smores's recent activity
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Comment on Balancing self-expression and parents in ~life
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Comment on Balancing self-expression and parents in ~life
smores Link ParentI agree that having a reliable shelter is hard to overvalue, but I want to warn that this isn't necessarily a no-brainer for everyone. We only have a superficial understanding of @immaterial's...I agree that having a reliable shelter is hard to overvalue, but I want to warn that this isn't necessarily a no-brainer for everyone. We only have a superficial understanding of @immaterial's situation, and there are absolutely home situations (even ones without, for example, the threat of physical abuse) where "get out ASAP" can be a better, safer choice than staying. 27% of American LGBTQ youth without accepting adults in their lives attempted suicide in 2019.
To be clear, I am not recommending that anyone who isn't in imminent danger of violence from someone they live with or themselves abandon having a roof over their head. I just want to qualify that this decision might be more complicated for some folks than it seems (even if it's not for @immaterial). You can be unsafe with a roof over your head.
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Comment on Balancing self-expression and parents in ~life
smores LinkI'm so sorry you're in this position. Navigating a relationship as complex and fraught as the one between child and parents is hard enough when you don't live under their roof, but putting in the...I'm so sorry you're in this position. Navigating a relationship as complex and fraught as the one between child and parents is hard enough when you don't live under their roof, but putting in the effort every day to hide important parts of who you are, while in a place that should be safe, with people that are meant to be taking care of you... it's exhausting. You're not entitled for wanting that to be different; that others have it worse takes nothing from what you're going through.
You deserve acceptance.
I agree with @sparksbet; don't discount that this may be having a real impact on your well-being. If you're truly able to sustain this environment (which would be unbearably stressful to me) without it chipping away at your mental health, that's really outstanding, but I suspect that most folks in this situation would be being worn down moment by moment. That's not a failing on your part; that's what environments like this do to people. And if that is what you're experiencing, then it's important to find tools, resources, and community to support you while you're stuck here, and help plan for a path out.
There are places in the world where being identified as gay is dangerous because someone may physically attack you with the intent to harm or kill you. There are also places where it's dangerous because society will shun, coerce, and degrade you. Those places are still dangerous. Parents that would kick their children out of the house for being gay cause real harm. Sometimes that harm is irreparable.
Eventually I'd like to move to another country where I'd be more accepted, but that's years down the line and I don't even know where to start with that
A few questions about this:
- Do you have local community that could support you where you are? Moving internationally can be very hard, but it can of course also be very worth it. If you have a local community, they could help you find ways to feel safe and accepted without needing to move, but maybe they could also help you move?
- Why is this years down the line?
- Can I (or someone else here) help you figure out where to start?
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Comment on Phonetic matching in ~tech
smores LinkI wrote a blog post recently about a surprisingly profound emotional experience I had while researching new algorithms for Storyteller. I’m going to leave the little heads up here that I put at...I wrote a blog post recently about a surprisingly profound emotional experience I had while researching new algorithms for Storyteller. I’m going to leave the little heads up here that I put at the top of the piece:
Just as heads up: This post starts out somewhat technical and includes a discussion of interesting algorithmic topics, like forced alignment and phonetic matching. But it ends by delving into some deeper social and human topics that might not be what everyone is looking for in a blog that’s mostly about software.
Hope you like it!
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Phonetic matching
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Comment on Is empathizing by sharing experience not normal? in ~health.mental
smores LinkI think, like many parts of neurotypical socialization, it depends, and it depends on rules that aren’t particularly clear or strict. I think that I do this more often than many other people that...I think, like many parts of neurotypical socialization, it depends, and it depends on rules that aren’t particularly clear or strict. I think that I do this more often than many other people that I know, but I am also more eager to form meaningful connections with strangers than many other people I know. I think that some folks would be put off by someone engaging to that level with something they considered offhand or smalltalk? I don’t know that that’s a common reaction necessarily though. And I suspect that there are people who, in social gatherings, are sharing a story as a mechanism for gathering the group’s attention, rather than attempting to connect, and for those people, responding with your own story could feel like “stealing the spotlight”.
Overall though, I see this kind of connection-through-reciprocal-sharing constantly from both neurodivergent and neurotypical friends, so I wouldn’t classify as a no-go by any means.
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Comment on New York Times Tech Guild ends strike in ~tech
smores Link ParentAt the end of the day, NYT tech folks are genuinely good at their jobs and it’s a testament to their work that almost nothing reader facing broke during the election. But yeah, as @updawg said,...At the end of the day, NYT tech folks are genuinely good at their jobs and it’s a testament to their work that almost nothing reader facing broke during the election.
