I'm a straight guy that's the primary care giver to my son because my wife's career was in a much better place and I freelance anyway (so I still work, just not as much). So I don't get the...
I'm a straight guy that's the primary care giver to my son because my wife's career was in a much better place and I freelance anyway (so I still work, just not as much). So I don't get the homophobic thing this poor man has had to deal with. I am happy to say that I don't get much of the sexism either, though maybe that's just living in a nice, progressive East Coast city or something.
But it does happen. I was walking home with him one day when a woman screamed from her SUV at me that I was going to blind my child because I didn't have the cover of the stroller over him on a nice sunny day. Apparently all children in the past, before strollers had cover or strollers even existed went blind or something. I couldn't help but think that if I was a woman, this lady would not have yelled at me from her vehicle at a red light with... well not even parenting advice, a parenting demand, I guess?
I do also feel like an interloper into woman spaces when I take him to activities for toddlers, like his dance class or reading programs at the library. There are nothing but women at a lot of these things, especially if they take place sometime 9-to-5. Even when I take him to the park during the day, I'll be lucky if I see one other man there. It's all women standing around and chatting, and while I usually get smiles and hellos, I do sometimes get the cold shoulder.
But I will say I do... benefit? from the sexism of soft expectations. By simply being out with my son and not letting him play in traffic, I get a lot of people seem happy to see us out together and some even comment how lucky he is to have his dad out with him that day. I've never had anyone ask if I was babysitting my own son, like I've heard happen to other dads, but I've had it implied. It's insulting to me a bit, sure. But, this is somewhat a predicament of the design of my fellow men. In the end, it's a patriarchal system that causes child rearing to be seen as women's work.
That must be so frustrating! I think there's definitely a gender aspect to it where men are seen as so useless that anything they do to take care of a child is impressive. I went to a birth and...
That must be so frustrating! I think there's definitely a gender aspect to it where men are seen as so useless that anything they do to take care of a child is impressive. I went to a birth and babies class with my husband and, after getting a couple of questions right, people thought he was a doctor.
If it's any consolation, though, I get tons of unsolicited parenting advice all the time when I'm with my 7 month old baby. It's super annoying and I'm always debating whether to just be polite and ignore it or to tell them off. I have no idea why random strangers think they know better but there's a degree of arrogance in it that I can't stand. Yes, you might have raised a kid as well, but I don't think that makes you an expert. Just like how owning pets doesn't suddenly make me a vet.
I know that I'm stepping into nitpicking territory with this, but thinking of patriarchy as a thing men "designed" at some point in the history undermines the efforts to deal with it. I think of...
But, this is somewhat a predicament of the design of my fellow men. In the end, it's a patriarchal system that causes child rearing to be seen as women's work.
I know that I'm stepping into nitpicking territory with this, but thinking of patriarchy as a thing men "designed" at some point in the history undermines the efforts to deal with it. I think of patriarchy as a natural result of agrarian societies where having more men in your toolkit was always a net positive, given everything was powered with humans' physical power, and that by default (i.e. w/o training) and on average men are more powerful than women (if we also factor in the scarcity of resources, especially for those who actually had to do this work in most societies). I don't think it is an accident that women's social status did not start to improve before industy became a thing.
Recently I learnt about the theory of Judith Butler (not verified yet though) where it's more about masculinity and femininity rather than men and women. If that idea is actually like what I guess it is, then it also explains e.g. why LGBTQ stuff and feminism always go hand in hand: some queer might be men, but they are part of the femininity. (BTW if anybody can tell me in what exact text Butler introduced this idea, if she ever did, I'd be grateful!)
Whatever... Power to you, for not being discouraged by the stimuli around what you do, and being the change you and we want!
Oh that is so frustrating!! I know that single dads have it hard. I can't even imagine the feeling of having someone try to give me a parenting class just because of my gender. I know that the...
Oh that is so frustrating!! I know that single dads have it hard. I can't even imagine the feeling of having someone try to give me a parenting class just because of my gender.
