beanie's recent activity

  1. Comment on What are you doing in your garden? in ~hobbies

  2. Comment on What is something you've changed your mind about recently? in ~talk

    beanie
    Link Parent
    Hmm... I may have not fully described what was in my head properly. Intentions are by definition just like an aim or purpose. I think aims/purposes/plans are important as they are...

    Do you think that that's a mistake? Should the law consider only what you did and what effect your actions had, not what you intended?

    Hmm... I may have not fully described what was in my head properly. Intentions are by definition just like an aim or purpose. I think aims/purposes/plans are important as they are reasons/motivations for doing, well, anything really. I think where I miss the connection is when someone labels an intention as "good/bad". I don't think the "I meant well/my intentions were good" is important in a conversation. Just explain the intention/intent: what was the aim and what outcome were you trying to produce, then we can discuss the pitfalls/misses. So, I guess to answer your question directly, no, I don't think it's a mistake, although, mistakes definitely do happen, but that's kinda another conversation. Intentions are important, but saying that "I had good intentions" while on trial just kinda doesn't do it for me. The "He's a good kid, let's not ruin his life over one mistake"... okay, every other kid's also "good", it's not ruining his life, it's holding someone accountable for their actions so that they don't do the same action/behavior again or feel that they are above it just because they are inherently good intentioned? INTERESTING EFFIN' QUESTION THOUGH! I definitely need to mull over it for a while before I fully form my opinion on it, but my gut instinct/reaction is telling me that it isn't a mistake.

    If someone genuinely means well or has good intentions (i.e. they're not just using it as an excuse as you describe), then if you can make them realise that their current actions aren't having their intended results, then hopefully, they'll change. The difficult bit is getting people to realise that their actions contradict their intentions, without backing them into a corner where they become defensive and change their intentions instead of their actions.

    I agree! And that's where I get stuck usually. Most of the experiences I've had lead to the end result you mentioned, where they "change their intentions instead of their actions." That was a great way to describe it!

    5 votes
  3. Comment on What are you doing in your garden? in ~hobbies

    beanie
    Link Parent
    A worm compost!? I am open to any advice! I haven't started a worm compost, but it is one of my goals! If you have any articles/reference materials, I'd love to file it/read it for when I get to...

    A worm compost!? I am open to any advice! I haven't started a worm compost, but it is one of my goals! If you have any articles/reference materials, I'd love to file it/read it for when I get to that point of starting a worm compost!

    3 votes
  4. Comment on What is something you've changed your mind about recently? in ~talk

    beanie
    Link
    I don't know if this is for the better or worse, I think most people around me would think this is for the worst: I no longer think "good/bad" intentions are relevant to discussions anymore. I...

    I don't know if this is for the better or worse, I think most people around me would think this is for the worst: I no longer think "good/bad" intentions are relevant to discussions anymore.

    I unfortunately had some pretty bad experience in my last job & moving to the midwest (experiences with sexism, racism, xenophobia, transphobia, sexual harassment, etc.) that, for some reason, seemed pretty debatable by those around me (almost as if they wanted a pass). They wouldn't even blink at such experiences/statements (or even say it just to be funny), but I thought said experences were alarming (and, to be honest, I think those jokes are just old, overplayed, and not funny. Have you watched movies from not-so-long ago? Their jokes don't age well IMO. To me, all of the jokes could be boiled down to "haha, black people, watermelon, chicken" or "haha, man dressed as woman, so silly"... change the channel please, your jokes aren't funny, they are just messed up statements followed by a laugh track.).

    Sure, they all "meant well" and said they didn't have "negative" intentions. But the intentions don't really matter to me anymore. I've come to think of the excuse/response of "I meant well" is just human beings attaching their ego to their views/actions; their plea to not be associated with the "bad people". IMO, no one wants to be the "bad guy", we know this. If you speak to a "villain", their actions/behavior is one they think is "good" as well. People have a different point of view on things, and they all mean well, or, at least, they'd come up with an argument with why it is meant to be taken well only to possibly convince themselves they aren't "bad" and that the way they grew up/ current behaviors hence aren't "bad" and they don't need to change anything about themselves. Let's let go of our ego or our view of ourselves as "good/bad" when it comes to our actions/behavior and just think of the subject itself (instead of ourselves in relation to the subject... I hope that makes sense).

