."
    and yes she is amazing at compsci and needs to have more confidence in herself >:o

    4 votes
  4. Comment on Trans Introductions in ~lgbt

    NihJanitor Link Parent
    Mega stealth :O being mega stealth is really nice, I know a couple other peeps who can pull it off too. I'd do it myself but im terrible at keeping my big dumb mouth shut and also I like putting...

    Mega stealth :O being mega stealth is really nice, I know a couple other peeps who can pull it off too. I'd do it myself but im terrible at keeping my big dumb mouth shut and also I like putting trans pride stickers all over my everything so that ship's basically sailed.

    I hear you on dealing with reactions though, it can be really scary. One of my friends-- my oldest friend, actually-- was someone who I wss scared of coming out to for a long time so I just didn't. Then before I moved away I finally did it and it was awkward but also not terrible like I'd been expecting. But I've been lucky, most people in my circles are at worst misguided or ignorant about jazz, not actively aaa.

    Also, good luck learning German! It seems like a really neat language :O

    4 votes
  5. Comment on Trans Introductions in ~lgbt

    NihJanitor Link Parent
    Oof yeah depression is really rough. If you need to talk this random internet stranger has your back :HUGS:. I'm with you on art tho :O it's super interesting and intricate. I mean, I'm mostly...

    Oof yeah depression is really rough. If you need to talk this random internet stranger has your back :HUGS:.

    I'm with you on art tho :O it's super interesting and intricate. I mean, I'm mostly just a writer for now because my visual arts chops need a lot more work before I can do anything really worth showing to people, but so much goes into every aspect of art that it's wonderful to put together no matter what you're doing.

    Glad to hear you might be getting on HRT soon! And nice to meetcha :O

    5 votes
  6. Comment on Trans Introductions in ~lgbt

    NihJanitor Link Parent
    It is funny how many trans girls do compsci jazz. I can think of uhh at least two more off the top of my head one of whom is my roommate and my gf's best friend. Anyway nice to meet you :O

    It is funny how many trans girls do compsci jazz. I can think of uhh at least two more off the top of my head one of whom is my roommate and my gf's best friend.

    Anyway nice to meet you :O

    4 votes
  7. Comment on Trans Introductions in ~lgbt

  8. Comment on When the Cure Is Worse Than the Disease in ~health

    NihJanitor Link Parent
    Oh, I've tried weed, and it is helpful. I'm in a state which legalized it too, so it's not too terribly difficult for my girlfriend to pick up for me? I've tried other methods of pain relief but...

    Oh, I've tried weed, and it is helpful. I'm in a state which legalized it too, so it's not too terribly difficult for my girlfriend to pick up for me? I've tried other methods of pain relief but they don't seem to get me very far, esp on bad days.

    The problem is really just that like-- I'm not popping pain pills at a moments notice, thank gog, but I'm also waiting until I'm really far gone to actually take them, and it's very easy for me to get to a point of needing to take them and just suffering and letting my brain disconnect instead. Which I've talked to my doctor about, and they've mentioned that pain puts my body under stress that it doesn't need right now, so...

    Anyway, hopefully it'll be better soon anyway. I've got another surgery coming up that should ideally make it at least a little better. So, uh, wish me luck on that I guess.

    2 votes
  9. Comment on Trans Introductions in ~lgbt

  10. Trans Introductions

    Hello y'all! I wanted to make a post where all us trans peeps can introduce themselves and say hey to each other, since I find it nice to have other trans peeps to chat with. Come say hey, or drop...

    Hello y'all!

    I wanted to make a post where all us trans peeps can introduce themselves and say hey to each other, since I find it nice to have other trans peeps to chat with. Come say hey, or drop me a line!

    For my own intro: I normally go by Nihilistic Janitor online, and before you ask I really don't know jack about philosophy I just thought the phrase "cleanliness is next to meaninglessness" is funny. I'm a nineteen year old pan trans woman, currently wheelchair-bound, who enjoys reading and writing and who recently finished a draft of a fun cheesy gay romance novel. I'm also in with some other trans-heavy communities, so if you're curious and want to check those out, message me!

    25 votes
  11. Comment on When the Cure Is Worse Than the Disease in ~health

    NihJanitor Link Parent
    Re:the common consensus As someone who suffers from chronic pain herself, I'm kind of irrationally terrified of my opioids, even though I need them to basically do anything that doesn't involve...

    Re:the common consensus

    As someone who suffers from chronic pain herself, I'm kind of irrationally terrified of my opioids, even though I need them to basically do anything that doesn't involve just lying in bed. I was on them for a month and a half or so while I was an inpatient, but even so I hold off on taking my oxy until I'm more or less dead to the world.

    It's not exactly the same, I've always been kind of afraid of medical jazz, but I think it's a helpful thing to note. Even if you're in chromic pain yourself, even if you need those meds to be functional, and even if you have them prescribed, you can still be too terrified to take them when you need them.

    5 votes