Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

No one really comes to mind, I guess, if I had to say, perhaps Linus Torvalds, the inventor of the Linux kernel. He seems like a really chill dude, although, this would be a little bit cheating, since indirectly we have talked before actually.

Would you like to be famous? In what way?

Sure, I'd love to be remembered for inventing or creating something that's useful. Not famous as in huge crowds of fans, just a footnote in a history book would do it for me :)

What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

A day or night spent at home where some kind of self-discovery or where I learned or did something significant are what I consider to be perfect days. It sounds silly, but the first time I managed to get emacs all set up, in a rainy march afternoon in 2014, is a day that stands out to me, because I did something I never did before.

When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

I hardly ever sing, I really can't recall the last time I sang a song to another person. It's definitely been years. For myself, I sometimes hum along to songs in languages other then English to help learn them or keep my practice up.

If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30‐year‐old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

Oh the mind, definitely. One of my greatest fears with aging is that I lose my wits as I know them today; if I could be assured not to lose them, that would be awesome. What's the use of a nice body if you're not really with it?

Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

Not secret, but a health issue, most likely. I could have inherited my older brother's mastocytosis, a fatal genetic disorder that runs in the family. Or perhaps I develop cancer and die like my uncle Glen, my grandmother on my dad's side, or very soon to be my grandfather on my mom's side. I have no doubt it's going to be a long and painful death from some kind of health condition, setting aside freak accidents.

Name three things you and your best friend have in common.

I don't have a best friend at the moment. My dad's job requires him to move every 2 or 3 years, so my friends list changes very frequently - my old best friend and I haven't talked in quite a while. If there are any more questions on best friend, I might have to cut them out for that reason...

For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

Financial security. My dad especially was born to a very poor family, and he worked tremendously hard so that we always had enough to not be destitute. That's something I can't think him enough for, even though I do a very poor job of expressing it. Things have always been a little awkward between us unfortunately, although I don't really know why.

If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

I'd really loved to have been able to live in places a little bit longer. I especially remember a difficult move in leaving California - leaving behind my best friend and all of the cool activities and communities to live in some deserted swamp in Virginia was especially tough. I'd love to have been able to grow up in a more stable community aside from just my family.

Set a timer for four minutes and type, in as much non‐identifying detail as possible, as much of your life story as you can within that timeframe.

I was originally born in a state in the Midwest, but we moved within just a few months to Norway. After that, we moved to Germany and then New Hampshire, the first place I can remember. We were quite poor at that point I can remember, and it was just my older brother and I for most of it. We had an aunt that lived next door, she was really chill, she'd sometimes babysit us, and she had a really cool trampoline :) After that we moved to Massachusetts, where I did my elementary school years. Then came Rhode Island and early middle school, school kinda sucked, but we had some awesome neighbors and I really felt like I fit in (outside of school, especially 4th grade was pretty nasty). Then we moved to California, where I did middle school. Once again was a bit of a loner, but I had some friends and even a rather intense crush, believe it or not. 2011-2013 was a really nice period in my life, I like those years a lot. Then we moved to Virginia, which was the start of being a teenager. It was very lonely, Virginians don't take well to outsiders moving in. Then we moved to Japan, which was rather mixed - it was really cool in someways, it definitely opened my eyes to life outside the US, but it was quite tough having to share a room again, and again, we never fit in anywhere since we weren't Japanese. This brings me to current day living in Hawaii - somethings are very cool, but do to a number of really bad things happening right now, from my older brother's mastocytis, to my own problems with severe stress and digestive issues, to my sister's attempted suicide, to having to start college in about a week... it's been incredibly stressful this past year, and I would say it's the most difficult year in my entire life. This is a low point...

And uh, that took way longer then 4 minutes, sorry...

If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

I'd give up a lot not to always be stressed or anxious. My chosen ability would be to learn to not give af about something.

If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

I'd want to know, in the last few minutes of my life, did I think it was worth it?

Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

When I was younger, I always wantd a Gamecube :) I still really do, one of these days, I'll track one down and build the collection I always wanted as a child. I've also wanted a collection of older computers, ranging from the early 80's to today. Someday, I'll set aside a basement or a spare bedroom and make these a reality. But between my lack of money and the lack of space right now, since I only have a single bedroom, this has to wait 'till after college... Well, maybe not the Gamecube, if I play my cards right...

What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

I don't have any great accomplishments. I'm a really boring, unspectacular guy, with little exciting or noteworthy to his name. I haven't done anything special, awesome, or unique, that other people haven't already done before me.

What do you value most in a friendship?

I dunno. I guess, a willingness to be honest? I can't really define what I like in a friend, I just know it when I see it.

What is your most treasured memory?

Probably watching the entire Avatar series (the Last Airbender) over a summer vacation in the nights. For a 12 year old, it was a really deep series, and i feel like I grew a lot between the start and end of that. And I enjoyed the sequel just as much :)

What is your most terrible memory?

Whenever days my parents were especially angry, no one day comes to mind, but all of them were really terrible. Luckily, they're also very rare, my parents are usually very patient.

If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

I'd drop college entirely and spend that last year travelling everywhere I guess, then try to spend the last few months with my family as much as I can. Not a satisfactory end though :/

What does friendship mean to you?

Again, I don't really have an explainable feeling. It's just feeling comfortable with certain people that I don't with others.

What roles do love and affection play in your life?

Almost none. I'm gay and spent most of my teenage years living in places where a love life wasn't really possible, so I've never gotten to explore that part of myself. But frankly, I'm not attractive, I'm not skilled at social situations, I'm not very smart, and there's not very many of us to begin with, so I'm willing to place a solid bet on it never playing much of a role in my life. Which is okay I guess, not everyone winds up with a partner, and I got lucky in life in other ways.

Share five things you like about your romantic partner, or lacking one, best friend.

I have neither a romantic partner or a best friend, and frankly, that's probably not going to change soon.

How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

Very. We're the only ones who have known each other our entire lives, so we're very tight knit in a way a lot of families aren't. I do think I had a good childhood overall - it had its low points, but it was pretty solid overall.

How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

Very good. My mother is closer to me then anyone else, she understands me in a way no one else does. I couldn't have asked for a better one :)

Who do you want to be? How do you differ from what you want for yourself in the future? What do you want for yourself in the future?

I'd like to be the quiet but friendly guy who does his thing in peace and everyone at least casually respects. That would make me very happy :) but like I said, I have neither social skills nor am I good at anything special or unique, so I won't become that person until well into middle age. I can wait though, few people are complete at 19...

Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…”

A life.

If you were going to become close friends with someone reading your answers, please share what would be important for them to know.

There's not really much to know I guess that isn't already covered here. But I doubt I could become close friends with someone just because they read my answers - I need some kind of shared interest or something in common. As nice as a frank talk can be, and although it's a good springboard, it's not in and of itself a reason to be friends.

Share the five things you genuinely like the most about yourself in as much detail as possible.

