buddhism's recent activity

  1. Comment on <deleted topic> in ~health.mental

    buddhism
    Link Parent
    I think i might hopefully do something along those lines, thanks very much for the advice

    I think i might hopefully do something along those lines, thanks very much for the advice

    11 votes

  2. Comment on <deleted topic> in ~health.mental

    buddhism
    Link Parent
    Software engineering is my main hobby and main purpose in this world. It's kinda one of the main reasons i feel sad about leaving this early because due to many factors it takes me an incredibly...

    Software engineering is my main hobby and main purpose in this world. It's kinda one of the main reasons i feel sad about leaving this early because due to many factors it takes me an incredibly long time to get much done despite working for so many hours, yet i come up with lots of ideas for projects. I like coding for fun but im not sure that it will even contribute to humanity in any way.

    5 votes

  3. Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (December 2023) in ~health.mental

    buddhism
    Link
    CPTSD from ongoing abuse, chronic loneliness, chronic suicidality, bipolar with mixed and psychotic features, OCD, and gender dysphoria have destroyed me. The overwhelming desire to be hugged and...

    CPTSD from ongoing abuse, chronic loneliness, chronic suicidality, bipolar with mixed and psychotic features, OCD, and gender dysphoria have destroyed me. The overwhelming desire to be hugged and to be safe is stronger than i could describe. I would instantly choose choose to go through indescribable physical pain just to have one day where I am loved. I am inable to do much, i have almost completely stopped coding, or following any of my hobbies really. Every day is extremely difficult, especially with flashbacks. They cause so much anger, sadness, misery, hopelessness and hatred, it feels horrible beyond words. Drugs only numb these feelings, but its the best option i have other than dying so its a option i frequent when i can. Recently I have ended up using opiods multiple times recently and now i don't have any, i am obsessed with it. Due to multiple reasons it will be a bit before i can get some more so Im just stuck this way for now. I plan on obtaining Ketamine among other things as well, as it would be pointless if i were tolerant to opiates and I think ketamine sounds interesting and maybe a better experience than opiods for me. So i guess i have that to look forward to.

    I don't think I can live this way too much longer, i dont know why anyone would expect me to. I don't know why people don't understand that for some people, it doesn't get better. Not every problem(s) is that simple.

    5 votes

  4. Comment on Whats a drug that you would never try? in ~talk

    buddhism
    Link Parent
    Add antipsychotics to that. That shit is almost a modern day lobotomy. Hopefully theres more research and legalization efforts for medical psychedelics, MDMA, ketamine, etc. They can be harmful...

    Add antipsychotics to that. That shit is almost a modern day lobotomy.
    Hopefully theres more research and legalization efforts for medical psychedelics, MDMA, ketamine, etc. They can be harmful but under most circumstances it seems that they could be a lot more helpful than typical mental illness treatement.

    1 vote

  5. Comment on Whats a drug that you would never try? in ~talk

    buddhism
    Link Parent
    Genuinely not wanting to ever use drugs is a very good trait itself, but getting panic attacks from thinking about using them seems really fucking horrible and i hope that that can be addressed...

    Genuinely not wanting to ever use drugs is a very good trait itself, but getting panic attacks from thinking about using them seems really fucking horrible and i hope that that can be addressed somehow. Especially considering how common place things like drinking and medicines which would otherwise be considered narcotics.

    3 votes

  6. Comment on Whats a drug that you would never try? in ~talk

    buddhism
    Link Parent
    Yeah i forgot to mention that but you're right, anything related to deliriants (datura, benadryl, etc) seems really painful and unpleasant, and especially considering that they are more likely to...

    Yeah i forgot to mention that but you're right, anything related to deliriants (datura, benadryl, etc) seems really painful and unpleasant, and especially considering that they are more likely to permenantly fuck up your brain. I find it really odd how some small communities on the internet seem to prefer it to other drugs. Like i get that many people get really desperate for drugs, but idek if mega-psychosis from allergy medicine abuse is even a 'high'.

