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Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (October 2023)
This is a monthly thread for those who need it. Vent, share your experiences, ask for advice, talk about how you are doing. Let's make this a compassionate space for all who may need one.
I've not really been able to leave my house much because I'm currently dealing with pain.
My friends came over to play table top games. We used to do it weekly but I had to stop because of health issues. It went on for a lot longer than anyone thought it would, so they came to me instead.
I felt so much better afterwards. The pain lessened or was easier to deal with at least.
It's interesting how much an improvement to mental health can help. Now I'm thinking of doing more creative projects. Maybe that would help.
But honestly I'm usually in pain so I'm not sure how much I can do.
We're restarting tabletop games though, but they're coming to my place instead of me going to theirs. I feel very lucky that they're willing to travel for me.
For me creative projects are pretty much the only way I can get out of pain, not necessarily that it cures it but it always gets my mind off of it. Being with friends and family helps too but sometimes I feel like shit and I just want to not talk to anyone and I find art my only escape.
It's not only that it gets my mind off of it, but you feel a certain feeling of achievement after you look back at anything.
Today I threw a bunch of colours on a small square canvas, using pastel and acrylic, and ended up with a fully abstract "throw up", and then I thought to myself "it's crazy how I can just mix all these colours that I like on this square and then end up feeling so accomplished". It's like my cheat code to dopamine.
I really like doing that too. You just move them around and play with pretty colours as there's no right or wrong.
Unfortunately, we often underestimate the effects of mental well-being can be used for physical improvement. I'm glad to hear you've found it beneficial to you and I hope you can find a better way to deal with it. :)
Thank you! I think I also tend to underestimate what can be considered taking care of your mental health. I usually think of meditation, breathing exercises, physical exercises and so on.
But just playing games with friends can be a big boost too.
It sounds like you have chronic pain?
I 'only' have psychological pain but yes, creative projects have been a savior multiple times. I highly recommend creating things with your hands. For me, cross stitching can be really zen - both the work and movements itself, since it's repetitive and becomes more or less automatic after a while, but also because you're truly creating something, you're able to see progress, to feel the satisfaction and pride in completing a project!
Yeah. Only for the past few months so far. Hopefully it doesn't take too long to get resolved! I'm constantly alternating between standing, moving, and lying down because sitting hurts the most.
Oh yes. I've not painted in a while, so I've been thinking of busting out the paints again and see how that would work out. But that means setting up my table and easel that's a literal pain to do. Haha.
Oh yes! Definitely. I bought Baldur's Gate 3 because I thought that would help as a distraction, and it really didn't. There's too much downtime with running around and exploring a big map so you're not constantly distracted from the pain.
That's why I think tabletop games with friends help. Because you're either thinking of the game or talking to your friends so you're constantly distracted from pain. Although not all the time, it's still there, but you can put up with it somehow.
Reading these posts about pain is…painful. I am fine and have no real complaints, but my spouse has been dealing with chronic pain for a few years. It is just heartbreaking. There is nothing I can do. He is so incapacitated. So much of his self is just not available. I miss him so much. I’m just lonely and I hate how he is hurting.
Struggling with a few big things at the moment, but on the other hand doing better with some smaller things.
TW: SH
I posted about the complications from my second jaw surgery a couple of months ago, and how it landed me in the psych ward not hours after waking up from the anesthesia on account of cutting in front of the nurses - not my proudest moment. Things were looking up though, as the surgeon said everything looked good at my two week checkup. That was at the end of July though, and now it looks like my jaw is yet again refusing to heal (I have an actual fucking hole going from my gum directly to the jawbone) so I'm really nervous if I need a third round of surgery. I have an appointment on Friday at least - I can only hope it's possible to fix it easily but I am not holding my breath...
Also struggling a bit with my therapist who is starting to annoy me sometimes. Like me saying I have problems with mood swings, and then the first thing she says is that I should get on some meds, which I have previously said I'm apprehensive about, and she just kept pushing it which almost made me cry. However I might get into a DBT (dialectical behavior therapy) group at the psych facility though. Never done group therapy before so it's a little frightening, but DBT is apparently the absolute best method for dealing with BPD so I'm trying to look forward to it.
