Shit man. This is the question. I don't really know a lot myself, but I just got out of college and all my friends moved away, so I can tell you what I'm doing. Mainly: Do things. Go to a Meetup....
Shit man. This is the question. I don't really know a lot myself, but I just got out of college and all my friends moved away, so I can tell you what I'm doing. Mainly:
Do things. Go to a Meetup. Find a club. Go dancing! Go to a gym. Find a hobby group and join them.
Be out of the house. Even if you're not doing something "social", at least be visible. Go to a park or coffee shop. Meeting people in coffee shops is definitely a real thing.
Volunteer or get involved in a political campaign. It's really hard not to meet people through helping others.
This is exactly what you should do, especially the group meetup/hobby part (since you'll already start with a shared connection). Basically, the more people you meet, the more chances you have of...
This is exactly what you should do, especially the group meetup/hobby part (since you'll already start with a shared connection). Basically, the more people you meet, the more chances you have of making a friend.
Thanks for the suggestions.. I actually go read at a restaurant or tea shop almost every day at lunch.. I keep considering doing the meetups thing but have never followed through.. Maybe I'll...
Thanks for the suggestions.. I actually go read at a restaurant or tea shop almost every day at lunch.. I keep considering doing the meetups thing but have never followed through.. Maybe I'll actually do it
The opportunity to meet people exists all over the place if you can convince yourself to try. At least that's how it is for me. The bridge from being in a place where you can meet people and...
The opportunity to meet people exists all over the place if you can convince yourself to try. At least that's how it is for me. The bridge from being in a place where you can meet people and actually meeting people is the courage to try and be okay failing.
For instance, I'm a coder, so when I see people in coffee shops also working on code stuff I think of that as an opportunity to say hello and ask what they're working on. Sometimes they're in the zone and clearly not into talking, or working on something private or whatever, but other times it's turned into some interesting connections.
Doesn't have to be code, either. Pick up a book and go read in the park, pay attention to people around and if you see someone also reading, try to convince yourself that it's okay to say hello. One thing that helps me is to turn it around and imagine someone coming up to me and introducing themselves with "hey, how's your Saturday going? Reading anything interesting?" and I picture how I'd feel and I'm like, hey, that's pretty cool. I'd love it if people introduced themselves randomly.
I think a lot more people are open to random connections than we realize and we just gotta be willing to go a little outside of our comfort zone to get there.
The crazy part is that back in college, I was the super friendly one that always ended up talking to random strangers and stuff. I just never see people my age around much unless they're already...
The crazy part is that back in college, I was the super friendly one that always ended up talking to random strangers and stuff. I just never see people my age around much unless they're already in a group or something and then approaching them would just be weird.
This is an absolutely fabulous article about why it's harder to make friends as you get older. Sadly, it contains no answers as to how to surmount the issues therein.
This is an absolutely fabulous article about why it's harder to make friends as you get older. Sadly, it contains no answers as to how to surmount the issues therein.
Volunteering with a cause that you believe in is a great way to meet all sorts of people. It can often take you out of the tech bubble that can happen through coworkers.
Volunteering with a cause that you believe in is a great way to meet all sorts of people. It can often take you out of the tech bubble that can happen through coworkers.
I don't honestly know. I'm a middle-aged Illinois ex-pat in a city where it seems like everyone was born here. While there is friendliness, there is also this ephemeral feeling of being held at...
I don't honestly know. I'm a middle-aged Illinois ex-pat in a city where it seems like everyone was born here. While there is friendliness, there is also this ephemeral feeling of being held at arms-length. You only get to be a part of the group if you were born here and grew up in the group (or possess some other voodoo I'm unaware of). It's like, I get it...what middle-aged person who's had a life-long friend group wants to spend time teaching a new person what their boundaries and weird quirks are? It's exhausting to think about. It's also incredibly lonely from the outside. And frankly, I don't need "besties". I have those, and they're available to me intermittently face-to-face and more frequently via text, telephone, or snail-mail. But I would like some sense of community. I swear I'm >< this close to joining a Unitarian church or a Reform Synagogue just to develop some community (I'm not religious).
I have no idea what it would be, but I agree. I think one of the reasons my parents had a hard time making friends and integrating when we immigrated (to the southern US) was because we're...
I have no idea what it would be, but I agree. I think one of the reasons my parents had a hard time making friends and integrating when we immigrated (to the southern US) was because we're nonreligious and the main communities here are religious.
Shit man. This is the question. I don't really know a lot myself, but I just got out of college and all my friends moved away, so I can tell you what I'm doing. Mainly:
This is exactly what you should do, especially the group meetup/hobby part (since you'll already start with a shared connection). Basically, the more people you meet, the more chances you have of making a friend.
Thanks for the suggestions.. I actually go read at a restaurant or tea shop almost every day at lunch.. I keep considering doing the meetups thing but have never followed through.. Maybe I'll actually do it
The opportunity to meet people exists all over the place if you can convince yourself to try. At least that's how it is for me. The bridge from being in a place where you can meet people and actually meeting people is the courage to try and be okay failing.
For instance, I'm a coder, so when I see people in coffee shops also working on code stuff I think of that as an opportunity to say hello and ask what they're working on. Sometimes they're in the zone and clearly not into talking, or working on something private or whatever, but other times it's turned into some interesting connections.
Doesn't have to be code, either. Pick up a book and go read in the park, pay attention to people around and if you see someone also reading, try to convince yourself that it's okay to say hello. One thing that helps me is to turn it around and imagine someone coming up to me and introducing themselves with "hey, how's your Saturday going? Reading anything interesting?" and I picture how I'd feel and I'm like, hey, that's pretty cool. I'd love it if people introduced themselves randomly.
I think a lot more people are open to random connections than we realize and we just gotta be willing to go a little outside of our comfort zone to get there.
Or, I dunno, that's just me.
This makes me hopeful. I like this. If you came up to me while I was reading in the park, I would talk to you.
The crazy part is that back in college, I was the super friendly one that always ended up talking to random strangers and stuff. I just never see people my age around much unless they're already in a group or something and then approaching them would just be weird.
This is a good article on this topic from the New York Times: Why Is It Hard to Make Friends Over 30?
This is an absolutely fabulous article about why it's harder to make friends as you get older. Sadly, it contains no answers as to how to surmount the issues therein.
That's a really good read! Thanks for sharing.
Volunteering with a cause that you believe in is a great way to meet all sorts of people. It can often take you out of the tech bubble that can happen through coworkers.
I don't honestly know. I'm a middle-aged Illinois ex-pat in a city where it seems like everyone was born here. While there is friendliness, there is also this ephemeral feeling of being held at arms-length. You only get to be a part of the group if you were born here and grew up in the group (or possess some other voodoo I'm unaware of). It's like, I get it...what middle-aged person who's had a life-long friend group wants to spend time teaching a new person what their boundaries and weird quirks are? It's exhausting to think about. It's also incredibly lonely from the outside. And frankly, I don't need "besties". I have those, and they're available to me intermittently face-to-face and more frequently via text, telephone, or snail-mail. But I would like some sense of community. I swear I'm >< this close to joining a Unitarian church or a Reform Synagogue just to develop some community (I'm not religious).
There needs to be a different institution that provides community
I have no idea what it would be, but I agree. I think one of the reasons my parents had a hard time making friends and integrating when we immigrated (to the southern US) was because we're nonreligious and the main communities here are religious.