Well, I'm a pretty gentle person. I refuse to kill even bugs that enter my house, and I have a natural green thumb. I'm curious and have a great memory, so I can learn all sorts of odd tidbits of knowledge that sometimes come in handy. I'm open minded and very intellectual, I like to talk about ideas, even if I'm not very good at it. I enjoy problem solving and have a good deductive mindset, although I need a starting point (I struggle to find something just given a massive set of data). And lastly, I'm decent at introspecting into myself and other people - I've had to learn how to analyze people consciously, since I have a mild case of aspberger's and don't have an intuitive grasp how to navigate social situations.

Share an embarrassing moment in your life.

An embarrassing moment, hmm. Well, it's actually a series. Currently, I'm struggling with uncontrollable nasuea / vomitting, and my doctors have no idea what's causing it. I've had to tell people several times now in air-conditioned buildings that I feel sick, I had to cancel a councelor's appointment because I didn't think I could make the bus ride, and I've puked multiple in public toilets. It's incredibly mortifying everytime one of these happens, because I know for a fact that everybody else who was near the bathroom will remember that and my face :/

When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

I haven't cried in front of another person in a very long time, I cried to myself a few months ago when I simply couldn't handle all the deadlines and tests at the end of the year, as a form of stress relief.

If you’ve gotten this far, tell us how the idea of publicly posting your reply is affecting you mentally. What specific emotions is it stirring up? What/how do you feel knowing others will read it?

No one's going to read this anyway. Well, more accurately, a few people will - I tip my hat to you, whoever's still reading this :) - but the answers to this post are going to be incredibly long, and I'm already late to the game. Since few people will ever see this, I don't think much of anything I say here is going to be of any value. It's more for self-discovery at this point.

What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

I really can't stand Nazi jokes. My great-grandmother (grandmother on my mother's side) lost both of her brothers to being conscripted into the army for the battle of Stalingrad, her husband was murdered for being gay and openly against the Nazis, and several of my dad's grandparents put their lives at risk fighting it. My grandmother who lives in Germany keeps a little chest in her closet that still has all of her and her mother (my great grandmother's) identification papers, statements of racial purity, their diaries / personal notes, the telegrams when she learned her father and uncles were killed , and pretty much anything else related to WWII, complete with Nazi eagle stamps and everything. I know most people have no connection to that time, I understand, but it's incredibly horrific if you're familiar with the time period, and especially with all this alt-right shit that's come in being over the past 4 years, it's a very raw topic for me and one I really don't take well to trivialized jokes over :/

If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

All the things I would want to apologize or regret telling them, I can't because I can't contact or communicate with that person anymore.

Your place of residence, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

One of my gameboys, definitely, preferably the Advance SP. I used to play it all the time as a child and they've all come with me over my entire life, since I was about 6 years old for the original and 7 for the Advance. They hold enormeous sentimental value to me, and I've got offsite backups of my personal data.

Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

My younger brother's probably. My mother is closer to me then anyone, but she's also getting older too, and I know in the next 30 years, I'll need to prepare for that. My older brother is likely to pass away in less then 10 years because of his genetic illness, but again, I can prepare for that. But my younger brother, who I'm pretty close too, am older then, and significantly healthier than, I'm not expecting to outlive him at all. His death would particularly upset me, because I'm not, and likely never will be, prepared for it to happen.

Share a personal problem you’re having in your life right now, and ask any others reading this thread for advice on how to solve it.

With everyone in my life getting sick or depressed, I'm under an enormeous amount of pressure, and especially having to start college soon, I feel really stressed. I don't expect anyone to be able to help me, because they can't, but it is a personal problem, and I will have to learn to overcome it. I hope that you the reader enjoyed reading trough this, and hopefully it communicates something of myself through text. When 200 years have passed and everyone alive as of the day I write this is dead, hopefully some memory of me lives on through these words :)

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
   Piotr, a mentor-figure and kind human being. [Real name hidden for privacy]
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
   No, I wouldn't like fame.
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
   Yes, sometimes, because of anxiety and perfectionism.
4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
   When I am at peace with myself, knowing my family and friends are safe and at ease too, and after highly motivated labour comes restful peace.
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
   To myself, probably a few days ago, humming to be precise. To another, probably a few months ago when I sent a harmonica riff to a friend.
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30‐year‐old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
   I'm really conflicted. All my life I've believed in the unity and harmony of body and mind, within and without. I believe that the mind is embodied, and the body contains the mind. If I had had to choose, I'd choose the young body, and I'd learn to trust it in time with my mind.
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
   Not really. But probably some diabetes-related complication, based on family genetics.
8. Name three things you and your best friend have in common.
   "Things?" I'd like to include qualities, too. We both have a command of English as 2nd language. Love of literature and arts. And the friendship.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
   Non-possessive love.
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
    I wish my father hadn't been absent, and my mother weren't so emotionally vulnerable, and schools weren't so hostile and hypercompetitive.
11. Set a timer for four minutes and type, in as much non‐identifying detail as possible, as much of your life story as you can within that timeframe.
    I was set-up to be an overachiever. My parents weren't so sure about what to do with me. I was so too much unsure about love. I am privileged but I think I failed to deal with it responsibly. I buried too much desires in my young body. I was often alone. I still have trouble accepting myself. I live, survive, trying to know and understand. I am the atypical science-worker whose commitment is frequently wavering.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
    Commitment.
13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
    I'd like to know how to express what I as of now cannot express in myself. I'd like to know if I can be open and true enough.
14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
    I dreamed of spending some time quietly and write. I haven't, because my life is quite messy.
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
    Completed a paper and getting it published in a good journal after too long a struggle in the Blue Hole. It was ugly and messy but the struggle is done.
16. What do you value most in a friendship?
    Willingness to understand, accept, and cherish each other as they are.
17. What is your most treasured memory?
    All fragments with my family when we were just quietly happy together.
18. What is your most terrible memory?
    Being caught in soul-destroying family conflicts.
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
    Yes. I'd try to be less helpless and more life-giving. Reason is that I'm not really living up to my potential right now.
20. What does friendship mean to you?
    Friendship is a virtue. It means I'm called to become better, more living, more loving.
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
    I used to mistake them for hurt and no-value complications. Then I saw what a hole there was in me. Now I treasure love and affection, but it's hard, and I'm not sure if I'm on the right path.
22. Share five things you like about your romantic partner, or lacking one, best friend.
    SO: Their resilience, industriousness, and justice. Their way to be at ease in society. Their independent mind.
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
    Not close, see No. 10. Warmth was there, but not always felt right... in the vague sense of unclear conditions attached to it. Comparative happiness, I really am not sure -- difficult to compare and judge (un)happiness.
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
    When I was young, I was taking on too much age-inappropriate roles. Now, things are getting better.
25. Who do you want to be? How do you differ from what you want for yourself in the future? What do you want for yourself in the future?
    I want to be a fully alive human. The difference is that now I'm too self-defeating, feeling helpless, and fatigued. For my future self, I want joy, freedom, and wisdom.
26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…”
    … the entangled reality of selves, the things we struggle to express, without causing hurt to each other.
27. If you were going to become close friends with someone reading your answers, please share what would be important for them to know.
    I fear I may not be able to spend the amount of time they need, because of the lack of spoons. I can be quite defensive despite my best intentions. Nevertheless, I will do my part to make things easier.
28. Share the five things you genuinely like the most about yourself in as much detail as possible.
    I am fairly able to listen. I have fairly good skills my in the STEM fields. I am willing to find the place of intuition and beauty in work-related projects. I'm not entirely selfish. I can change.
29. Share an embarrassing moment in your life.
    Failing lots of classes.
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
    When I was with my therapist, crying as we spoke of father and "being together". By myself, a few months ago, in a panic attack.
31. If you’ve gotten this far, tell us how the idea of publicly posting your reply is affecting you mentally. What specific emotions is it stirring up? What/how do you feel knowing others will read it?
    I feel a bit like tears surging up, and I am ashamed of my self-pity. I am also feeling a warmth of gratitude, because I was given the gift of a self-disclosure opportunity, among people who are courageous to share theirs. I feel a bit at-risk, but I know this will pass. I feel the process of self-disclosure is itself effortful and therapeutic. Knowing others will read it, I hope not too much of my privacy is compromised, yet I hope my stories will in some way be of help to some.
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
    The dignity of human beings.
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
    That my wrong decisions were wrong. Because I was too avoidant of difficult emotions.
34. Your place of residence, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
    A souvenir commemorating our time together, the SO and me. Because I owe them the memory.
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
    The SO. Because they're young. Just because.
36. Share a personal problem you’re having in your life right now, and ask any others reading this thread for advice on how to solve it.
    I have trouble with burn-out and depression. I self-victimize a lot. I have very low motivation, and I have trouble with executive functions -- planning, getting things done, etc. I've never been diagnosed with ADD, and I think my problem is more on the emotional side. My attentive power is quite intact.

