Raspcoffee's recent activity
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Comment on 2026 United States midterm elections megathread in ~society
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Comment on Weekly US politics news and updates thread - week of November 2 in ~society
Raspcoffee LinkJust wanted to wish all Americans here best of luck tomorrow, even as I've been absent the past few months. Regardless of outcomes, the chance is high things will get ugly afterwards.Just wanted to wish all Americans here best of luck tomorrow, even as I've been absent the past few months.
Regardless of outcomes, the chance is high things will get ugly afterwards.
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Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (November 2026) in ~health.mental
Raspcoffee LinkI haven't been around lately, but I've been wanting to tell people here about my journey of getting off my SSRI. Partially because it involves the radical self-love I gained over a bit more than a...I haven't been around lately, but I've been wanting to tell people here about my journey of getting off my SSRI. Partially because it involves the radical self-love I gained over a bit more than a year ago, since people were very interested in that. But also because the experiences have been so wild that at the very least, I want it somewhere out here too. Just to increase the chance that someone else will read it and perhaps, in the future, know that they aren't alone with this.
That said, for anyone considering going off medication, I want to say that this experience is not typical in the slightest especially when it's a relatively low dosis on a relatively light anti-depressant. In fact, at times I have to remember myself that yes, this all really happened. (Added later: Though, I will say, it feels very surreal to write this all down again, months later. And if someone here doesn't believe this I don't blame them in the slightest because it is wild.)
For some time I suspected I lived in a bit of an emotional groundhog day, with my SSRI blocking the radical self love from truly settling in. There was a chance that living with parents was the actual cause, but I figured I would try it anyway. Now, I used liquid droplets to slowly go off. Even with my relative low dosis of 7.5 mg per day, that seemed like a wise move, given my psychiatrist that started my treatment years ago told me that, since going on a SSRI had quick and strong changes, the reverse would likely also be true if I would get off my SSRI.
I really owe her on that explanation. Because if I paced more I think I would've suffered from a psychosis. Let's start.
When I started from 7.5 to 7. Not much changed.
From 7 to 6 mg, I began to feel my feelings more. I became less numb, and this was especially the case with positive emotions which was really nice.
From 6 to 5 mg things became more rough. I really started to feel a lot of bottled-up emotions my SSRI an man did I talk a lot about my feelings to my friends. (I really owe my friends a LOT here). I also had to isolate myself for a lot of people though. Mood swings became a thing and while it didn't involve anger there certainly was the potential of that.
In the week of 5 to 4 mg, the real hard work began. This is also where my experiences become not so typical. I began to experience what I can only describe as 'rewriting flashbacks'. In a sense, my brain decided, on it's own, to sort of rescript in a way that sometimes happens in EMDR. I experienced my memories again but essentially inserted myself and did something different.
For example, I threw chairs at my bullies in my school during these rewriting flashbacks. Now, I'm glad I didn't do that back then as it likely would've injured someone who didn't deserved it. But boy, if it wasn't liberating to experience that. It was hard work trying to appear functional during these rewriting flashbacks tbh, if possible, if someone ends up reading this and experiencing it themselves, I would recommend staying at home sick. The times I were alone and could just roll over the floor crying were necessary to an extend.
In the week of 4 to 3 mg, I began to have what's something close to 'lucid daydreaming' with lack of better term. It was like I was calming my inner child. This also involved taking my inner child out of my room, while feeling safe. As my childhood room was often the one place I could be sure of to not be overwhelmed. Additionally, I also had rewriting flashbacks again though this time involving when I was very young (3 or 4) when I was essentially scolded for being overwhelmed.
After the rewriting flashback, I felt taller, more in touch with my senses, and more like an adult. Turns out, ever since that day, for (nearly?) three decades, I've been lightly dissociating as a part of me was truly stuck in the past back then. I think that this is also when I experienced something akin to reliving my entire life in fast-forward. Though I'm not sure when that happened, it may have been earlier or as late as the final week. That was exhausting.
