Light it up

hit the stage

hit the dance floor.

Fight enough

start a riot

there's a chance for

love to grow

for the hate

to transform

Feeling these

knots in my head

am I deformed?

.

Feel like my

head, my heart,

a rock show.

Is this peace

or pain, I

do not know.

I can't close

my eyes and

the clock's slow

Pray I'll

kill myself

in Chicago

.

My head pounds

bass drum

memories of,

days when you

and I meshed

and we made love.

Wish that I

went and bought you

all your makeup.

Maybe some money's

all we needed

to makeup

.

Feel like my

head, my heart,

a rock show.

Is this peace

or pain, I

do not know.

I can't close

my eyes and

the clock's slow

Pray I'll

kill myself

in Chicago

.

With hate your

voice went shrill

you went cold.

Who's this girl

beside me

don't know.

Wake up in

the morning pain

or comfort?

All your screaming

I wanna go

Van Gogh

.

Feel like my

head, my heart,

a rock show.

Is this peace

or pain, I

do not know.

I can't close

my eyes and

the clock's slow

Pray I'll

kill myself

in Chicago

so i know nobody asks for my shit poetry lmao.

i just wanna take a second to thank tildes for being a place for me to get shit off my chest.

i wrote a comment on another site earlier today about catharsis, artistic expression, and depression. and it really made me appreciate the little community we've got going here.

i have a feeling it's the same 5-6 people who upvote my posts whenever they come through, and i love you six to hell and back.

i doubt i'd even get that kinda traction anywhere else.

thank you for the support.

thank you for letting me vent.

much love.

bishop.

it's 3:11 like
the band you like
remember dancing
under flashing lights
ripped off your bra
threw it up high
heading home, arm in arm
what a night
i couldn't see it i
guess i was blind
fetish for pain meant
you loved a fight
you came the loudest
when you held the knife
and drove deep into
my chest that night.

you held me close
and kissed me soft
sat in your lap
and gently rocked
empathic smile and
a lying tongue
you made a promise
that we'd still talk.
behind your back you
held a loaded gun
pulled the trigger took
off in a run
into his arms
into the sun
things are getting dark
in our garage.

dysthymia
is in my blood
and i cant end
it soon enough
but i just do not
have the guts
yet.
water my tongue
with shitty rum
and pray that i
will find the one
and she'll still love
me when i'm drunk
and
dysthymia
i'm getting high
and i don't really
wanna die
it's just i never
feel alive
man
dripping knife
a sacrifice
mr. sandman
please be nice
i don't wanna
see her face
now

it's 3:11 and
i'm home alone
asking questions
that nobody knows
should i buy
some xans
buy
some coke
would i be upset
if i overdose
it's been some months
and still here i am
hooded sweater, scarred
arms, kicking cans
a black sheep,
a lost lamb
still in the kiln -
shell of a man

dysthymia
is in my blood
and i cant end
it soon enough
but i just do not
have the guts
yet.
water my tongue
with shitty rum
and pray that i
will find the one
and she'll still love
me when i'm drunk
and
dysthymia
i'm getting high
and i don't really
wanna die
it's just i never
feel alive
man
dripping knife
a sacrifice
mr. sandman
please be nice
i don't wanna
see her face
now

ten months, three kings.

fuck.

things you should know if you're gonna fuck with drugs. [reddit link]

relevant shit:

"Legends" x Juice WRLD
"THE BLACKEST BALLOON" x Denzel Curry

let's get to the piece

death always seemed imminent
every track he wrote it in
real goth shit he'd represent
drugs never put him on the fence
geeked off coke, asleep off xans
ate a couple shrooms he was diving in
two hydros and two oxys blend
had a full pill bottle in his hands
nobody knew he would get so bent
nobody knew it was laced with fent
a message from postmortem breath
everybody stop, get off your shit
message rang, got left on sent
looks like nobody's listening
the saddest case that you could present
never heard a peep about this shit again

just pop another pill
while the house is on fire
just a warm blanket baby boy,
you're gonna be fine.
tryna look around,
but you can't focus your eyes
end up staring down the bottle
tryna see what's inside
looks like you found the
perks of being alive.

