Gaywallet's recent activity

  1. Comment on I’m worried that the Israel-Palestine conflict is tearing Tildes apart in ~tildes

    Gaywallet
    Link Parent
    Of course, no judgement about that here. Frankly, less engagement online and more engagement in real life tends to make people happier. Either way, thank you for listening and engaging 💜

    I don’t think I want that level of engagement, either. For me, that just seems like a recipe for grudges and resentments to build. Maybe I’m missing out on deeper connections, but like you mentioned, everybody gets to choose their bandwidth.

    Of course, no judgement about that here. Frankly, less engagement online and more engagement in real life tends to make people happier.

    Either way, thank you for listening and engaging 💜

    10 votes
  2. Comment on I’m worried that the Israel-Palestine conflict is tearing Tildes apart in ~tildes

    Gaywallet
    Link Parent
    I mean, they're talking about moderation in a specific community which this person doesn't participate in... their participation seems rather relevant?

    I mean, they're talking about moderation in a specific community which this person doesn't participate in... their participation seems rather relevant?

    8 votes
  3. Comment on I’m worried that the Israel-Palestine conflict is tearing Tildes apart in ~tildes

    Gaywallet
    Link Parent
    I'm certainly not going to tell you to leave this website, but minorities being driven off Tildes due to casual bigotry is why we started beehaw, and you might enjoy the space.

    I also use this site less because I have to see ignorant casual transphobia. I still use it because I need some discussion forum and I'm sure as fucking hell not going to use reddit, and discord is not a replacement for a traditional forum, it's a supplement.

    I'm certainly not going to tell you to leave this website, but minorities being driven off Tildes due to casual bigotry is why we started beehaw, and you might enjoy the space.

    6 votes
  4. Comment on I’m worried that the Israel-Palestine conflict is tearing Tildes apart in ~tildes

    Gaywallet
    Link Parent
    I am in complete agreement that the rules should not be altered. The problem is not the rules, so much as it is a community problem around what social norms are present, what social norms are...
    • Exemplary

    I am in complete agreement that the rules should not be altered. The problem is not the rules, so much as it is a community problem around what social norms are present, what social norms are tolerated, what social norms are encouraged, and how people who are unaware of the social norms are interpreting them. This is an incredibly complex topic to broach, but I'll do my best to summarize some of the higher level concepts at play here.

    Tildes is a community. While none of us necessarily represent the values we hold as a community, we all contribute to what that set of values looks like. Every action we take on the website - every vote, every label, every report, every reply, every conversation we start helps to shape the community. We all have the power to shape the outcome of that community. If someone is being a dick and we ignore it, we send a signal to people in the community that at least some dicks will be tolerated. If someone is being a dick and we report it, we help to control what shows up in the community, because we send signals that it should be reviewed. If someone is being a dick and three people reply to the dick and tell them that they are being a dick, we send a signal to the community that this behavior will not be tolerated. All of these actions send different signals and importantly get interpreted in different ways - the person who is a dick and gets replied to may get the message that it was their behavior or that it is themselves that is being attacked, depending on how those replies are interpreted. Or, they might think that it's actually just a small number of people in the community who are replying to them and that they are in the right, especially if they get other signals such as people replying and agreeing, or finding that their comment has many more votes than the replies do.

    I lay that out to say that we all have an active duty to Tildes, to interact with the community and to help shape it in the ways we see that are beneficial. Of particular note, how engaged someone is within the community and how much free emotional bandwidth they have are key indicators in whether someone is going to simply scroll by, ignore, or otherwise not interact with problematic content. That's the moderators job, they might think, or surely that has already been reported, or maybe even just I don't have time for this shit. To be clear, this is not a moral judgement. Imagine you were someone who was struggling to get by in your day to day, perhaps possessing a few minority identities, and you simply go to Tildes to read a few articles or interact with a community you enjoy. The onus of helping to guide the community does not rest on your shoulders, and if people who have more free time and energy want to keep people like you around on the website it is definitely more their burden to shoulder than yours.