(I pretty much journaled as well and talked to my friends a lot. I would recommend keeping track of your experiences if you go through something like this because, at least to me, I experienced time differently. It's difficult to describe it in words, though it's like I both lived my normal life, had fragments of my past rescripted/resolved properly, and put my internal timeline in order)
When I went from 3 to 2 mg, thankfully, I had some rest. I just felt some feelings about mourning what my life could have been and pain of having been backstabbed often in my life. If it wasn't for that week I would've had to stay on one dosis for a week or two longer, in order to rest. Living multiple realities at the same time is not for the weak.
With 2 to 1 mg, it was similar to the 5 to 4 mg week in that I had some rewriting flashbacks, though less often and more intense. I felt a lot of anger towards how I was treated in the past. Thankfully I managed to keep that all under control though. If you can't and have this experience, well, I can't give medical advice though I would personally take more time with lowering my dose. Same with handling rewriting flashbacks and lucid daydreams. They were, at least for me, very, very tiring and stressful.
Then finally, from 1 to 0 mg, I don't know how to really describe what I experienced. I can only describe what I felt. Essentially, I felt like I lived two emotional experiences at the same time, one very negative and one very positive. There was also one very strange sensation where I lived two parallel realities. One normal, but also one where I sort of experienced a white space with lightning shocks. There was also one moment where I seemed to have more control over my focus. Only that last one I can kind of make sense of if it's undoing the damage PTSD can do to your attention span though even with that one, I'm not sure.
The last week was really hard and I suspect I was close to psychosis. I'm not sure what it exactly was that happened back then.
Then finally, after being completely off my SSRI I finally felt lighter. Through these weeks soooo many chains I didn't even know existed were released from me. I feel more like an adult, more in touch with emotions, the bullying feels much more like 'mweh that happened'. And I also feel much more confident and like an equal human being.
Some of these already happened a year ago when self-love entered my brain. But it seems to me like my SSRI sort of dampened that process.
And I have to say, I'm glad it did so. Because what happened in the summer of 2025 was already crazy, as was this. And I don't think I could've handled both at the same time. It feels crazy writing this all down, but well, it was. I don't even know how seriously I'll be taken here, again I don't blame anyone for not believing this. I still struggle to believe it myself at times.
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Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (November 2026) in ~health.mental
Raspcoffee Link ParentIt's very different, but that reminds me of when I was diagnosed with ADHD. Things begin to make sooo much more sense and you can actually work around it all so much better. All the best! Just...It's very different, but that reminds me of when I was diagnosed with ADHD. Things begin to make sooo much more sense and you can actually work around it all so much better.
All the best! Just being diagnosed can make such a difference. And good luck with dating!!!
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Comment on In China, the AI bubble has already burst in ~finance
Raspcoffee Link ParentAnd in this case, since companies are adjusting their workflows to it, arguably vital. Even if you can automate a certain task with the newest, most impressive models, it's a question on whether...And in this case, since companies are adjusting their workflows to it, arguably vital. Even if you can automate a certain task with the newest, most impressive models, it's a question on whether they'll remain available at a reasonable price.
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Comment on PHP warns it plans to release two emergency patches imminently in ~comp
Raspcoffee Link ParentI can only speak for the Netherlands, but it took a few hours for it to hit the news, though it was still roughly 6 hours before the patch got released. It seemed more like people outside of tech,...I can only speak for the Netherlands, but it took a few hours for it to hit the news, though it was still roughly 6 hours before the patch got released. It seemed more like people outside of tech, understandably, didn't really get how big off a deal it was immediately.
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Comment on PHP warns it plans to release two emergency patches imminently in ~comp
Raspcoffee LinkI am so glad to not be working with PHP at all right now. It may still affect me, but this is the worst kind of news to wake up to. To anyone dealing with this, all the strength. Holy shit this is...I am so glad to not be working with PHP at all right now. It may still affect me, but this is the worst kind of news to wake up to.