next gunned down midsummer
cut across by two gunners
reached their hands in
to grab his things
then bolted off and
let shots ring
they caught his neck
boy couldn't breathe
blood poured onto the
beamer seats
right as this boy began to preach
a brand new message bent on peace
a brand new face for the world to see
his eyes saw love in the future
tryna inspire life out of the dead sea
20 years old, brought to his knees

just pop another pill
while the house is on fire
just a warm blanket baby boy,
you're gonna be fine.
tryna look around,
but you can't focus your eyes
end up staring down the bottle
tryna see what's inside
looks like you found the
perks of being alive.

blue slides on both feet,
just a college kid who loved weed
found himself in a new scene
little more fame, little more green
then he started touring
got hooked off the purp drink
off the cocaine and promethazine
found a swimming pool
poured in the lean
tried to swim out
wouldn't let him leave
pulled him to the deep
wouldn't let him breathe
cinderella, he had a queen
ended, toxic, but they were teamed
now four months later - it's the final scene.

just pop another pill
while the house is on fire
just a warm blanket baby boy,
you're gonna be fine.
tryna look around,
but you can't focus your eyes
end up staring down the bottle
tryna see what's inside
looks like you found the
perks of being alive.

"Star Shopping" x Lil Peep

"Snow" x XXXTentacion

"Self Care" x Mac Miller

rest in power my guys.

bishop.

i want to go to colorado
by the fire with a bottle
of champagne with a little
marijuana and a pillow
tired of looking out the window
every tree a weeping willow
done with dying in this riddle
i just wanna live a little and

i might wanna try skiing
down the slopes but
i don't wanna fall
grab a friend and
hit the snow just
try to vibe it off
can't feel my face
i'm feeling better
bad shit can't recall
snowball fights
my heart is racing
til the night falls

been sober dreaming of chicago
off the loop we're eating tacos
you made a ring out of a napkin
and proposed on south financial
my cheeks on rubies oh like marco
to the hotel that we called home
slept on each other on the green line
highland park right by the water

i might wanna try skiing
down the slopes but
i don't wanna fall
memories got
me all dark, just
try to vibe it off
can't feel my face
i'm feeling better
bad shit can't recall
snowball fights
my heart is racing
til the night falls

grüße - i bins.

it's bishop.

its german.

enjoy.

i blut
jo i blut
seit i hab was
vermutet
sie hat mi
verlassen
nach wi teilten
like two years
zusammen
i rauch ja
fach um zu
verbringen
die zeit so
dass ich wer-
de ni mi
zerstören

vleicht kreig
i ein paare
face tats
oder bath bombs
weil i kan ni
mehr lebn
ohne dich
nebn meiner seit
i will einfach
kiffen bis
meiner lunge
sterben
seit du bis
ni mehr hier
i kampfe
to find purpose

im not worth it.

so viele leude
habn ihr probleme,
auf deiner sorg'
im not worth it
i wunsch nach'm
tag wrauf
i sterb i'm
in a hurry

i hofe

i hofe.

i hofe
die tagen
komn gleich und
du zruckkomst
die rinnerung'n
leben noch ja
in mei'm kopf von
when i knew you
i höft dass
du würdst ni
vegessen
alles we been through
aber i hab's
gefunden
's machst di
keine sorgn nach
what i go through.

nowadays it all me
no you

im not worth it

im not worth it.

bishop.