CW: SH
I once again hit the one month mark being clean from cutting, it gets easier and easier to refrain as time goes on although I don't think I'm over it for good. I do not subscribe to this idea that someone is an addict for life (usually said about alcohol and drugs) but I do still get the urge - every time I cook, it's like clockwork that I think about doing it, even if my day is going okay. Maybe it's conditioning that a sharp object = self harm in my mind. Anyway I feel like it's only a matter of time until a big enough crisis happens, which triggers a relapse, and then I reset the counter... But it has been over a month now, and there have been some pretty serious moments where I managed to not do it. Even one where I was holding the knife millimeters from my skin but I managed to pull back! Getting to this point has literally never happened before, I would always do it when I got that close so that was a really big win for me.A couple more good things: seem to be getting better skin at long last - have been getting breakouts for something like half or a full year but a salve and leaving things alone seems to be finally doing the trick. Another thing is laser really reducing my dysphoria a lot, as well as being able to go out and do shopping which I really need as I'm short on a lot of stuff, even basics. I'm also becoming really good friends with someone which is really nice to have a close connection again. Online friends just isn't the same.
I have also slowly started to feel more ready to restart my life - I have been unemployed on welfare for two years now. I think all the feelings of emptiness, aimlessness, loneliness... have eaten away at me for long enough. I don't know what I'm even capable of, but I do really long for a normal day-to-day that isn't social isolation.
My posts in these threads always become super long, sorry about that but thank you for reading!
I've been fighting a large resurgence of panic attacks, which have slowly become worse as the pandemic wore on. We work from home now which is all sorts of fantastic, but a side effect is I lost my main coping mechanism, immersion therapy in social situations around people.
I let it ruin my teens and early 20s, and I won't fall for the 'tough it out alone' strat I took back then. I'm a few weeks into an SSRI and it has its drawbacks but overall my anxiety and panic attacks have been greatly lessened by it, and I hope after a few months they'll fade away again!
Congrats for being on the way to recovery! I hope soon your panic attacks will just be a thing of the past.
Just a suggestion if you don't mind, since you haven't talked about it. Do not forget to go to therapy. While medication helps, it's no good on its own. I had a friend that had a similar situation: panic attacks in late teens/early twenties, got lost in a mental health system that is more worried about giving medication than therapy, started getting better but then got much worse, and now in his 30s he is on several antidepressants and can't even leave the house to be a functioning human being.
I have no doubt you are strong enough to make it, but please don't understimate how hard it can be at times, and the negative effects that long term medication use cause in your brain. Antidepressants are mostly (if not only) useful when coupled with therapy!
Thank you for the kind words. Getting therapy is hard and expensive where I am, and my prior attempts (several) with it have all left me frustrated and unfulfilled. I've turned to my own home brew form of therapy, which works for me personally
I primarily talk things through with my amazing wife, which mostly fills that gap as she has incredible insight and compassion, and our brains are already joined at the hip anyway, were often thinking the same thing at the same time.
I've also made myself a little support group of people in similar situations where we can freely talk about how we're doing whenever we want.
I don't shy away from talking about it in public either, partly for my own benefit, and partly to help normalize talking about mental health, hence speaking up here :)
I can relate! I had a similar strategy in my early 20s and didn't get help till my late 20s. When I did finally get medication and therapy, I kind of wish I had done it earlier.
SSRI's can be scary, but I'm glad it's helping!
Thank you!
I'm just glad they're helping, and that I am marginally less stubborn and/or smarter than teenage, twenties me :)
I changed careers and sold my car awhile ago and I now work three days a week. I got rid of my tv and my computer and I now read a real book or go for a walk without my phone. I do breath meditation for at least two hours a day, and I can feel all the craziness and anxiety just bubble up and dissolve.
I’m actually peaceful and happy for the first time in decades. There was a bit of a desert to cross at first, I craved cheap dopamine based entertainment for a day or two, but then it was gone and I don’t want to go back to that life of distraction and sadness. All the news and Netflix binge watching etc just made me miserable.
I don't even have much energy to narrate this all over again. My mother-in-law was hospitalized for months and died. Two days later, my pregnant wife was hospitalized with pre-eclampsia. A full week at the hospital under dramatic circumstances. My kid was born perfect, I love him so much. But, being a newborn, he cries a lot and sucks my partner's tits until she crashes and falls asleep. I swear to God, that kid is never off the titties.
