tiltedcerebellum's recent activity
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Comment on Job hunts after a toxic work experience in ~life
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Comment on Does anyone else feel like they don’t know how to talk to people anymore? in ~talk
tiltedcerebellum (edited )LinkI am a now-gregarious introvert, only because I trained myself to start conversations and be conversational (did not come naturally at all). I personally think that Covid isolation has made all...I am a now-gregarious introvert, only because I trained myself to start conversations and be conversational (did not come naturally at all). I personally think that Covid isolation has made all communication a bit awkward. In many ways our cognition has also shifted a bit from communication being mediated primarily through technology for such a long period. We're now used to thinking about communication and communicating differently. Much of the spontaneity was removed in some ways, and a very two-dimensional novelty added in others. I for one greatly missed body language and tone of voice because both are something I taught myself to attend to carefully and read in order to better understand people's moods and emotions, which I generally find to be puzzling at the best of times lol.
One thing I'm going to keep in mind is that everyone is likely feeling the same about communication's awkwardness to some degree, we're all probably going to be (or just feel) a bit awkward. Talking without a face mask after all this time almost feels a little like being pantless for the first while perhaps lol. Plus we're probably all a little squirrely and/or cabin-feverish after this amount of time, so I tend to think the one good thing about this happening to everyone in tandem is, we're each likely going through similar things and focused more on our own experience and nervousness than other's actions. For some they barely remember what non-pandemic communication was like after more than a year lol. Lots of extroverts (who didn't seem to fare as well as introverts) are likely going to be so relieved to have meaningful in-person social interaction again, that it's all going to feel pretty good, regardless of awkwardness. I also think many will be too busy focusing on the novelty of these experiences to focus on awkwardness.
I like @Atveloni's mention of smiling with their eyes more, this actually makes perfect sense. We had to learn to be expressive with half of our faces covered, this certainly changes the way we do some things. I can tell I have also started to do the same. Facial expressions were never something I was very animated with or even occurred to me much of the time, but smiling with my eyes was something I ended up making a concerted effort to think about. I wonder if this will stick for me lol. Unlike Atveloni I was always quite a direct person (unusual for women I'm told), so to me the small talk will be quite a nice break of experiencing people not hiding behind avatars (which let's face it, online this can create quite the different behavior and often not for the better, where in-person has a different sense of social accountability). I honestly also think people are just going to need time getting used to seeing other's mouths again after all this time lol! So, there are lots of other places for people to focus their attention rather than us being a bit awkward at first.
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Comment on Medication for depression in ~health
tiltedcerebellum (edited )Link ParentSometimes the drive to achieve and to help can end up with us oversubscribing ourselves. I have been particularly bad at this, rarely saying "no" to things I didn't even particularly relish doing....Sometimes the drive to achieve and to help can end up with us oversubscribing ourselves. I have been particularly bad at this, rarely saying "no" to things I didn't even particularly relish doing. I had to give myself a crash course in saying things like "I'd love to but I can't" (with no explanation offered), and stop setting myself up for such high self-expectations. I still struggle with this. In the end I have to ask myself, if this were someone else, would I expect them to be doing A, B, C and if the answer is no, I need to unsubscribe. Always saying "I'll have to think about it" gave me time to really prioritize and do that analysis for myself so I stopped over-subscribing.
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Comment on Medication for depression in ~health
tiltedcerebellum Link ParentI agree, cognitive behavioral therapy for example is exceptionally useful and has some solid data backing it up as to effectiveness, which depending on the condition can be more effective than...I agree, cognitive behavioral therapy for example is exceptionally useful and has some solid data backing it up as to effectiveness, which depending on the condition can be more effective than medication. Though OP seems to be doing some of these on their own, which is terrific. Different therapies can be useful for many different reasons, sometimes only if to uncover things we don't ourselves yet realize we are struggling with.
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Comment on Medication for depression in ~health
tiltedcerebellum (edited )Link ParentI have to agree with this, I see a psychiatrist through my local MS clinic due to having MS of course. Depression with something like MS can be quite nuanced, depression itself can be quite...I have to agree with this, I see a psychiatrist through my local MS clinic due to having MS of course. Depression with something like MS can be quite nuanced, depression itself can be quite nuanced to deal with. Psychiatrists tend to be quite adept at doing thorough evaluations and are usually extremely knowledgeable with medications and mixing of medications (in my case especially off-label use of medications since off-label is the name of the game in MS symptom management much of the time). The neruos here almost always defer to the psychiatrists when it comes to medications outside of MS meds, since their breadth and depth of knowledge regarding medications is generally much better.