    I guess my aim (or... intention... hahah!) for saying "good/bad" intentions aren't important to conversations/arguments is because it can tend to get in the way of actually arguing/discussing the subject and its points.

    From the discussions above, I bet someone(s) would come up with a counter example of how having "good" intentions do serve a purpose that should be considered in actions/behaviors. I probably lack imagination. And, I guess I should be open to changing my mind (hence letting go of my ego in the process? Oh, haha, I'm hypocritical, something to work on I guess.).

    10 votes
  5. Do you have an article of clothing or costume piece you enjoy wearing?

    I've spoken to a couple of my friends who have mentioned that sometimes they wear a special outfit or dress up in order to feel better/get out of a lull. Even when I'm feeling pretty good on the...

    I've spoken to a couple of my friends who have mentioned that sometimes they wear a special outfit or dress up in order to feel better/get out of a lull. Even when I'm feeling pretty good on the emotional front, I've noticed that I have some favorite pieces I regularly cycle through.

    Do you have a favorite outfit, piece of clothing/accessory, type of fabric/style, or costume piece you enjoy wearing? What is it? How does that piece make you feel when you put it on? Do you wear it in public? Does the piece have any sentimental value? Not a totally related question, but if you were a cartoon character who wore the same outfit every episode, what would your outfit be?

    13 votes
  6. Comment on What did you do this weekend? in ~talk

    beanie
    Link
    I went to an art museum and listened to their audio tour on their app. It's amazing what each artist choses to focus on and I got to notice small details in each piece. I wish their audio blurbs...

    I went to an art museum and listened to their audio tour on their app. It's amazing what each artist choses to focus on and I got to notice small details in each piece. I wish their audio blurbs were longer. But I guess that means that I can't wait to go again!

    3 votes
  7. Comment on I'm miserable in ~talk

    beanie
    (edited )
    Link
    Hey there. I don't think you're whining or are an attention seeker or failure. I think you've been conditioned to think these things of yourself (by society, by grown ups who want you to do what...

    Hey there.

    I don't think you're whining or are an attention seeker or failure. I think you've been conditioned to think these things of yourself (by society, by grown ups who want you to do what they see fit for you, by grown ups who would benefit from you doing the thing, by grown ups who would vicariously live off your successes, etc/OTHER PEOPLE).

    You've lost faith in your interests/major. Did something happen? Something really hurtful that makes you want to avoid doing the thing for fear it might happen again? (I've felt that way, I feel that way about many things. But, tbh, my experience may not help you right now in this feeling. It's the unfortunate thing, you have to walk this road by yourself. The people in your life are there only for support, but they can't walk it for you. And also, only you know what's best for yourself because you know yourself best. Other people would give you advice on what they would do in your situation. But you are in your own situation.).

    Which brings me to my next question. Are the people in your life really supportive? And I mean, emotionally supportive. Or are they the ones judging you/filling your mind with "what do you have to complain about, all you do is jack off and eat?"? It's okay to feel that they miss the mark on the emotional support front even though they have helped you in other forms. That doesn't make you ungrateful, it makes you honest.

    Suicide is a full stop to the pain. Like you mentioned:

    The reality is that survival instinct is very strong,...

    I think your brain is aware that there are other ways to stop the pain and that's why you haven't "done the deed" yet. Your brain is coping and finding ways to make the pain go away: porn, junk food, avoiding responsibilities, etc. (good job brain!) You may be disappointed that these coping mechanisms are on a negative loop and you are becoming aware that you don't like being in this loop anymore.