Edit: more privacy

1. my friend grace
2. yeah, i want to make my own web browser operating system (kinda like chrome os but with my own twist)
3. no, i don't practice irl conversations so why would i for the telephone? i feel like the tele has that freedom that texting does not.
4. im trans, so any day where i get to be myself and be with my friends counts as perfect in my book
5. i don't really sing all the often but i hum almost everything. never.
6. this isn't too clear but im going to go with body.
7. im hoping genetic immortality is discovered within my life so unfortunately my death will (in this scenario) be some sort of suicide hundreds of years from now
8. we both have a mental condition, we both go to the same uni, we both don't drink ((this sounds darker than it is))
9. my friends are accepting of me being trans and i get the privilege to be meghan
10. i wish i was more aware of gsrm things as a child
11. i didn't set a timer because i know im not going to use 4 minutes, but my name is meghan. im 21. meghan isn't my legal name though because im trans. i just came out in april and study computer science at university. my goal is to make a business based on user experience instead of bottom line.
12. being cis, preferrably as a girl
13. whatever if feels i need to know
14. starting a business, it's expensive and getting over the anxiety of wondering if an idea is actually good or not can be difficult sometimes
15. i came out as trans, and im an eagle scout
16. honesty and showing up
17. everything with grace, tess, and tia
18. my parents telling me that i was killing their son after i came out to them
19. i'd wonder if its because i'm trans and no i wouldn't. im much happier now and everyone around me can tell.
20. knowing someone else cares about you. like screaming into the void but knowing the void is listening. time is the most valuable resource and seeing how people use it can tell you a lot about them
21. i love my best friends and would do anything in the world for them.
22. one two three four five
23. my childhood was great. me and my two brothers are very close and other than my dysphoria and social awkwardness as a child i loved my childhood. my parents have been together my whole life, i've always lived in the same house, and we're all very open
24. it's... good. it was pretty close but now throwing me being out now really muddied the water.
25. i hope to "complete" my transition in the coming years and i hope to run for us president in 2032.
26. each other
27. answers 16 and 20 are very important to me, and my PMs are always open <3
28. im smart, curious, passionate, caring, and a girl
29. just yesterday i said 8+4=11
30. about 2 hours ago. this morning.
31. gender isn't the only thing i care about, it's just been very relevant recently so i've been thinking about it a lot as it affects many facts of my life
32. nothing, but you better understand that context and set up matters when joking about touchy subjects
33. i haven't told my little brother that i'm trans yet. while he's very likely to be the most accepting im nervous to tell him because im closest with him in my immediate family.
34. my flash drive with a pusheen keychain on it. im a computer nerd, gotta save my data.
35. mine. i'm the most stable.
36. i've been single all my life up to this point. i'd ask for advice but i recognize my issues in this area and will be working on them in the coming year. i'd be happy to take any general advice in this sector or hear how you're doing :)

Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

The Dalai-Lama. I think that’d make for some interesting conversation

Would you like to be famous? In what way?

Not really. While I’d like to become a recognized expert in my field, I think actual fame would be counterproductive.

Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

No, I don’t.

What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

As of right now, a day without the ever-watching specter of depression would be neat. Maybe if ice cream could be incorporated in there, that’d make it perfect.

When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

About two weeks ago. To someone else three weeks, if recording audio for a group project counts. Otherwise, never.

If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30‐year‐old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

Mind. The best maintained body doesn’t help you when dementia sets in, and I’d have a chance to maintain the body while mental deterioration will be outside of my control.

Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

In a water-war.

Name three things you and your best friend have in common.

Interest in science, being know-it-alls, having a general tendency to antisocial behavior.

For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

Being born in a developed nation.

If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

Better discipline in dealing with food and money, so I wouldn’t have to learn it now.

Set a timer for four minutes and type, in as much non‐identifying detail as possible, as much of your life story as you can within that timeframe.

I was raised in a mid-sized village as the son of a doctor and a nurse. I have one sister and one brother, and we had a dog when I was young. When I grew older, my parents got divorced and my father moved out leaving my sister and me with our mother. About some years later, my mother died and my sister and I moved to our father and his new partner. I had a good education with a scientific focus and chose to specialize in computer science from eighth grade forward. By now, I am living alone, have completed an apprenticeship and am currently working on completing my Bachelor’s degree. I have had an interest in martial arts for more than a decade now and

If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

The discipline of a Shaolin monk.

If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

I would ask it if human civilization survives the coming thousand years.

Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

Yes. Because a slight lack of money and an overabundance of depression interfered.

What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

Passing my “Abitur” with an average grade of 1 (translates to getting an A in your APTs)

What do you value most in a friendship?

Reliability

What is your most treasured memory?

I don’t have any. Unsure if that’s to do with my depression or if I’m an ungrateful asshole, but I can’t think of any that would stick out.

What is your most terrible memory?

Dislocating my shoulder for the third time. That was the first time I was anticipating it, and that made it the most memorable one.

