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Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (December 2023)
This is a monthly thread for those who need it. Vent, share your experiences, ask for advice, talk about how you are doing. Let's make this a compassionate space for all who may need one.
Honestly speaking, I am NOT very well mentally and spiritually.
And based on my experience with this world around me, probably nobody is. Perhaps the only people who are truly mentally happy and stress-free are little kids who don't have the baggage of experience. Us adults don't have that luxury, we can't erase the memories of what has already passed and nor can we time-travel to the past and re-write it. This ROM (Read Only Memory) system is what leads to eventual mental entropy and depression as we start aging, and I don't think there is any real solution to it. All kinds of therapies, healing measures, etc. are just temporary and superficial. Because at the end of the day, nothing can undo the past and we are destined to live with our Karma.
I've started exploring Buddhism as a way out of this mess though, especially the Vipassana meditation, let's see where it leads me to.
After 3.5 years of being unemployed due to burnout and other severe mental health issues, I finally got to a place mentally where I applied for 6 jobs this past Wednesday. And I've actually recieved an interview offer!
Thing is, I'm ofc hoping this job will be tolerable, but I'm terrified of getting burnt out again. I don't want a job (apparently it is possible to want to work, which is news to me). I just feel more pressured to do it, than I feel unready for it, so I ended up doing it. Idk if that's a bad reason to jump back into things. It's a part time remote job that pays well and also gives health insurance (and other perks), so that's what I'm hoping will make it all worth it.
Edit: just got hired after only one written question interview! Yayy, and phew!
Congratulations on securing work!
How did you explain away the gap if you don't mind me asking? I was just watching a video the other day that made compelling arguments for just outright lying, i.e., hiding the gap by extending your other/current jobs.
I think I got burned out as well. But it's a self-diagnosis, so who knows, maybe I'm just a lazy bum.
I've only just got the motivation back to apply for jobs again, but now we're entering the holidays—the doldrums of hiring. When I picture myself doing what some of these JDs say though (as opposed to just cherry-picking the keywords to put in my materials to pass any HR filters), I get exhausted.
So ... I think I'm in a similar place to you: feeling pressured and unready. Therefore, for what it's worth, I sincerely hope the new position works out well and is tolerable for you.
Thank you for the well wishes. I should've come back and edited my comment because it turns out I almost fell for a scam. It was too good to be true. Oh well. I'll keep looking.
I notice that when I look for jobs, I get a wave of relief when I see I'm definitely not qualified, and I can hit the back button without applying. It makes me feel guilty and ashamed to hate the idea of working, but maybe it's the type of work. Because, I can go for hours doing something I'm interested in (ty adhd), but graphic design work is just so... eh. I hate work. Especially if they expect me to be not only a graphic designer, but also photographer, website html & css coder, app developer, copy writer, data analyst, sales agent, marketing researcher, etc etc etc, and all this stuff I, at best, was marginally taught (for an associate's degree at a community college, so not even my 4 yr university!) and at worst was not taught at all. All for the measley pay of $20/hr.
Like, my god. You want me to do ten people's jobs, then pay me ten people's salaries.
For the gap though, I'm going to say I was going through personal things in life, and also mention that I kept up with design (even if that's a half lie, idc) through my hobbies.
I literally could've wrote that myself. Damn that hit close to home. I think pushing myself through college without being properly medicated and treated for my depression, anxiety, and undiagnosed adhd gave me a sort of "hustle ptsd" of sorts. It really doesn't help that I'm both a people pleaser and a perfectionist who procrastinates and forgets everything even slightly boring to me.
I also self diagnosed as burned out. I think acknowledging the burn out for what it is, instead of slapping the label that society's hustlers want you to use (lazy) would be better for your healing. Man, even saying that makes me tired. To me, the word "healing" in relation to work burnout translates to "hurry up and get to a place where you can work to earn the boss more money!" Like the second I'm having fun, actually doing something for once, I have that thought of "aren't you supposed to use this energy to work instead of doing hobbies or playing games?"
What helped there is knowing that you can't pour from an empty cup. If you view energy as a bank account, it makes more sense. I was talking to someone else recently about the 7 types of rest.
Depositing the video game or hobby generated rest into the bank will help you out of energy debt (aka burnout). Guilt, shame, and other negative feelings that stem from needing to bail yourself out in this way, costs you a lot over time, and slows your progress. Like interest rates, it will eventually compound and escalate exponentially.
Everyone wants someone to blame for things nowadays, and the media/employers blaming tired, overworked, disrespected, underpaid, underappreciated, unfulfilled employees who quit their jobs due to burnout is one of the main driving factors behind how society negatively sees us unemployed folks. And then it seeps into our friends' and familys' minds, too. Then what was once our support group, there to lend us or straight up gift us "money" for our energy bank debt end up turning into people who start charging interest, or worse, retroactively charge interest on us.