I went to neurologist for cognitive problems, brain fog, depression, got a basic depression questionnaire, then referred to psychiatrist that rotates through the MS clinic (somewhat specialized). Psychiatrist did rapid testing with a qualitative mini cognitive exam then referred straight to neuropsych testing to find out where my deficits were and given medications to help (off-label, modfinil for lead-suit fatigue that comes from faulty nerve transmission and wakefulness/clarity, often given to MSers for extreme fatigue for example). All of this was very useful.
Even the neurologists I see tend to agree that when it comes to meds and assessment for this, these are the specialists you generally want to talk to. They are used to dealing with complexity, being very shrewd and trying to find what is most effective for you. I will say that for me it didn't take many visits at all, I think partially it can depends on how well you communicate and self-manage, and how clear cut things can be, as well as input from your other doctor(s). Perhaps having a solid diagnosis at this point already (depression eval from neuro and MS diag) is what sped things along for me. I've diagnosed myself 3/3 times, the last ER doc put "diagnosed herself" straight in my chart lol, which might cut me some slack with them perhaps.
The other thing I'd consider is asking for a checkup with routine labs etc if you haven't already (I'm sure you probably have). GPs are mostly gatekeepers, they are the generalists that can simply point the way to a specialist sometimes when there's something going on... specialists are necessary for anything that isn't cursory, so self advocation for testing and referral is often needed. Sometimes the prodrome phase of some health considerations (like autoimmune conditions) can cause significant fatigue for example.
In all honesty it sounds like you are already doing much of what you can do on your own, which is excellent. I wouldn't hesitate to ask for a referral to a specialist. I find GPs to not be all that knowledgeable about antidepressants, they will often prescribe based on what the majority of their patients say works for their brand of depression, and not based on any defined knowledge of specific effectiveness for certain things (when my GP won't prescribe something, I get referral to psychiatrist who is always far more knowledgeable and comfortable, especially with off-label or for unique concerns).
Best of luck! -
Comment on Obvious classic appropriation humor :) in ~creative
tiltedcerebellum Link ParentYep, my thought process ran a similar direction which is why I added “Obvious” to the title. ;-)Yep, my thought process ran a similar direction which is why I added “Obvious” to the title. ;-)
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Comment on Word Association in ~talk
tiltedcerebellum Link ParentCakeCake
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Comment on Word Association in ~talk
tiltedcerebellum Link ParentStickStick
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Comment on Word Association in ~talk
tiltedcerebellum Link ParentBondBond
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Obvious classic appropriation humor :)
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Comment on A pilot study conducted on r/politics on Reddit found that removing downvote buttons did not offer substantial benefits in ~science
tiltedcerebellum (edited )Link ParentI just joined this community and I’m personally very appreciative that there is no downvote feature. Speaking from a purely arts/design perspective, I can’t help but think how the down arrow icon,...I just joined this community and I’m personally very appreciative that there is no downvote feature. Speaking from a purely arts/design perspective, I can’t help but think how the down arrow icon, as a symbol, has connotations attached to it that many users don’t consider. Each person to some degree has some preconceived and subjective idea of its meaning in a given context, that may or may not align with the stated or intended use. Perhaps the interpretation of a symbol can even depend on a person’s given mood, even when logically they know well it’s intended use.
I also can’t help but think how an interpretation of an icon’s symbol can also be affected by the use of other frequently used sites or media, which might employ (somewhat) similar symbols for very different purposes. This can muddy the waters.
Arrows, thumbs, trophies, dots, etc., can all provide a similar message when posed as a binary (e.g., voting up/down, rating up/down approve/disapprove, like/dislike, agree/disagree). When you put all of the items in the right column together you get: down, disapprove, dislike, disagree. Each of these can and often are, viewed as negative regardless of the designed intent, and when attached to someone’s personal idea or opinion, can unintentionally anger or offend regardless of the design purpose. Voting upward, only for those ideas which you support or view as additive to a balanced view, is less binary and perhaps even a bit more democratic in nature (my artsy interpretation for what it’s worth)?