    One of the cultural problems I've noticed on Tildes is a lack of a sense of responsibility to help the community self-correct (or attempting to self-correct but doing so in a shallow manner which ends up creating more problems than solving - I'll touch on this later). To be clear, this is not just a problem on Tildes - it is a problem in most online spaces. People often feel like they do not have power to take action, that their action is ultimately pointless, or do not feel an onus to help the communities they are a part of. I think a lot of this has to do with the generally low stakes nature of the internet - it's huge, disagreeing with someone will generally at worst make them not like you on a particular website, and the connections you form with people can feel less fulfilling or at least temporal in a nature that real life connections often do not share. What ends up happening is that spaces online get bullied by people who are mean, over time, by repeatedly testing the rules. They'll be a dick to everyone who self identifies as queer, but be careful to never say anything overtly queerphobic, and manage to stick around because they are never violating the rules. Sometimes the community at large might push back against them, but they'll likely have allies in the community as well, who might disagree with them but in particular moments only catching a small snippet of a conversation choose to side with the bigot, because they seem more reasonable at the time.

    I bring all this up because its specifically these kinds of interactions between individuals on emotionally charged issues with real personal stakes (bigotry towards minority statuses that they hold) that cause the queer and the bigot above to become enemies and for them to cause drama elsewhere. A lack of action by moderators as well as a lack of action by fellow community members stepping in to mediate or otherwise keep the bigot in check might cause the queer person to escalate around the bigot - they are tired of the shit they keep bringing into every interaction. To everyone else this makes the queer seem confrontational, escalatory, or otherwise a problem to the community. The community may even respond negatively to and eventually throw the queer out for their behavior rather than trying to mediate or fully understand what's going on. Remember how I said I'd touch on problematic shallow corrective behavior earlier - this is how that can play out in a way that's counter to the wishes of those who are jumping in to correct. This signals a certain set of values for the community, especially to the other queers who might have been watching this unfold over months, years, and may drive them off the website. Now, I'm not saying someone having a minority status should give them a free pass to be a dick all the time because of the minority stresses they encounter, but am merely presenting this as an issue that needs to be considered when we think about how communities drift over time. In fact, I'm not sure anyone has ever solved this problem, and I'm currently one of many people on the internet helping run an alternative social media website with the goal of tackling this specific problem (with a bias towards creating a safe space for minorities) and we certainly don't have all the answers yet either. I'm mostly just bringing this up as food for thought - to understand why it's important to have meta-discussions on the community itself - the values it holds, concern over wedges that are driving the community apart, and to re-engage people and invigorate and empower them to take action to help shape the community to be better.

    Hopefully that helps you understand a little bit more about why I left the comment I did. And I hope it also inspires one or two Tildes users to get a little bit more engaged and to help the people around them in the communities they find themselves in.

    23 votes
  5. Comment on I’m worried that the Israel-Palestine conflict is tearing Tildes apart in ~tildes

    Gaywallet
    Link Parent
    I think there's a lot to unpack in how people on each side are getting treated here, and what kind of behavior is allowed, what is tolerated, and what results in a ban. The idea that it isn't...

    I think there's a lot to unpack in how people on each side are getting treated here, and what kind of behavior is allowed, what is tolerated, and what results in a ban. The idea that it isn't spilling over into other chats minimizes how the people most emotionally charged over the issue are viewing it, as well as those who are most affected by what is happening. If you think these conversations don't lead to people on the website to have long held beliefs about others or for people to inject those beliefs into other conversations, my personal history on this website is a clear indicator that isn't true and that people can and will spread falsities about others casually based on their emotional reaction to conversations that happened on this website that they may not have even participated in (or will simply regurgitate the biased beliefs of others which they hold in high esteem).

