Your own sense of identity
I've been wrestling with my own sense of identity recently and would love to hear what part culture/identity/place plays in your lives.
This all kicked off while I was watching Stanley Tucci's Searching for Italy. In it, Stanley spends an episode in a different Italian state experiencing the local culture and cuisine. It struck me how deep the history, lore, and identity were in every aspect of their lives. It seemed even the young adults who headed off to Rome to establish their careers were expected to eventually in the small postcardesque cities and villages they were born in. It seemed like the people had an incredibly strong sense of identity and place.
I have many friends who fall into this category. They come from towns, cities, or even countries drenched in culture and identity. And as we have started to reach the "nesting" period of our lives, many are returning to raise their children in a similar setting. As I think about my own future and those of imaginary children, I find myself jealous. My solidly suburban upbringing in a career focused, transient area means there isn't much that I can think of as a personal culture. Maybe as much as a strip mall, In-and-Out, or cul-de-sac can.
I'm wondering what my fellow tilderinos experience is like. Is there a particular place you feel at home, either from your heritage or of your own making? Are there pieces of your cuisine, culture, or lore that you would share? I know we have quite a diverse crowd here and it would be fantastic to hear about your community.
What you call a "sense of identity" I might call a "sense of belonging". That is, what are the groups, behaviors, locations, etc, which are so intertwined with my personal history that, without them, I would no longer recognize myself?
Maybe I think of myself as a New Yorker, or a Parisian. Maybe I'm "the guy who loves baseball", "the guy who likes old movies and has a weird mustache", or "the father of Maria". Those are all transient things. Maybe the New Yorker moves to Alaska, the guy that loves movies is suddenly blind, and the father of Maria is not a father anymore.
And then you realize that those things are not your identity, because you still exist after you lose whatever made you. I love my friends, I love my family, but shit happens, sometimes without you doing anything wrong. It just happens. What would you do if you lost all the mirrors in which you saw yourself? You'd have no choice but to be yourself, whatever that means. Breath in, breath out. Take one more step.
To try to actually answer your question: I live in the city I was born and there's a pleasure in consistency. I have five friends and a girlfriend. Sure, they're part of my identity right now. But things change. I don't try very hard to sustain an identity in the way that you put it. I may enjoy some parts of the roads, but I'm still driving. I mean, I do have an identity and I enjoy it quite a bit, but that's not a huge concern.
Throughout my life I've always had trouble answering the question "where are you from?".
I was born in France, and I'm a French citizen. Ethnically, I'm half-French, half-Greek, though my father is a Pied-Noir of Tunisia. Of my family, I'm the only one actually even born in France.
Between my parents moving and divorcing, and my own quest to find where I want to live, I've spent an average of 1-2 years in each city I've lived in. Aside from a few years in a particular city in France as a child, so I guess that's "where I grew up", though really it's not either.
So, where am I from? I'm European, I can tell you that much.
When I moved to Brussels, aged 27, the fact it was the "capital of Europe" was a strong point in its favor. And that was the correct call for so many reasons. Being close to where all the action is, randomly meeting politicians I admire, and more than anywhere else in the world, being surrounded by a completely international community. Most people here have similar stories as mine.
A comedian I saw a few weeks ago said "Brussels is home for those who don't have a home. And indeed, Brussels is the first city I'm proud to call "Home". Everywhere else was just "where my house is".
In a couple of years, I'll be eligible for Belgian nationality and intend to take it. I will finally then be able to answer the unavoidable follow-up question of "No, I mean which country?" with "I'm from Belgium".
Whenever I'm asked where my family is from, I love to answer that I'm American. Thanks to my grandma doing a ton of genealogical research, I know that many of my ancestors came to the New World in the 1700s. Yes, they came from Ireland or Scotland or England, but none of those traditions have lasted this long. Also, most of my family was part of the homesteading that happened in the 1800s and lived in the great plains area (middle of the US) since then. My parents moved to California when I was little and I've lived most of my life here.
A friend that was born in the Philippines didn't like this answer at first. Then he admitted that his ancestry is a mix of Spanish and Chinese due to Imperialism, yet he strongly identifies as Filipino. This happened roughly 3-4 hundred years ago. If he can claim to be Filipino with his lineage, then I claim to be American with mine.
I'm American. I choose to live in CA because I want my kids to grow up near their grandparents, but I think my wife and I would be happy in many other places in the US. We love casseroles, diluted ethnic food, NPR, fantasy genre content, our big house in a suburbs, our mini-van, road trips to San Diego for the zoo, and secular holidays where we see friends and family for food and drinks.
I'm culturally dislocated. In some ways I'm very portuguese, including ancestry and ethnicity but also certain expectations I have of the world around me, while in others, not at all (such as ideologies, politics, interests). I wouldn't recommend it, but I also have too much to lose if I move and start over elsewhere. It's a difficult issue.