But yeah, as @updawg said, the needle was rolled out in a much more limited capacity than initially intended. If I’m remembering correctly, they only had it for the presidential race, and that was potentially being updated manually; normally they have needles for every race that are all being automatically updated as results come in. I remember genuinely wishing I had the needle for the Senate and House races.
Slow apps and broken emails aren’t nothing, either. It was election night; if the app was updating or loading slowly, some real number of users were giving up and switching to the Washington Post app. Broken email links means an entire email campaign aimed at getting people onto NYT for the election coverage was probably a wash.
Tech production stoppages are more complicated to evaluate than a lot of traditional union production. Tech is very used to building for unknown failures and incorporating delays into timelines. Does it matter to the company that every single technical timeline across the company was just pushed back a week, meaning most that were meant to be done by end of year probably won’t anymore? Maybe! But like also maybe not. It’s too early to say. This was a real stress test of what a work stoppage in tech looks like, and I think we’ll have to wait a bit to see what it actually accomplished.
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Comment on New York Times Tech Guild ends strike in ~tech
smores Link ParentIt’s complicated, but I don’t think it’s worth losing hope over. The threat of the strike led NYT management to spend untold sums of money hiring strike busting contractors and spending more time...It’s complicated, but I don’t think it’s worth losing hope over. The threat of the strike led NYT management to spend untold sums of money hiring strike busting contractors and spending more time bargaining with the union in the week leading up to the strike than they had in the previous several months combined. The strike itself was hugely motivating for the unit (I was on the picket lines with them, it was wild) and most of the members seem energized, agitated, and much more willing to take action. Also 300,000 people played the union-made games alternatives during the strike!
The actions also haven’t stopped, only the work stoppage has. The unit is keeping up a constant flow of actions to continue to build solidarity and put pressure on management, and they’re getting more involvement than they were before the strike.
Also, things totally broke, just not user facing elections coverage things. 90% of the tech stack at the Times is either internal-facing or backend, and the pressure for not-very-technical managers and recently-hired contractors to keep those systems alive was non-trivial.
But yeah it also sucks that management didn’t fold during the strike. That was always going to be a tough sell; the NYT execs and board of directors have been fighting this union tooth and nail since it’s inception. Many board members are owners, board members, or shareholders in other tech companies, and would probably happily drown the NYT if it meant stalling the tech labor movement. It’s a brutal uphill battle, with the company spending considerably more on union busting than it would have cost to just accept most of the unit’s proposed contract language.
This is definitely not a clear win for the union, and they know it, but it’s too early to say whether it was a loss, yet, I think.
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Comment on Waymo’s robotaxis are now available to everyone in Los Angeles in ~transport
smores Link ParentWhat actually happened when it was confused?What actually happened when it was confused?
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Comment on 2024 United States election megathread in ~society
smores Link ParentI don’t want this to come across as my being supportive of AG Sulzberger — I literally spent all day today picketing with striking NYT workers outside the Times Tower — but the New York Times is...- Exemplary
I don’t want this to come across as my being supportive of AG Sulzberger — I literally spent all day today picketing with striking NYT workers outside the Times Tower — but the New York Times is not controlled by a right-wing billionaire. AG is worth less than a hundred million dollars, and I’ve never seen even the remotest evidence that he has republican leaning politics. Here he is, two months ago, writing a guest essay in the Washington Post that openly attacks Donald Trump as an authoritarian and compares him unfavorably to Modi and Orban.
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Comment on New York Times Tech Guild goes on strike (gifted link) in ~tech
smores (edited )LinkThe remote workers who aren’t able to picket in person have been making online, union-themed games: A dashboard for all of the alternative games that the remote tech workers have been building...The remote workers who aren’t able to picket in person have been making online, union-themed games:
A dashboard for all of the alternative games that the remote tech workers have been building during the strike: https://nytimesguild.org/tech/guild-builds/
A union word search: https://thewordsearch.com/puzzle/7694208/tech-guild-strike-search-word
A union Connections puzzle: https://connections.swellgarfo.com/game/-OArykvIwwFTPC39oZBV
(I’ll keep updating this comment as new ones get published, in case anyone’s having fun with them)
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Comment on New York Times Tech Guild goes on strike (gifted link) in ~tech
smores (edited )LinkThe guild gave the company several months notice of their plans to strike if the company wouldn’t commit to a more aggressive bargaining schedule and stop committing unfair labor practices. Though...The guild gave the company several months notice of their plans to strike if the company wouldn’t commit to a more aggressive bargaining schedule and stop committing unfair labor practices. Though the company has come to an increased number of bargaining sessions over the past week or so, they still haven’t budged on some basic and crucial language in the contract, including “just cause”, a clause in many union contracts (including the NYT newsroom contract) that requires the company to provide just cause when terminating an employee.
