beanie's recent activity

  1. Comment on What did you do this week? in ~talk

    beanie
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    Yesterday was my anniversary, so we went to an arboretum, it was so nice! I watched a movie called Biutiful. It was an amazing movie! I highly recommend! If you have a library card, you can watch...

    Yesterday was my anniversary, so we went to an arboretum, it was so nice!

    I watched a movie called Biutiful. It was an amazing movie! I highly recommend! If you have a library card, you can watch it on Kanopy for free.

    Now I'm baking cookies.

    3 votes
  2. Comment on Anyone else diagnosed with depression? I need others to talk to in ~health

    beanie
    Link Parent
    Lol, I think my bf is reading that book. Dang, life is just so intertwined, or maybe I'm just seeking ppl that are like myself (I prefer the former, it makes life a bit more magical). I've watched...

    The Noonday Demon from Andrew Solomon

    Lol, I think my bf is reading that book. Dang, life is just so intertwined, or maybe I'm just seeking ppl that are like myself (I prefer the former, it makes life a bit more magical). I've watched a TEDTalk by Solomon and he is absolutely amazing. I'm going to hold off on reading his book though until I'm ready. Judging by his TEDTalk, I find that a lot of my experiences coincide with Solomon's and I don't want to get triggered. I like the exercises in the book I've mentioned because it encourages me to take action rather than sit with my own thoughts. To each their own and everyone's on their own path. I respect your process.

    When I was first diagnosed, I went to meetings at the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance. Most of the time they were great because I could just talk as myself and didn't feel like a freak. One time a "normy" came (she came b/c she wanted to understand why her bipolar husband cheated on her who was essentially manic at the time. It was hard because they also just had a baby). It was so interesting because finally the "normy" was the minority and everyone else in the room knew what was going on (as opposed to the opposite where the ones with the mental illness are the outsider). We unfortunately weren't able to explain it to her though. And we also knew that we couldn't help him or her, that if he wanted help he'd have to seek it himself.

    Anywho, that was just a "cool story, bro" moment.

    I get what you're saying with the friendship stuff. Anyone who's been depressed/is depressed knows what you're talking about. It's like "this is pointless. who are we kidding, we aren't really connecting" or something similar.

    I'm only saying this because I cycle in and out of my lows, and it happens so frequently (it's exhausting, but I know when I'm in it that it'll end, because it always has in the past. And I also know that I was happy at one point in the past and that it's possible for me to be happy). But during one of my lows a couple of years back, I analyzed and reanalyzed (as one does), and learned that depression feeds itself. It does things to allow it to perpetuate/ take over you. Friends/going out seem pointless at the time. Doing things seem like so much energy and also useless. But not going out/doing those things fuels depression. It's weird. Idk how to explain it (side track: I smoked a lot of weed and killed a lot of my brain cells).

    Going back to you, I'm glad Solomon's book is helping/ comforting.

    On the half-assed comment: There's no judgements here. Isn't life about doing everything "half-assed" anyway? Who's perfect? Who can do 1 thing perfectly? It's not sustainable. Also, what's perfect anyway? Do we (humanity) know everything there is to know about any 1 thing? Nah. At least not that I know of... Do what's best for you and nourishes you the most. You know you best.

    1 vote
  3. Comment on Anyone else diagnosed with depression? I need others to talk to in ~health

    beanie
    Link Parent
    I was giving a similar analogy to my significant other the other day. As I said in a separate post, I am bipolar. My SO's brother has a mental disorder (in opposition to a mental illness). It can...

    To me its been helpful talking about it like we would a broken leg.

    I was giving a similar analogy to my significant other the other day. As I said in a separate post, I am bipolar. My SO's brother has a mental disorder (in opposition to a mental illness). It can get frustrating, not only for the individual to cope with mental illness' and disorders, but it can also be difficult to the people around us. To try and make the analogy so he could understand better, I tried to compare my mental illness/ other's mental illnesses/disorders to a person who needs a wheelchair to get around. They can live lives just as others do (at least in more developed countries where there are ADA laws), it's just that the typical system is set up for "normalcy", so people outside that "normalcy" would have to work harder to get to the same place. You wouldn't push a person who requires a wheelchair to get around to walk. And you wouldn't get frustrated at them if they couldn't. It's a reality.

