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Do you read self-help books? And if so, any recommendations?
It's a genre that friends, coworkers, and family will chide you for reading, and often self-help books will repeat the same old principles. Yet, I find myself drawn to books like How to Win Friends and Atomic Habits again and again, in a hope that reading them will fix my life's problems. And honestly, some books in the genre do provide some great advice.
I hate them, even though sometimes they clearly contain good advice. Self-help books tend to stress a single simple idea throughout the entire book. They use different phrasing and predictable examples to reinforce the message and plant it in your mind. This may be effective, but also makes for a boring reading.
When facing difficulties or dilemmas, I prefer reading well-researched articles on the subject, as well as previous philosophical approaches. https://plato.stanford.edu is my main source of “philosophical self-help”, so to speak.
EDIT: forgot to mention that I'm also a religious person, which helps a lot. I also did psychotherapy for more than ten years (I'll resume the treatment when I have money to pay for it again...).
Depending on how broad you define self-help, yes I have (although more recently in audiobook form).
I couldn't care less about motivational books or stuff like that, but I used Books that some might consider self-help books to tackle specific problems I had (namely: I kept losing track of things that I had to do/wanted to do or stick to habits).
None of the following books promises instant success or reward but focuses more on improving your ability to get things done by small margins. If you don't have the same problems, than you are probably not going to gain as much from them as I did.
The thing with self-help book is that they are bloated af and filled with useless anecdotes which makes them kinda annoying to read.
So I'll just give you a list of what I read and what I think about those books:
"Getting Things Done" by David Allen. Not really Self-Help, but more of a workflow/Time-management -Advice Book. It gives you a very concrete workflow to use to structure your life along with alot of tips, etc. None of the Ideas are revolutionary, but they are combined very well and give you a good foundation for getting your shit done. But, very annoying to read, a lot of anecdotes that could be left out, etc.
I highly suggest it for people who struggle with keeping track of what they have to do, what they could do, etc.
If you already have a workflow where you think you can keep track of everything, stick with it, no need to read GTD.
The Art of Learning by Josh Waitzkin. I listened to it after 3blue1brown recommended it. It's nice to listen to but it's more of an autobiography with a focus on "learning". tl;dr: Use every obstacle you face as a challenge to learn something new. (There is more to it, but I think that this is the core message that is explained very lengthily).
The Power of Habits by Charles Duhigg. A book about habits and how to transform them. Gives an overview over some very interesting examples of large-scale habit transformations (for example how putting menthol in toothpaste added a "reward", namely a feeling of freshness, and finally got people to use toothpaste, although toothpastes had been around for about 50 years at this point) and some scientific studies. Pretty bloated, could be way more compact, and focuses to much on stories about individuals. But still an interesting read.
Atomic Habits by James Clear. It's the tl;dr of the Power of Habits and offers more practical advise. I'd highly recommend it, although it's certainly a good idea to have read the power of habits before reading this book. But If you don't like pop-science books, than get straight to this one.
How do you distinguish self-help from " lifestyle design books"? As someone who's not too familiar with these categories, I find them very similar.
Sort of. I recently read some of Marie Kondo's books, back when everyone was talking about them. So far I've only applied her method to my clothes, and only in bits and pieces, but it's been quite helpful figuring out how to let go of things that no longer work for me. I tend to be sentimental about items, and that leads to being surrounded by way too much clutter.
The only other self-help book I've read was recommended by my therapist, and unfortunately I've still not finished it. It's called The Happiness Trap, and it's actually more of an anti self-help book. It's about mindfulness in general, and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy in particular. I like that it isn't about trying to control or suppress or change thoughts and feelings. None of that "think positively and your life will be better" stuff.
Yep – I'm here too. Who'da thunk 👀
So, to start things off – I actually think that, in a way, the intensive focus on one subject can be incredibly helpful, and I think fits the nature of that industry the best.
Imagine how thick the book would have to be in order to cover all apt areas in which one might need help turning themselves around! We'd have to devote space to time management for those who can't seem to keep their schedules in order; space to artistic self-expression for those who feel trapped in rut and monotony; space to cost-cutting and budgeting practices for those who'd like a little more money in the savings account; hell even space for basic things like remembering to buy groceries, shower, and wash your clothes for those who struggle with debilitating levels of lethargy or apathy.
Thassa thicc book.
As someone who's read a countless amount of these sorts of things, I find the singular focus of them can be quite appealing! I see my problem, I know what I want to fix, here's a book on how I might do it.
Motivational or helpful social media posts are a quick snack.
Self-help books are a meal at a restaurant.
Philosophy is a cooking lesson.
"How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie taught me how to maintain composure; treat all, even those who I disagree with, with the respect I'd ask they afford me; and be good in my own skin.