    2 votes

  8. Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (November 2023) in ~health.mental

    buddhism
    Link Parent
    Thanks, sending good vibes your way too :)

    Thanks, sending good vibes your way too :)

    1 vote

  9. Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (November 2023) in ~health.mental

    buddhism
    Link Parent
    I don't have much at my disposal, mostly its just been trying to find hope or reaching out to people online but as of late i have completely given up

    I don't have much at my disposal, mostly its just been trying to find hope or reaching out to people online but as of late i have completely given up

    1 vote

  10. Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (November 2023) in ~health.mental

    buddhism
    Link Parent
    Eh i might, textings still bad for me because i still have just as bad social anxiety and adhd makes it hard to type but it might help, though i kinda doubt it. I can't pinpoint exactly why but it...

    Eh i might, textings still bad for me because i still have just as bad social anxiety and adhd makes it hard to type but it might help, though i kinda doubt it. I can't pinpoint exactly why but it feels different and not as genuine when talking to hotline operators rather than people online. And they can't really change my situation and im not sure that they could make me more hopeful or anything since ive spent uncountable hours over the course of months even with help from other people trying to do that and it barely worked.

    2 votes

  11. Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (November 2023) in ~health.mental

    buddhism
    Link Parent
    Yeah i think i might call at some point, but tbh since i am really socially anxious and struggle with language from ptsd and psychosis i feel like it might be more stressfull. It feels a lot more...

    Yeah i think i might call at some point, but tbh since i am really socially anxious and struggle with language from ptsd and psychosis i feel like it might be more stressfull. It feels a lot more helpful to talk to online strangers or (if i had any) to talk to loved ones

    2 votes

  12. Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (November 2023) in ~health.mental

    buddhism
    Link Parent
    Cool to see that someone cares that im still alive, it means a lot :'). But since i don't have anyone to talk to in my personal life about this my only other option is the hotline which due to a...

    Cool to see that someone cares that im still alive, it means a lot :').
    But since i don't have anyone to talk to in my personal life about this my only other option is the hotline which due to a large number of factors doesn't seem appealing. And i really hope that it could get better and i really want to believe that but I have determined that unless i am extraordinarily lucky i wont see much love or affection in my life, which i daydream and long for constantly, and i don't want to be on any of the known for most my conditions (namely anti psychotics and benzodiapenes) because they dont seem to improve too much and have a lot of negative side effects.
    I know that you have very good intentions, but i think i will chose to die at some point when i can. I hope you will have a wonderful live though

    2 votes

  13. Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (November 2023) in ~health.mental

    buddhism
    Link Parent
    I am still alive (as you can guess by me commenting this), and i haven't attempted since then but mostly because i don't have anything at my disposal to do that with that would be any more...

    I am still alive (as you can guess by me commenting this), and i haven't attempted since then but mostly because i don't have anything at my disposal to do that with that would be any more successful and i keep on procrastinating trying to get better methods.

    But yeah this world currently feels inhospitable for many. I can't handle education or employment. And i feel like most people don't understand and a lot of people are hateful, ignorant and abusive. But its so hard to find other people who aren't this way. I daydream alot about having a soulmate or close friend but often just end up feeling sad because i don't have any expectation that that will ever happen.

    I think Elliott Smith and Van Gogh among others are some of those people i relate to and like the most. Just the way they experienced and portrayed abuse, not belonging, psychosis, etc, as well as hope and joy during certain periods. And they're some of my favorite artists too.

    3 votes

  14. Comment on <deleted topic> in ~life

    buddhism
    Link
    I think spain has 2 interesting options: Marinaleda, a village in spain, is heavily leftist influenced to the point of having no police and often being described as socialist or communist, and...

    I think spain has 2 interesting options:

    • Marinaleda, a village in spain, is heavily leftist influenced to the point of having no police and often being described as socialist or communist, and from what i can tell operates on the Marxian phrase "From each according to his ability, to each according to his needs".

    • The multiple apartements being squatted in Barcelona, where it costs 12 cents per month to live because electricity, water, etc are stolen. Not exactly "free" but it kinda resembles that

    6 votes

  15. Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (November 2023) in ~health.mental

    buddhism
    Link Parent
    I have never watched Bojack horseman, but that poem is really good. Might watch that episode if i ever get the chance. Though I don't think that regret is felt during every suicide attempt, as i...