If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

I would cash in every asset I own and do the travels I planned to do in the next ten years this year.

What does friendship mean to you?

People being able to rely on each other to help them in need. People being able to talk about everything and nothing at the same time.

What roles do love and affection play in your life?

Not a prominent one. Aside from one or the other crush, there isn’t much to talk about, and I currently have no aspirations to change that.

Share five things you like about your romantic partner, or lacking one, best friend.

My best friend is (mostly) reliable, honest, thinks for himself, lives far enough away so he can’t annoy me, and he is patient enough to keep up with my shit.

How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

Looking back, my childhood was probably above average in terms of happiness. My family is a complicated one, as I am the only child of my father that still talks with him or his wife, both my sister and brother living in different cities and not having much contact with the rest of the family. Personally, I don’t feel too strongly for family bonds apart of my father and step-mother, and have my share of conflict with both.

How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

My biological mother is dead, so there isn’t much of a relationship to talk about. I have a good relationship with my step-mother, though I would classify that more as a mentor-mentee relationship than a mother-son relationship.

Who do you want to be? How do you differ from what you want for yourself in the future? What do you want for yourself in the future?

I want to be someone who protects people. Not individuals per se, since I am not too good at dealing with people directly, but faceless groups of people are fine. Right now, I am not able to do so, nor do I have the qualification. That direction is where I want to develop to. For myself, I want to be able to be at peace with what I do, and to know (or at least can reasonably suspect) that what I do has a positive impact on people and their lives. Even if that only means the lack of anything bad happening to them, rather than adding any good.

Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…”

… both personal problems going beyond “I had a bad day” and personal aspirations and be helped constructively.

If you were going to become close friends with someone reading your answers, please share what would be important for them to know.

That when I say, “tendency to antisocial behavior”, that doesn’t mean I’m an asshole, it only means that interacting with people on bad days and/or for extended periods of time tends to make me irritable and that I sometimes lash out when that happens. It is a problem I am aware of and actively working toward solving.

Share the five things you genuinely like the most about yourself in as much detail as possible.

I’m a pragmatist, or trying to. While I like having a purely theoretical debate from time to time, if something has no hope of being applicable, I am generally less interested in it.
I’m a logical thinker. I see and understand patterns and structures. It helps when working in IT.
I’m a good listener. I know, everybody says that, but I think in my case it’s genuinely true. I’m good at offering advice to people if they ask me. It ties in with logic, pragmatism any my having a desire to limit the length of conversation that isn’t going anywhere.
I’m loyal to my friends. If someone needs help, I help. That’s about as detailed as it gets.
I don’t get lonely. I can spend days without interacting with any other person. That measurably reduces any drama that can happen if I have too much conversation on depressive days.

Share an embarrassing moment in your life.

I once walked in on my roommate when he was remembering high school math with his girlfriend and forgot to lock his door.

When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

In front of other people was at my mother’s open casket funeral, seven years ago. By myself would be some months ago, at a time when tears came every time I went to sleep for several months, which was a symptom turning up prior to my developing a full-blown depression.

If you’ve gotten this far, tell us how the idea of publicly posting your reply is affecting you mentally. What specific emotions is it stirring up? What/how do you feel knowing others will read it?

It’s not affecting me much, given that @sam4ritan is just another identity I could theoretically abandon at any moment. The same goes for emotion, not much reaction to see here. And while I know others will read this, given the current size of Tildes, the option to delete the comment should it bite me in the ass, the mentioned disconnect between me and my online identity, the assumption that most people aren’t going to remember or connect this to my future activities even if they read it, and the general lack of interest in me personally which means that no one should have a motive to use any of this information against me, even if they could, I don’t expect any fallout to come from this.

And for the unlikely case that some future employer sees this, I just want to say: Hi future employer. If something you have read here gives you pause, I am wondering why you went through the trouble of reading my several years old online comments if you haven’t made up your mind on me being qualified to do whatever job I applied for on a professional level yet. If you have any questions about this or any other comment, I’m sure I’ll have left some contact information with my application to you, and I’ll be happy to answer any questions.

What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

There are certain tiers of jokes about genocide and dictatorships which I find distasteful. Additionally, jokes about recent or highly relevant events can elicit backlash that I sympathize with.

If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

I can’t think of anything. Even thinking about more generic options like telling my parents or sibling that I love them, or professing my love to some old crush, there is nothing that I would really regret not having said.

Your place of residence, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

My meditation cushion. I’ve owned it for more than a decade now, making it the oldest object I own and still use. It carries a lot of sentimental value to me and cannot easily be replaced.

Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

That of my step-mother. She has been the only constant in all family drama through the last seven years, and I have her to thank for learning a lot of the adult-life skills I needed after coming out of school.

Share a personal problem you’re having in your life right now, and ask any others reading this thread for advice on how to solve it.

I have several problems, but with the exception of what is probably the most mundane of them, I’ve got all of them under control by now. The remaining on is that I can’t seem to keep my apartment clean. I’d say that this probably, on some level, ties in with my depression and the resulting lack of initiative to do just about anything, but I wasn’t exactly an orderly teenager to begin with. The “standard” tricks of making a cleaning calendar etc. I have tried and failed at. Anyone got an idea on how to solve this?

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

I would want to speak to an ancestor of mine, although I am not sure who.

My last name is a bastardized form of the phrase 'not welcome' in Latin, and I am Italian, so that suggests someone way back when pissed off enough Romans for them to say that their entire lineage is unwelcome. I want to meet whoever that guy was and to know what they did.

And if I'm wrong and there isn't any single person responsible for my last name, then it would still be cool to dine with a distant ancestor and see what my family was up to way back when.

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

Absolutely not. I like people not knowing who I am, it's more freeing than if I was recognized wherever I went. If I had to be famous though, I'd hope it was for something I wrote and not something out of sheer coincidence.

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

All the time - I always practice how I am going to start off a conversation and try to figure out how I want to lead it early on.

The first few sentences are usually rehearsed, and then I tread off into generalities. So I may start off by knowing what I will say specifically, but after a minute I start saying stuff like, "if they ask this question I'll say something like this," and then the conversation starts to feel natural.

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

I have no work, first of all. I wake up late in the day and spend an hour staring at my phone in my bed until I tell myself I need to get up.

Then I hit the gym for an hour, and after that, I either go home or to a coffee shop depending on how I feel. If I go home, I probably play video games and chat with friends for the rest of the day. If it's a coffee shop, I get to work on a few personal projects until clocking out at around 10:00 pm and going home to rest.

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

I always sing to myself in the car, so probably around an hour ago. I've never sung to anyone else though - I've heard myself sing, I wouldn't put anyone else through something like that.

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30‐year‐old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

Mind for sure. You can accomplish much more with a sharp mind than a strong body; I'd rather be able to write a killer essay or program something than to just run a 5k.

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

Kinda. I don't see myself lying in bed surrounded by loved ones at an old age - that kind of future doesn't make sense for me.

