In my opinion, this about the deceit rather than the sex. We insist on total faithfulness to the point where most wedding vows feature some variation on promising to never have sex with another...
The issue with affairs is the emotional destruction it will cause if found out. The heartbreak, the long term suspicion and distrust, the anger and sadness. A short term fling cannot justify the result if caught.
In my opinion, this about the deceit rather than the sex. We insist on total faithfulness to the point where most wedding vows feature some variation on promising to never have sex with another person for the rest of our lives. So, when someone trips up 20 years down the track, they have to lie and deceive their partner.
And it's rightly seen by that partner as a betrayal when it finally comes to light.
What if they didn't have to lie? What if we allowed people permission to have occasional sex outside of their relationships? As the article says, sex and love are different things. It's possible to love one person even while having sex with someone else. What if we accepted that, and permitted it? Would more marriages survive if extramarital sex was normalised and didn't have to involve deceit and betrayal?
Is monogamy possible for humanity or is that an artificial construxt of a more puritan time?
I've read about studies about the sexual and mating behaviour of our chimpanzee relatives, and DNA results of human children, and the general conclusion seems to be that humans are innately mildly polygamous. We like pair-bonding and mating for life, but about 1-5% of our children are born from adulterous relationships. We are monogam-ish, as they say.
Some people have moved forward towards open relationships. Wonder if there are any statistics on the happiness of these couples.
In my opinion, this about the deceit rather than the sex. We insist on total faithfulness to the point where most wedding vows feature some variation on promising to never have sex with another person for the rest of our lives. So, when someone trips up 20 years down the track, they have to lie and deceive their partner.
And it's rightly seen by that partner as a betrayal when it finally comes to light.
What if they didn't have to lie? What if we allowed people permission to have occasional sex outside of their relationships? As the article says, sex and love are different things. It's possible to love one person even while having sex with someone else. What if we accepted that, and permitted it? Would more marriages survive if extramarital sex was normalised and didn't have to involve deceit and betrayal?
I've read about studies about the sexual and mating behaviour of our chimpanzee relatives, and DNA results of human children, and the general conclusion seems to be that humans are innately mildly polygamous. We like pair-bonding and mating for life, but about 1-5% of our children are born from adulterous relationships. We are monogam-ish, as they say.