mi odii

out of habit moaned your
name out like an addict
and the shock went through
my body got me feeling
like i had it
and i guess that's all i needed
just to keep a baby feeling
any will to keep on breathing
in this world without you in it
all of these abandoned memories
our hot, deviant fantasies
the shit you'd say on top of me
the only thing that's stopping me
could keep the knife away from me
i'd do some things unsavory
if you could come over and bring
a little bit more pain to me

wore my heart upon my arm
you wore me upon your chest
i been wishin on the stars
to hear you say under your breath
"honey come lay next to mama,
you could use a little rest.
take your shirt off baby boy,
and i'll take care of all the rest."
wrap your hands around my neck
always took away my breath
wanna hurt me when youre angry
and i love when youre upset
i miss when we were crazy
drank the koolaid, diving in
tell me that you lust for blood
i'll carve your name into my skin

this is bloodlust
black metal loving out in public
you're a drug
and this is real love

tell me that you hate me
wear me down until you break me
this is real love

scars on my back
a little makeup on my neck
and that's your soft touch

say you never loved me
make me beg for you to hold me
this is real love.
this is bloodlust

i guess youre never coming home
got me feeling all depressed
you made me feel some shit
that i take drugs just to forget
but all the dagga in the world
cannot compare to how your lips
send a wave throughout my body
tear my heart up into strips
girl you can be my queen
and i'll just be your little pawn
you can pull my puppet strings
give me a reason to go on.
i can give you full control
babe i dont wanna be in charge
give you everything i am
if i can only have your heart

i just need somebody there
i hate waking up alone
i have no idea why i
try to check my phone
like somebody gonna text me
talkin "babe you wanna go?
you been on my mind
and now im thinking we could roll
a little blunt, and maybe cuddle up
in my bed if you want"
just want somebody to act like
maybe imma prize for once
tired of working every day and
always planning nights for one
if i just knew you didnt hate me
id stop staring at my gun
how'm i meant to walk
when the ground i knew is gone
id so much rather wake up by your
side than write these songs

but this is bloodlust

this is bloodlust
black metal loving out in public
you're a drug
and this is real love

tell me that you hate me
wear me down until you break me
this is real love

scars on my back
a little makeup on my neck
and that's your soft touch

say you never loved me
make me beg for you to hold me
this is real love.
this is bloodlust

alright so much to my dismay, no, not currently day drunk (though a mimosa does not sound half bad right now!)

so in place of my standard late-night drunk poetry, have some mid-morning-havent-slept-in-36-hours-poetry.

cheers

bishop

remember wanting what i got now
didn't think it'd be a let down
guess back then i wasnt thinking sound
deadly quiet with you not around

got me so down im
making lots of pillows
taking heavy shots and smoking
off a lot of rillos
now my mind is gone, am i okay
i cannot think so
falling down from heaven hitting
every branch like plinko

like you're yoko ono and
i'm every single beatle.
warring with myself and every
general's in fetal
got my world all fucked but
i lay here with no libido
sorry if i fucked it up, i
swear i did not mean to

but at least i saw a palm tree
caught a little of the ocean breeze
heavy sand where you buried me
for the forest couldn't hear the screams.

got me so down im
making lots of pillows
taking heavy shots and smoking
off a lot of rillos
think my mind is gone, am i okay
i cannot think so
falling down from heaven hitting
every branch like plinko

no quiero recordar nada
que ella ha dicho
Como el tiempo cuando
ella me ha prometido
que nosotros siempre
quedaríamos amigos
He querido solo estar
perfecto contigo.

loved our movie, but you said
you didn't want a sequel
got my head up in the clouds
now i cannot see through
if you were perfection,
how can i trust other people
to take my hand and guide me
past all of the shit we been through

(beat.)

got me so down im
making lots of pillows
taking heavy shots and smoking
off a lot of rillos
think my mind is gone, am i okay
i cannot think so
falling down from heaven hitting
every branch like plinko

ive had this idea in the back of my head for awhile, roll with me.

sad parties.

so much emphasis on things being perfect, people being perfect, work being perfect, life being perfect. so many people caught up in social media subconsciously at battle to live a filter-perfect lifestyle.