    It's like that saying "Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid." Don't beat yourself too hard for liking to play vid games or for taking x amount of time on your degree. You're learning, right? .. yeah, idk.

    2 votes
  4. Comment on What's a dish you've made that you're most proud of? in ~food

    beanie
    Link Parent
    Oh, yeah, my fault for asking and putting you in a weird position! It's weird because I want to share the things I see, but I could see that it can turn into an advertising frenzy. My fault! Even...

    Oh, yeah, my fault for asking and putting you in a weird position! It's weird because I want to share the things I see, but I could see that it can turn into an advertising frenzy. My fault!

    Even so, thanks for the recipe!

    1 vote
  5. Comment on An open discussion related to time and/or the aging process in ~talk

    beanie
    (edited )
    Link Parent
    Well, I didn't really want to make this personal, but I'll try my best to answer your questions. This was in reference to the book. The mother of the narrator past and as the main character grew...

    Well, I didn't really want to make this personal, but I'll try my best to answer your questions.

    I know cancer and freak accidents and US Healthcare are very real but how often does it happen?

    This was in reference to the book. The mother of the narrator past and as the main character grew older she started to see how her kids treated her and it hurt her (the main character). The narrator didn't directly say that "now I know how my mother might have felt". But some things that were previously said in the book can allow the reader to make that association. Or maybe I'm just projecting (probably that).

    My personal answer: Family estrangement. I was kicked out of the family. I'm slowly being brought in, I guess, not really. But there's a weird, unspoken rule: don't bring up that thing that made us kick you out the first time. So, the attitude and atmosphere in my family doesn't allow for open communication, vulnerability or acceptance. So, sharing revelations with them is kinda off the table. And they may also use it as a gambling chip, "you think I'm right with this, so, you should think I'm right with that." Some family members/interactions are toxic like that. It doesn't allow for open communication because what you say will be held against you.

    In general, in some households, open communication, vulnerability and acceptance just isn't a thing.

    Yeah, I'm not very good at explaining things. I hope that explanation helps.

    What are you referring to exactly?

    In reference to the book: the main character had a moment with her kids where her kids mocked her writing for the old/outdated/at that point cliched language she used. The narrator was a feminist writer and was toying and playing with the idea in her books. The reason why her kids mocked her because it was so obvious to them the things her mother used to write. But her mother was a product of her time. At the time she was writing those things, they were edgy. But to her kids, they aren't so. And she remembered a time where she'd mock her mother for the same outdated language she had used.

    The main character was consistently trying to dissociate from the family/neighborhood/friends she grew up in. She felt it was "wrong/backwards" whathaveyou. Being that I use to do that, and now that I've actually been kicked out of the family/culture, I'm realizing that family and friends is all you got in this world. Humans are social creatures. It's torture to be ostracized. And sometimes you need to make your own family via friends, but people are busy, they have their own lives. It's hard to make your own family. Can we accept our family for what they are as we wish to be accepted for who we are? Can we be a little more empathetic to the idea that people are a product of their time and try our best to educate our previous generations (instead of being ruthless <-- I'm talking about cancel culture)? And if the previous generations are a product of their time, aren't I a product of my time? What things am I saying now that in the future will be shown to be unacceptable/outdated?

    Hope this helps. I'm not sure it does. I'm not a writer or a book reviewer/commentator or anything. Just trying to learn stuff about myself.

    And I also know everyone's lives are different. Some people don't get the chance to be "brought back in the family". And it hurts to get kicked out. Yeah, so idk. Everyone's lives and situation is different and each individual has to do what's best for them.

    1 vote
  6. Comment on What's a dish you've made that you're most proud of? in ~food

    beanie
    Link Parent
    Gasp! Where's her yt channel? She can't make food like that and not have a yt channel. In other words: I need this recipe.

