Back in 2020, a YouTube singer I follow named OR3O released an electro-swing concept album called Clover. It's about a girl named Kel who meets three ghosts who tell her their life stories to help...
Exemplary
Back in 2020, a YouTube singer I follow named OR3O released an electro-swing concept album called Clover. It's about a girl named Kel who meets three ghosts who tell her their life stories to help her overcome her struggles with confidence issues and grief over her grandfather's passing. There's an overarching theme of acceptance of the inevitable without letting it beat you down, and overcoming adversity when it presents itself rather than giving in.
Maybe it's because of my Vocaloid phase as a teen, but I've always liked music that tells stories. The music videos for Clover show a lot of it, but the songs themselves are the stories told by each ghost. The first one I actually heard was "100 Years", from the perspective of George and how his love never faded no matter how many years passed after saying goodbye to his lover, and I was instantly hooked. It made me think of my grandparents and their love, and I watched it on repeat to just soak in all the details of the video.
After that I waited each month in 2020 for each new song and video to release. I've mentioned before on here that I'm an immersive daydreamer, and I've played all the Clover songs countless times while playing my game. They just fit all sorts of moods, and each one is full of energy and life. It's made me realize I like electro-swing, though I'm still pretty dang picky on which songs I'll like since I like music to have some sort of energy or mood.
Thing is, a huge focal point of Clover is obviously grief. I personally haven't had many super close brushes with grief. I've lost three grandparents, but I feel like I've been able to recover pretty fast and well. At times, I honestly felt bad about how quickly I seemed to move on compared to my parents. It may have helped their deaths included a decline period, whether it be months or just weeks, so I was able to come to terms with their impending deaths in the lead up. So to me, this album was mostly a great story with fantastic music and awesome videos.
Well. My dad died suddenly on Wednesday afternoon. Heart attack while golfing. It's been rough and surreal. I still haven't seen him yet so I don't think it's fully sunk in yet.
So yesterday morning, I sat on the porch and played To You, the final song in Clover, and I cried like a baby. I have played that song plenty of times for semi-somber moods while daydreaming, but for the first time I'm realizing how true the lyrics are. They're hitting home right now, every single line is nailing everything I feel and the details of our relationship so perfectly. I've never had a song match my feelings THAT closely before.
And... It helps. It really, really helps, to have this song. I am so glad I knew this song existed, and that I thought to listen to it yesterday morning. I've been repeating "Sorry, miss you, thank you and I love you" to myself like a mantra for the past 24 hours. Sometimes just chanting it in my head. Sometimes a choked whisper as I look in the mirror. Sometimes singing it softly instead of a quiet whisper. Almost always unable to finish it out loud, choking up on the last words.
All day, it was stuck in my head. In the car. At the funeral home listening to my mom and the director talk about plans. At the cemetery making arrangements to buy plots for our graves. Getting home and talking to the newest round of family visitors. I kept looking up the lyrics to make sure I didn't mix up the order of "Miss you, thank you" because that mental chant was just so comforting, and I knew I couldn't play the song itself again without bawling.
I listened to it three times yesterday: once in the morning, once in the evening when putting the finishing touches on dad's obituary, and one last time to show mom so we could hug and cry again. And before I went to bed, I chanted that chorus out loud to myself for the first time all day without choking up. Sorry, miss you, thank you and I love you.
Even now, I'm hearing the opening piano riff in the back of my brain. It's always there, playing like background music. I'm glad it's the song I have stuck in my head right now. It makes everything feel a little better.
So I just wanted to share this song and rave about this album to you. I've raved about it to plenty of people before, but now for the first time, it's truly, genuinely resonating with me in a way I've never felt music resonate before. And maybe it will resonate with some of you, whether it be now or in the future.
I'm somewhat at a loss for words, especially since I'm always worried I will say the wrong things and make it worse for someone in situations like this. But I just wanted to say that I genuinely...
I'm somewhat at a loss for words, especially since I'm always worried I will say the wrong things and make it worse for someone in situations like this. But I just wanted to say that I genuinely am sorry for your loss.
Also, thank you for sharing your story. My father is in his 70s, and also an avid golfer, so it hit pretty close to home for me because of that. But I'm glad to hear this album, and that song in particular, has helped you during this incredibly trying period. After listening to it myself, I totally understand why though, and have now tucked it away for myself should I ever have need of it for similar reasons. So thanks for sharing the album too.
Thank you. I've quickly realized that there really isn't anything people can really say in a situation like this, especially when it's so sudden. It just blindsided everyone, no one expected it so...
Thank you. I've quickly realized that there really isn't anything people can really say in a situation like this, especially when it's so sudden. It just blindsided everyone, no one expected it so there's just a lot of people in shock. Everything is still a bit surreal, I really don't think it's fully set in yet. Weirdly, at the same time the suddenness is a strange comfort. Knowing there was nothing that could be done, that his heart just gave out with no other external factors, means there are no "what ifs" to agonize over.
To You has definitely been a big help to me. I have some other songs about grief and loss I've played over the years. Played Teardrops of Jupiter while unloading the dishwasher Wednesday night, even listened to Memories by Maroon 5 last night for the first time after a neighbor played it, but none have hit me the same way as To You. I plan to show my mom the whole series once the pain is a little less raw. I've shown her 100 Years in the past because of her parents, but now it will remind me of her and dad, too.