sad parties.

a bunch of people youre close to get together at a comfortable apartment, good food, lots of drinks, lots of drugs. everyones free to indulge as they wish. all the lights go off except for a fireplace or some low-impact nightlights by an easel, and theres just a stream of sad music in the background. no words spoken unless you directly enter a conversation with someone. no forced interaction. just lots of pillows, blankets, and vibes.

really want one of these. might make it a regular thing once i head out west.

anyways, back to the reason we're all here. more sad drunk poetry<3

thank you for all those who leave the comments. i honestly wouldnt keep posting if it werent for you all giving me that little nudge of support. it means a lot.

much love.

bishop.

metal must be the best flavor of ice cream.
take a double scoop, hope i dont see the morning
leaded kiss orgasm, baby send me out moaning
dropped my puppet strings, guess im not worth controlling.
metal must be the best flavor of ice cream.
must be in a coma, two years been a bad dream.
poor lost lamb caught up with a black sheep
just another sad white kid, rest in peace Peep.

maybe some lives werent meant for the living
maybe some dreams were meant to go missing
kinda miss the way you would scream like a banshee
kinda miss the way you would threaten to leave me
wanna go back to the days when you need me
always liked how youd cut me deep, and then heal me
if it makes you smile when i cry, then abuse me.
really wouldnt mind if you came back to use me,

cant feel good enough on the nicotine therapy
oxygen coming through airily, barely
slaps on my face were a heavenly remedy
soft pink lace was a beautiful heresy.
pain, drugs, suicidal tendencies, obscurity
wanna fade to black, tell God roll the credit scene
another funeral in the wake of our legacy
metal must be the best flavor of ice cream

(beat.)

metal must be the best flavor of ice cream.
take a double scoop, hope i dont see the morning
leaded kiss orgasm, baby send me out moaning
dropped my puppet strings, guess im not worth controlling.
metal must be the best flavor of ice cream.
must be in a coma, two years been a bad dream.
poor lost lamb caught up with a black sheep
knocking back four different drugs just to get sleep

metal is the only thing i feel around me
liquor by the half cup never stops pouring
you held me down, now i feel like im falling
up to the sky, sunshine in the mourning.

for those keeping track, this title's in italian, not afrikaans.

normally don't "summer" kind of stuff, but as always, i just write what's on my mind once the liquor hits.

hope you all enjoy.<3

much love

bishop

sometimes I need a bubble bath.
ginger ale, vodka splash
couple friends, a couple grams
electronic cigarettes.
bath bomb with the glitter in
free pass to commit a sin
babygirl let's dive in.
bet we won't even remember it.

standing at the precipice
not a lot of trust to give
broken down, a sad kid
you're steady in the madness
babygirl I feel it happening
tension slipping kinda rapid
cold beers and a hot kiss
forbidden peach, like genesis

i write music
to sin to.
baby let me
sing with you
sigh the notes, we
can sing tunes
you're the nectar
the gods knew
i write music
to sin to.
baby let me
sing with you
sigh the notes, we
can sing tunes
you're the nectar
the gods knew

(beat.)

nicotine and a lotta weed
open up a new side of me
one that wanna see you smiling
fuck what your other man think
two friends in a summer fling
you bite your lip when you kiss me
's why you always invite me,
when you're home and feel lonely.

