rip_rike's recent activity

  1. Comment on Things are crumbling around me and a lot of it is my fault in ~health.mental

    rip_rike
    Link Parent
    in any other circumstance where a person is saying these things to me or even in earshot, i would confront them and sever ties immediately because that’s all i can do aside from violence (not...

    in any other circumstance where a person is saying these things to me or even in earshot, i would confront them and sever ties immediately because that’s all i can do aside from violence (not really my thing). but because he pays me, i am silent. that’s the shame. can you understand why i might feel this way?

    and yes to your standard advice to everyone! i have been fortunate with finding good therapists in the past and hope this time will be successful as well.

    thank you for responding with kindness.

    4 votes

  2. Comment on Things are crumbling around me and a lot of it is my fault in ~health.mental

    rip_rike
    Link Parent
    thank you for the kind words and taking the time to respond! he is the owner, it’s a small niche business where everyone (including me) are contractors, and there is no HR unfortunately. i just...

    thank you for the kind words and taking the time to respond!

    he is the owner, it’s a small niche business where everyone (including me) are contractors, and there is no HR unfortunately.

    i just have to grit and bare it until i find something else.

    9 votes

  3. Things are crumbling around me and a lot of it is my fault

    ~health.mental Text 926 words
    Mods - I didn't know where to put this or what to title and tag the post with. This is mostly just venting and confessing. There's a lot of back-story to this but I'll start at the trigger and...

    Mods - I didn't know where to put this or what to title and tag the post with.

    This is mostly just venting and confessing.

    There's a lot of back-story to this but I'll start at the trigger and work from there.

    The short version

    My boss is remote-only, so calls and WhatsApp messages are how we communicate. Wednesday he called me and started the conversation off by how tired he was today and why. To cut to the chase, he revealed to me, in detail, that he is a white supremacist, a holocaust denier, and potentially an actual Nazi. These aren't conclusions I am making based on piecing information together -- he outline each aspect at length while I silently listened.

    The long version

    He started the conversation telling me that he was tired because he was up all night with his wife "healing" his son's friend who was in the hospital suddenly for liver (or kidney, I don't remember) complications. He and his wife are "energy healers" and he gave me examples of how he and his wife, all by themselves, stopped natural disasters with their powers. The example he gave in this instance was the wild fires in 2020 in the PNW of the US. He said he that his wife "had enough" and went outside and raised her hands and said (I don't remember the words, I'm not going to make it up here) and the fires went out instantly. No one needs me to spell out the reality of these claims, so I won't. But if you want factual information about these wildfires, you can read more about them here.

    He then started telling me that his adult son (who has ASD or on the spectrum -- apologies, I don't know the right way to refer to this) has a hard time making friends but he and this guy were fast friends. His friend is from Ukraine and escaped the country right as Russia invaded (2022). This part is important because this is what launched the white supremacy garbage. After he said his son's friend escaped before the war, he went into a confusing ramble about how Russia was invading to kill "real white people" and that most of Putin's regime "are Jews" and that it's part of a global movement to "exterminate white people". This then went into how there are different kinds of white people and different kind of Jews. I don't know what "good/neutral" Jews are in his fucked up mind, but he said Zionists are the "bad" Jews. He says the Zionists have "mixed" with every government on earth and thus are in control of x-y-z.

    He said that I "looked like a real white person" and asked if I had German heritage (I don't). I tried to change the subject.

    That stream of thought led to literally saying Hitler was misunderstood, was misguided by his Jewish ancestry, and the Holocaust wasn't what we are being told. Photos are doctored, gas chambers were just showers, they had restaurants (?) in the camps, any deaths that occurred were from disease, not murders, and "how could 3 million Jews have been killed if there weren't 3 million Jews in existence?" Also that "Jews have a declaration to exterminate non-Jews"

    He then went into something about "mixing races" and how that's a terrible sin. "I'm not racist, I just think white people should only marry white people and black people with black people, and so on". The assumption here is less about marriage and more about procreation...

    I'm sure there's more shit I'm not remembering right now but those are the ones that I can't forget.

    Throughout the one-sided conversation, I tried to change the subject back to work (you know, since I am at work) numerous times and didn't respond to anything he was saying, but after the last part, I just hung up on him.

    There is no excuse for me letting him spew this hateful bullshit and I am ashamed of myself. I normally have no problem with conflict and ostracizing myself by calling out hateful bullshit people say but I chose to be silent this time because $$$.

    I've been going back and forth between being angry, ashamed, disappointed, and just sad since then. I knew my boss was a conspiracy nut because he's told me some of his wild beliefs before but none of them seemed hateful and I told him I wasn't into that sort of stuff. I don't know why he suddenly decided to unload all of this on me.

    I know there is a reality where I don't let this ruin my job, but I don't think I am able to do this.

    I need this job because I need the money. I moved across the country to work this job and now that I know who I am making money for, I have to quit. I have to find another job immediately. I can't afford to quit without having another job lined up. I had been looking for a better job for 2 full years before I moved here for this one and had no luck. I've done nothing but work since moving here for this job. I haven't made the time to try and make friends and instead just worked more and more.

