User: playeren

playeren

March 4, 2019

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As a +10 year depression veteran I can certainly empathize and recognize many of the thoughts you describe. Here are my thoughts on limiting suffering, and allowing for happiness. The big question...

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As a +10 year depression veteran I can certainly empathize and recognize many of the thoughts you describe. Here are my thoughts on limiting suffering, and allowing for happiness.

The big question is always 'Why?'. Why must I suffer? Why should I continue suffering? Why should I care about myself? Finding the answers to these questions are simultaneously of the greatest importance, but also dangerously distracting. Important because the lack of immediate and obvious answers to the questions above, kind of defines those of us who have depression in our lives - ie. if you have a hard time answering or even facing those questions, you're probably suffering. Distracting, because looking for the answers largely prevents you from finding them.

Trying to brute force your depression with logic and philosophy, is akin to solve drowning by swallowing water. You can't solve bad thoughts by adding more thoughts. Actions (behaviour) is what led us to this chemical imbalance, and through actions we can change that balance again.

Being clinically depressed results in a lack of self care. When you have suffered for too long, you'll likely have forgotten what it even feels like to care for yourself. We need to change that with actions and behavior - because that's the only language our brains really understand.

Here are some of the things that worked for me:

Step 1:

Caring for others, without expecting anything in return.
- The last part about having a non-reciprocal attitude, is critically important. So, romantic and family relationships are not where you should start, as we tend to have both explicit and implicit expectations about reciprocal behaviour.
- Tending to a pet's needs can be very rewarding and useful for getting ourselves out of a rut, but depending on your situation, also potentially overwhelming. Pet-sitting or dog walking can be good ways to start.
- Helping others in even greater need than you can also be an avenue. Don't expect gratitude - do it for the sense of self-worth. Volunteering in soup kitchens or shelters, can be ways to help others.
- Do not under any circumstances post your good deeds on social media - anonymously or not. Hunting for likes destroys your sense of self-worth. Write it down in a personal journal instead.
- Don't lose yourself in helping others. When you get into it, you'll feel so good that you won't want to do anything else. Dial it down, take a deep breath. We're not quite ready for that yet. Balance.

Step 2:

Start caring for yourself, in actions. Not words.
- Affirmations are widely popular, but actions still speak louder. Tell yourself you're pretty, fine. Make an effort to look pretty, better. It's not about the result - it's about the action to care for yourself.
- Exercise. Besides the obvious health benefits of regular exercise, and the dopamine production, exercising is a very explicit action to care for yourself, and your brain is listening. Try to not get addicted, but if it comes down to choosing severe depression or workout addiction - choose addiction, we can treat that later, if we do it with care and vigilance.
- Eat healthy - Fresh and organic if possible. Less carbs, more healthy fats and protein. Maybe try intermittent fasting. Again, there are obvious health benefits to this, but we're doing it to signal to ourselves that we care.
- Pamper yourself. Get a massage from a pro with good reviews. If you've been depressed for a prolonged period of time, chances are that you are severely lacking in human touch. We need that shit. Even if our inner voice (system 2) is screaming that 'we hate being touched', it is likely (but not certain) because we think we don't deserve it for some obscure reason.
- 'Karie Mondo' your relationships. It's a reverse Marie Kondo, where you point at someone (figuratively - don't be rude) and ask 'Does this person bring me suffering and pain?'. If yes - cut them out of your life. Be ruthless - you're acting to save your own life.
- Delete Facebook, Instagram and anything else where you portray (signal) your person to the rest of the world. It messes with our minds in discrete and non-obvious ways. However horrible it feels to let go, when you're soMe clean you'll have a sense of freedom that you probably never have felt (depending on your age). Are there people on there, you're afraid to lose touch with? Let them know, and organise ways to stay in touch. Many won't, and that's fine. Life goes on, and we're getting ready to meet a world of new people.

Step 3:

Keep it up. Consistency is what wins the game. Be the tortoise.
Pass it forward. If something worked for you, let others know. Most of us deal with this stuff alone, and we really shouldn't.
Love yourself. When you allow that to happen, you'll start helping others around you in ways you couldn't have imagined before.

Stay strong, we need you.

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