Drewbahr's recent activity
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Comment on I almost got hit by a car in ~life
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Comment on "The therapeutic industry is platonic prostitution" in ~health.mental
Drewbahr Link ParentBut none of those suggest that relationships were more shallow in the past. Quite the opposite in fact.But none of those suggest that relationships were more shallow in the past. Quite the opposite in fact.
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Comment on Proton sponsors far-right French YouTuber, claims lack of awareness in response to backlash in ~society
Drewbahr Link ParentMarketing specialists? The least they could do is a Google or Wikipedia search for the guy.Marketing specialists?
The least they could do is a Google or Wikipedia search for the guy.
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Comment on Proton sponsors far-right French YouTuber, claims lack of awareness in response to backlash in ~society
Drewbahr Link ParentFool me once, etc. If a company supports extremist far right politics twice, then they support extremist far right politics imo. Makes me wish I could cancel my subscription to them twice.Fool me once, etc.
If a company supports extremist far right politics twice, then they support extremist far right politics imo. Makes me wish I could cancel my subscription to them twice.
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Comment on Have you tried Pewdiepies' self-hosted AI workspace, Odysseus? in ~tech
Drewbahr Link ParentFair, I misunderstood. Thanks for clarifying. Personally, my issue with excusing racism as "just being edgy" is that to the uninitiated, there's is no difference. If I go out in public and shout...Fair, I misunderstood. Thanks for clarifying.
Personally, my issue with excusing racism as "just being edgy" is that to the uninitiated, there's is no difference. If I go out in public and shout racist things, people will just think I'm racist. I can explain that I was just being edgy, but at a certain point the difference is functionally non-existent.
People like to think that how they are online is not representative of who they are. I disagree.
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Comment on Have you tried Pewdiepies' self-hosted AI workspace, Odysseus? in ~tech
Drewbahr Link ParentForgive me for being blunt, because I don't understand what you mean here. What is the "nuance" behind edgy (in context, racist) humor?Forgive me for being blunt, because I don't understand what you mean here.
What is the "nuance" behind edgy (in context, racist) humor?
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Comment on Have you tried Pewdiepies' self-hosted AI workspace, Odysseus? in ~tech
Drewbahr Link ParentForgive me, but making jokes in bad taste on a school trip is not the same as promoting Nazi propaganda to 76 million people. At the time of that video, he was 18. Not a child-child. He may not be...Forgive me, but making jokes in bad taste on a school trip is not the same as promoting Nazi propaganda to 76 million people. At the time of that video, he was 18. Not a child-child.
He may not be a Nazi, but he certainly made it a big point to sound like one. And to millions of children across the world no less. The ramifications of promoting that bullshit are way, way more profound when your audience can be measured in total percentage of the world population.
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Comment on Have you tried Pewdiepies' self-hosted AI workspace, Odysseus? in ~tech
Drewbahr Link ParentMost of what I know about PewDiePie is reflected in the comments here. https://www.reddit.com/r/changemyview/comments/leu445/cmv_i_dont_see_how_pewdiepie_is_a_nazi/ I get being "edgy", but even in...Most of what I know about PewDiePie is reflected in the comments here.
https://www.reddit.com/r/changemyview/comments/leu445/cmv_i_dont_see_how_pewdiepie_is_a_nazi/
I get being "edgy", but even in my edgiest phases as a kid I was never Nazi-adjacent. Nothing I said or did could be construed as encouraging Naziism.
I do hope he's grown out of that "phase", but fuck him for introducing a generation of kids to racism as if it's a joke.
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Comment on Serious relationship problem, seeking advice in ~life
Drewbahr LinkHere's my two cents: TL;DR, talk to a therapist - you, personally, first. If/when your partner asks why, I would be honest about the reason, but I wouldn't frame it as "I want to be with your...- Exemplary
Here's my two cents: TL;DR, talk to a therapist - you, personally, first. If/when your partner asks why, I would be honest about the reason, but I wouldn't frame it as "I want to be with your sister"; rather, I'd frame it as "I'm having confusing feelings about our circumstances and I need objective help to sort them out."
My background: I'm in my mid-40s. I've been in a monogamous relationship for 21 years, and have been married to that same partner now for 14 years. We have two kids, a dog, a house, intertwined finances and families, the whole nine yards. Prior to that, I had a handful of relationships, most lasting for no more than a few weeks, with one lasting for 2.5 years.
My reading on this situation is that it's very messy - for you, in your head. What we are missing is any context for how your partner or their sister feels - which is understandable, because you're not them, and it wouldn't be great to invite them into this thread given how things are for you right now. It's hard to know, for us here at Tildes, what exactly has been going on in the household and within and between different players. We have insight into what you think is going on between people in this situation; what we (Tildes users) don't have is actual insight into the situation. I would be hesitant to act on any of the options presented here (even my own!), if only because none of us know the reality of the situation.
What I will say is this: in my 21-year-long relationship, it's had its ebbs and flows. I've certainly had feelings for various people over time, to differing degrees. I've had thoughts, intrusive and otherwise, about "what would happen if ..." and "what could be ...". What I've never done, is acted on them. The main reason is ... all of those have been passing fancies. Hormones telling me I'm really into this person or another. In some cases, maybe I do really have some deeper connection with them, or at least the possibility of one. But what those people don't have, is the history and deeper love that I share with my wife.
