EarthyStrangeCoffee's recent activity
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Comment on How do you practice self love? in ~health.mental
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Comment on Novo Nordisk's ad campaign, which aimed to speak ‘without filters’ by declaring obesity a disease, has faced strong criticism on social media and from some scientific societies in ~health
EarthyStrangeCoffee LinkI've been thinking about this and decided to make another comment because this line in particular really bothers me. I agree that we should "remove filters" from the obesity conversation, but the...- Exemplary
“It’s necessary to remove filters from the conversation around obesity because obesity doesn’t require protection; it requires knowledge to act on it and seek medical help, as we do with any other chronic illness,” said a Novo Nordisk spokesperson.
I've been thinking about this and decided to make another comment because this line in particular really bothers me. I agree that we should "remove filters" from the obesity conversation, but the "filters" that need removed are the shame and embarrassment that they're adding with this advertisement. I want to give some perspective from my own life as a fat person and so heads up, this is long and the rest of my comment gets a bit heavy (pun intended).
In third grade I weighed 133lbs. I know this number exactly because my school had started a program to try to combat childhood obesity, which had the teacher walk the class down to the gymnasium where all of us stepped on a scale one by one in front of everyone else and the gym teacher recorded all of our weights. The school then sent a letter home to my dad telling him what my weight and BMI was, that I was obese, and that this could lead to serious health risks. My dad was angry and embarrassed because he took the letter as the school saying he was a bad parent while he was trying his best to raise me and my brother on his own. He told me I needed to play outside more.
Other kids at school made fun of me for being fat. Gym class became humiliating and I stopped trying there. I had always loved swimming and was excited for swim class until it became another opportunity for kids to make comments about me, and I started getting so anxious on swim class days I would tell my dad I was sick or tell the teacher I was on my period to get out of it.
Other members of my family made fun of me for being fat. On one occasion, I had a stomach bug and threw up after dinner, one of my aunts joked that I would be better off if I did that more often. My grandpa tried to help me by sending me any articles he came across that linked obesity to diabetes and heart disease and all the other health problems.
On television I saw ads for Jenny Craig, Subway Jared, and Weight Watchers. Weight Watchers had an ad with a woman dancing and singing about how she could "go sleeveless" now since she lost weight. There's a line in the song she sings "and now my arms don't jiggle when I clap" which is what caused me to notice that my arms did jiggle when I clapped, and I started feeling uncomfortable wearing short sleeves. The stupid song still gets stuck in my head to this day.
Standing in line to check out at stores I looked at magazine covers that promised you could lose weight fast with the new diets in the issue. I saw tabloids blasting celebrities for gaining weight.
I hated myself. I was so ashamed and embarrassed about how I looked. I stopped kayaking which had been one of my few remaining "safe" activities. I was embarrassed to just exist in public. I was wearing hoodies and jeans even in the summer heat. I stopped eating in front of anyone. I tried to stop eating altogether but I lacked the willpower and berated myself when I did cave and then overeat because I was hungry.
I was 15 years old and I believed I would never be able to not be fat. I believed that I was probably already doing irreversible harm to my body like the articles warned. I believed that even if a miracle occurred and I was able to lose weight, that it was too late, I would end up with loose baggy skin and my boobs wouldn't be big which was almost as undesirable as being fat. I believed no one would ever want to date me. Looking towards the future I saw nothing but more embarrassment and loneliness and health problems. I was 15 when I attempted suicide. I spent some time in the juvenile psychiatric wing of a hospital, was put on medication for depression (which had a side effect of weight gain so I stopped taking that as soon as I was out), and didn't really feel better but told the adults I did because being in the hospital felt worse than being at home.
Up until this point in my life my family didn't have internet at home. I didn't have social media. All of these messages I had been given in "real life." We got home internet so that I could finish out the school year in "cyber school" since I had fallen so far behind and missed so much in my classes.
Not long into having the internet available at home, I found Tumblr and found a body positivity blog that was run by a fat woman who did yoga. She posted pictures and videos of her yoga practice where she wore a sports bra and had her stomach out. She proved that someone can be fat and still do all the advanced inversions, contortions, and arm balances while looking as peaceful and happy as any skinny yogi. I was introduced to the idea of "fat" being used as an adjective that shouldn't be any more shameful or embarrassing than describing someone's hair color. That I should try to love my body because it allows me to move and experience the world, or if I can't love my body then to at least see it as neutral instead of hating it.