50 days of sleep deprivation and compounded trauma are taking their toll. If I lose sleep (which is completely unavoidable), I get depressed, paranoid, and sometimes suicidal. I won't do it, I never will. But it's like a record in my head and I want it to stop. The solution is to up the dosage of my antipsychotic, but if I do that I'll sleep 12 continuous hours every day and my partner will feel alone and depressed herself. And I can't take antidepressants because then I'll get manic.
Oh, and my best friend (who is not a parent, and is, essentially my only source of male support) seems unable to talk about my kid without judging me, implying I'm a terrible father, and gaslighting me when I react. Because somehow his ability to google stuff made him the world's authority in newborns.
I don't know what to do. I'm fucked.
Kid's cute, though :P
Hello!
If your wife is a new mom who just lost her mom, regardless of their prior relationship, it will be important to look out for post-partum in these coming weeks. Please take good care of yourself and of her.
The sleep deprivation stage is brutal, but it passes. Honestly, at this point in your parenthood (and really every point thereafter) you should be much more aggressive about shutting off sources of stress (your friend’s behavior is a stressor). It’s normal and expected to fall off the face of the earth when you’re a new parent. You can call your friend back when the baby sleeps through the nights in a few weeks/months.
Your child is alive and well, you and your partner are recovering… you have zero time to devote to other priorities. Parenting is hard like a marathon, not like calculus, it’s constant and crazy demanding but fairly simple to figure out. All your parenting life, your objective is loving your child and keeping them alive and mostly healthy. Don’t sweat the details too much. He eats, sleeps and poops. That’s all babies do for a long while. It’s important not to forget about yourself and your partner, but it’s ok if things take a backseat for a bit.
You are going to be awesome, and your kid will grow out of their larval stage and the challenges will change with time (little kid, little problems, bigger kid, bigger problems) but your box of tools to handle it will grow and you’ll figure stuff out together with the person you love.
There are normally some form of community outreach for new parents. You could look into that if things don’t get easier with time. Support groups, home visits from a mommy helper, parent hour at a community center, etc.
You already know what to do. You are probably a bit fucked for a while, I’m so sorry it sucks. Your circumstances are worse than that of many other parents… but it gets better, it truly does.
I’ll be wishing you guys a full uninterrupted night of sleep ASAP. Good luck and much love,
Thanks for the great advice.
Quick update: I went with my friend to buy a baby stroller (since I don't have a car). On the way there, after I mentioned that we had to give my son baby formula (under doctor's orders and not exclusively), my friend told me I shouldn't be lazy and settle for the formula. I 100% support my wife's choice to breastfeed -- I support her 100% in everything. He actually used the word "lazy" for someone who didn't have a full night's sleep in more than 50 days!
That's it. I am cutting him off. We still have a project together and I'm not sure what to do about it. But I told him I was pausing everything and we would talk next week.
Even before today, the mere thought of meeting him gave me anxiety. I had to prepare myself mentally.
Because I have mental health issues, I thought the issue resided in me. Now I see that is not the case. He is seemingly unable to talk about my kid without demeaning me. My friend is a bully.
He can kiss being my son's Godfather goodbye.
I don't need this right now.
Hello again,
I don’t want this to sound condescending so please take it like it’s meant: I am so proud of you. It takes courage to revise our long-standing friendships and you were aware enough to realize all the boundary-stomping that happened there with minimal prompting while running on fumes with a newborn. I am duly impressed, for real. What wonderful news. Fed is best!
Have a great one today,
Much love
You need a better system of teamwork between you and your partner! Your mental health is part of the equation, period. And if the medications you're on to manage that affect your ability to sleep, that matters too.
I have three kids, and major mental health issues, so I feel like I'm not talking out of my ass. The medications I'm on make it all but impossible for me to nap. My only chance of sleep is at night.
So my wife does the nights. I make it up in the day, don't get me wrong - especially with a newborn, I'm busting my ass probably 14-16hrs a day when I'm awake. I do most of the shopping, all of the cooking, etc. And when there is a good opportunity, or occasion, to give my wife a night of true sleep, I'll take the infant that night and suck it up the next. Otherwise, I do make sure she has a solid (like, 3+ hour chunk, usually more like 4) of uninterrupted sleep time when I get up for the day. On top of the half sleep she gets during the night, it suffices most of the time.