    I feel like there were signs (details not mentioned here) I ignored out of desperation. I feel defeated.

    The only thing I know I must do is find a therapist and find a new job.

    40 votes

  4. Comment on Without looking, do you have a vague idea of your coordinates? in ~talk

    rip_rike
    Link
    i have absolutely no idea! i'm incredibly awful at orienting myself, too. when i first started driving, smartphones weren't a thing yet and GPS units weren't common (as far as i recall), so you'd...

    i have absolutely no idea! i'm incredibly awful at orienting myself, too.

    when i first started driving, smartphones weren't a thing yet and GPS units weren't common (as far as i recall), so you'd think i'd have to be relatively aware to function but instead i was just lost all of the time or relied solely on landmarks and mapquest (which i would still get lost using).

    to this day, i'm still not great with it and the reliance on smartphone navigation hasn't helped. i guess i'm too lazy to just stop using the navigation apps and figure it out. i should do something about that...

    1 vote

  5. Comment on Trying to bring musicians and listeners together again - FLAPJams.com in ~music

    rip_rike
    Link
    love this! will be joining and posting some of my demos for feedback.

    love this! will be joining and posting some of my demos for feedback.

    1 vote

  6. Comment on What have you been listening to this week? in ~music

    rip_rike
    Link Parent
    Primitive Man seems pretty sick! Will be listening to them this weekend.

    Primitive Man seems pretty sick! Will be listening to them this weekend.

    1 vote

  7. mabry - amalgam (ep) (2025)

    ~music Text 283 words
    hey everyone — i finished my music/sound project back on halloween but forgot to post it here! it is drone/noise/ambient/experimental music so if that’s not your thing, i completely understand!...

    hey everyone — i finished my music/sound project back on halloween but forgot to post it here!

    it is drone/noise/ambient/experimental music so if that’s not your thing, i completely understand!

    listen and download for free on bandcamp

    or listen on other streaming platforms:

    (*) for some reason the distributor created a new artist with the exact same name as my correct account just for this EP. If you want to hear my other stuff as well, here’s the correct profile

    this was a music/sound project with contributions from some fellow tildes users. some of you may remember my post from several months ago asking if anyone wanted to collaborate. a number of you kind folks did and I used 5 users contributions throughout the project.

    i’m very happy with how things evolved (and don’t have the overwhelming urge to pull it down and tweak it into oblivion per normal) and am very grateful for everyone who participated. it was a unique experience for me and i enjoyed 99% of it! the 1% I didn’t enjoy was dealing with a new music distribution service, but that’s a different topic.

    seriously, thank you

    i was in a creative rut for months and having the pieces submitted by other people really helped.

    i don’t know if the folks want to be credited directly in this post but those who agreed to being credited in general have been with the final releases.

    i tried my best with the tags but i’m still not 100% on how to tag properly :)

    7 votes

  8. Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (November 2025) in ~health.mental

    rip_rike
    Link Parent
    my situation is seemingly with everyone at the moment. i have moved around a lot in the past few years -- a couple of different states in the US -- so all of my friends would be brand new...

    my situation is seemingly with everyone at the moment. i have moved around a lot in the past few years -- a couple of different states in the US -- so all of my friends would be brand new (excluding the friend who got married in my example scenario).

    i do think i will try different means in which to meet new people, as i just moved to another new city for work. normally i use a combination of apps, dating, and reddit to meet people but i'm thinking i might try hobby-groups, volunteering, or music-related things. those are always the things i swear i'm going to try when i move again but never do because of social anxiety.

    part of my disconnect is that i don't often feel like i have things that are important to me in common with people. as time moves forward, it seems like i move farther and farther away from my current friends and new people.

    not sure if that's quite what you meant in your reply but that's what came to mind. i certainly don't blame other people for the level of disconnect i feel. it's definitely something i need to figure out as i do want to foster my desire to connect with people.

    thank you for the suggestions!!

    3 votes

  9. Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (November 2025) in ~health.mental

    rip_rike
    Link
    i’m starting to realize that i don’t experience a lot of joy with other people, even when i think i should or recognize that the situation is jovial or beautiful. one example is that i used to...

    i’m starting to realize that i don’t experience a lot of joy with other people, even when i think i should or recognize that the situation is jovial or beautiful.

    one example is that i used to love meeting up with friends over drinks or dinner and we’d spend the evening laughing or having meaningful conversations. over the past 2-3 years there’s just been like an invisible wall getting thicker and thicker preventing me from fully enjoying myself (with others).

    another example: i went to a very close friend’s wedding recently and it was objectively beautiful and full of happiness but i didn’t feel it in my body, if that makes sense. it was just something i did because i know it would make my friend happy.

    in both of these examples i know i am interacting with people normally (normally for me, at least) but im finding myself putting on the emotions i wish i was having. it just feels exhausting and unfair to my friends.

    it’s like the “highs” are now just neutral/ok and the lows are low but never awful. it’s exclusively in relation to socializing. i heard a term “social anhedonia” and don’t know if that is a real thing but it felt right.

    i still really enjoy things i do alone, like hobbies i love watching movies and tv. i laugh regularly at dumb jokes or tear up at emotional movies. i love interacting with my pet, she makes me laugh (cats are weird) and also makes me irritated (dragging her dirty butt on a new white(!) rug or eating my plants to death). i just can’t find those emotions with other people anymore.

    it’s open enrollment again in the US for health insurance so once i figure that out i am going to get back into therapy again. i’ve almost always found it helpful. maybe it will help me work through this. i miss connecting with other people, i don’t want to be this way.