    Gasp! Where's her yt channel? She can't make food like that and not have a yt channel. In other words: I need this recipe.

    2 votes
  7. Comment on What's a dish you've made that you're most proud of? in ~food

    beanie
    Link Parent
    My boo is a vegetarian. I'm not, but I've definitely reduced my animal product intake. I have a challenge (if you're up for it, I don't control you're life, it's yours!): Try that "California...

    My boo is a vegetarian. I'm not, but I've definitely reduced my animal product intake.

    I have a challenge (if you're up for it, I don't control you're life, it's yours!): Try that "California Beanin" recipe and substitute tofu for beef! Or maybe Tempe (if you have some extra cash to dish out <-- haha... okay). Maybe instead of anchovy paste, we can use soy sauce? Idk. It would have to take lots of manipulating the tofu to really infuse those flavors in there.

    I'm proud of you for winning the contest! Go you!

    Best of luck for the curry and falafel! You got this!

    1 vote
  8. Comment on What's a dish you've made that you're most proud of? in ~food

    beanie
    Link Parent
    Omg, that pot roast looks soo yummy!! I never cooked with wine, i want to learn how i can incorporate that into my cooking! Woah, Tokyo! so cool! Hope all is well over there! I applaud /admire you...

    Omg, that pot roast looks soo yummy!! I never cooked with wine, i want to learn how i can incorporate that into my cooking!

    Woah, Tokyo! so cool! Hope all is well over there! I applaud /admire you for cooking in tiny spaces!

    This is roughly my recipe for hummus:

    • (1) 15 oz can of garbanzo beans (Make sure the can only has the beans, water and salt. Some have a preservative that hardens the beans. I don't remember the name of it, but for some reason "disulfite" is coming to mind?)
    • 2 to 3 cloves of minced garlic
    • 1/4 cup of lemon juice (more or less to taste)
    • 2 tablespoons olive oil
    • salt to taste
    • 2 tsp cumin
    • lil bit of tumeric (for color)

    I also put thai chili in there for some spice!

    I blend these all together. I use the water from the garbanzo bean can in the recipe (depending how liquidy you want the hummus to be, you can put 3/4 of the water to all of the water).

    I don't use tahini in my recipe (guilty). i just think the sesame is so overpowering.

    I've read somewhere that boiling the garbanzo beans can help soften them more, but that's a lot of work for little effect in my opinion.

    Hmm.. I know what you're talking about with the curdled milk consistency. I add a little more (water or lemon juice) and keep on blending! Hope this works! Fighting!

    2 votes
  9. Comment on What's a dish you've made that you're most proud of? in ~food

    beanie
    Link Parent
    woah(x5)... i HAVE to try this! It's the truckers take on chocolate covered pretzels!

    Can I add "beef jerky dipped in Nutella" to the list?

    woah(x5)... i HAVE to try this! It's the truckers take on chocolate covered pretzels!

  10. Comment on What's a dish you've made that you're most proud of? in ~food

    beanie
    Link Parent
    My previous therapist told me to try this and I have! She said it was something from childhood... twas a clutch snack during the winter time!

    Peanut butter, dill pickle, and cheese sandwich. I have yet to convince anybody else to try it.

    My previous therapist told me to try this and I have! She said it was something from childhood... twas a clutch snack during the winter time!

    1 vote
  11. What's a dish you've made that you're most proud of?

    Right now I'm making pizza for me and bae. Thought I'd spring the question. I'm proud of my oven falafels, they usually never fail. I'm also proud of my hummus game, that was a journey. Something...

    Right now I'm making pizza for me and bae. Thought I'd spring the question.

    I'm proud of my oven falafels, they usually never fail. I'm also proud of my hummus game, that was a journey.

    Something that I came across on yt was cheese potato pancakes... so easy and delicious! I recommend this guy, the closed caption is *chef's kiss: https://youtu.be/10MDo9o_wrY

    19 votes
  12. Comment on Fitness Weekly Discussion in ~health

    beanie
    Link
    hell yeah dawg. I started off with Yoga this week. Then, i took a huge dip. I worked outdoors the last 3 days and boy is it hot/humid where I'm at. I knocked out upon coming home. The fitness...

    hell yeah dawg.