I started practicing yoga and found a studio near me that was run and attended by the kindest older women I have ever met who went out of their way to make sure that the studio was a safe space for people to feel comfortable.
It's now been more than 15 years since my suicide attempt and I'm living a very happy life with a wonderful spouse, I don't have any major medical issues, and I'm still fat. There have been ups and downs and nothing magically fixed me, but I'm still here due largely to finding those body positivity posts that are being demonized in this ad. I'm living a life that 15 year old me literally didn't believe could exist.
I'm only able to visit a doctor and talk about any health concerns, let alone my weight and potential options for losing it, because I've been successful at separating that shame and embarrassment from the fact that I'm fat. (And I'm not even getting into how fat people tend to receive worse treatment from medical professionals.)
If this or any company or person really cares about the health of fat people, they should be working to undo the stigmas that fat people face that keep them from seeing the doctor, or moving their bodies, or living their lives. Instead this ad is piling on more shame, and I think that makes it clear that the company only cares to push for fat people to buy their drug.
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Comment on Novo Nordisk's ad campaign, which aimed to speak ‘without filters’ by declaring obesity a disease, has faced strong criticism on social media and from some scientific societies in ~health
EarthyStrangeCoffee Link ParentI think this is what really stands out to me as the main issue. Smoking was pushed as being good for you for years and alcohol is so ingrained as being normal and something everyone uses...I think this is what really stands out to me as the main issue. Smoking was pushed as being good for you for years and alcohol is so ingrained as being normal and something everyone uses frequently that people think it's weird that I don't drink. Having public service announcements for these things makes sense because someone may not actually know how bad these things are.
Being fat on the other hand, we're constantly reminded that this isn't "ideal" and we need to change (preferably by spending money on our weight loss drugs, diets, etc...). As far as I'm aware, the body positivity movement hasn't caused anyone to go out and get fat because they thought it was all good and fun. Being fat isn't what the cool kids are doing.
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Comment on Victories and challenges: An A[u]DHD community and support fortnightly thread #2 in ~health.mental
EarthyStrangeCoffee Link Parent"Is your energy quite cyclical, where when you feel like your brain is working you'll push yourself really really hard, and then be totally exhausted and need time to recover?" This just hit me..."Is your energy quite cyclical, where when you feel like your brain is working you'll push yourself really really hard, and then be totally exhausted and need time to recover?"
This just hit me like a ton of bricks.
I've always wanted to keep a daily journal (and exercise regularly, and clean my house regularly, and stick to a budget, and all of that will happen if I can just keep a journal, right?). In trying to be more accepting of "failure" and trying to get better at picking things back up vs feeling shame and never doing them again, I eventually forced myself to keep one journal and pick it back up at the next page instead of buying a new one every time like I had been so far.
Using one book caused me to notice the pattern of when I was feeling like my brain was working (when I wrote daily) followed by the periods when I wasn't doing well (when I didn't write at all)(insert the picture of the planes that came back with bullet holes). So I started trying to approach things from an angle of "I know I have this cycle, how do I work with it to get more things done when I'm good to make up for when I'm down?"
I never looked at it like I was pushing myself and then needing a recovery period. I was looking for ways to start again after falling off because why am I like this why can't I just keep going... And also getting frustrated when I felt like I should be at the "good" part of the cycle again but I wasn't feeling good yet.... and never considered that maybe I need rest.
My energy cycles really closely with my menstrual cycle, and I'm sure hormones play a part, but now I'm realizing I may be making it worse in my attempt to work with myself 🙃
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Comment on 'Murderbot' is the best new comedy of 2025. You read that right. in ~tv
EarthyStrangeCoffee Link ParentSorry I feel like I'm butting in on your conversation, but I wanted to thank you for pointing out that it/its are Murderbot's pronouns. When I listened to the books I loved that it even brought up...Sorry I feel like I'm butting in on your conversation, but I wanted to thank you for pointing out that it/its are Murderbot's pronouns. When I listened to the books I loved that it even brought up the pronouns in a way that shows most of our first reactions, when a character was referring to Murderbot as "he" specifically to try to humanize it. The character saying "he" had very good intentions, but it still upset Murderbot who clarified that it was an it, not a he. This part stuck out to me so much and seemed so clear that it irks me when fans get it wrong.
