8 votes

The 'great divide' in women's friendships

7 comments

  1. [3]
    michicachan999
    Link
    This was too real. I'm on the side of married but with no kids. My best friend is on the side of sleeping-around while having a young child. We get together maybe once every two months. Two days...

    This was too real.
    I'm on the side of married but with no kids. My best friend is on the side of sleeping-around while having a young child. We get together maybe once every two months. Two days ago she came over with her kid, and she fell asleep on the couch while I tried to entertain a 4 year old for several hours. She left shortly after waking up.

    I don't know what to make of this, but this is how our friendship is now.

    8 votes
    1. 39hp
      Link Parent
      FWIW, you sound like a good friend.

      FWIW, you sound like a good friend.

      3 votes
    2. Catt
      Link Parent
      That's so nice of you.

      That's so nice of you.

  2. Catt
    Link
    As someone who's terrible at inviting people out, especially now that a lot of them are parents, this is a quick and good reminder that friendships can change and need effort. And I really am...

    As someone who's terrible at inviting people out, especially now that a lot of them are parents, this is a quick and good reminder that friendships can change and need effort.

    And I really am terrible - I once haven't seen a friend for a while, missed her and called her out for lunch; she showed up immediately wondering if something was wrong...

    5 votes
  3. [2]
    39hp
    Link
    I listened to the author’s narration and it was nice to hear her reading it the way she wanted it read. I def feel the same things about my friends and friendships. I definitely feel like I don’t...

    I listened to the author’s narration and it was nice to hear her reading it the way she wanted it read.

    I def feel the same things about my friends and friendships. I definitely feel like I don’t appreciate them enough, especially as our individual lives get increasingly difficult to plan around. Every time we get back together it’s such an amazing feeling to be with them again.

    I feel like we all wish we could be better to our friends, and part of me thinks that’s what keeps people friends even over great distances of space and time.

    4 votes
    1. Catt
      Link Parent
      I know the feeling. It's so easy to let life get in the way. I'm pretty lucky, I have a friends that are a lot better at inviting me to things than I am.

      I know the feeling. It's so easy to let life get in the way. I'm pretty lucky, I have a friends that are a lot better at inviting me to things than I am.

      1 vote
  4. Elliottb
    Link
    It's more anecdotal than empirical, but my overview: There's a stark difference between women's social circles before & after ~25, the period where the members diverge in marriage and children....

    It's more anecdotal than empirical, but my overview: There's a stark difference between women's social circles before & after ~25, the period where the members diverge in marriage and children. The associated change in time constraints, priorities, and interests causes friction, increasingly rarity of meeting, and a sense of distance. The article ends with the author being able to call up and rely on an old friend, whom the author had not contacted in a decade, because "the love had never left". This encouraged the author to put in the work to maintain her friendships amidst difficulty.

    2 votes