11
votes
Calls from the Depths
The sky unravels, thick with ash, A chocking breath, a world's last grasp. The trees, once proud, now twist and writhe, Their shadows stretch, and darkness thrives.
The wind hums low, an ancient curse, A whispered doom, rehearsed, rehearsed. It claws the earth, it bends the bone, And leaves the living cold, alone.
Yet deep beneath the fractured stone, Where roots have bled and seeds have grown, a pulse remains, defying fate, a quiet spark, through dark, awaits.
Its wings beat soft against the gloom, A fragile light within the tomb. Through darkness reigns, it does not see
The dawn will come. It always frees.
I worked really hard on this one and I don’t really have the words to express how it feels to share this with the world. Anyway I hope you all enjoy. Be good to each other please.
I really enjoyed this one. Well done! Not the most thorough of comments, I know, but I actually really did enjoy it and felt like you deserved a response here for your excellent work. :)
Thank you very much. You’ve made my day :)
Hey, great work! We always need more poetry on here. I hope you don't mind, but I tried my hand at restructuring your text body a little bit:
Click to Expand
Calls from the Depths
The sky unravels,
thick with ash,
A choking breath,
a world's last grasp.
The trees, once proud,
now twist and writhe,
Their shadows stretch,
and darkness thrives.
The wind hums low,
an ancient curse,
A whispered doom,
rehearsed, rehearsed.
It claws the earth,
it bends the bone,
And leaves the living
cold, alone.
Yet deep beneath
the fractured stone,
Where roots have bled
and seeds have grown,
A pulse remains,
defying fate,
A quiet spark,
through dark, awaits.
Its wings beat soft
against the gloom,
A fragile light
within the tomb.
Though darkness reigns,
it does not see
The dawn will come.
It always frees.
If you're interested in tinkering with your post, what I did was I placed two
 (em-spaces) at the beginning of every other line. I maintained your pattern of four general stanzas, but broke them up into eight lines each, except for keeping the break at the last two lines as you had.EDIT: Corrected a little mistake.
You actually don't have to force line breaks / newlines using escape characters here on Tildes like you do on Reddit, since this site uses Github Flavored Markdown which supports soft line breaks. Indentations still require some unicode shenanigans like you used though.
I appreciate the help. Thank you.
I hope you have a Great day.