And then there's the people whose family and friends support them fully while they're healing, but the person themselves project the charging of interest onto the friends and family members, like I do. I feel guilty just thinking of "what my extended family thinks of me" or "what mom and dad probably would like to say to me and just haven't (and whatever it is, it's probably festering into something worse and worse every day that passes)".
But I'll keep looking for a job, like a good little worker bee...
I suppose I should have waited half a day to post about my father in this thread. I can talk about other things here I guess.
I have a crush on my married friend which is just so stupid of my brain to do that lol, but since it's been a couple of years since I had feelings like that for anyone, I guess it was bound to happen. I have to somehow convince myself to stop feeling that way though because it's just not going to be a thing. But such deep feelings also make me feel more alive than I have in a really long time, and it makes me want to try harder in other areas of my life. I'm 30 but it's like being a teen again, getting butterflies in the stomach and losing my breath and having dreams and... sigh.
Something else is that I've been accepted for further therapy at the psych facility! I talked about it in last month's thread but now it's happening and will be starting a few weeks into the new year. It will be very difficult and a lot of hard work, but it will hopefully help in the long run.
Not much else going on. Doing okay for now at least.
I don't know if this will resonate with you, but here's a trick that helped me get over a crush: instead of fighting it head-on, identify it and appreciate it for what it is.
For example, why did I feel so warm and fuzzy when I fantasized about my crush? The direct answer is that my blood was full of happy chemicals. And I was associating "warm and fuzzy" with this one person because the chemicals were impairing my judgement. But on the whole, those chemical effects are not bad: similar chemical processes made me fond of my friends and family members, and that fondness is a good thing. So I could still appreciate the chemicals for doing their job. I could choose not to listen to the impaired judgement (e.g., don't keep obsessing over someone who wasn't my soulmate), while still being thankful for my capacity to feel fondness.
Similarly, why did my body make the happy chemicals in the first place? Because it's running an ancient program that's trying to make copies of itself, in roundabout and counterproductive ways. I cannot edit the program; I am stuck with it. But all in all, it's not a bad program. It's a marvelous contraption that still does a lot of good things for me, such as making sure that I seek food and shelter — as well as generally-good things, such as relationships with others in my tribe. And occasionally it goes off at the wrong place and time, but as a whole, I can still appreciate it.
(This tactic can also work for anxiety.)
That does resonate, thank you! While I do feel like my brain is being a dummy for creating these chemicals, I do feel thankful to be able to be so fond of her because yeah she is pretty great - that might be the impaired judgement chemicals talking though
Your analogy is pretty relevant to your username! I think that the version of this ancient program that I am running is a little buggy to be honest because it goes off track quite a lot. It got its wires crossed at some point 😅
I'm curious about how you apply this tactic for anxiety?
For anxiety, it's the same thing: recognizing what's going on in the moment (which can be tricky!) and accepting it in some way. "I really, really, really don't want to make this phone call… Wait, why don't I? I must be feeling anxiety. It's just a thought loop in my head that's releasing adrenaline. And that's okay, it's just worry. It's just trying to protect me from something, such as social disgrace within my tribe. That's useful. And the adrenaline is uncomfortable right now, but it's normal to feel that way; it means my body's working."
Anthropomorphizing can also help. "Hello, anxiety! I know you're just trying to protect me. It's okay, though! Come join me." Nicky Case wrote about personifying anxiety as an overprotective but well-meaning dog, which is a really fitting image.
CPTSD from ongoing abuse, chronic loneliness, chronic suicidality, bipolar with mixed and psychotic features, OCD, and gender dysphoria have destroyed me. The overwhelming desire to be hugged and to be safe is stronger than i could describe. I would instantly choose choose to go through indescribable physical pain just to have one day where I am loved. I am inable to do much, i have almost completely stopped coding, or following any of my hobbies really. Every day is extremely difficult, especially with flashbacks. They cause so much anger, sadness, misery, hopelessness and hatred, it feels horrible beyond words. Drugs only numb these feelings, but its the best option i have other than dying so its a option i frequent when i can. Recently I have ended up using opiods multiple times recently and now i don't have any, i am obsessed with it. Due to multiple reasons it will be a bit before i can get some more so Im just stuck this way for now. I plan on obtaining Ketamine among other things as well, as it would be pointless if i were tolerant to opiates and I think ketamine sounds interesting and maybe a better experience than opiods for me. So i guess i have that to look forward to.
I don't think I can live this way too much longer, i dont know why anyone would expect me to. I don't know why people don't understand that for some people, it doesn't get better. Not every problem(s) is that simple.