At the same time, I don't see myself dying violently. So, I don't know.

8. Name three things you and your best friend have in common.

Shitty childhoods, a gaming hobby, and we went to the same college.

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

The people around me. My friends and coworkers who really aren't under any obligation to spend time with me but do so anyway.

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

Well, now you've gone and opened a can of worms.

My dad died when I was nine, so I would prefer that didn't happen. I also would have preferred my mom not become a depressive-abusive person as a result of that. I would have had her not rely on me so much to just stay alive, and have had her know how to control herself when she was angry, which was often.

I also would have treated my sister a hell of a lot better. Much of my mom's issues became my own, and I took it out on her sometimes, and I definitely would not have done that.

11. Set a timer for four minutes and type, in as much non‐identifying detail as possible, as much of your life story as you can within that timeframe.

I was born in New York. I don't know much about my dad other than that he was a president of a local fire department, and was a first-responder at 9/11. After that, he got cancer and died when I was 9. As a result of that, my mom got especially depressed and for years took it out on her children. She never royally fucked us up like steal our money from social security like that but also wasn't much of a mother.

We moved to Tennessee when I started high school because it was too expensive in NYC. At my first high school, I was relentlessly bullied before switching to a more prestigious magnet school for my sophomore year and started to actually feel welcome in my new city.

During the three years at that high school, I didn't do much though. I graduated without many friends, and started at a local state university studying journalism because I realized I loved writing and didn't want to starve writing fiction.

I made a really good friend there and graduated recently with a four-year degree and two minors.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

I can't tell if this is talking about a superpower or a feasible ability. If it's about superpowers or stuff like that - it would invisibility.

If not, then I would want to speak Russian. It seems like a cool way to impress people.

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

Jack shit. I know enough truth already, I'd ask it what the weather will be like the next day and get out of the room.

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

Writing a legitimate book or script. I just can't focus enough to put something coherent on paper. Whenever I try to outline a story that goes on for more than a 1000 words, I just get embarrassed for myself and stop.

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

Thus far, probably graduating college. It always seemed like a given that I would do it, but after speaking with a few people, I'm starting to realize how much of an accomplishment it actually is.

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

Openness. If someone is open with me and is willing to speak with me about anything then I know I will bend over backward for whatever they need, and I just want people to be open enough to hear me out when I speak too.

17. What is your most treasured memory?

I'm kinda pulling a blank here. It might be one with a girl I was seeing a few years back - the only person I ever had a romantic relationship actually. We were walking along a river at night with a nearby reactor in the distance, and I can't remember what we were talking about, but I do remember just feeling so comfortable with the situation. It felt I was myself for the first time in a long time.

But the actual details of the memory are hazy at best. The only reason I'm remembering it now is because I drove by the park we were at recently and it came rushing back to me.

18. What is your most terrible memory?

This is a more recent one. I'd been really depressed for a little while beforehand and was thinking about awful stuff. You should be able to tell what.

I was just so filled with hate for everything and everyone, especially myself. And for a while, I couldn't help but think what it would be like to kill something before killing myself. It was always 'presented' as a joke with myself - that I would become one of those twisted people killing animals in their basements, and I would take some comfort from thinking like that since it would be an obvious cry for help and someone may actually confront me about it.

Well one night off, I just decided to stop by PetCo and picked up a hamster. I was begging myself to stop on the way over and the way back home and tried to convince myself that I could a cage for it and care for it.

It was a Russian Hamster, and nobody wanted it apparently because it was 'mean.' It would bite people when it was picked up, but I noticed that if you held your fingers up to it and let it sniff you, it would be interested in you for a little while and then leave you alone. If you tried to pet it, it would splay out on the ground like it was shouting 'what was that?!' before running off. Then if you picked it up, it would freak out.

I recognized that pattern of behavior in myself: curiosity, avoidance, then aggression. I named it Tиm because it was all the Russian I knew. And I thought it was cute.

Then I did what I told myself I would and later that night, I brought it onto my balcony and stabbed it. I hated every second of it, and I felt like I was in a nightmare. I was sick afterward, and I got nothing out of it. I just hated myself much more. And even now I can't fully explain why I did it.

It was just so violent and I didn't think that was in me. And the way I felt during the whole thing is not something I would ever wish on a person. But at the same time, it just showed me that I don't fully know myself either.

I got out of that depressive episode a little bit after that, but remembering it is just terrible.

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

No. I might tell people just so I may be able to say 'told you so' from the afterlife, because I know they wouldn't believe me. But I have basically everything I could ask for right now, I wouldn't want anything else.

20. What does friendship mean to you?

It means knowing me as a person, and for me to know someone else as a person. It's more than just being able to pick a face from a crowd or recognizing a name, but understanding the stories, beliefs, and desires that go behind that name.

It means treating someone else like family, even if they are not.

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

Basically none. I don't have a significant other, and neither am I dating or anything like that. My feelings toward my family are complicated, and love may be mixed in there somewhere, but it is definitely not the most prevalent.

I love my friends in the way you usually love your friends - in that you would do basically anything for them. But I'm not affectionate towards them.

22. Share five things you like about your romantic partner, or lacking one, best friend.

... well this is kinda weird - to compare romantic partners with best friends. I'll do my best friend.

1. He kinda shows how even if a person can't change, they can adapt. He came from similar shit as me and is pretty successful now. I'm not gonna say anything revealing about him, but he definitely pulled himself up and I respect the shit out of that.
2. He constantly tries to improve. I've seen him evolve from a 4chan-leaning troll to someone who bends over backward to get pronouns right.
3. He brings people together - his community of friends would never have met each other if it weren't for him.
4. He plays the absolute shit out of tabletop games. Dude can make a game of fucking Candyland one of the best things you'll ever play.
5. He tells some pretty good jokes, he's got some pretty good memes. I'm kinda scraping the barrel here, I know.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

lol. Read above, I did not have a happy childhood. My family is not warm.

My mom tries to be warm now, but she also hasn't ever apologized for what she put us through. So I give her a show of having a happy son who just is too busy to visit often because it's what she wants and it's easier to give her that than talk about what it was like growing up.

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

... read above. I have complicated feelings towards her. I would not describe the majority of them as good.

25. Who do you want to be? How do you differ from what you want for yourself in the future? What do you want for yourself in the future?

I want to be a good person - that's all I can really say about that. I want to be able to recognize the right and wrong choices in life and make the right ones. It's harder than it sounds though.

I try not to think of the future. Seriously thinking about it contributed to my previous depressive episode, so it's a lot easier to take things a year at a time. I get a lot more comfort knowing what I will be doing for the next year without knowing what it may be for than I would get working towards something without knowing how long it will take to get it.

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…”

The things that don't totally make sense to me. The things that keep you up at night because you can't just stop thinking about them.

27. If you were going to become close friends with someone reading your answers, please share what would be important for them to know.

