EarthyStrangeCoffee's recent activity
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Comment on How do you keep your home smelling nice? in ~life.home_improvement
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Comment on Two more women accuse Neil Gaiman of sexual assault and abuse in ~books
EarthyStrangeCoffee Link ParentI do agree with you that we need to see more consent like this in media, but I also agree with what DefinitelyNotAFae is saying about women in real life not sharing the idea that asking for...I do agree with you that we need to see more consent like this in media, but I also agree with what DefinitelyNotAFae is saying about women in real life not sharing the idea that asking for consent means you lack confidence.
When it comes down to it, you're kissing another person, not a character. If you want to know how to interact with people, you have to actually interact with people, you can't just learn from watching movies or other media. I obviously don't know every woman ever, but I don't know any who would say "I wanted to kiss this guy but then he asked me if he could, so he's obviously not confident and I can't be with him."
Asking is showing you have the confidence to go for a kiss, but also that you care about what the other person wants. Going for a kiss without asking is like saying "you might not want this, but I do, so I'm going to do it" even if it's not portrayed like that in the media, that's how it translates to real life.
This article has real women coming forward saying "this makes me uncomfortable." The woman who was kissed regrets not calling him out for it at the time. Asking is a very low risk thing to do to make sure you're not in a situation like that.
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Comment on Two more women accuse Neil Gaiman of sexual assault and abuse in ~books
EarthyStrangeCoffee Link ParentI don't know if asking for consent should be skipped just because it seems "awkward" to the people involved? If someone says no, then it's embarrassing and awkward, but it can't be any more...I don't know if asking for consent should be skipped just because it seems "awkward" to the people involved?
If someone says no, then it's embarrassing and awkward, but it can't be any more embarrassing than if you had actually kissed someone who didn't want to be? Asking also gives you the opportunity to show that you can respect that person's boundaries, which I think may be easier to recover from if you want to keep talking to that person as friends than getting a kiss wrong.
Or if you're asking someone who does want to be kissed by you, do you think that they would change their mind and suddenly not want to kiss just because you asked? If checking in with someone ruins the whole thing for them, you may have saved yourself from a lot of issues later.
Sometimes people don't know what they want either. A lot of emotions aren't black and white and asking gives the other person time to assess. I really don't see any downsides to asking that would be worse than going for a kiss and getting it wrong.
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Comment on 'Barbie' review: Sometimes corporate propaganda can be fun as hell in ~movies
EarthyStrangeCoffee Link ParentI don't think I put it clearly enough, but I believe part of the point is that it's not trying to win anyone over. We don't watch other movies with the idea that it should be making a point in a...I don't think I put it clearly enough, but I believe part of the point is that it's not trying to win anyone over. We don't watch other movies with the idea that it should be making a point in a way that magically fixes people or makes them agree to the message. It was over the top "woke" to anyone like Ben Shapiro who was going to criticize it anyway.
Instead of trying to make something palatable to people who already hate it without seeing it, they went with more of "I see you" for the women in the audience. Not that women want to just "get back at men" but in a "this is what you've seen happening to women your whole life so we'll show the opposite" - it's not a call to action, it's a funny movie that's commenting on how society is by flipping it.
I think it's subversive in that it puts women on top and doesn't take the "nevermind we should be equal" type ending that people expect to see.
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Comment on 'Barbie' review: Sometimes corporate propaganda can be fun as hell in ~movies
EarthyStrangeCoffee Link ParentI saw the movie today and initially had the same reaction of wishing they had shown more of a "let's see how we can improve it" type view, especially considering how both Ken and Baribie are each...I saw the movie today and initially had the same reaction of wishing they had shown more of a "let's see how we can improve it" type view, especially considering how both Ken and Baribie are each dealing with a "I don't know who I actually am" crisis.
I'm a woman, and my main thought was "this will be something that men watching will have an issue with, they'll use this to not take feminist issues seriously." When I realized that, I also realized that maybe it was the point, not to get men to care as much as making the movie more for women.
One part stuck with me:
Spoilers
When the Kens ask for a supreme court representative and the Barbie president says she can't do that, but can give them a lower court position, the voiceover says something along the lines of "Maybe if the Kens work hard enough, they'll have the same representation as women in the real world."
I don't know if I've ever watched a movie before and had a thought of "Does this make me feel different about men?" because so many movies are centered around men, it's kind of the default? That's why the Bechdel Test is talked about because it's so easy to show examples of movies where there aren't 2 female characters who talk to each other about anything other than a man (even without the stipulation that they're named characters).
You and I both felt the "let's see how you like it" vibe, and I think speaks to this whole mindset, that we can see the roles are just being flipped, but instead of "oh this is how you feel normally" we're immediately saying "you should've taken the higher road and shown us being equal" while we're not even questioning the framing of other movies because they're based in "reality".
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Comment on <deleted topic> in ~tech
EarthyStrangeCoffee Link ParentI think this happens a lot with any app now. I used MyFitnessPal for calorie counting for almost 10 years and the main feature I used was their barcode scanner, it made logging food really easy...I think this happens a lot with any app now. I used MyFitnessPal for calorie counting for almost 10 years and the main feature I used was their barcode scanner, it made logging food really easy and they had a huge database since they had been around for so long. Last year they decided to move the barcode scanner to a premium feature so I stopped using the app. It was very apparent a lot of people were only there because MFP had the best barcode scanner and the company was hoping people would pay for it.
Companies seem more comfortable making unpopular changes for more money, and they don't care about complaints as long as there are people staying and paying. There are a lot of other people like me who are mad at MyFitnessPal and deleting the app, but it doesn't change anything because more people stayed than left. MFP has also been around a good while and are intergrated into a lot of other apps (like Garmin, various smart scales, etc..) which makes it even more inconvenient for people looking to switch.
It's the same with Reddit, nothing will change because more people stay than leave. Reddit's been around long enough that there's a lot of good information there and communities that you can't find anywhere else. I left Facebook but a lot of people I know haven't because so many companies and local groups use it to post information.
They know most people won't want to start over or try to find something new. I wish more people could be comfortable with moving on when things get bad, but change is scary and it's not always easy to find replacements.
The main reason we've stuck with KittyPooClub is the soy pellets they offer and I can't find any other brand that has them. I think they handle the smell a lot better than anything else we've tried, and they're still clumping which I prefer for cleaning.