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Just broke off a 3 year relationship with someone I still loved
Sorry if this isn’t appropriate for Tildes, but I’ve gotta get this off my chest, and a neutral third party seems best.
Don’t think I’ve ever felt this shit before. Still had feelings for her, and it completely blindsided her. Knowing that I absolutely destroyed someone I loved, and who loved me so much, is really tearing me up inside. Doesn’t matter how many times I tell myself it wouldn’t have worked out. Doesn’t matter how different the things we wanted were. None of that really changes how I feel about hurting my (former, I guess) best friend this badly.
So yeah, just had to get that out there.
Dude, I've been there. It doesn't seem like good advice right now, but time is the best (only) remedy
Oh I know. Not my first breakup, but it is the first time I really, really wanted to stay with someone, despite knowing I have to break up.
Too late for that, friend. I knew it wasn’t going to work out last year, but I kept lying to myself saying that I wanted the same things as she did until I really believed I did. Really wishing I had gone through with it then instead of waiting.
Do you want to talk about why it happened? Or about what you'll focus on in the next few days?
I'm sorry about this, buddy. It hurts to hurt someone you love. I've been there on both sides, but I'm honestly so glad each of them happened, now. I learned how to be a better partner and how to be better to myself, and it lead me to my person. Sorry if that's too cheesy.
We just really wanted different things. I want to focus on my career, she wants a family ASAP. I want to live in or very near a city, she wants to live in the country. There were other ways we weren't compatible, but you get the picture.
As for what I'll be doing? I'm doing my master's, so I've got a project I can focus on at least. Still need to work 9-5 every day, and my team are all awesome people, so that'll keep me occupied. I'll keep going to the gym, somewhat more regularly now that I have some more free time. Maybe finally sit down and learn Rust properly. Also seems like a great time to catch up with some old friends I haven't spoken to in a few months.
It's hard. Breakups suck! But you've got a good mindset toward it. I'm sure you'll find someone who is more compatible with your goals, when the time is right.
hey man, I've been in a sorta similar position before. I know it feels awfully shitty right now, and I'm not gonna pretend I can say anything to cheer you up. You'll probably feel shitty for a while, and you'll keep asking yourself if you did the right thing. But we all only have a limited amount of time in our lives, and it's important we spend it in a way that gives us the most fulfillment and satisfaction. Although it may hurt for you both right now, ultimately you'll both be better off and hopefully happier with people you are compatible with, and she'll understand, at the very least, eventually. I wish you the best of luck dude :D