It’s hard to be personally offended at a lack of upvotes, rather people seem to perhaps internalize and identify more with the social pressure of making a recognized contribution, hopefully to share and to expand the view, rather than to earn popularity or upvotes.
[Apologies for spelling and grammar, the autocorrect I usually rely on doesn’t seem to work here and I have these “cute” little Gremlins in my brain from MS that cause communication malfunctions ;)]
I'm sorry you've had to go through that. Maybe there are some nicer guys there to befriend/ally?
As a woman who has worked in a male dominated field before attending uni and doing a proper career, I can say the approach that @Akir suggested has worked for me in the past. But, I did this always with an edge of humor and cheekiness for palatability, more like "one of the boys"... albeit one whose figure they scoped on the regular (I did do/mean what I said in good humor, whilst also making a very subtle point). Once the guys realized that I wasn't going to put up with shit, that none would see the inside of my bedroom, that I had humor but was all business, and I would bust back on them with some good humor if they busted on me... they tended to respect me and saw me as someone could both hold my own but would also hold them to account. I hate to say it but females and especially unique or attractive females can sometimes get more of this type of behavior and/or a male version of, for lack of a better term, shit-testing. Finding a way to relate, be it humorous, being "one of the boys", or whatever approach works for you can potentially lessen this a bit. Sometimes I'd take a statement one of them said to me and turn it around slightly on them (nicely, with humor and maybe a tiny bit embarrassing/chiding, saying it smiling) and tease them with it "how would you like it if... hahahah", and well, they often got the point and knocked it off. Usually once they figured out I was good natured and wouldn't accept crap they'd not dish it. My allies I related to usually helped me bust back on the few that didn't clue in.
Another approach that worked was to show personal interest in people's lives (especially about their partners or kids) and found ways to relate and be supportive of their work and/or life/self which also tended to earn trust and respect (and get their support in return). I find that a lot of men also like to know where they stand in terms of respect. Some like to give advice/be helpful (I have a tendency to appreciate humor, knowledge, capability and respect, and like to readily acknowledge these things in others which tends to create good bonds this way). It is hard to treat poorly folks that earn our at least partial friendship, respect and appreciation (unless someone is just plain an asshole). I started in a trades-related field as support staff first in smaller cities before ending up in very large cities, so I had the backwards progression of your experience, I went from very informal to very formal, which I think is easier. That said, there will always be some backwards behavior or people who think other's should be treated this way regardless, which is BS. I find human behavior puzzling at the best of times frankly.
Any of these approaches might not work other's though, depends on you, your audience, your own preferences for interacting etc. Everyone is different, so no doubt you'll do what comes best to you. I also believe a person's intent matters with this kind of thing. A lot of times things can stem from ignorance and lack of exposure and awareness rather than malintent. So, I tend to gauged my reactions (and my potential forgiveness or willingness to let something slide or educate) based on that and I do tend to go into educating mode in funny and relatable ways, which is helpful. I like to build allies and educate rather than correct, but sometimes either is hard to do without coming off wrong. If someone really had malintent, that's another matter entirely. I would however try to find workable approaches prior going to HR. And, I if I left I would most definitely do an exit interview and if possible speak to someone high-up about the issues or write a letter about it. People can't fix what they aren't aware of, and, in doing things as objectively as possible with common sense people are more apt to listen. There has to be someone there you relate to and get along with who can be an ally?
I have seen humor in dishing it back used by very otherwise reserved and soft spoken women too (bank manager for e.g. who is all business), and it seems to work, while maintaining healthy respect. Everyone is different though, different people need different approaches. I hope you find the approach that works best for you, because in the end that's what matters most. I have a bit of a belief that if something bothers me, I need to speak up about it, though doing so in a way that lands well is sometimes hard to determine. Sometimes there is no way for it to land well. Nothing will change if I don't make an attempt. I tend to not shy away from conflict (though I very much dislike it) and will communicate what I need to in as neutral a way as possible, presenting the logic, while not backing down. In the end, logic is logical and it is hard to argue with.