To anyone dealing with this, all the strength. Holy shit this is catastrophic.
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Comment on LibreOffice breaks download records after declaring it has no AI features in ~tech
Raspcoffee LinkI downloaded it because of that. I'm just tired of it being shoved down my throat every time, all the time, everywhere. I just want to be left alone more.I downloaded it because of that. I'm just tired of it being shoved down my throat every time, all the time, everywhere.
I just want to be left alone more.
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Comment on We're so back in ~tildes
Raspcoffee Link ParentHaven't been around much recently, but still: I appreciate all the effort you put in. 🙏Haven't been around much recently, but still: I appreciate all the effort you put in. 🙏
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Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (June 2026) in ~health.mental
Raspcoffee LinkJust started with tampering of anti-depressants. It'll be a slow process and I'm already on a low dosis, but it's still a bit scary. I've been on them for nearly 8 years and they've saved my life....Just started with tampering of anti-depressants. It'll be a slow process and I'm already on a low dosis, but it's still a bit scary. I've been on them for nearly 8 years and they've saved my life.
ADHD medication has also not been working as well. Fortunately I'm sure this isn't due to tampering off anti-depressants, but it sucks nonetheless. I don't want to increase my dosis, change medication or whatever right now either because I want to be sure that what effects I feel are due to me tampering off anti-depressants and not something else.
Aside from that I'm slowly working towards the future again. Still being with my parents has put me in some kind of emotional groundhog day which isn't nice. And ideally I'd even move countries. Working on that isn't easy especially when my stimulants aren't working well, but I'm taking it one step at a time.
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Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (May 2026) in ~health.mental
Raspcoffee LinkI'll probably need to change my medication. ADHD medication hasn't been really working well lately, and I probably need to up my dosis. On the other hand, with my anti-depressants, I wonder if...I'll probably need to change my medication. ADHD medication hasn't been really working well lately, and I probably need to up my dosis. On the other hand, with my anti-depressants, I wonder if some side effects have gone to strong.
But it's a bit scary to change things. It has been years since I've been on my current dosage on both. So I'm in the process of gathering up courage...
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Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (May 2026) in ~health.mental
Raspcoffee Link ParentIf anything from the sound of it you're handling it really well. Quite often people, autistic or not, need to find the answers themselves. The process of finding the answers is often as important...This was a bit of a vent, but I'm willing to take some advice if anyone has any about being autistic or having an autistic partner.
If anything from the sound of it you're handling it really well. Quite often people, autistic or not, need to find the answers themselves. The process of finding the answers is often as important as the answer itself.
As for some actual advice...
A lot of, and woman on the spectrum in particular, are taught to mask. No doubt you know about that. One of the possible consequences is that we're internally really out of sync with our needs and wants. It's pretty close to basically being gaslighted from a young age about what our needs and wants should be.
I think that guiding her to find the answers on her own is great, as is doing small acts of kindness. One other thing you can do is essentially show that when you need to decompress, that you communicate that and show that you can do that. Essentially, showing her that that is a valid need.
More often than not we've grown up never having seen that, or only having seen that with a lot of conditions(such as then immediately jumping back in overwhelming environments when that's too much in one go).
Hope this helps!
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Comment on Do you prefer chunky or smooth peanut butter? in ~food
Raspcoffee LinkUsually chunky. That said, if used as an ingredient in something, or in combination with other ingredients on a sandwich, smooth can be better!Usually chunky. That said, if used as an ingredient in something, or in combination with other ingredients on a sandwich, smooth can be better!
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Comment on What's a battle that nobody knows you're fighting? in ~talk
Raspcoffee Link ParentThank you, you're probably pretty close in some sense, and I've noticed that I probably have a pattern of self sabotaging on that front. :\ It's something I'm working on, though rather difficult....Thank you, you're probably pretty close in some sense, and I've noticed that I probably have a pattern of self sabotaging on that front. :\ It's something I'm working on, though rather difficult. Some people in my life have made a real art out of crushing some parts of me so sometimes I still notice I've lacked a few pieces during picking myself up.