Want my music to go hard,
Sing for my friends in the dark,
Get to drunk to remember,
The bullshit feeling sad part

sometimes I need a bubble bath.
ginger ale, vodka splash
couple friends, a couple grams
electronic cigarettes.
bath bomb with the glitter in
free pass to commit a sin
babygirl let's dive in.
bet we won't even remember it.

been sitting on two of these most of the day, might be a little messy.

i feel like it's a little stale since i left it waiting, and i'm significantly more sober than when i usually write.

as always, comments welcome. or ignore this entirely if you're not feeling it<3

bless.

bishop

also this one gets somewhat graphic, gonna start leaving these trigger warnings up top - drugs, alcohol, suicide, covers it i think, let me know if i should add anything else

been smoking and drinking
just so i can cope
gave her the ring
she put me on the ropes
new girl show up but
i don't got no hope
my heart is still sinking
i'm trying to float like

Gretel, baby, where did you go?
no crumbs left I can throw
Hansel in the forest alone
put me out of house and my home
hands full of green and some blow
no drinks left but the coke
she's laughing now - am I the joke?
turned my heartthrob into a stroke -

your bedside's left wide
open to the moonlight
head high, red eye
stranded on the roadside
you kissed, i cried,
while i watched papaw die
No sleep, four nights
you told me it's alright
helped me keep my head high
helped me say my goodbyes
then you hit me blindside
didn't get a goodbye

peace, bye, next flight,
right into his arms like
you've been biding time,
waiting for the day to strike me

down.

down.

down.

Left me tied strapped to the bed
Headphones looping what you said
Promises we could stay friends.
Cool ones pour down my head
I know the river Styx runs red
Little siren told me "Baby, dive in"
Closed eyes, woke up dead.
Didn't know God's a raven.

Now you got your Raybans
and your black Timbs
Got your new Amex,
one in the black print
Hope it was worth it
on your conscience
that you lied through your teeth
and he fucking lost it

costless

Must be nice right?
If it's not on the bill
it don't have a price
Fuck being nice,
Fuck doing what's right,
What's another sad white
boy taking his life?

Masochistic statistic
when his legs kick
Fuck vacation,
Miami,
Fuck a new chick
Cool one rain straight
to the forehead
Gorgeous.
One less problem
to deal with. Lord, yes.

Gretel, baby, where did you go?
no crumbs left I can throw
Hansel in the forest alone
put me out of house and my home
hands full of green and some blow
no drinks left but the coke
she's laughing now - am I the joke?
turned my heartthrob into a stroke -

last one for today, feel like i've been littering all over tildes and i dont want to be the only thing people see on the homepage.

i normally only do these like once a week, but i kept finding words that work today.

sorry for the clutter,

cheers.

bliky at the forehead
hit the floor dead.
i give you advice
so that i feel important
tell me to stay im
a little distorted
cross-faded vision
is going contorted

take off my seatbelt
and i start to floor it
fuck all your comments
i know its abhorrent
i only go out in the
night when it's dormant
in hopes that I'll see
a brick wall and ignore it

gorgeous.

tell me, do you cry or get lonely?
Do you ever feel soulless?
Do you ever stop and reminisce?
Baby I want to feel free.
Free.

(beat.)

dagga in die bak - smoke
til the morning
i just want you back
still hear you moaning
hard to look back,
know that you happened
hard to look back,
see what we had then
knife hits the floor, saying
what the fuck man
you're a grown man how
do you function
why do you do this
you're above this
Cus I don't know what's real
Baby I want to feel free

Free

Free

Free

bliky at the forehead
hit the floor dead.
i give you advice
so that i feel important
tell me to stay im
a little distorted
cross-faded vision
is going contorted

take off my seatbelt
and i start to floor it
fuck all your comments
i know its abhorrent
i only go out in the
night when it's dormant
in hopes that I'll see
a brick wall and ignore it
it's gorgeous.

nevermind.

my stoep is warm.
my stoep is warm.
can't keep my calm
it should probably raise alarms if
my stoep is warm
my stoep is warm
that there's a problem
and I dont know how to stop it

fucked up his arm
with bleeding scars
that kid's an addict he
has no idea how to quit
Insha'allah
One day he'll stop
If he ever dulls the edges of
the shards of broken promises

'llahu-allah
'llahu-allah
That a broken-legged lamb
can still hobble into Providence
i hear the caw
i hear the caw
woke up in a sweat and
saw a raven at my doorstep