    10 votes

  10. Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (November 2025) in ~health.mental

    rip_rike
    Link Parent
    i’ve been thinking about doing this as well. i’ve already been diagnosed with adhd but over the past 5ish years i’ve started to wondering if i was on the autism spectrum. if you feel like publicly...

    i’ve been thinking about doing this as well. i’ve already been diagnosed with adhd but over the past 5ish years i’ve started to wondering if i was on the autism spectrum. if you feel like publicly commenting on it, what led you to making the decision to get evaluated (if that is even the correct terminology)?

    4 votes

  11. Comment on What creative projects have you been working on? in ~creative

    rip_rike
    Link Parent
    wow, this post is such good timing for me. thanks for sharing your music. listening now and am really into it (and am a fellow former/future portland resident). i’m releasing an...

    wow, this post is such good timing for me. thanks for sharing your music. listening now and am really into it (and am a fellow former/future portland resident).

    i’m releasing an ambient/noise/drone project at the end of the month. here’s my bandcamp where i’ll post the project in a week

    3 votes

  12. Comment on What creative projects have you been working on? in ~creative

    rip_rike
    Link
    my music/sound art project is finally finished! it has contributions from several folks here on tildes and i’m super grateful for the interest and can’t wait to share it with everyone at the end...

    my music/sound art project is finally finished!

    it has contributions from several folks here on tildes and i’m super grateful for the interest and can’t wait to share it with everyone at the end of the month (10.31.25).

    (i somehow accidentally posted this comment on a fitness thread lol sorry if that appeared on someone’s screen)

    3 votes

  13. Comment on What can I do with my old Pixel 3 phone in 2025? in ~tech

    rip_rike
    Link Parent
    Ah, I see what you’re saying. I thought there was something specific about the Pixel 3 battery.

    Ah, I see what you’re saying. I thought there was something specific about the Pixel 3 battery.

    1 vote

  14. Comment on What can I do with my old Pixel 3 phone in 2025? in ~tech

    rip_rike
    Link Parent
    I really like this idea, thanks!

    I really like this idea, thanks!

    1 vote

  15. Comment on What can I do with my old Pixel 3 phone in 2025? in ~tech

    rip_rike
    Link Parent
    This was something I was thinking about as well. Thanks for the reminder!

    This was something I was thinking about as well. Thanks for the reminder!

  16. Comment on What can I do with my old Pixel 3 phone in 2025? in ~tech

    rip_rike
    Link Parent
    These are all perfect suggestions, thank you! And no worries about the recording haha It’s just for fun, so no pressure at all!

    These are all perfect suggestions, thank you!

    And no worries about the recording haha It’s just for fun, so no pressure at all!

    1 vote

  17. Comment on What can I do with my old Pixel 3 phone in 2025? in ~tech

    rip_rike
    Link Parent
    Does the battery in the 3 have the same issue as the 3a? Thanks for the warning though!

    Does the battery in the 3 have the same issue as the 3a? Thanks for the warning though!

    1 vote

  18. Comment on What can I do with my old Pixel 3 phone in 2025? in ~tech

    rip_rike
    Link Parent
    Oh, that’s awesome! Would be a nice way to backup my photos. Thanks for the suggestions!

    Oh, that’s awesome! Would be a nice way to backup my photos. Thanks for the suggestions!

  19. Comment on What can I do with my old Pixel 3 phone in 2025? in ~tech

    rip_rike
    Link Parent
    I’m sorry to hear those words made you sad. As you can see from my post, I’m looking to find ways to use this device, not trash it! Using it as a web server seems cool, I’ll have to try that!...

    I’m sorry to hear those words made you sad. As you can see from my post, I’m looking to find ways to use this device, not trash it!

    Using it as a web server seems cool, I’ll have to try that!

    Thanks for the suggestions

  20. What can I do with my old Pixel 3 phone in 2025?

    ~tech Ask (advice)
    I recently moved to a place and unearthed an old Pixel 3. I updated it to the last official update (October 2021) but not sure what to do with it. It’s not worth any money (or at least I don’t...

    I recently moved to a place and unearthed an old Pixel 3. I updated it to the last official update (October 2021) but not sure what to do with it. It’s not worth any money (or at least I don’t think so) and I have a dedicated Android gaming device (Retroid Pocket 5).

    What could I do with this device?

    I was trying to think of a way to use it. Was thinking of setting it up facing my backyard to film squirrels/possums/birds, but it would likely fill the storage up in less than one day of continuous recording. I’m probably getting way ahead of myself but would there be a way to use it like an IP cam or Ring doorbell that records everything not on the device?

    Any other unrelated ideas are welcome too. I just don’t want to throw it away since it’s functioning quite well.

    29 votes