I also don't sleep in the same bed as my wife, I sleep on an inflatable out in our second living room about 95% of the time. It's just impractical to sleep together when you've got an infant, if you actually take a second to think about it. The reason couples couples enjoy sleeping together (wink wink) are basically off the table, for the first 6 months or so (in my experience). And it's just flat out a more efficient family engine if at least one adult is getting real sleep.
Basically - every couple has their own dynamic, just make sure you're not doing things just because they seem 'normal' or what you think people expect. Really talk with your partner, and look for the ways to improve family time efficiency.
Finally - take care of yourself too, man. It was a really hard lesson for me to learn, personally, but given enough time you'll figure out that if you always put yourself last - it will break you. Cleaning up the mess after you fall apart is way more effort than putting yourself first, once in a while.
Do you keep a journal? You might be able to apply CBT some off those thoughts, just to keep them in check. Anything negative, write a positive, challenge it.
I get your record. You can try mindfulness and CBT, but you might just want to seek out more people to talk with, in person. Not saying your friend is bad, but I find different perspectives really help balance out that spin, when life feels like a reel. It's also kind of easy to poopoo on someone with a kid, looking in, so it sounds like he's got a new hobby: bugging you. If nothing else, be assertive and ask him to stop because it adds to your stress, if he's open to that. Take care.
Well it was "Are you ok?" day the other week here. I was ok then despite the stressers in life starting to roll in around the same time. Lucky im generally a happy go lucky person (i did eventually start to tell mum today actually how stressful life has started to become for me lately)... hopefully i can keep positive over the next few weeks and months...
Not doing great. I'm having a hard time with my ADLs right now. I'm depressed and exhausted. Not quite caregiver burnout but caregiver stress and trauma for sure. I just don't have the energy to take care of myself right now.
I'm going to therapy and physical therapy and taking care of my partner and the cats and... that's pretty much it.
Mostly OK. Still no career direction though. I recently had an asynchronous video interview with CERN, and I'm pretty sure I busted it. Tbh the chances of getting a job there was only 1%, so while I'm not too disappointed it's still a bit annoying to have my own nerves crush the chance.
Its like I'm kind of floating in live which is sorta stable for now. But that's also scary, because I want to move on and actually start a career and build a life I want. And not just going with the flow like I do right now.
Another term would be "creative colic"—but the life-threatening colic of a horse instead of the fussy baby for an hour colic. Projects that lost momentum but clog your pipeline. I may expand this into a full thread if others find it resonates with them and comment. I filed to complete a writing project I wanted in September and it's now in that awful lurking zone.
In a manic state and bipolar-induced psychosis is bad since yesterday. I haven't had non minor hallucinations in a few hours but the negative symptoms (anhedonia, lack of speech/somewhat incomprehensibility of speech, being unable to concentrate, etc) are bad right now. My step-brother who is one of the only people in my family i genuinely love and whom didn't abuse me unlike other members of my family has something really bad going on with his throat and went to the hospital multiple times, could be throat cancer but we don't know yet. I am unable to see him a lot but he is one of the only good people in my life so it sucks.
Yesterday i started crying a lot and cut myself because i was thinking about how i have never experienced genuinely being loved and cared for by someone and will never experience that.
Been doing just pretty much nothing for the past few days and barely eating not because i dont want to but there is barely anything to eat.
I asked on a message board for opiate users for recommendations on overdosing on opiates and the comments were just telling me to not commit suicide, didn't get any helpful answers.
Everyday i get less hope that it will get better, because everything just gets worse. Life seems bleak and i feel horrible, i want to make this end.
You replied to most of the comments in the mental health thread you personally created about a week ago... but never to mine. And mine became the highest voted, because I was exactly what you requested - someone with periods of despondent mental outlook in the past, who had (mostly) gotten over it.
And to be frank, I don't even care about the lack of response. I didn't do it for me. I did it for you. I don't know you, ultimately you mean nothing to me past that of what any human means. But that was enough. You matter. So that was enough for me to put in the emotional effort to actively reprocess and codify my mental health issues and learnings.
For that effort to be wasted utterly is a bit disappointing though. You're clearly still buried in your poor mental health, but you haven't yet acknowledged that your current conclusions about the world (and your place in it) are absurdly skewed by said poor mental health.