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Comment on What's a battle that nobody knows you're fighting? in ~talk
Raspcoffee LinkFunny enough just yesterday I had a conversation with my father. Some things were more practical but my parents are also a bit frustrated with the communication side of things. And that makes...Funny enough just yesterday I had a conversation with my father. Some things were more practical but my parents are also a bit frustrated with the communication side of things.
And that makes sense - I don't want to tell them they've contributed to my trauma by accidentally loving me for who I am not. They're not bad people and don't deserve the guilt from learning that. And telling them wouldn't improve the situation either. As much as I'd like to be open about my feelings it would never provide the relief or sense of it being 'settled' in the way I'd want it to.
But it is painful.
There's also been a recent wave of feelings that I'll never find a partner. But I'm not in a position where I can express that feeling to those who actually understand me the most. Which creates a certain loneliness.
I just had therapy this Monday but perhaps I should plan another session before my feelings catch up with me.
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Comment on OpenAI CEO Sam Altman’s home targeted with molotov cocktail in ~tech
Raspcoffee Link ParentReally, I have to wonder whether he was always like that - or whether constantly talking with an overly agreeable language model makes someone self-centered in that way. Not joking about that...Really, I have to wonder whether he was always like that - or whether constantly talking with an overly agreeable language model makes someone self-centered in that way.
Not joking about that either, delusions are well known by now but that's just an extreme that might be easier to identify.
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Comment on Offbeat Fridays – The thread where offbeat headlines become front page news in ~news
Raspcoffee LinkHere is a cute one. A little boy in the Netherlands handed over a letter to the local police bureau to apology for calling the emergency service unnecessarily Rather than the article itself, I'll...Here is a cute one. A little boy in the Netherlands handed over a letter to the local police bureau to apology for calling the emergency service unnecessarily
Rather than the article itself, I'll translate/localize the letter the boy gave. Including obvious spelling mistakes:
Sori that I yester called 5x to 112. I will do that never again
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Comment on Weekly US politics news and updates thread - week of April 6 in ~society
Raspcoffee Link ParentI read your comment before reading the article and assumed I must've been misremembering something historically. While I thought I knew it all, referencing diplomacy from the actual middle ages as...I read your comment before reading the article and assumed I must've been misremembering something historically. While I thought I knew it all, referencing diplomacy from the actual middle ages as something you want to do if a religious institute doesn't do what you want is, in fact, bananas.
Not to mention that I now think my country should support Vatican and the catholic church, in the face of the USA, for moral reasons, after having grown up reading so much news about scandals involving sexual abuse.
No words, really. No words.
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Comment on Donald Trump posted on Truth Social this morning that "a whole civilization will die tonight, never to be brought back again" as his threatened attacks on Iranian infrastructure loom ahead of deadline in ~society
Raspcoffee Link ParentIt's been crazy how we've said such things here by now a few times huh? Hope you're coping well with the emotional whiplashes lately.It's been crazy how we've said such things here by now a few times huh? Hope you're coping well with the emotional whiplashes lately.
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Comment on Here’s what the world had to say about the AI economy in ~tech
Raspcoffee Link ParentConsidering how they're algorithms designed to give satisfying-sounding answers at its core, even if you have stuff like guardrails and guidelines etc, I don't think it's that strange if you're...Considering how they're algorithms designed to give satisfying-sounding answers at its core, even if you have stuff like guardrails and guidelines etc, I don't think it's that strange if you're not familiar with how they work.
In a sense producing a sense of trust is in their design, regardless or whether that's justified or not.
Waking up this morning with this news is really something else.
Aside from the US Senate Georgia is close to fully blue, a democratic governor got elected in Texas, and apparently there's a possibility that Mississippi might flip a senate seat?
Well done y'all across the Atlantic. Of course this doesn't mean it's going to be smooth sailing from here far from it, but it's very hopeful to see this happening.