In my book, romantic love is a flexible thing - in the sense that it adapts, it changes form and shape, but it's still what it is. The way my wife and I love each other now is ... "different" from how we loved each other when we were college kids. It's "different" because it's older, grown more mature, grown deeper and developed. The love's got stretch marks and aching joints and it's sleep-deprived and strung out, but it's still the same love that brought us together in the first place. It's had its ups and downs, its events that strained it and events that have strengthened it. It's got a history and a story. But it's strong.
Love, to me, is deeper than just what hormones tell us we want. It's the connection we form with a person, with their past and their future, and with their families (temperaments permitting).
I say all of that, because I fear that you may be weighing the pros and cons of your current, long-term, loving and cherished relationship ... against the feelings you've developed for your partner's sister. Feelings you, yourself, state are confusing. Feelings that you have explicitly stated you don't think are shared, or at least not in the same way.
Your options of just coming clean to your partner and/or their sister seem both self-destructive, and completely self-serving. When considering your options, you need to consider both how they will affect you, but also your partner, their sister, and all of the families involved. I would hesitate to just ... come out with all of the feelings all at once, before you've had time to really stew on what they are. Hence, talking to a counselor and getting some guidance.
I'm reminded of The Hagakure - a centuries-old book, based off of the collected communication between an aging samurai and a young retainer. There's a lot of gobbledegook in the book about a myriad of topics, but there's a great excerpt about criticism. The relevant bits, I feel, I have highlighted below.
To give a person one's opinion and correct his faults is an important thing. It is compassionate and comes first in matters of service. But the way of doing this is extremely difficult. To discover the good and bad points of a person is an easy thing, and to give an opinion concerning them is easy, too. For the most part, people think that they are being kind by saying the things that others find distasteful or difficult to say. But if it is not received well, they think that there is nothing more to be done. This is completely worthless. It is the same as bringing shame to a person by slandering him. It is nothing more than getting it off one's chest.
To give a person an opinion one must first judge well whether that person is of the disposition to receive it or not. One must become close with him and make sure that he continually trusts one's word. Approaching subjects that are dear to him, seek the best way to speak and to be well understood. Judge the occasion, and determine whether it is better by letter or at the time of leave−taking. Praise his good points and use every device to encourage him, perhaps by talking about one's own faults without touching on his, but so that they will occur to him. Have him receive this in the way that a man would drink water when his throat is dry, and it will be an opinion that will correct faults.
This is extremely difficult. If a person's fault is a habit of some years prior, by and large it won't be remedied. I have had this experience myself. To be intimate with all one's comrades, correcting each other's faults, and being of one mind to be of use to the master is the great compassion of a retainer. By bringing shame to a person, how could one expect to make him a better man?
I wouldn't bring this topic up with your partner or their sister until such time as you've sorted out what you are feeling, and I'd certainly verify within myself as to whether I'm doing it for my sake - to "get it off my chest" - or for theirs/ours. And I don't think, personally, that I'd get there without having a counselor to help me.
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Comment on Serious relationship problem, seeking advice in ~life
Drewbahr Link ParentOP specifically mentioned that they don't think the sister shares their feelings.OP specifically mentioned that they don't think the sister shares their feelings.
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Comment on What change would make you quit Tildes? in ~tildes
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Comment on What change would make you quit Tildes? in ~tildes
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Comment on What change would make you quit Tildes? in ~tildes
Drewbahr LinkI think continued antagonism towards certain lines of discussion. When you get greeted with "I was wondering when you would show up" in a topic, it's not exactly welcoming. I don't submit many...I think continued antagonism towards certain lines of discussion.
When you get greeted with "I was wondering when you would show up" in a topic, it's not exactly welcoming.
I don't submit many topics here, but I do participate. It's a small enough community that's people's behaviors can become expected or predictable. But I'm not a fan of it becoming hostile.
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Comment on Use AI this election in ~society
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Comment on Use AI this election in ~society
Drewbahr Link ParentHow are you improving the site with this comment?How are you improving the site with this comment?
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Comment on Use AI this election in ~society
Drewbahr Link ParentI think eugenics marks a line in the sand for some. Like me. It's not purity testing to oppose eugenics, and those that believe in it.I think eugenics marks a line in the sand for some. Like me. It's not purity testing to oppose eugenics, and those that believe in it.
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Comment on Use AI this election in ~society
Drewbahr Link ParentDonating a kidney is irrelevant to the fact that he's a eugenicist.Donating a kidney is irrelevant to the fact that he's a eugenicist.
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Comment on 'The report's so stupid': The DNC 2024 autopsy is roiling US Democrats in ~society
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Comment on What movies become better by having a bus suddenly come out of no where and hit someone? in ~movies
Drewbahr Link ParentIt was supposed to be serious ... ish. Not somber or depressing, but sudden and pitiless. It was definitely funnier than I think they intended it to be.It was supposed to be serious ... ish. Not somber or depressing, but sudden and pitiless.
It was definitely funnier than I think they intended it to be.
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Comment on What movies become better by having a bus suddenly come out of no where and hit someone? in ~movies
Drewbahr LinkI'm surprised that nobody has mentioned Meet Joe Black. When I think of a bus randomly hitting someone, that's the first movie that comes to mind Well, turns out I misremember the scene. It...I'm surprised that nobody has mentioned Meet Joe Black. When I think of a bus randomly hitting someone, that's the first movie that comes to mind
Well, turns out I misremember the scene. It doesn't involve a bus. Still funny though.
OP isn't in the USA.
I'm not sure throwing rocks at cars will solve anything, but in the USA it might get you shot. You may want to reconsider your choices.