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Comment on I bought the newly-in-print Playboy for the articles. It did not disappoint. in ~talk
EarthyStrangeCoffee Link ParentI'm generally happy to pay more for less ads, but I'm curious if that was Playboy's intention to have less ads going forward or if there are just fewer companies now willing to buy ad space from...I'm generally happy to pay more for less ads, but I'm curious if that was Playboy's intention to have less ads going forward or if there are just fewer companies now willing to buy ad space from them. There's so much pressure for content online to be "advertiser friendly" that it seems like companies care more now about what images their brand is paired with?
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Comment on I bought the newly-in-print Playboy for the articles. It did not disappoint. in ~talk
EarthyStrangeCoffee (edited )Link ParentI'll have to look again when I get home to compare just how much is pictures, but I have a good number of issues from the 80s and was surprised by how much is actually written in them. My dad had...I'll have to look again when I get home to compare just how much is pictures, but I have a good number of issues from the 80s and was surprised by how much is actually written in them.
My dad had saved them because he liked anything written by Shel Silverstein - and I think that's true since he didn't think it was weird handing them over to his daughter lol
Edit: I pulled out the old issues and flipped through 2. I think I'd be a little disappointed if I was buying them thinking they were more picture oriented. The April 1980 issue is 300 pages total and only 15 are dedicated to photos of naked women. There were more cartoon boobs throughout the issue than real.
September 1985 which features Madonna nude had more, but it was still 210 pages and less than 20 had naked women being the main focus.
There are a ton of ads, mostly for cigarettes from what I saw, but a lot of the articles are about politics and both have a section for men's fashion.
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Comment on Anthem Blue Cross Blue Shield reverses US policy that would have limited anesthesia periods in ~health
EarthyStrangeCoffee Link ParentI've been trying to understand it, because while $50k is much too high, $1700 also seems too low. My guess is that they have themselves contracted at a loss and make up for it with the contracts...I've been trying to understand it, because while $50k is much too high, $1700 also seems too low. My guess is that they have themselves contracted at a loss and make up for it with the contracts the hospital has with other insurance providers. So the actual cost of my surgery is paid in part by overcharging someone else's insurance.
I know another health insurance company with hospitals in the area runs the hospital side as non-profit, so I could understand them wanting to keep as much as they can with the insurance side. There might be something similar happening here.
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Comment on Anthem Blue Cross Blue Shield reverses US policy that would have limited anesthesia periods in ~health
EarthyStrangeCoffee Link ParentOr sometimes just one. In the area that I live now the insurance companies actually own the hospitals. I had surgery in October and the hospital (owned by my insurance company) billed my insurance...It's a dance that requires two players.
Or sometimes just one. In the area that I live now the insurance companies actually own the hospitals. I had surgery in October and the hospital (owned by my insurance company) billed my insurance $50,000. The insurance company then paid the hospital (that they own) $1,700 as the "in-network rate" the hospital accepts as a full payment. Something's very clearly broken here.
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Comment on Anthem Blue Cross Blue Shield reverses US policy that would have limited anesthesia periods in ~health
EarthyStrangeCoffee Link ParentI agree with everything you said and the system is the problem - but I want to add just in case anyone needs this info: you don't have to be stuck with a bill because a provider you saw at an...I agree with everything you said and the system is the problem - but I want to add just in case anyone needs this info: you don't have to be stuck with a bill because a provider you saw at an in-network facility is actually out-of-network. This was already the case for people using Medicare and Medicaid, but the No Surprises Act extended that protection to those with group or individual health plans as well.
It's immensely frustrating that it happens and is set up in a way where both the insurance and providers hope the patient just pays the bill because they don't know better. You have to call your insurance and tell them that the out-of-network provider you saw was out of your control... which is something the insurance would very likely already know, considering they probably have received the billing from an in-network facility showing your surgery, and that date and procedure would line up with the claim they denied from the anesthesiologist for being out-of-network.