"Refuse to Choose" by Barbara Sher taught me how to allow my ceaseless ADHD brain to flourish in my interests. Say I'm interested in language, but on Monday I want to learn Japanese; Wednesday – Norwegian; and Friday – Kurundi. This is the book that has helped me dabble where I'd enjoy dabbling, and pursue what I wish to pursue.
I've read books that have taught me not to put on a show and become a character when it comes to women – but simply to be authentic; how to cultivate a sense of self-confidence and self-worth in my own life; and how to be comfortable spending time alone. (Hell – now I might like the idea of "dating myself" a bit too much, hahaha. It can be relaxing to go out to a museum or comfortable coffee shop by yourself and have the freedom to stay as long as you wish.)
That being said, it's a rough cycle. Not all self-help authors write with the best intent. (A la profit over people.) We'll often find books filled with pseudo-inspirational and pseudo-motivational mumbo-jumbo that don't have any real, applicable takeaways other than "be your best you!" or "if you believe, you can achieve!"
After long enough – I've found my forgone appreciation for self-help books supplanted with the same energy for how-to books (and an unhealthy amount of online courses.)
You mean I can read this book and learn the history of popular indian foods with recipes inbetween? Sign me up!
A 300-page lesson on how I can improve my working memory and strengthen my imagination at the same time? One please!
What's this? A course on how I can use React.js and BootstrapCSS to build my very own version of Twitter? Money well spent!
Then – philosophy.
For life's bigger questions. Those of ethics; those of virtue; those of hardship.
What self-help book will help you when you've lost your SO, your home, and your dog in the span of two weeks?
What self-help book will help you when you find yourself in isolation, and you're made to rebuild near every facet of your life from the ground up?
What self-help book will help you with the uncomfortable question of death – and your dichotomic desire to bring it upon your self; and also keep it as far away as possible?
What self-help book will help you with the uncomfortable question of loss, when your hand is held and your soul soothed by someone as you watch your grandfather take his dying breath on a hospital bed; and then that rock on which you've built your peace becomes lost to erosion?
I've only seemed to find one – "Meditations" from Marcus Aurelius. (A fundamental text of stoic philosophy – as interpreted/modernized in the book "The Obstacle Is The Way" by Ryan Holiday. So... okay, maybe that self-help book.)
Philosophy is deeper-reaching, more fundamental, and more applicable than what can be covered in a self-help book.
The entire concept of Dale Carnegie's lessons on how to treat others can be boiled down into a single soundbite.
Or of Barbara Sher's thoughts on letting your interests and expressions fly mad; not restraining yourself to one or two pursuits in each area of interest.
Or of the anxieties of relationships and dating touched on in countless books on love.
Philosophy is the armament we use to look beyond our issues – instead looking to the questions of "What is troubling me?"; "Why is it troubling me?"; and "How should I react to this?"
In defense of self-help books, I find that they do indeed have their place as tools. Bref, we're using the knowledge and lessons previously learned by others what we haven't come to know ourselves in order to learn from their mistakes.
When we want to learn how to see into the mistakes, and see into the troubles of what we don't know, is when we then look upwards to philosophy.
One of the main problems of self-help is extending something that could very well be a
1'00010'000 words article into an entire book. Nobody needs 200 pages to learn the Pomodoro Technique (or similar "lifehacks"), and, ironically, reading some productivity books from start to finish can be a big waste of time.Except all the people that do. Just because you aren't one doesn't mean they don't exist. And sometimes buying a self-help book and reading it can act as the encouragement/commitment someone needs to actually follow through with implementing positive changes afterwards.... whereas if those same lessons in the self-help book were boiled down to a few pages and that's how they consumed it, that person may not get the same positive effect or outcome.
You are, of course, right. Different people require different stimuli.
Indeed. Different strokes for different folks. I am like yourself, in that I seem to learn better with just simple, concise tutorials/guides... but I know enough people who have made significant positive changes to their lives after having read self-help books that I try not to discount them entirely, despite the fact I generally get nothing out of reading them myself.
Self-help, to me, is similar to business. The theory is frequently rather trivial, but applying it to concrete situations is not trivial at all.
I do not. I personally think it represents a societal issue we have with not accepting who we are. I understand that being a better version of ourselves is not a bad thing, but I just don't like how it kind of makes me feel like the current version of myself is not good enough. But there is an exception to this, if I am reading a story or autobiography that has self help elements, sure I will read it, not really any intention to follow it, at least at the start.
I encourage you to read The scientific state of self-help books
Nah. In fact, I think How to Win Friends and Influence People sounds like a sociopath's handbook.
Much to the chagrin of my therapist that doesn't exist, I think I'm equipped with the tools to help myself. Can't imagine what a "self-help" book would have to offer that I haven't already thought about. That's hubris for you, though!