    Personal Rant/Side Bar

    I've been in this loop. Want to know what I ate last week in a span of 3 hours? To bad if you don't, I'm telling you anyway: Raising Cane's, Sour Mike 'n Ike's, a slice of pizza, and a banana/chocolate crepe. I hope my husband doesn't see this, because I lied and told him I only had the banana/chocolate crepe and that I was reading... spoiler alert, I was getting high. Haha (nervous laugh), am I the best person to be talking to you/dishing some advice? prolly not. But of course, I lied so that I could avoid the lecture/shame: The Shame Lecture. The "what am I doing with my life" lecture. Hey man, I don't want to be doing this with my life neither bud, but you know, I'm in a lot of pain and I just need to make it to the next day.

    It's okay buddy. It's okay to do the "negative" thing sometimes to get you to the next day. And I hear you that you're tired of it. Baby steps can get you there. Their have been countless times I've clawed myself out of depression and I still do. Because I've felt happiness before and I've felt like I've belonged before. I get on back on that horse every single time, weirdly. For a taste of that pleasure again. For me, it's the beach/ocean, or the view on top of a mountain after a hike (I can't hike all that well if I'm eating all that junk food/messing my lungs up with weed), or making my friends/family laugh, or music festivals, or a BTS concert, or the joy of getting a cat I've been training do the thing I've trained them to do, or seeing a cat get adopted/feel wanted again. But what's your thing? Or, at least, what were your things? Do you know why they stopped feeling so great?

    A quote from Kim Namjoon from BTS that helps me. "You know in your 20s, you have so many thoughts, they're like many branches in a tree. If my brain is a tree, there are so many branches. There's sadness, desperation, devastation, there's happiness, hope, everything. But when you get old, it gets cut... We have to feel pain and have to experience many things. But after that in 30s and 40s, if you got so many branches in your 20s... you will someday become a beautiful tree by your 30s and 40s." - Kim Namjoon

    Please keep in touch.

    3 votes
  8. Comment on Job hunts after a toxic work experience in ~life

    beanie
    Link Parent
    Sorry for the late reply. I had a lot of personal struggles that required my attention. Thanks for providing me with your input. Thank you for the apology. It means a lot to me. There weren't....

    Sorry for the late reply. I had a lot of personal struggles that required my attention. Thanks for providing me with your input.

    I'm sorry you've had to go through that.

    Thank you for the apology. It means a lot to me.

    Maybe there are some nicer guys there to befriend/ally?

    There weren't. Everyone was trying to work on their own job security and were scared of retribution. I'll try and make allies next time. I know they exist and in larger numbers in liberal cities. I hope to get back to my liberal city/home.

    But, I did this always with an edge of humor and cheekiness for palatability, more like "one of the boys"...

    Yeah, I tried that. The boys never let me in their boys club. Also, that shit gets old fast and it's exhausting. My job responsibilities don't include being "palatable" for those who are sexist to me. It's to do my job.

    I hate to say it but females and especially unique or attractive females can sometimes get more of this type of behavior and/or a male version of, for lack of a better term, shit-testing.

    I can't respond to the first part of this, because ew. But the "shit-testing" part: like people don't have enough shit in their lives. It's freaken Covid and everyone's just trying to make it to the end of the day. Why do I have to deal with more shit that's not included in my job description? No thank you. They didn't want to listen to me no matter how palpable I made my words. They were determined to misunderstand me or just plain ignore me.

    Another approach that worked was to show personal interest in people's lives (especially about their partners or kids) and found ways to relate and be supportive of their work and/or life/self which also tended to earn trust and respect (and get their support in return). I find that a lot of men also like to know where they stand in terms of respect. Some like to give advice/be helpful (I have a tendency to appreciate humor, knowledge, capability and respect, and like to readily acknowledge these things in others which tends to create good bonds this way).

    Aha, yes, what I call "ego-stroking", I tried that. Again, it's exhausting. I don't need to baby adults who should know better or tell them that they are so great when they are literally being sexist/sexually harassing me. Also, this idea of men giving advice/being helpful... just kinda sounds like "man-splaining". Maybe they can ask me what would be helpful instead of lecturing me on how to be a female in a male dominated field. I had one guy who wasn't a female or an engineer try and explain to me what I should do... Sorry buddy, I don't think you have any experience in that field. He could have asked what the struggles were, we could have had an honest conversation. Instead, he just wanted to hear his own voice and me say "thank you" afterwards. "Yes, daddy, so helpful. Daddy daddy, give me more! You're soooo smart."