Then when your insurance does make a payment to the out-of-network provider, you may get a bill from the provider for whatever insurance didn't cover, which is called balance billing. You have to make another phone call to dispute the bill with the provider this time because the No Surprises Act also prohibits balance billing for services like anesthesia.
I worked customer service for a large insurance company's Medicaid line and about half of my calls were fixing situations like this. (Side note please try to be nice to the people on the phone, we're also victims of the company.)
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Comment on How do you keep your home smelling nice? in ~life.home_improvement
EarthyStrangeCoffee Link ParentThe main reason we've stuck with KittyPooClub is the soy pellets they offer and I can't find any other brand that has them. I think they handle the smell a lot better than anything else we've...The main reason we've stuck with KittyPooClub is the soy pellets they offer and I can't find any other brand that has them. I think they handle the smell a lot better than anything else we've tried, and they're still clumping which I prefer for cleaning.
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Comment on Two more women accuse Neil Gaiman of sexual assault and abuse in ~books
EarthyStrangeCoffee Link ParentI do agree with you that we need to see more consent like this in media, but I also agree with what DefinitelyNotAFae is saying about women in real life not sharing the idea that asking for...I do agree with you that we need to see more consent like this in media, but I also agree with what DefinitelyNotAFae is saying about women in real life not sharing the idea that asking for consent means you lack confidence.
When it comes down to it, you're kissing another person, not a character. If you want to know how to interact with people, you have to actually interact with people, you can't just learn from watching movies or other media. I obviously don't know every woman ever, but I don't know any who would say "I wanted to kiss this guy but then he asked me if he could, so he's obviously not confident and I can't be with him."
Asking is showing you have the confidence to go for a kiss, but also that you care about what the other person wants. Going for a kiss without asking is like saying "you might not want this, but I do, so I'm going to do it" even if it's not portrayed like that in the media, that's how it translates to real life.
This article has real women coming forward saying "this makes me uncomfortable." The woman who was kissed regrets not calling him out for it at the time. Asking is a very low risk thing to do to make sure you're not in a situation like that.
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Comment on Two more women accuse Neil Gaiman of sexual assault and abuse in ~books
EarthyStrangeCoffee Link ParentI don't know if asking for consent should be skipped just because it seems "awkward" to the people involved? If someone says no, then it's embarrassing and awkward, but it can't be any more...I don't know if asking for consent should be skipped just because it seems "awkward" to the people involved?
If someone says no, then it's embarrassing and awkward, but it can't be any more embarrassing than if you had actually kissed someone who didn't want to be? Asking also gives you the opportunity to show that you can respect that person's boundaries, which I think may be easier to recover from if you want to keep talking to that person as friends than getting a kiss wrong.
Or if you're asking someone who does want to be kissed by you, do you think that they would change their mind and suddenly not want to kiss just because you asked? If checking in with someone ruins the whole thing for them, you may have saved yourself from a lot of issues later.
Sometimes people don't know what they want either. A lot of emotions aren't black and white and asking gives the other person time to assess. I really don't see any downsides to asking that would be worse than going for a kiss and getting it wrong.
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Comment on 'Barbie' review: Sometimes corporate propaganda can be fun as hell in ~movies
EarthyStrangeCoffee Link ParentI don't think I put it clearly enough, but I believe part of the point is that it's not trying to win anyone over. We don't watch other movies with the idea that it should be making a point in a...I don't think I put it clearly enough, but I believe part of the point is that it's not trying to win anyone over. We don't watch other movies with the idea that it should be making a point in a way that magically fixes people or makes them agree to the message. It was over the top "woke" to anyone like Ben Shapiro who was going to criticize it anyway.
Instead of trying to make something palatable to people who already hate it without seeing it, they went with more of "I see you" for the women in the audience. Not that women want to just "get back at men" but in a "this is what you've seen happening to women your whole life so we'll show the opposite" - it's not a call to action, it's a funny movie that's commenting on how society is by flipping it.
I think it's subversive in that it puts women on top and doesn't take the "nevermind we should be equal" type ending that people expect to see.
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Comment on 'Barbie' review: Sometimes corporate propaganda can be fun as hell in ~movies
EarthyStrangeCoffee Link ParentI saw the movie today and initially had the same reaction of wishing they had shown more of a "let's see how we can improve it" type view, especially considering how both Ken and Baribie are each...I saw the movie today and initially had the same reaction of wishing they had shown more of a "let's see how we can improve it" type view, especially considering how both Ken and Baribie are each dealing with a "I don't know who I actually am" crisis.