    I started off with Yoga this week. Then, i took a huge dip. I worked outdoors the last 3 days and boy is it hot/humid where I'm at. I knocked out upon coming home.

    The fitness center at my apt bldg recently opened, but with limited hours. I can't take advantage of this wonderful, air conditioned space because I work during those hours.

    I'm thinking of changing my habits and maybe waking up before work to jog outside so I can beat the heat. I usually work out after work, but the outdoors has been so exhausting lately. I'd have to get up pretty early in order to accommodate. Fingers crossed!

    1 vote
  13. Comment on Anyone else diagnosed with depression? I need others to talk to in ~health

    beanie
    Link
    Bro, come at me! Let's talk about it. I straight up have it dawg. I'm bipolar and I'd say there's more lows than highs for me. And with the lows comes rage too. Ooo... that rage is so blind man....

    Bro, come at me! Let's talk about it.

    I straight up have it dawg.

    I'm bipolar and I'd say there's more lows than highs for me. And with the lows comes rage too. Ooo... that rage is so blind man. it's weird. i have to stop myself and be like "why am i so angry?" i don't want to make this a thing where i need to explain the diagnosis. alli can say is, it can get exhausting to keep up with the emotions and it definitely effects interpersonal relationships (because it can get pretty unstable and its hard for ppl to navigate - or maybe something else, idk).

    What my low is about now [Cuz there's always a reason eye roll. (I get tired of my own shit sometimes, please excuse me)]: I recently moved mixed with COVID. I tend to get my energy from my surroundings and I haven't been able to explore the surroundings since I am so new here [at first, it was the winter, when no one goes out. now it's COVID, and no one goes out. also, I'm weirdly convinced ppl here (where i moved) are miserable]... had a lot of resentment. Threw that all on my hubby. It still effects our relationship. I try and do some PR while still helping myself, but also feeling like I can't do anything myself, but I still need to fight through this (although sometimes I feel like I'm fighting when I should be going with the flow, and hence hurt myself more, it's weird)...

    (so many parenthesis)

    bleh. depression. i can go on and on, am i right? like, really. this, for me, can turn into a self-sabotaging spiral.

    "But what about the positives, can we focus on that?" Sure can! See below:

    I got a new therapist and she is great! AND i know most of the work still needs to come from me. She suggested "The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation, and Distress Tolerance" by Jeffrey Brantley, Jeffrey C. Wood, and Matthew McKay. I'm still working through it. There are some parts I'm scared of passing because I'm trying to protect my inner child (i think). This post will make me open it back up again. I think I'm ready to take the next step. Thank you for reaching out.

    Like I said. Come at me bro! I'm all for the speaky speak. Just an FYI - I'm pretty annoying.

    4 votes
  14. An open discussion related to time and/or the aging process

    I just finished Elena Ferrante's "Neapolitan Novels" and am grappling with this idea of time and the aging process. Some themes that I find peculiar are: Those pesky things our parents told us in...

    I just finished Elena Ferrante's "Neapolitan Novels" and am grappling with this idea of time and the aging process.

    Some themes that I find peculiar are:

    • Those pesky things our parents told us in adolescents, which we often absentmindedly or hotheadedly disregarded, make much more sense as an adult. And, sometimes, we don't get the chance to share our revelations with them.
    • The things we wanted to dissociate from/ we found disgusting as youths are things we may cling to for comfort as an adult. (Be that as it may, sometimes the things they say are atrocious, which makes one think, what atrocious things am I saying now?).
    • Sometimes the things we fear are inevitable.
    • Things we said and our attitude towards our parents were harsh. As we grow older and become the receiver of such harshness, we grow to have compassion for them (possibly after they have passed) and wish we were kinder to them.
    • Quarrels between friends and family members seem so important at the time of the incident, however, as space and time grow, those quarrels fall to the backdrop. Human connection is craved and desired more as we age. This makes me feel that grudges are so wasteful (although I am guilty of holding them and am holding them currently - That's an internal battle I am fighting).