For me, that was an incredibly important realization, when I first came to it. There will always be a part of you - even if it's only a tiny sliver - that is capable of reasoning outside of emotion. And if your reason is actively informing you that your emotional state is unduly compromised, it's just plain stupid to put any credence into those feelings.
Sincerely, don't worry about responding, this is genuinely from a place of trying to help. Get a psychiatrist, get a therapist, and give it 6 months. Until then, your hopelessness is invalid.
PS) I had a bit more here that'd fall into the tough love category of advice, which after some thought I've chosen to censor to keep the conversation as positive as I could manage. But I'm happy to say those things if you think you could handle hearing them.
Mate i liked your comment and it has helped me a lot.. i just didn't have anything to contribute. Idk i would advise not caring too deeply about random online interactions, especially for too long.
But yeah, i've decided to try not to die because im delusional and compulsive at this moment and i don't have the means anyway, but im hanging on by a thread.
Truly, I'm glad to hear it was helpful at least. I'm going to send you a DM to offer a more personal mental health support buddy if you need it.
I'm just so sorry, going through so much in your life and one of the few people you deeply trust and care about is going through this... I can't even imagine how you must feel in this situation, apart from a despair I can only wish to never experience myself.
That's quite the combination... :\ Is there any symptom you particularly want to talk or even just rant about?
Ay thanks for listening :).
Being psychotic and simultaneously manic just feels awful, i am experiencing every emotion but genuine happiness, it feels so overwhelming i just want to hug someone but no ones there. Anhedonia is making everything boring, while i experience pain from ocd, ptsd, loneliness, gender dysphoria and migraines. Idk how im going to sleep tonight, so tommorow probably wont be better. The urge to die is intense, this is too much and time feels incredibly slow because of psychosis.
I wish I could hug you there, that sounds like an intense experience with no real relief. Like a perfect storm of darkness and misery.
Having so much pain while experiencing time that slowly sounds like a torturous experience to me. Life itself is already incredibly difficult alone, let alone when combined with the things you're going through right now.
I assume it's easier said than done, but I still want to ask - is there any chance you can self-soothe to some extend? Wrapping yourself up in a blanket, maybe with some tea, or something similar?
Yeah, i was actually busy doing stuff like that when you made this reply. While i was doing that i was hallucinating that a murderer was behind the shower curtain and hurt my back trying to get away, but now i much better than before.
I'm glad you're feeling much better now. When mental health issues are that overwhelmingly intense it can be extremely difficult to find the strength to reach out, or take care of yourself. Considering you've managed to do both today, I'd say you can be proud of yourself to fight back that persistently. And I mean that. :)
21, "homeschooled" and barely educated. Place I've worked at the most is McDonald's and after being jobless for months I'm about to go back. Despite starting antidepressants I'm at my lowest right now I'd say. I have no drive, goals or anything. I didn't even try college cause I knew I'd fail. The one thing I want in life is a relationship but I know it's not gonna happen unless I change. And that's what I've tried to do since 14 when my depression started. All I do is use my PC day in day out as a distraction but ig my GPU died so can't do that. I'm in one of my feeling unlovable moods sorry
Still severely depressed along with suicidal ideation. Getting through the day is draining and emotional. Financially things are getting worse too since I've been misled with a recent purchase. Coupled with a few bills I can't pay atm I'm slowly thinking the end is actually very near.
I'm losing my mind a little bit. My dad starts chemo therapy in a few weeks, he's "fine" as far as having cancer goes, but we're still on edge of course. To get his mind off of things, we went on a short trip and I apparently brought home bed bugs with me, because my arm is completely bitten to shit now and it definitely looks like bug bites, even though I can't find any other signs. So now I have to deal with this shit. Money is tight as it is because I had to cut back hours at work because my dad needs a driver oftentimes. I'm still in therapy for all my other problems like anxiety and depressive phases, still nowhere near to actually lose weight I gained due to an eating disorder. It's just really overwhelming sometimes.
I really, really hope my dad get's through this okay and all the other shit starts to diminish too over time.
It's my birthday in a couple days and I'm hanging out alone, unsure if I'll talk to anyone between now and then and yet I'm still having the best year of my life measured by median daily happiness.
People suck, I'd love to have a close like-minded friend but I'm content with cutting out the people who're vile toxic and damaging instead.