I'm a woman, and my main thought was "this will be something that men watching will have an issue with, they'll use this to not take feminist issues seriously." When I realized that, I also realized that maybe it was the point, not to get men to care as much as making the movie more for women.
One part stuck with me:
Spoilers
When the Kens ask for a supreme court representative and the Barbie president says she can't do that, but can give them a lower court position, the voiceover says something along the lines of "Maybe if the Kens work hard enough, they'll have the same representation as women in the real world."
I don't know if I've ever watched a movie before and had a thought of "Does this make me feel different about men?" because so many movies are centered around men, it's kind of the default? That's why the Bechdel Test is talked about because it's so easy to show examples of movies where there aren't 2 female characters who talk to each other about anything other than a man (even without the stipulation that they're named characters).
You and I both felt the "let's see how you like it" vibe, and I think speaks to this whole mindset, that we can see the roles are just being flipped, but instead of "oh this is how you feel normally" we're immediately saying "you should've taken the higher road and shown us being equal" while we're not even questioning the framing of other movies because they're based in "reality".
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Comment on <deleted topic> in ~tech
EarthyStrangeCoffee Link ParentI think this happens a lot with any app now. I used MyFitnessPal for calorie counting for almost 10 years and the main feature I used was their barcode scanner, it made logging food really easy...I think this happens a lot with any app now. I used MyFitnessPal for calorie counting for almost 10 years and the main feature I used was their barcode scanner, it made logging food really easy and they had a huge database since they had been around for so long. Last year they decided to move the barcode scanner to a premium feature so I stopped using the app. It was very apparent a lot of people were only there because MFP had the best barcode scanner and the company was hoping people would pay for it.
Companies seem more comfortable making unpopular changes for more money, and they don't care about complaints as long as there are people staying and paying. There are a lot of other people like me who are mad at MyFitnessPal and deleting the app, but it doesn't change anything because more people stayed than left. MFP has also been around a good while and are intergrated into a lot of other apps (like Garmin, various smart scales, etc..) which makes it even more inconvenient for people looking to switch.
It's the same with Reddit, nothing will change because more people stay than leave. Reddit's been around long enough that there's a lot of good information there and communities that you can't find anywhere else. I left Facebook but a lot of people I know haven't because so many companies and local groups use it to post information.
They know most people won't want to start over or try to find something new. I wish more people could be comfortable with moving on when things get bad, but change is scary and it's not always easy to find replacements.
I personally practice self love by writing.
When it's 2 a.m. and I can't sleep, I'll start writing whatever thoughts I'm thinking and imagine them pouring out of my head, down my arm, and onto the paper- emptying my mind. If I'm still thinking, I'll keep writing, all of it, until I feel empty and tried enough to sleep.
The act of writing helps me let go of things that I can't really do anything about. My thoughts can cycle around and around something I did or didn't do in the past, and writing them on paper makes it easier to let go since just writing about them makes me feel like I've done something.
Looking at my thoughts on paper helps give me another perspective - I can read them as if they're not my own thoughts, but someone else's. What would I tell that person who wrote this? I can read my thoughts in the morning and see that sleeping does improve my mood and make things easier to deal with because the thoughts that felt so bad last night seem kind of silly now. I can use the writing as a record of things that bother me, so I can try to find things I can do to avoid or lessen the impact of whatever it is. Sometimes my thoughts devolve into just scribbling all over the paper and what I've written, or I'll rip up or burn the paper because it feels good to entirely destroy that line of thinking.
I also keep a gratitude journal where I write the things I'm grateful for, or things that made me happy every day (or at least I try for every day, I'm rarely consistent but it still helps me to do it even if it's only monthly sometimes). Instead of just writing things you're thankful for overall, it might help you to focus on things about yourself that you like. Write down when you feel happy with yourself, start a log that you can keep to remind yourself that you can like you. Keep "proof" of all the times that you're not a bad person.
When we're in a rough spot, we tend to remember more of the bad and forget the good. Writing really helps me to get rid of the bad and keep the good.