    I also believe a person's intent matters with this kind of thing. A lot of times things can stem from ignorance and lack of exposure and awareness rather than malintent.

    I used to have this point of view. I don't anymore. Most of the time, people mean well. So when someone does something shitty, why not tell them they are doing something shitty/hurting someone. If they truly mean well, they'd listen to how they're hurting people and if they didn't mean well... then they wouldn't listen and make excuses for their own behavior. And the idea of it stemming from "ignorance", ignorance is no longer an excuse for me because once you state "I wonder what HR thinks about the comment you just made" they all straighten themselves up and start acting professional... which, in my opinion means they recognized they did something ill. They can try to describe to HR that they were ignorant of the subject even though HR is required by law to give a talk on harassment. I'll let them take a stab at trying to vouch for their ignorance/intent.

    I have a bit of a belief that if something bothers me, I need to speak up about it, though doing so in a way that lands well is sometimes hard to determine. Sometimes there is no way for it to land well. Nothing will change if I don't make an attempt. I tend to not shy away from conflict (though I very much dislike it) and will communicate what I need to in as neutral a way as possible, presenting the logic, while not backing down. In the end, logic is logical and it is hard to argue with.

    Same. And, at the same time, it's HRs job to work through this. So, I'll hand that responsibility to them. They are way more experienced than I am in the subject matter. Also, I'm tired of protecting people who don't have my best interest in mind. Making it palpable for them, ego-stroking, telling them they're great, leveling with them... they don't do any of that stuff with me, so I won't with them. My job is that of what was described to me in the job description/interview. It's not my job to baby-sit. They don't have to like me, but they sure have to work with me. And if I'm fired/laid off, I'll have all the reports from HR, something in writing to protect myself.

    3 votes
  9. Comment on Job hunts after a toxic work experience in ~life

    beanie
    Link Parent
    I moved from a pretty liberal city in the west coast to a suburbs in the midwest and I strongly believe that this behavior is a related to the culture here (where issues of racism, bigotry and...

    I moved from a pretty liberal city in the west coast to a suburbs in the midwest and I strongly believe that this behavior is a related to the culture here (where issues of racism, bigotry and sexism are debatable) although it'll be unfair to say that all the residents here are sexist, racist bigots. My significant other and I are planning on moving to a place that resonance with our views. Fingers crossed!

    8 votes
  10. Comment on Job hunts after a toxic work experience in ~life

    beanie
    Link Parent
    Therapy and yoga (and meditation) is central to my self-care in helping me cope with these experiences. I like the added suggestion of martial arts. I feel the discipline and mindfulness of...

    Therapy and yoga (and meditation) is central to my self-care in helping me cope with these experiences. I like the added suggestion of martial arts. I feel the discipline and mindfulness of martial arts (and many other forms of physical fitness/team sports) offer practice in the idea of respecting the process, respecting yourself and respecting others. It offers practice in really honing in on targets which can offer benefits in other aspects in my life as I try to tackle issues with precision. I think I'll extend my physical practice to include martial arts.

    7 votes
  11. Comment on Job hunts after a toxic work experience in ~life

    beanie
    Link Parent
    I've been working with a therapist and doing some moc-interviews. A recruiter got in touch with me the other day and I've been keeping in mind the mindset you've mentioned: seeing interviews as...

    I've been working with a therapist and doing some moc-interviews. A recruiter got in touch with me the other day and I've been keeping in mind the mindset you've mentioned: seeing interviews as practice and to build my self confidence.

    As for your second suggestion: I'll try my best, sounds good.

    8 votes
  12. Comment on Job hunts after a toxic work experience in ~life

    beanie
    Link Parent
    Thank you for this advice. I have to remind myself that the last job I had was *particularly a toxic work environment compared to my previous ones. I unfortunately wasn't able to find/cultivate...