    15 votes
  6. Comment on My marriage is non-monogamous, and I am considering approaching a friend to propose a relationship with him. I would appreciate some advice from monogamous people (and reasonable people in general.) in ~life

    Gaywallet
    Link Parent
    omg that's even cuter stop

    omg that's even cuter stop

    4 votes
  7. Comment on My marriage is non-monogamous, and I am considering approaching a friend to propose a relationship with him. I would appreciate some advice from monogamous people (and reasonable people in general.) in ~life

    Gaywallet
    Link Parent
    okay I'm pretty sure this was autocorrect but if it wasn't that's the cutest way I've heard someone refer to a monogamous relationship and I want to steal this but I'm poly 😭

    as someone in a monopoly relationship...

    okay I'm pretty sure this was autocorrect but if it wasn't that's the cutest way I've heard someone refer to a monogamous relationship and I want to steal this but I'm poly 😭

    5 votes
  8. Comment on Non-binary teenager dies a day after alleged assault at Oklahoma school in ~lgbt

    Gaywallet
    Link Parent
    Federally speaking, shephard/byrd hate crime law makes crimes motivated by perceived gender, sexual orientation, gender identity, or disability all prosecutable under title I

    Federally speaking, shephard/byrd hate crime law makes crimes motivated by perceived gender, sexual orientation, gender identity, or disability all prosecutable under title I

    9 votes
  9. Comment on A US drugmaker’s feud with the DEA is exacerbating the ADHD meds crisis in ~health.mental

    Gaywallet
    Link Parent
    Here's a few sources ranging from journal articles to presentations by advocacy groups to research conducted by electronic healthcare companies: Females with ADHD: An expert consensus statement...
    9 votes
  10. Comment on Non-binary teenager dies a day after alleged assault at Oklahoma school in ~lgbt

    Gaywallet
    Link Parent
    It is and I can imagine will be pursued as a hate crime, which I think is appropriate. But I also greatly believe in creative sentencing. In addition to a reasonable amount of punishment (someone...

    It is and I can imagine will be pursued as a hate crime, which I think is appropriate. But I also greatly believe in creative sentencing. In addition to a reasonable amount of punishment (someone is dead here, there needs to be punishment) I hope the judge orders a LOT of community service and I hope the community service is specifically tailored to educate them about diversity, anger management, and the harms of violence.

    What I truly wish is that the parents could be forced to do some community service for indoctrinating their children into believing violence against innocents can be okay, but the only times I've seen parents on trial over their children is when they actively enabled their child's violence, such as by purchasing weapons for them.

    11 votes
  11. Comment on How do you even find quality appliances anymore? in ~life.home_improvement

    Gaywallet
    Link Parent
    My mom ran an insurance office for like 20 years. Generally speaking the answer to both of these is "it depends". Talk with your agent, they'll know the specifics of your plan. Also, as an aside,...

    Can I claim insurance on the unexpected loss of service to this thing and the service cost that it's going to incur? Or will I just be setting myself up to pay out in higher premiums if I make a claim?

    My mom ran an insurance office for like 20 years. Generally speaking the answer to both of these is "it depends". Talk with your agent, they'll know the specifics of your plan. Also, as an aside, being able to plainly ask questions like this and get answers is the difference between a good insurance shop and a shitty one - in my opinion it's worth paying a little bit more in premiums to get this kind of service.

    5 votes
  12. Comment on A US drugmaker’s feud with the DEA is exacerbating the ADHD meds crisis in ~health.mental

    Gaywallet
    Link Parent
    The complete disregard for the safety and well-being of people who need these drugs to survive is the part that frustrates me the most. People act like they don't exist when they decide policy on...

    The complete disregard for the safety and well-being of people who need these drugs to survive is the part that frustrates me the most. People act like they don't exist when they decide policy on how to stop the problem. How much harm is caused to people who need these medications in order to stop or slow an unintended side effect? Are you causing more overall harm by reducing how many people end up addicted because you're creating a bigger burden for those who have a clinical need? Practically no one bothers to measure these harms against each other and the involvement of patients in these kinds of decisions is basically none or performative at best.

    We need to stop placing moral judgements on drugs. It clearly poisons the discussion and shoehorns us into 'solutions' which involve policing. These 'solutions' do not work. We've repeatedly shown they are not effective. We have decades of science showing that addiction is a medical problem, which can be solved with medical interventions. Medical professionals should be in charge of setting and enforcing policy.

