The problem with mind-reading
I have been wanting to write about this for some time. This happens, in some shape or form, whenever someone reads others on the internet. Especially on sensitive subjects. Many readers are linguistic sleuths. Every fraction of language will be forcefully interpreted and analyzed in order to reveal some hidden truth (which is always assumed to be negative), the user's actual position, his or her sinister agenda. On the one hand, that is a consequence of the very real fact that many individuals do have sinister agendas, and many organizations do employ backhanded tactics to manipulate public opinion. I get that. At the same time, this makes it very hard to communicate sometimes.
This affects the neurodiverse disproportionally and is a common complaint in places like /r/aspergers and /r/autism, among others. Some of us are not highly efficient machines of context evaluation and reproduction of linguistic patterns. Some of us actually do mean precisely what we say. No subtext, no irony, no desire to influence through excuse means.
There are also people for whom English is not the first language, as well as those of varying age, cultures, and circumstances. While it is understandable that English-speaking communities naturally center on the US, the assumption that everyone lives within that context produces all kinds of misunderstandings. This makes me less likely to truly engage with some communities because every once in a while I'm hit in the crossfire. Sometimes I inadvertently use words, expressions, or phrasing patterns which North Americans associate with a certain position they disapprove of, and their "mind-reading" is led askew.
This is not specific to any linguistic community. It happens everywhere. We're all kinda messed up. But it would be nice to be able to comment on complicated issues without feeling like Edward Norton in his first day at the Fight Club.
I don't mean to imply that everyone should just abstain from hermeneutics in regular discourse. But maybe be a little more charitable, give it another chance when someone strikes you the wrong way.
Sometimes people mean exactly what they write.
(A lot of the above is directly transferable to offline interactions)
And not limited to words: To this day, I vividly remember being accused of 'trying to show off my big backpack' by a classmate back in my first grade or so. I had no such intention; it was just what I had.
I guess that, in some cases, it's like automatic mind-projecting. When you encounter something you can't understand, the brain often wants to provide an explanation right away, but you can only imagine within the confines of how you yourself might think, act, and be motivated. It takes a certain disposition or an understanding that not everyone thinks alike to stay in a state of unknowing.
It's mind-blowing the extent our brains go to ascribe deeper meanings and intentions to every single event, gesture, and behavior. As a species, we simply cannot cope with the fact that some things are just what they are. Plain, simple, unlayered, uninteresting.
One thing that happens sometimes is people assuming that whatever I post is some kind of semi covert reaction to a current event, or worse, a coded message to someone. In reality, I always have 5 to 10 random things happening in my mind at any given time. Many of those are very old thoughts I had since childhood.
So, suppose I write "Where does vanilla come from? Always hated that crap, but I am curious...", someone might answer with "Dude, that's a terrible thing to say on the day Vanilla Ice died!". That's kind of a harmless example, but I had real difficulties with that in the past. That's one of the reasons why I stopped using Facebook years ago.
I suppose there's difficulty in:
The first two could be mitigated if the receiving side of a message responds to the language and not the person (that they imagine to be there), avoiding mind-reading. The sending side could also spell out where they're coming from even if it feels verbose.. this carries the risk of being taken as too serious.
Related pithy aphorism:
“Truth without love is brutality.”
Hey thanks, I learned a new word today!