    Thank you for this advice. I have to remind myself that the last job I had was *particularly a toxic work environment compared to my previous ones. I unfortunately wasn't able to find/cultivate allies (male nor female - males were quick to deny anything was wrong (one stating they've become nose blind to the issues and to stop "correcting" them) and females were too few and unwilling to say anything for fear of retribution). I should see this work place as an anomaly (although bits and pieces of what I've experienced can be seen in other places, just not to this degree). I have tried to keep people accountable for their actions, but I plan on doing this sooner/stronger (I'll keep in mind your approach) and, to add, I want to invite HR to the conversation as soon as it happens.

    Thank you again, I'll add these tactics to my tool belt.

    5 votes
  13. Comment on Job hunts after a toxic work experience in ~life

    beanie
    Link Parent
    That might be a goal of mine in the future! I definitely need to set up a financial/business plan. For now, I'm looking to gain experience and capital until I can get there (and my professional...

    That might be a goal of mine in the future! I definitely need to set up a financial/business plan. For now, I'm looking to gain experience and capital until I can get there (and my professional engineering license).

    6 votes
  14. Comment on Job hunts after a toxic work experience in ~life

    beanie
    Link Parent
    I studied civil/environmental engineering. Most of my experience has been in the construction field (a field I am looking to move out of). I can't speak to your feelings of being tired, I can only...

    I studied civil/environmental engineering. Most of my experience has been in the construction field (a field I am looking to move out of).

    I can't speak to your feelings of being tired, I can only speak to my own. Me feeling "tired" can be an indication of me feeling helpless and not wanting to admit there is nothing I can do (out of pride): I can't change the past nor the present world to be more inclusive and less insensitive to diversity. The feeling of "distrust" that I have can be a feeling that is trying to keep me safe: if I avoid people/situations altogether then there's a 100% chance I won't be mistreated. I'm frustrated by these feelings because it is stopping me from living the life I want to live/achieving my goals.

    Why do you feel tired and distrusting of people? I understand if you're not ready to answer that question, sometimes questions like that can bring up and remind us of uncomfortable situations/experiences.

    5 votes
  15. Job hunts after a toxic work experience

    I terminated my position over 4 months ago and I'm still not able to apply for jobs. I'm frustrated with my inability to move on from the previous toxic work environments. My background is in a...

    I terminated my position over 4 months ago and I'm still not able to apply for jobs. I'm frustrated with my inability to move on from the previous toxic work environments. My background is in a male dominated field and there was always something either insensitive, sexist or racist said in all my previous workplaces. I feel, I know I'm going to be met with some sort of comment in my next work place and I no longer want to put myself in those situations anymore. I don't know how I'll react, I feel like I may explode if I hear another ignorant phrase.

    I want to be able to make money. People say I must not have liked what I did very much if I wasn't able to put up with the comments. Other people say that that's just how the world is, "get used to it!" I've also heard that I'm just going to have to wait for change because drastic/fast pace change causes recoil. All of these comments literally tell me to suck it up and allow the same rhetoric to propagate. And, of course, all of this has been told to me by white men, those who aren't effected by the comments said to me.

    Things that have happened to me or that were said to me:

    • Smile more
    • I'm too soft spoken/nice
    • I'm too aggressive
    • "Do you want to fix your hair?"
    • A project manager bought me hair product, I didn't ask. I have curly hair and it took me a long time to love my curls, but it's seen as "unprofessional"
    • A Director was staring at my hair throughout an entire interview
    • "I'll put you up there" when the males were talking about strip clubs
    • "Why are women crazy?"
    • I've been kissed on my face and told "if only I met you before my wife"... never had a fucking conversation outside work with this person. I didn't even speak to him more than once a week!
    • "We were surprised that you and Mohammad spoke English". Both me and Mohammad were born and raised in the United States. When I responded with "Why did you guys think that?" they conveniently stumbled and changed the subject.
      ... Many more things happened, but require too much context.