One thing I'm glad I realized early that I'm passing on to as many people as possible: I always make sure the last thing I say to the people I love is "I love you". I've gone as far as opening the garage door as they'd leave for the grocery store just to say that. I can't remember my exact last words with my dad, but knowing it was almost certainly "I love you" is just so much comfort.
Back in 2020, a YouTube singer I follow named OR3O released an electro-swing concept album called Clover. It's about a girl named Kel who meets three ghosts who tell her their life stories to help her overcome her struggles with confidence issues and grief over her grandfather's passing. There's an overarching theme of acceptance of the inevitable without letting it beat you down, and overcoming adversity when it presents itself rather than giving in.
Maybe it's because of my Vocaloid phase as a teen, but I've always liked music that tells stories. The music videos for Clover show a lot of it, but the songs themselves are the stories told by each ghost. The first one I actually heard was "100 Years", from the perspective of George and how his love never faded no matter how many years passed after saying goodbye to his lover, and I was instantly hooked. It made me think of my grandparents and their love, and I watched it on repeat to just soak in all the details of the video.
After that I waited each month in 2020 for each new song and video to release. I've mentioned before on here that I'm an immersive daydreamer, and I've played all the Clover songs countless times while playing my game. They just fit all sorts of moods, and each one is full of energy and life. It's made me realize I like electro-swing, though I'm still pretty dang picky on which songs I'll like since I like music to have some sort of energy or mood.
Thing is, a huge focal point of Clover is obviously grief. I personally haven't had many super close brushes with grief. I've lost three grandparents, but I feel like I've been able to recover pretty fast and well. At times, I honestly felt bad about how quickly I seemed to move on compared to my parents. It may have helped their deaths included a decline period, whether it be months or just weeks, so I was able to come to terms with their impending deaths in the lead up. So to me, this album was mostly a great story with fantastic music and awesome videos.
Well. My dad died suddenly on Wednesday afternoon. Heart attack while golfing. It's been rough and surreal. I still haven't seen him yet so I don't think it's fully sunk in yet.
So yesterday morning, I sat on the porch and played To You, the final song in Clover, and I cried like a baby. I have played that song plenty of times for semi-somber moods while daydreaming, but for the first time I'm realizing how true the lyrics are. They're hitting home right now, every single line is nailing everything I feel and the details of our relationship so perfectly. I've never had a song match my feelings THAT closely before.
And... It helps. It really, really helps, to have this song. I am so glad I knew this song existed, and that I thought to listen to it yesterday morning. I've been repeating "Sorry, miss you, thank you and I love you" to myself like a mantra for the past 24 hours. Sometimes just chanting it in my head. Sometimes a choked whisper as I look in the mirror. Sometimes singing it softly instead of a quiet whisper. Almost always unable to finish it out loud, choking up on the last words.
All day, it was stuck in my head. In the car. At the funeral home listening to my mom and the director talk about plans. At the cemetery making arrangements to buy plots for our graves. Getting home and talking to the newest round of family visitors. I kept looking up the lyrics to make sure I didn't mix up the order of "Miss you, thank you" because that mental chant was just so comforting, and I knew I couldn't play the song itself again without bawling.
I listened to it three times yesterday: once in the morning, once in the evening when putting the finishing touches on dad's obituary, and one last time to show mom so we could hug and cry again. And before I went to bed, I chanted that chorus out loud to myself for the first time all day without choking up. Sorry, miss you, thank you and I love you.
Even now, I'm hearing the opening piano riff in the back of my brain. It's always there, playing like background music. I'm glad it's the song I have stuck in my head right now. It makes everything feel a little better.
So I just wanted to share this song and rave about this album to you. I've raved about it to plenty of people before, but now for the first time, it's truly, genuinely resonating with me in a way I've never felt music resonate before. And maybe it will resonate with some of you, whether it be now or in the future.
I'm somewhat at a loss for words, especially since I'm always worried I will say the wrong things and make it worse for someone in situations like this. But I just wanted to say that I genuinely am sorry for your loss.
Also, thank you for sharing your story. My father is in his 70s, and also an avid golfer, so it hit pretty close to home for me because of that. But I'm glad to hear this album, and that song in particular, has helped you during this incredibly trying period. After listening to it myself, I totally understand why though, and have now tucked it away for myself should I ever have need of it for similar reasons. So thanks for sharing the album too.
Thank you. I've quickly realized that there really isn't anything people can really say in a situation like this, especially when it's so sudden. It just blindsided everyone, no one expected it so there's just a lot of people in shock. Everything is still a bit surreal, I really don't think it's fully set in yet. Weirdly, at the same time the suddenness is a strange comfort. Knowing there was nothing that could be done, that his heart just gave out with no other external factors, means there are no "what ifs" to agonize over.
To You has definitely been a big help to me. I have some other songs about grief and loss I've played over the years. Played Teardrops of Jupiter while unloading the dishwasher Wednesday night, even listened to Memories by Maroon 5 last night for the first time after a neighbor played it, but none have hit me the same way as To You. I plan to show my mom the whole series once the pain is a little less raw. I've shown her 100 Years in the past because of her parents, but now it will remind me of her and dad, too.
One thing I'm glad I realized early that I'm passing on to as many people as possible: I always make sure the last thing I say to the people I love is "I love you". I've gone as far as opening the garage door as they'd leave for the grocery store just to say that. I can't remember my exact last words with my dad, but knowing it was almost certainly "I love you" is just so much comfort.