That they probably shouldn't. I'm a liar, and I'm trying to stop lying to people (which is why I spend so much time online. It's easier to lie to a specific person than it is to a nondescript void of data), but I know I'm going to lie to them early on. I just get nervous early in relationships and try to drive a wedge between me and the other person, and it isn't always worth overcoming it.

28. Share the five things you genuinely like the most about yourself in as much detail as possible.

1. I do genuinely think for myself. I try to work through big things like spirituality or politics myself, taking only as much information as I need to form my own opinions and my own arguments justifying them.
2. When I know what I want, I work to get it. I wanted to lose weight a while back, and I lost 170lbs. I wanted a new job, and I was recently offered something. It's just the first part that can be a problem - knowing what I want.
3. I can be funny or insightful. I usually watch what I say around people, but sometimes I don't and something slips through that can make people crack up around me, or spark a really good conversation. It can also shut down a good conversation - hence why I watch myself.
4. I can surprise people. For example, my therapist - this person who has been paid for years to get to know me at my most personal levels - didn't know about my interest in art until I happened to mention it recently. And it wasn't a big thing, it was just something like, 'oh, I didn't know that.'
5. My taste in music. While my Spotify playlist may seem like a chaotic mess of genres and artists, I know the lyrics to almost each one on it. I don't judge music based on timbre or rythm or other stuff I'm not smart enough to understand, just how it makes me feel and every song on my playlist makes me feel good.

29. Share an embarrassing moment in your life.

So, I'm a guy. I do guy stuff sometimes, and that occasionally involves porn. One time, I forgot to close a few tabs on my phone and a friend asked to look at it to look something up for a video game we were playing ... and I am sure he saw everything.

He didn't say anything about it, just googled what he needed to and handed it back, and it wasn't until I looked at my browser a few hours later that I realized the incognito tabs were still open, and that the browser was just switched to normal tabs. So I'm pretty sure he just saw it and switched away, but he may not have, and because of that possibility I am never asking him about it.

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

Never in front of another person. Got close to it with the girl I was seeing that one time, but I stayed strong. By myself was about a month back - I was depressed, felt especially isolated and it just got to me.

31. If you’ve gotten this far, tell us how the idea of publicly posting your reply is affecting you mentally. What specific emotions is it stirring up? What/how do you feel knowing others will read it?

I'm thinking people are going to hate me because of the hamster, and I am not going to go on Tildes for a few days out of fear of seeing the responses to this, but I'm going through with it anyway. I told myself I would.

I don't mind other people reading it. At the end of the day, I'm just a guy with an account. At worst, people will be able to identify the city I live in, but beyond that, I'm pretty anonymous.

So specifically, I guess I'm feeling something tilted towards apathy.

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

Nothing really comes to mind. I'm not one of those people who think jokes are the best way to overcome grief or who need to joke about terrible things, but I also would not be offended if anyone joked about my dad or me.

I would get pissed if someone was joking about someone else when they were clearly uncomfortable with it, and would try to defuse the conversation if that situation arose.

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

Probably how much I respect my best friend. I haven't told them mostly because it isn't something you just bring up one day, I'm not going to call him up and just blurt that kind of stuff out. It would need to come out organically.

34. Your place of residence, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

My laptop. It contains too much information for me to leave it behind, and not much of it is backed up. I have memories on it that I have already forgotten about, things I've written that I can't believe came from my hands. I can't give that up. Plus it's expensive.

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

My mother's. I just figure she's always going to be around and there's nothing I can do about it. If she were to just die tomorrow, it would be like a fundamental law of nature was just violated, and I think I would feel something resembling relief.

36. Share a personal problem you’re having in your life right now, and ask any others reading this thread for advice on how to solve it.

I don't know specifically what I want. I know I want to be a good person, and to know good people, but I have no idea how to accomplish that. I keep thinking that maybe I'm after a significant other, but then I think that searching for one just to fill a hole in my life I may have will only make things worse, so I stop looking.

I got a new job because my other one wasn't giving me the fulfillment I needed. I keep my friends close because I know what it's like not to have them. But those aren't good reasons to have any of those things, and I'm afraid if I go looking for more I'll lose everything.

But at the same time, I don't want to stagnate where I am, because that led to the aforementioned depressive episode. So I'm stuck in this weird place where I'm not satisfied, but I won't let myself go out and get more out of life, and I'm not sure what I should do.

--
And that's all. I'm not even going to read over this. There's too much here.

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
   I would want to have dinner with my compete opposite. Someone who i will be the complete opposite with in every way imaginable.

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
   I would want to be famous by leaving a positive lasting impact on human society. Specifically, I wold want to give people the idea to strive for a deeper meaning of truth.

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
   The only time I would really rehearse is if it is for a job interview. Besides that I usually don't.
   4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
   Being productive and full fulling in what I wanted to accomplish that day.
   5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
   Honestly, probably last year...
   6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30‐year‐old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
   I would most likely want the mind. My elderly neighbour is suffering from dementia and seeing what she goes through every single day. That is one of the few things that frightens me.
   7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
   I believe I have a general idea of how I will go out
   8. Name three things you and your best friend have in common.
   love of dancing, our spirituality, and our sexuality and sexual drive
   9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
   My physical being. Was blesses with a proportional body, strong bones, strong immune system, and our great eyebrows. I get asked if i get them done a lot.
   10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
   I would want there to be some structure in forming good habits from a young age. Whether it be study habits, time managements skills, and everything in-between. Also financial responsibility.
   11. Set a timer for four minutes and type, in as much non‐identifying detail as possible, as much of your life story as you can within that timeframe.

From a young age family has and will always been something pretty important to me. I am the youngest of 5 other siblings. All my brothers and sisters live their own lives, yet we rely on one another to help and support and direct each in the right direction when we stray off course. I have been blessed to have a large group of friends that have been in my life since grade school. I believe it is 22 of us who have been very close friends since 2nd 3rd grade. We are all in our mid 20s now.
I have been an athlete my entire life. In high school I ran Cross-Country, played Soccer, and was a distance runner for the Track and Field team. I had one girl friend all four years of high school

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
    The ability to read minds, I have this odd habit and trying to guess every persons next move. Or be able to peer into their minds be able to listen on their deep internal conversations.
13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
    I would want to know how I died
    14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
    I have always dreamed of travelling to Tibet. I have not made or forced myself to save up and make an honest effort to go.
    15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
    Forgiveness for those who hurt me
    16. What do you value most in a friendship?
    Either unconditional love, or honesty. A close third would be compatibility.
14. What is your most treasured memory?
    I guess going to a music festival with my close group of friends. One week away from our hometown just enjoying music and living a free lifestyle.
    18. What is your most terrible memory?
    When a very old friend of my died from driving drunk.
    19.If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
    Yes, if I knew I would die in one year. I would appreciate each moment I had with those closest around me. I would also make peace with my self
    20. What does friendship mean to you?
    Helping some grow to be the best person they can be, in their personal and professional life.
    21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
    I would say they don't play that big of roles anymore.
    22. Share five things you like about your romantic partner, or lacking one, best friend.
    High sex drive, tend to get trapped in their own head, outgoing, and judgemental of who they are, receptive.
    23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
    Some members of my family are having some personal problems with one another. We still care about each other greatly.
15. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
    It is good
    25. Who do you want to be? How do you differ from what you want for yourself in the future? What do you want for yourself in the future?
    I want to be someone who wakes up each day and strives to be better than who they were yesterday.
    26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…”
    my mind body and soul with.
    27. If you were going to become close friends with someone reading your answers, please share what would be important for them to know.
    I have sociopath tendencies. I do not care about other people who I don't know. I care greatly for my close friends, relatives, family. But beyond that if something happened to you I just don't really care. I may feel bad that you are in that situation whether it was from your own doing or life just dealt you a shit hand. But I usually don't care...
    28. Share the five things you genuinely like the most about yourself in as much detail as possible.