    There's more I can say about this, but I should hold back from rambling. So, what do you think of when you think of time and/or the aging process?

    24 votes
  15. Comment on What have you been listening to this week? in ~music

    beanie
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    Stay Gold, Butterfly and Spring Day by BTS

    Stay Gold, Butterfly and Spring Day by BTS

    1 vote
  16. Comment on Using the menstrual cup and open menstrual discussion in ~health

    beanie
    Link Parent
    OMG! You don't apologize for your "long" post. There's so much to talk about here, so please feel free to share your experience! I love being open about my bodily experience, but hate it when...

    OMG! You don't apologize for your "long" post. There's so much to talk about here, so please feel free to share your experience! I love being open about my bodily experience, but hate it when there's a cringe moment with those around me. I like removing the stigma on such a normal thing.

    For reference, I use the Cora Menstrual Cup. I haven't used anything else, so I can't say I recommend it.

    Yes, to heating pad! I bought my friend one! It's magic!

    Going off of what you said about pulling out a tampon that hasn't been in for too long: do not pull the menstrual cup out without pinching the bottom section/releasing the suction. Ohh, the suction pain! It felt like my insides were being vacuumed out of me! I'd definitely recommend reading the instructions, it tells you how to easily remove the cup. And definitely try and remain relaxed and breathe through the removal process, it's harder to remove when you clench.

    10 votes
  17. Using the menstrual cup and open menstrual discussion

    I'm a female working in the construction field and was wondering how to dispose of my feminine products discreetly and hygienically in a portable potty with a crew full of males where male...

    I'm a female working in the construction field and was wondering how to dispose of my feminine products discreetly and hygienically in a portable potty with a crew full of males where male toxicity exists... 'twas weird.

    I've been meaning to make the jump to the menstrual cup (due to my sustainability inclinations), but due to laziness/squeamish reasons, I didn't make the jump until I realized how practical it was with my profession!

    I'm able to keep it in for a half day before emptying, so it's awesome for the jobsite! I can urinate with it too! which is also awesome... and! NO SMELL! I feel so much cleaner now. and the internal pressure kinda releases some cramps... not all the cramps, but some! And it's totally comfortable to work out in (for reference: I do outdoor running). Not to mention, there's way less waste and cost! (And for those who find bodily fluids cool, the thick, deep, dark red that you see when you empty makes me feel powerful, like you can conquer anything... in reality, I just sit with my Chimmy plush and wait for my significant other to plop chocolate goodies in my lap.)

    The only downside I could find is that it took some time to get used to (about 1 cycle) and I can't hold my pee (I know I'm not suppose to anyway, but it's a nice privilege... these pipes had some major damage).

    Anyway, any cycle stories/tips/tricks? embarrassing moments? origin story?
    I'll go first, my mom was in a ferocious fight with my older sister for spending the night with some guy or whatever. As my mom was ripping my sister's clothes/throwing her out the house, I got my first period. I had to interrupt the fight to ask what I should do... middle child problems! I guess I found a good way to break up a fight...

    35 votes
  18. Comment on Fitness Weekly Discussion in ~health

    beanie
    Link
    Before the lockdown, I used to run/cycle at the fitness center of my apt complex. Now, I've been trying my best to run outside and boy do my joints ache! Unfortunately, I'm not able to keep form...

    Before the lockdown, I used to run/cycle at the fitness center of my apt complex. Now, I've been trying my best to run outside and boy do my joints ache! Unfortunately, I'm not able to keep form and run as long as when I ran indoors, so I definitely feel a slump in my attitude and energy level.

    A friend recommended Yoga with Adriene https://www.youtube.com/user/yogawithadriene and I love how she conducts her sessions (she also has her videos organized by length and style).

    I prefer classes and struggling among others with loud, high bpm music playing in the background, but my runs will have to do for now! Any workout video recs? I think I've had enough of Billy Blanks...

    4 votes