    I just don't get it. Am I suppose to let ALL these things slide? Am I suppose to hold empathy for people who don't have empathy for me? Who don't empathize with me and how what they have said may have made me feel? Should I forgive people who would rather hide the fact that they said something rather than apologize? (And yes, I filed reports for some of these comments/experiences and the rhetoric was "She got X fired", not "X's own behavior got them fired".)

    And more importantly, how do I move on from this knowing that it's going to happen again? The last job had the most amount of sexism in it. The thing about sexism (and racism) is that it's meant to make you feel devalued, and shocker, I felt devalued. It took me so long to gain my self confidence back. And I want so badly to protect myself. I never want to feel those feelings again. But the world is still sexist and racist and homophobic and xenophobic... all the phobics. And how do I tell my next work place that the reason why I left and why I took a break from working was to deal with the emotional repercussions from a very toxic/sexist work environment (when workplaces see whistle blowers as a red flag)? And how to I prepare my little sister who is in college studying a male dominated field knowing that she'll have to deal with the same things I went through?

    It's been 4 months and I'm still angry and still jobless. I've grown to hate social interactions for fear of someone saying some ignorant shit. I've grown a distrust of all people. I hate how much this thing has affected me, how belittled I feel and how I can't move on from this. I feel emotionally paralyzed and money is running out and jobs are hard to come by especially because I'm not white nor am I a male and my hair isn't straight Billie Holiday - I Love My Man.

    I'm tired of confusing people with how my looks don't match my attitude/personality that they've been conditionally taught to think it was like. I'm tired of confusing people with how unashamed I am of my existence.

    24 votes
  16. Comment on What creative projects have you been working on? in ~creative

    beanie
    Link
    A couple of things: Starting some seedlings: I need more patience Trying to build a vermin-compost: trying. Making a beret! It'll be yellow! =]

    A couple of things:

    1. Starting some seedlings: I need more patience
    2. Trying to build a vermin-compost: trying.
    3. Making a beret! It'll be yellow! =]
    2 votes
  17. Comment on Does anyone else take other people's negativity pretty badly? in ~talk

    beanie
    (edited )
    Link
    This is only my opinion, so take it if it works for you. I used to be strongly affected by other people's moods. I wouldn't be able to do much if someone in the room was feeling a "negative"...

    This is only my opinion, so take it if it works for you.

    I used to be strongly affected by other people's moods. I wouldn't be able to do much if someone in the room was feeling a "negative" feeling. I would try and fix it sometimes. Now I know it's just better to listen.

    Side bar: I dislike describing feelings/moods as "negative" and "positive". I feel that all feelings should be viewed as just that: feelings. When we call certain feelings "negative", I feel that it furthers the stigmatization of these "negative" emotions (anger, sadness, frustration, depressed, etc.) and tells us to be ashamed to feel those feelings or vocalize those feelings. I prefer to view feelings as indicators. I'm angry. Why am I angry? Because I've felt an injustice. How can I proactively meet or deal with this feeling? Have a done enough of my own emotional work to respond or act constructively? I have a view where my feelings are valid and there was some sort of evolutionary incentive for them: to tell me something that can lead to a possible action. Now that we are pretty safe from predators, it's our responsibility to regulate our own emotions (and lend help to those if we have the energy/expertise to) so that they don't over-react in an unhealthy manner.

    After doing some of my own emotional work, I realized why I am so effected by other people's emotions and why other people may be affected by my emotions. I found 2 things. 1. The way I was raised made me feel responsible for other people's emotions. I was told to put others instead of myself (most females are taught this). I was raised in a house with emotionally unstable parents, so I was always on alert to make sure everything was good to avoid an outburst from them. 2. People are stuck in their own brains. How they react to the world is a projection of how they see the world. When someone is reacting however they react, it's an indication on their thought process. So, when someone doesn't like something that I did, for example, and they get super frustrated, I see it as a projection of their own thought process. I did something that they hate about themselves. (Should I hate this thing about me as they hate it of me?) Dare I say: when another person is having a "negative" emotion, we get angry at them because we hate ourselves for having that negative emotion? So we perhaps are projecting? We may even say they are ungrateful for all the lovely things that are happening to them. What I'm saying, we sometimes use other people as mirrors for ourselves. I mean, we see the world through our own eyes and brain. So, all that we experience is in our own brain. So, if another person's emotions or actions is bothering us, it's more like it's reminding us of an experience that is trying to tell us something. Go deeper. What's that experience telling you? (for males: is it remind you that you are taught not to have emotions, that emotions are weak, that you are around a weak person, that it's reminding you that you are weak).