• I don't get emotionally attached to people I first meet
• I am fairly easy to get along with
• I don't really talk unless I have something to say
• I have been blesses with a very healthy body, and have been told by my mother and many (female)relatives that I am super adorable.
• And i feel like a really like how I hold myself. I don't think I am better than people around me, I try very hard to not compare myself to other people. The few times I have it is usually someone who I consider far more successful than me...
  29. Share an embarrassing moment in your life.
  I cried when I went to a candle lit service the night after my friend died.
  30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
  I would say 8 years ago.
  31. If you’ve gotten this far, tell us how the idea of publicly posting your reply is affecting you mentally. What specific emotions is it stirring up? What/how do you feel knowing others will read it?
  Well I wasn't thinking about that until you mentioned it...Specific emotions? I would say a peace of mind, a sort of relief, also because none of my friends use this site.
  32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
  Nothing, I believe that comedy has no line that can be crossed. With that being said, it really depends on who making the delivery. I don't think a white supremacist should be making jokes regarding the authenticity of the holocaust. Comedy and jokes in general are great but the delivery and who is making the delivery is pretty important in me book.
  33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
  I would regret not telling those I care about (friends, family, relatives) how much I appreciate being in their lives.
  34. Your place of residence, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
  My journals, lately I have gotten in the habit of keeping a daily journal/dream journal. I enjoy going back to previous entries and seeing what I did and felt that day.
  35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
  My oldest brother, even though every time we talk about my school, and career development it turns into an argument. I would be most disturbed by his death. I may hate talking about certain things with him, he is my oldest brother and I will always appreciate what he has done to help me.
  36. Share a personal problem you’re having in your life right now, and ask any others reading this thread for advice on how to solve it.
  I am currently at a point in my life where I don't have any real motivation to pursue a passion or goal. My career goal is to break into the cybersecurity industry. I don't really know what I want to do.
  Currently my problem in life is that I am simply going through the motions each day. Wake up go to school, come home, do homework, eat, drink, sleep. I am in my mid 20's and still attending a junior college. I am majoring in computer science but I don't enjoy programming as much as I am used to.
  I guess I want to know who else has been a "fuck up" and what did you do to help get you on your feet.

1: I'd like to have Barack Obama as a dinner guest. Would be interesting having the secret service around the house.

2: I'd like to stay anonymous, but if I had to select a reason for being famous it would be for doing humanitarian work.

3: I wing my telephone calls.

4: A perfect day: Waking up fully rested, having a good breakfast, going off to be assistant to my old child school teacher, come home safely, have dinner, have sex, be happy, sleep fast.

5: Sang to myself in the shower a week ago.

6: Having the mind of a 30-year old to the age of 90.

7: I have a secret hunch of me dying of natural reasons.

8: Three things my best friend and I have in common: We like teaching, we ponder, we like being outdoors.

9: In my life I feel most grateful for having sex tbh.

10: Changing a thing in my raising: Cuting out the metaphysical bullcrap. But then again, that made me who I am today so I'd like to leave that unchanged.

11: Born and raised, bullied in school, parents divorced in 10th grade got suicidal, beat that, went to highschool, got a sweetheart of a girlfriend, broke up with said girlfriend. created a volleyball team and coached it, became president of the student body but changed highchool shortly after. Became mentally ill, took a break from school to team up with my father. We had our heads stuck in metaphysical healing shananigans and thought we had a treatment plan for people. He and went to the USA with my without any plans, overstayed my visa. Became suicidal, luckilly snapped out of it and returned to my home country. Recieved treatment and am now better. Am now leader of local queer youth group.

Oops not done. Writing more.

12: I'd like to be more able to change for the better.

13: Will we destroy the Earth in the next 80 years?

14: I don't have dreams, I have goals.

15: Probably not killing myself.

16: Communication.

17: When my parents functioned as a family.

18: The day my dad fucked me over and made me read maps for him as he drove and he was so far gone mentally that he thought he did the right things.

19: Then I'd tell my friends and near people what they mean to me. Because it's important to hear one is important to another human.

20: It means people one can talk with about small, big, beautiful and ugly. It means companionship and laughter.

21: A far too big one.

22: Five things I like about my best friend: He ponders, he's reasonable, the way he leads his life, he's reliable, he challenges me.

23: My family is divided into three countries, my parents' families are very seperated. The one is close and warm, the other is close too but it's a bit less warm.

24: My relationship to my mother is a bit tense. I would maybe not be here today if it weren't for her, so for that I'm grateful. We talk well and actually live together. I'd choose here again anytime.

25: I want to be myself - whatever that is. I probably restrict myself from doing things, like showing affection for an opposite gender. I want to be closer to other people in the future - or actually - I want that yesterday!

26: I wish I had someone to share a hug with right now.

27: I like big cats and I can not lie.

28: Five things that I genuinly like about myself:
a) I can go into the cellar of myself and work with my psyche. I face my demons. I cry. I just want to feel home.
b) I care for others wellbeing. I just want you to feel alright. I want to care for you. Maybe I should care more for myself though.
c) I am determined to go on. Hell is pretty walk-trough-able.
d) I make myself (and by proxy others) a good time. That makes me happy and makes me feel special, oddly.
e) I'm unorthodox. I walk roads whether they're walked before or not as long as they work.

29: Yesterday I asked a girl at a bar if she wanted to kiss. She didn't.

30: Maybe a month ago in front of my mother.

31: So I'm taken aback by how much of me I've looked at and I'm pleased with what I see. It's been a fun and feeling-provoking exercise. I'm pretty open so that all you guys see this is fun actually. I'm a bit uneasy actually at the thought of others reading this. (yeah that's contradicting).

32: Me, sadly.

33: That I really liked my fuckfriend. Because I might lose them.

34: I'd save my harddisk because that's where an image of my PC is.

35: My mom's. I really need her right now.

36: So I'm really sexually frustrated now. I can't see others being sexually fulfilled without becoming sad. What I'm doing to fix this is to at least feel the feelings I have related to this. Does anyone relate/having experienced the same? If so, did you fix it and if so, did you do it without having sex? Please come with input.

