10 votes

Calls from the Depths

The sky unravels, thick with ash, A chocking breath, a world's last grasp. The trees, once proud, now twist and writhe, Their shadows stretch, and darkness thrives.
The wind hums low, an ancient curse, A whispered doom, rehearsed, rehearsed. It claws the earth, it bends the bone, And leaves the living cold, alone.
Yet deep beneath the fractured stone, Where roots have bled and seeds have grown, a pulse remains, defying fate, a quiet spark, through dark, awaits.
Its wings beat soft against the gloom, A fragile light within the tomb. Through darkness reigns, it does not see
The dawn will come. It always frees.

6 comments

  1. [3]
    Humblemonk33
    Link
    I worked really hard on this one and I don’t really have the words to express how it feels to share this with the world. Anyway I hope you all enjoy. Be good to each other please.

    I worked really hard on this one and I don’t really have the words to express how it feels to share this with the world. Anyway I hope you all enjoy. Be good to each other please.

    4 votes
    1. [2]
      cfabbro
      (edited )
      Link Parent
      I really enjoyed this one. Well done! Not the most thorough of comments, I know, but I actually really did enjoy it and felt like you deserved a response here for your excellent work. :)

      I really enjoyed this one. Well done! Not the most thorough of comments, I know, but I actually really did enjoy it and felt like you deserved a response here for your excellent work. :)

      3 votes
      1. Humblemonk33
        Link Parent
        Thank you very much. You’ve made my day :)

        Thank you very much. You’ve made my day :)

        1 vote
  2. [3]
    ShamedSalmon
    (edited )
    Link
    Hey, great work! We always need more poetry on here. I hope you don't mind, but I tried my hand at restructuring your text body a little bit: Click to Expand Calls from the Depths The sky...

    Hey, great work! We always need more poetry on here. I hope you don't mind, but I tried my hand at restructuring your text body a little bit:

    Click to Expand
    Calls from the Depths

    The sky unravels,
      thick with ash,
    A choking breath,
      a world's last grasp.
    The trees, once proud,
      now twist and writhe,
    Their shadows stretch,
      and darkness thrives.

    The wind hums low,
      an ancient curse,
    A whispered doom,
      rehearsed, rehearsed.
    It claws the earth,
      it bends the bone,
    And leaves the living
      cold, alone.

    Yet deep beneath
      the fractured stone,
    Where roots have bled
      and seeds have grown,
    A pulse remains,
      defying fate,
    A quiet spark,
      through dark, awaits.

    Its wings beat soft
      against the gloom,
    A fragile light
      within the tomb.
    Though darkness reigns,
      it does not see

    The dawn will come.
      It always frees.

    If you're interested in tinkering with your post, what I did was I placed two   (em-spaces) at the beginning of every other line. I maintained your pattern of four general stanzas, but broke them up into eight lines each, except for keeping the break at the last two lines as you had.

    EDIT: Corrected a little mistake.

    3 votes
    1. cfabbro
      (edited )
      Link Parent
      You actually don't have to force line breaks / newlines using escape characters here on Tildes like you do on Reddit, since this site uses Github Flavored Markdown which supports soft line breaks....

      You actually don't have to force line breaks / newlines using escape characters here on Tildes like you do on Reddit, since this site uses Github Flavored Markdown which supports soft line breaks. Indentations still require some unicode shenanigans like you used though.

      3 votes
    2. Humblemonk33
      Link Parent
      I appreciate the help. Thank you. I hope you have a Great day.

      I appreciate the help. Thank you.
      I hope you have a Great day.

      1 vote