    What helps me: understanding that other people's emotions belong to them. I recently started volunteering at a cat adoption center. Being around all these cats, I learned not to take hormones, emotions or personality traits personally. Sometimes a cat be on one. Maybe something happened to them that I wasn't around to witness that's effecting them. Maybe they were abused. Why should I internalize and feel responsible for every emotion/personality trait/action of another being? Hand the responsibility back to them. Be yourself and your best self that you can. Be the person the cat can trust. Show them by example. If I start feeling responsibility for every action/emotion of another being, it leads to codependency. Hand the emotion back. Question why you are having an emotion or why you're reacting to another person's emotion. I've learned a lot more about myself that way and I'm a lot less reactive when other people have a "negative" emotion. And, going all the way to "positive" emotion, I can't chase that extreme either, I love drugs too much to chase those. You guessed it: it's better to be centered/it's about that balance.

    3 votes
  18. Comment on What have you been eating, drinking, and cooking? in ~food

    beanie
    Link
    I made kimchi recently, it was delicious!

    I made kimchi recently, it was delicious!

    1 vote
  19. Comment on Fitness Weekly Discussion in ~health

    beanie
    Link
    For about 3 months now, my work-outs have been solely yoga and whatever weight/endurance work I get from gardening/environmental restoration. I used to push myself so much in running and my...

    For about 3 months now, my work-outs have been solely yoga and whatever weight/endurance work I get from gardening/environmental restoration. I used to push myself so much in running and my body/joints would hurt. Although my body isn't in it's tip-top shape, I'm liking the idea of working out in a healthy way. I really enjoy yoga because I can get stronger *and flexible. I've tried other work-outs and many times it causes my body to stiffen up. Yoga seems to be doing my body a great service. However, I would like to include other forms of work out in my week as I feel it can get me to the next level in yoga/executing some tough positions.

    4 votes
  20. Comment on Surviving the winter in ~life

    beanie
    Link
    Thank you for this post. I have seasonal depression too. It's real. It's so hard for me to focus on anything. All I want to do is keep my eyes closed. I depend a lot more on weed. I am ruining my...

    Thank you for this post.

    "haha yeah I have seasonal depression too,"
    Haha, yeah. I've found that people are really uncomfortable talking about their feelings.

    I have seasonal depression too. It's real. It's so hard for me to focus on anything. All I want to do is keep my eyes closed. I depend a lot more on weed. I am ruining my personal relationships with people because my emotional state is too demanding/hard to cope with. I feel like a horrible person. I feel like the only way to explain it is to imagine that you're fighting for your life: you'd do just about anything to keep yourself alive. Imagine if it's your own brain/psyche you are trying to survive from. Does that make sense? I feel like that doesn't make sense. Yeah, that also happens when I'm depressed, I feel like I can't understand people and they can't understand me. I feel incoherent, incompetent, over-bearing, that I engage in more dangerous activities, that I can't stay awake, that life's has no purpose. I feel lonely, isolated and a pain to love.

    It's horrible.

    These are my go-to's, they slightly work for me sometimes: weed (not the healthiest habit), listen to music/try and find new music, try and exercise/move, reach out to people (that's tough because you don't want to feel like a burden), read, wash dishes/focus on cleaning 1 item (confidence booster so you don't feel useless/that you can't do anything), try a craft project. Some are really hard to do because of the lack of energy.

    I hope my post doesn't come off as "too depressing". I've found that other people find me overwhelming.

    Anyway, thanks for this post again. It helps to vent.

    7 votes