The guild is also running a gofundme to provide financial support for striking workers with financial obligations that would make it challenging or impossible for them to go without pay for an extended period of time.
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New York Times Tech Guild goes on strike (gifted link)
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Comment on 'I don’t want to die.' He needed mental health care. He found a ghost network. in ~health.mental
smores LinkI have a friend that I’ve been supporting through increasingly despairing mental health challenges for years. Last week we finally got to a place where he was actively seeking psychiatric help,...I have a friend that I’ve been supporting through increasingly despairing mental health challenges for years. Last week we finally got to a place where he was actively seeking psychiatric help, which was a pretty significant win.
That’s when I learned that the medicaid plan that he’s on covers literally one single behavioral health psychiatrist. The other 24 that are in network are all neurologists specializing in mostly age related neurological disorders. Unsurprisingly, that psychiatrist is booked. Indefinitely.
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Comment on New York Times tech workers union votes to authorize a strike in ~tech
smores LinkOh hey, someone beat me to it! Here’s some more details on the results from the union: https://nytimesguild.org/tech-sav/ I think these results are incredible. 84% of a 600+ person union (still...Oh hey, someone beat me to it! Here’s some more details on the results from the union: https://nytimesguild.org/tech-sav/
I think these results are incredible. 84% of a 600+ person union (still negotiating its first contract!) voting in favor of a strike!!
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Comment on September 10: World Suicide Prevention Day - Changing the narrative on suicide in ~health.mental
smores Link ParentThank you, really. Sorry for the somewhat dramatic post without any context. I have a friend who’s had depression for most of his life, the whole time I’ve known him. I’ve been a part of his...Thank you, really. Sorry for the somewhat dramatic post without any context. I have a friend who’s had depression for most of his life, the whole time I’ve known him. I’ve been a part of his support network as long as we’ve been friends, over a decade, but over the past four years he’s grown more and more desperate, and it’s led him to be shorter of temper and more rageful toward… well, everyone, but especially those closest to him. This has led to a steady dwindling of the rest of his support network. Today he got into yet another fight with his mom, who herself contributes to his distress as much as she helps, and called me as he was walking to the bridge.
This isn’t, by any stretch, the first time that almost precisely this has happened.
Hopefully we’ll still go to my therapy appointment tomorrow together like we planned.
Thank you for your kind words, again. I was feeling pretty numb when I posted this, but it helped to read what you wrote.
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Comment on September 10: World Suicide Prevention Day - Changing the narrative on suicide in ~health.mental
smores LinkI literally talked my close friend down from jumping off of a bridge that he was already standing on about two hours ago. So. I don’t know what to do with that.I literally talked my close friend down from jumping off of a bridge that he was already standing on about two hours ago. So. I don’t know what to do with that.
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Comment on Yellowcard - A Whole New World (From "A Whole New Sound") ft. Chrissy Costanza (2024) in ~music
smores Link ParentI’ll never sleep on We The Kings (or Hercules, for that matter)! I haven’t listened to the LOLO track yet I’ll give it a listen!I’ll never sleep on We The Kings (or Hercules, for that matter)! I haven’t listened to the LOLO track yet I’ll give it a listen!
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Comment on Yellowcard - A Whole New World (From "A Whole New Sound") ft. Chrissy Costanza (2024) in ~music
smores LinkOh man, this is really doing it for me haha. The New Found Glory cover of Part of Your World is outstanding, but I'm really enjoying basically all of this. This was truly a brilliant move. It's...Oh man, this is really doing it for me haha. The New Found Glory cover of Part of Your World is outstanding, but I'm really enjoying basically all of this. This was truly a brilliant move. It's interesting how most folks (e.g. NFG, Simple Plan) really leaned in to their punk/emo sound, and some (e.g. BOYS LIKE GIRLS) tried to do a more earnest cover of the originals.
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Comment on Is my blue your blue? in ~design
smores Link ParentYeah this is called "TrueTone"; you can turn it off in your phone settings!Yeah this is called "TrueTone"; you can turn it off in your phone settings!
I hope it didn’t come across like I was challenging your desire to move; those are all very good and valid reasons to do that.
I think @sparksbet made a great point: one of the best ways to move countries is through grad school. The great thing about grad programs, at least PhD programs if that’s an option for you, is that they’re almost always free, even in completely backwards educational systems like the US, usually with some sort of living stipend. Masters programs in much of Europe are also free; my wife (American) did a Masters program in Lübeck, Germany for free after she finished her undergrad. Do you think grad school might be an option for you?
Moving somewhere new, even within the same country, can absolutely be terrifying. I’ve moved cities and states within the US several times, and resetting is hard each time. That’s an additional benefit to a grad program; there’s a built in social network to latch on to.