I know that the nosy biddies even do it to mothers, but it's even more demeaning to a man. Men can be parents, too!
It drives me crazy when people refer to dads watching the kids as "babysitting." Nope. It's parenting!!
I'm a straight guy that's the primary care giver to my son because my wife's career was in a much better place and I freelance anyway (so I still work, just not as much). So I don't get the homophobic thing this poor man has had to deal with. I am happy to say that I don't get much of the sexism either, though maybe that's just living in a nice, progressive East Coast city or something.
But it does happen. I was walking home with him one day when a woman screamed from her SUV at me that I was going to blind my child because I didn't have the cover of the stroller over him on a nice sunny day. Apparently all children in the past, before strollers had cover or strollers even existed went blind or something. I couldn't help but think that if I was a woman, this lady would not have yelled at me from her vehicle at a red light with... well not even parenting advice, a parenting demand, I guess?
I do also feel like an interloper into woman spaces when I take him to activities for toddlers, like his dance class or reading programs at the library. There are nothing but women at a lot of these things, especially if they take place sometime 9-to-5. Even when I take him to the park during the day, I'll be lucky if I see one other man there. It's all women standing around and chatting, and while I usually get smiles and hellos, I do sometimes get the cold shoulder.
But I will say I do... benefit? from the sexism of soft expectations. By simply being out with my son and not letting him play in traffic, I get a lot of people seem happy to see us out together and some even comment how lucky he is to have his dad out with him that day. I've never had anyone ask if I was babysitting my own son, like I've heard happen to other dads, but I've had it implied. It's insulting to me a bit, sure. But, this is somewhat a predicament of the design of my fellow men. In the end, it's a patriarchal system that causes child rearing to be seen as women's work.
That must be so frustrating! I think there's definitely a gender aspect to it where men are seen as so useless that anything they do to take care of a child is impressive. I went to a birth and babies class with my husband and, after getting a couple of questions right, people thought he was a doctor.
If it's any consolation, though, I get tons of unsolicited parenting advice all the time when I'm with my 7 month old baby. It's super annoying and I'm always debating whether to just be polite and ignore it or to tell them off. I have no idea why random strangers think they know better but there's a degree of arrogance in it that I can't stand. Yes, you might have raised a kid as well, but I don't think that makes you an expert. Just like how owning pets doesn't suddenly make me a vet.
Or going to the gym a few times makes you a form expert. 🙄
Dunning-Kruger effect in action.
I know that I'm stepping into nitpicking territory with this, but thinking of patriarchy as a thing men "designed" at some point in the history undermines the efforts to deal with it. I think of patriarchy as a natural result of agrarian societies where having more men in your toolkit was always a net positive, given everything was powered with humans' physical power, and that by default (i.e. w/o training) and on average men are more powerful than women (if we also factor in the scarcity of resources, especially for those who actually had to do this work in most societies). I don't think it is an accident that women's social status did not start to improve before industy became a thing.
Recently I learnt about the theory of Judith Butler (not verified yet though) where it's more about masculinity and femininity rather than men and women. If that idea is actually like what I guess it is, then it also explains e.g. why LGBTQ stuff and feminism always go hand in hand: some queer might be men, but they are part of the femininity. (BTW if anybody can tell me in what exact text Butler introduced this idea, if she ever did, I'd be grateful!)
Whatever... Power to you, for not being discouraged by the stimuli around what you do, and being the change you and we want!
I'm sorry to hear your son was born without eyelids.
Oh that is so frustrating!! I know that single dads have it hard. I can't even imagine the feeling of having someone try to give me a parenting class just because of my gender.
I know that the nosy biddies even do it to mothers, but it's even more demeaning to a man. Men can be parents, too!
It drives me crazy when people refer to dads watching the kids as "babysitting." Nope. It's parenting!!
This is insane to me too. Taking care of your own kid should be the base bar, not a high standard.
Standards are pretty low when your president brags about grabbing people by their pussy.
I’m not even a parent and I’m so irritated on their behalf! I can only imagine how that must make them feel.