    I have never watched Bojack horseman, but that poem is really good. Might watch that episode if i ever get the chance. Though I don't think that regret is felt during every suicide attempt, as i have attempted I think 3 or 4 times in the past few weeks and didn't feel regret that i was trying to die, moreso that i did so with a bad method and at a time i didn't prefer.

    4 votes

  16. Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (November 2023) in ~health.mental

    buddhism
    Link
    I Have bipolar I with mixed and psychotic features and have been going through a mixed manic episode for i think almost 2 months. Psychosis has not been happening as much lately but the depressive...

    I Have bipolar I with mixed and psychotic features and have been going through a mixed manic episode for i think almost 2 months. Psychosis has not been happening as much lately but the depressive symptoms are getting worse. Shit in my life keeps getting worse in general though, and i've been thinking about life being worse especially with emotional abuse and loneliness and i lean torward believing that i just dont belong on this planet. I feel like for my whole life i've just been an alien or something trying to fit in. I am just really bad socially in general, incredibly anxious and paranoid around other people, isolated, and have to use a different personality when im interacting with other people. And it seems that the people i do end up knowing don't seem to genuinely care about me or at worst will betray my trust and hurt me. Humanity just feels seperate to me, and I have been this way for as long as i remember, and my general condition is a lot worse now and is continuing to get worse and cannot be cured so i don't see much of a reason to keep living. There are a few people who have existed who i deeply relate to and feel understood this but of course they're all dead now.

    I don't think i will die yet as im programming some stuff but i am definitely sure that i am not going to live long. I wish it didn't have to be like this. I think i take comfort with the projects i am working on because i know that i will have mattered and will have some legacy. But other than that i won't matter. That will have been one of the only testaments to my life and me having existed to the world.

    6 votes

  17. Comment on How do you get through a moment? in ~health.mental

    buddhism
    Link Parent
    Lol yeah i don't take offense or anything, I am going to see a psychiatrist at some point in the following weeks i believe. Also i have heard of Thich nhat hahn, i haven't read any of his books...

    Lol yeah i don't take offense or anything, I am going to see a psychiatrist at some point in the following weeks i believe.
    Also i have heard of Thich nhat hahn, i haven't read any of his books but i might check them out at some point

    2 votes

  18. How do you get through a moment?

    ~health.mental Ask (advice)
    I hear people saying to suicidal people that its easier to get through life if you just try to get through the next moment, but tbh for me its at a point where depending on my mood i can't get...

    I hear people saying to suicidal people that its easier to get through life if you just try to get through the next moment, but tbh for me its at a point where depending on my mood i can't get through one moment, and i have used drugs much more frequently and made 3 attempts in the past week as a result (though they were all when cptsd and psychosis was bad so i wasn't thinking at all rationally, and i didn't completely expect them to work).
    For me "getting through the moment" is just continuing to exist, or just trying to distract myself/take drugs.

    So does anyone know of any ways to keep going without drugs if things are really severe?

    12 votes

  19. Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (October 2023) in ~health.mental

    buddhism
    Link Parent
    Mate i liked your comment and it has helped me a lot.. i just didn't have anything to contribute. Idk i would advise not caring too deeply about random online interactions, especially for too...

    Mate i liked your comment and it has helped me a lot.. i just didn't have anything to contribute. Idk i would advise not caring too deeply about random online interactions, especially for too long.
    But yeah, i've decided to try not to die because im delusional and compulsive at this moment and i don't have the means anyway, but im hanging on by a thread.

    2 votes

  20. Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (October 2023) in ~health.mental

    buddhism
    Link Parent
    Yeah, i was actually busy doing stuff like that when you made this reply. While i was doing that i was hallucinating that a murderer was behind the shower curtain and hurt my back trying to get...

    Yeah, i was actually busy doing stuff like that when you made this reply. While i was doing that i was hallucinating that a murderer was behind the shower curtain and hurt my back trying to get away, but now i much better than before.