To all the shrinks I've known before
Is this what therapy looks like for other people?
I can't tell you how often I've come to the edge of sharing the following experiences--destructive, traumatic, bizarre: all the opposites of what therapy is supposed to be. For months after the latest incident, I've needed to tell someone. I've struggled so hard with life and with putting things into writing, typing and erasing H-E-L- into the title field on Tildes over and over. Where do you go when therapists are the problem? Then, this morning, I woke up with this idea of squeezing the facts into a lightly comedic lyric. Try as I might, I guess I can't deny my métier. (I can clarify what gets lost in the parody.)
Sing along if you know the tune and have a high tolerance for aural ipecac from the 1980s.
To all the shrinks I’ve known before,
I was ten and your help I begged for.
You said, “Those aren’t real issues,
Please spare some of my tissues.”
You were a shrink I’ve known before.
To all the shrinks who somewhat tried,
Who thumbed their whiskers as I cried,
One had a light-bar toy
And called me a scared boy.
He was a shrink I’ve known before.
The winds of fashion keep on blowing,
With each conference you attend.
The only constant is me going.
What won’t I do for friends!
To the shrink who said, “talk speedier,”
Then stalked my social media,
You came to session with the flu,
And so I got it too.
Now you're a shrink I’ve known before.
One hid his grins with coffee mugs,
While second-guessing my psych drugs.
He phoned the very dude
With whom I had a feud,
Now he’s just a shrink I’ve known before.
The pandemic brought us video,
Any doctor can be seen!
But it’s the same as ab initio,
Behind or just off screen.
To the one who should have HIPAA claims,
Whose spouse listened outside the frame,
I heard him eating lunch,
But you dismissed my hunch,
Now you’re a shrink I’ve known before.
To all the shrinks I’ve known before,
Who apparently could not close doors,
You broke my fragile trust,
So say goodbye I must,
To all the shrinks I’ve known before.
Nice song. Your shrinks sound like assholes. They probably need shrinks themselves. It must be hard to face something like that when you are the most fragile. A shrink is a health professional, but also more than that. There is a level of trust and intimacy that simply doesn't happen with a regular doctor. One shouldn't choose a shrink too quickly, it makes sense to go to a few before making a decision. Don't be afraid to simply walk out, I've done that two times. I don't know how it works where you are, but here they do not charge for the first session. In any case, I hope you are not completely disillusioned. Psychotherapy is immensely valuable.
Thank you. Though I'm on the cusp of swearing off of therapy for myself, I still advocate that others try it.
I've had few bad experiences with psychotherapists. The worse was when I walked out after she told me, in the first session, before even getting to know me, that she would not go easy on me and that I should not expect to be coddled. While I do believe it is important to not indulge in the patient's victim narrative, I don't think the very first session is the time to establish something like that. I was profoundly depressed and contemplating suicide. Some comforting was required.
The second time I walked out was from a psychiatrist, and in retrospect, I believe I was in the wrong there. He wanted to introduce a very aggressive treatment, which scared me, but that was probably what I needed at the moment.
Other than that, I can't complain. Psychotherapy is not always super effective (and its effects generally require a long-term commitment -- patience is mandatory), but you gotta be especially bad for it to cause harm. In the last 20 years or so, I went through two psychoanalysts, patchwork therapy (pretty hippy...), and behavioral cognitive therapy. They all have their strengths, and are better suited for different problems.
Try researching a bit about different schools, maybe look into the CV of possible professionals. See if they have any specialization that might contemplate your symptoms. I urge you to remain hopeful!
Bravo! That was awesome. My spouse has been searching for one and running into similar issues. She does an initial session, and there are all these warning signs about how badly it would go if she kept on, so she just moves on to the next one. It really is astounding that someone in a psychologist's or psychiatrist's position could be so callous and awful at their job. You're not alone in experiencing these things. I hope you're able to find someone who isn't a douchebag.
Believe it or not, this helps immensely to hear.
I've been afraid of revealing this history to another therapist, expecting her to pause, tilt her head, write "confabulation" in her notes, then move on. It's good to know I'm not alone in finding bad apples. Sadly, my issues tend to dampen down my assertiveness, and usually, despite privacy violations or other inappropriate behavior, I roll with it longer than I should.
I have yet to meet a therapist who was good for me. I'm sure there are lots of good ones out there but I haven't been lucky enough to meet them. Lots of quacks in the area.