This was fun! Thanks @kat.

Sounds interesting, I guess I'll take a go at it. Looking over the questions, I'm afraid most of my answers will be pretty boring, but who knows.

1. My friend Josh who I haven't seen in a while since we both moved far away and who I miss dearly.
2. I would love to be famous in a small community, such as the video game speedrunning community or in the programming community. Famous enough that it would come with perks but not famous enough that it impacts my every day life.
3. Yeah, I get nervous on phone calls a lot, so I just go over what I'm going to say for about 30 seconds before the call actually starts.
4. A relaxing day with friends doing activities we mutually enjoy.
5. Earlier today, since I love singing. Last tuesday I sang karaoke so that's when.
6. Body, although growing old can have some adverse effects on your mind, I want to change and grow mentally.
7. Nope.
8. Both play melee competitively, both love craft beer, both have similar tastes in movies and tv shows.
9. My parents.
10. I would give myself more freedom to do things and make mistakes.
11. Born in the mid 90's to an upper middle class white family outside Philadelphia. I was always pretty smart as a child and my parents loved to challenge me. Although I was occasionally bullied for my nerdy tendencies and how quick I was to get emotional and cry, I always had good friends who made me feel better, so overall I feel pretty positively about my earlier childhood. At age 12ish my parents got divorced and I only saw my dad on weekends and sometimes one night a week. I love both my parents but it was pretty clear they didn't love each other. Continued to do well in school and got some cool hobbies like playing music and gaming competitively in tournaments. Graduated top of my class, went to a high ranked university where I wasn't sure what I wanted to study, but knew it would be stem related. I enjpyed programing the most out of all the subject I took, so I decided to study that. Worked in a research lab for 3 years (still there) and recently graduated. I'm currently looking for a new job, with not too much success, but I'm hopeful that I'll find the right fit. Experienced on and off depression, which sucks, but I'm still overall pretty happy with my life and how things are turning out. I have a lot of great friends who I hang out with frequently and my nights are usually pretty busy as well as my days so I'm not wanting for too much.
12. More moral integrity I guess. Being a good person is good, so I'd rather be an even better person than I am now.
13. If I can't change the future based on anything I see, then nothing.
14. Moving out of the country (America). I haven't done it because getting a job internationally is tough.
15. Giving a presentation to a bunch of phds and mds on deep learning applications in ct scans at a major conference.
16. Being there for the other person when they are in need.
17. The time my dad told me how proud he was of me before I left for college.
18. The time I thought I was going to die and accepted my own death.
19. Of course. I have enough money to get by for a year, so I would go and travel the world and not worry about this job search.
20. People you would rather spend time with than be alone. I'm pretty introverted so that's a high bar haha.
21. I don't really know what this question means, but I love my family and I love my friends and I wouldn't be nearly as happy as I am now without those things.
22. He's funny, he goes out of his way to be kind, he's smart, we have a lot in common, he thinks before he talks in a way most people don't.
23. Pretty close and yes. My parents don't talk much, but they each love me and my brother very much and my brother and I are also close.
24. Great. I love her and love seeing her.
25. I want to be somebody who succeeds at doing something that helps the world. Right now, I'm not really sure what I can do to help the world, other than like, donate money?
26. My mornings.
27. I occasionally get really depressed, but it doesn't mean that I am not happy and full of life.

a.I'm proud of my intelligence and ability to pick things up very quickly. I feel like most things come more naturally to me than others.
b. I'm willing to change my opinions if new information presents itself and I'm not stuck in a certain way of thinking. I can easily see both sides, even though I generally agree with only one of those sides.
c. I care a lot about others and genuinely empathize with others.
d. I've accomplished a lot and I am proud of what I have accomplished.
e. I'm still alive.
29. The time I had a panic attack and thought I was going to die when I was really high. (To be fair, I did have a severe allergic reaction, but it wasn't life threatening).
30. When I told my dad about my depression. The last time I watched a sad movie. I still cry at a lot of things easily.
31. It makes me a bit teary eyed going over some of the most emotional moments of my life and taking a critical look at myself. It makes me miss my friends who I haven't seen in a while and it kind of gives me resolve to get over this somewhat tough chapter in my life.
32. Nothing really, but there are certain things that probably shouldn't be joked about in specific ways. Like, it's okay for a gay person to make fun of gay culture, but not for a straight cis person to make fun of gay culture in a mean way. In general, if your jokes are hurting people it's probably not cool, but any actual topic or idea has situations in which it can be funny.
33. My brother that he's awesome. I've told him how great he is, but I don't think I've ever been able to really get across how much I love him. It's hard because he's not the super emotional type, so I rarely get opportunities to have serious heartfelt conversations with each other.
34. My computer because it's worth the most.
35. My brother because I would rather die than he die.
36. Finding a job that I like and actually want to work at. I've gotten offers from two companies, but both of them worked for the military and basically make weapons. How do I find a job as a recent grad with not to much experience at a place I can actually be proud to work at?

Thanks for the post @kat.

Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

Albert Einstein.

Would you like to be famous? In what way?

Not famous, but remembered. I'd like to live on after I die, I'd like to have made an impact on someone.

Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

I absolutely do, I get incredibly anxious when talking on the phone, I make a list to make sure I talk about all the things I need to, otherwise I'll likely get flustered and forget to talk about some things.

What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

Spending a day with my boyfriend, just relaxing, able to be ourselves.

When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

I sometimes hum to myself, I hum whatever song is in my head. I sang Happy Birthday to my boyfriend as a voice message.

If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30‐year‐old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

Mind for sure. I don't want to forget, to have dementia, to slowly lose who I am.

Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

Possibly of a broken heart. Boyfriend is 13 years older then me, I know he'll likely die before me. After we've been together for 40, 50 years, will I have the strength to go on without him, I don't know.

Name three things you and your best friend have in common.

My best friend is my boyfriend, we both like reading sci-fi and fantasy books, we're both furries, we both like video games.

For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

The fact that I'm even here. I was born fairly premature, and I'm lucky to be here.

If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

Growing up was full of lots of conflict, I have some fetishes that I discovered when I was a teen, parents didn't understand, led to years of therapy, and I'm still not on the greatest of terms with my parents. Either I would have hidden them better, and parents wouldn't have found out, or parents would have been more understanding/accepting.

Set a timer for four minutes and type, in as much non‐identifying detail as possible, as much of your life story as you can within that timeframe.

I was born fairly premature, was in and out of the hospital lots. Went to private schools because of being gifted, and to help compensate for fine motor delays (went to school that used laptops). In and out of therapy for years. Felt intense guilt and shame about the fetishes I'm into, lost my first significant romantic relationship as a result. Was told that I needed to change in order to find love.

If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

The ability to take things less personally.

If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

I'd want to know if whether trying to get a job by boyfriend is the right thing to do. (I'm in Canada, he's in USA)

That's all I'll answer for now, since I need sleep, might answer more later.