(beat.)

messed up inside
messed up inside
only when he's fucked up
does he really feel alive
the pain you feel
the pain you feel
is the happiness you had before
So pay it up boy, that's the price.

my stoep is warm.
my stoep is warm.
can't keep my calm
it should probably raise alarms if
my stoep is warm
my stoep is warm
that there's a problem
and I dont know how to stop it

fucked up his arm
with bleeding scars
that kid's an addict he
has no idea how to quit
Insha'allah
One day he'll stop
If he ever dulls the edges of
the shards of broken promises

the stoa's hot
the stoa's hot
how you gonna run from
a problem that's inside your head

it's going dark,
it's going dark
beautiful curse if you
find that you woke up again

hi there.

before you read this, it's another one of my shitty sad poem/lyrics doohickeys.

i generally just post these up here as a way to vent, clear my head when i cant sleep.

if you're alright with sad stuff, feel free to read along. if not, that's cool too. just wanted to give a heads up in case there's stuff on your mind you're trying not to think about.

anyways,

thanks for stopping by,

bishop.

i just want to sip
four bottles of wine
fall asleep in the bath
pray to god that i die
summer's on hold
only winter in the night
i only felt right
when i was by your side

been in my head so
long that i lost my mind.
running little low on
words, because you never write

cant get to sleep until 4am
nothing feels home like an angry bed
cant find a shoulder to lay my head,
missing warm lips and your icy legs.

trying real hard not to fuck with meds.
goddamn hard not to fuck with meds.
can't get the picture out of my head
of you in my bed so i guess instead

i just want to sip
four bottles of wine
fall asleep in the bath
pray to god that i die
summer's on hold
only winter in the night
i only felt right
when i was by your side
hard to want to try if you
don't want to be alive
only crashing hard now
because you made me feel high
in a week you were gone,
couldn't get a kiss bye
bled your name out of my arm
once upon a midnight

can't stop looking at
your shadow on my bedside
all the worst demons
are the ones we have inside
splashing turned to drowning in
the ocean of her blue eyes
x on the map,
wherefore does her love lie
Nyctophobic and you
took my dog and my flashlight
Guess I didn't know that
certain spiders can spin lies
diamonds in midnight
can try, but still won't shine
cant turn it down, honey,
do you hear a loud cry?

(

beat. sip some tea.

)

if the whole world's upside
down, can you stand upright?
guess this is the toll for
the road less traveled by
caught in the valley of the
dark - ride, baby, ride
make me feel high and
you can hurt me until i die

i just want to sip
four bottles of wine
fall asleep in the bath
pray to god that i die
summer's on hold
only winter in the night
i only felt right
when i was by your side
hard to want to try if you
don't want to be alive
only crashing hard now
because you made me feel high
in a week you were gone,
couldn't get a kiss bye
never heard that sound before,
do you hear a loud cry?

tonight i went to a party
was never no coke and bacarti
just a bunch of people in a circle
playing uno and one dude in the corner eating smarties

his name was ignacio
(beat)
and he was hanging round
having a good night,
just bumping some music
and catching a vibe

and thats alright, and we were at your place.
(beat)
and i took a look at your face
looked like you were in a good place.

blue eyes got me feeling fine
same way they did a few years
ago - about nine, when we were
sitting in the park by the pine
and i said fine and i kissed you.

and six months passed, we been apart since then.
now im back at home
drinking corona with the lime in
twisted in the lions den
and I took you to bed.

passive thought in my head when i tucked you in
made you dirnk some water
before you woke in the morning
just so you wouldnt be moaning
and i miss you

and i think that i like you
got my heads so high in the clouds
i can see the planes
and a couple kites too
its just like you

to fade out and fade in
and leave me wondering
what would've been
but now you're flirting with me

and i like it because im hurting
and i need that attention
a little maternal care
and that desire for retention

i feel like you really want me here.

i like it