    22 votes
  13. Comment on Walmart buying TV-brand Vizio for its ad-fueling customer data in ~finance

    Gaywallet
    Link Parent
    It would be trivially easy to find out (host an unsecured wifi network somewhere where it's the only network and set up a TV next to it) and enough people repeat this idea online that it's...

    Does such a thing exist already!?

    It would be trivially easy to find out (host an unsecured wifi network somewhere where it's the only network and set up a TV next to it) and enough people repeat this idea online that it's unfathomable to me that it wouldn't have already been discovered.

    1 vote
  14. Comment on A US drugmaker’s feud with the DEA is exacerbating the ADHD meds crisis in ~health.mental

    Gaywallet
    Link Parent
    There are a huge number of ways this can be addressed, or levers which would ultimately affect how many people get a particular diagnosis. But I think it places emphasis on the wrong part of the...
    • Exemplary

    lets assume that there is an epidemic of false diagnoses right now. How should we address this?

    There are a huge number of ways this can be addressed, or levers which would ultimately affect how many people get a particular diagnosis. But I think it places emphasis on the wrong part of the equation. If a diagnosis did not have a medication treatment, would it matter how many people had a "false" diagnosis? I personally think it does, but for reasons outside the scope of this comment (happy to discuss if anyone wishes).

    People are calling it a false diagnosis because they are working backwards from the framing point of the opioid crisis. But the opioid crisis wasn't caused by too many people having a 'false' diagnosis. The concern is about what can happen with some people who are prescribed a drug. We should be framing this as a potential lever for drug addiction. When we start from the correct framing point, we have much clearer courses of action.

    There's plenty of literature to support that the ways out of a drug addiction are multitudinous and what works for one individual may not work for another, but there are also clear levers which help and ones which do not. Controlling legal access to a drug does not reduce rates of addiction, and in fact has been shown in many cases to increase addiction at a population level because people turn to the alternatives that they can get their hands on. People will absolutely self-medicate to solve problems and making a drug illegal or difficult to acquire simply encourages capitalism to solve the problem with alternatives (be they through legal or illegal means).

    Increasing access to drug recovery programs and addiction specialists decreases rates of addiction. This is probably the most costly of countermeasures, but unsurprisingly professionals who deal with addiction do a good job at reducing addiction. Increasing awareness about the potential for abuse and training doctors who prescribe to adequately counsel patients is also proven to be effective. The efficacy of this is less, but we figured this out during the opioid crisis, and it's relatively cheap to do. Of particular note, continuing medical education which emphasizes the need for providers to monitor their patients for signs of addiction and collecting information such as social history are great methods at proactively identifying patients who may be struggling with responsibly managing their medication.

    I think this part is absolutely key - drug monitoring done in the clinical context with the input of both the provider and the patient is perhaps the most important key to managing medical substances with potential for addiction because most patients do not want to be addicted and if you catch them early enough are not only active, but are engaged at preventing or reversing the course of addiction. Unfortunately, for whatever reason, this has not been the accepted or adopted approach by the US government when it comes to controlled substances. The only lever they've repeatedly pulled is the "deny/restrict access" lever and it's one of the reasons we've had an opioid crisis for so long.

    19 votes
  15. Comment on Non-binary teenager dies a day after alleged assault at Oklahoma school in ~lgbt

    Gaywallet
    Link Parent
    There is no mention about these three girls being suspended. I'm sure they will be suspended or expelled given the fact that this resulted in a death. With that being said, I think it's important...

    When Sue arrived at the school, she said that she saw Nex with bruises all over their face and with scratches on the back of their head. She claimed that the school did not call the police, nor an ambulance for Nex. The school proceeded to suspend Nex for two weeks, Sue alleged.

    There is no mention about these three girls being suspended. I'm sure they will be suspended or expelled given the fact that this resulted in a death. With that being said, I think it's important to highlight that no tolerance style policies around violence often don't account for bullying well, and in many cases what ends up happening is that the person who is bullied gets suspended and unless the bullying is witnessed by others the people who do the bullying often receive no consequences because there's no proof they were involved in the altercation.

    Either way we have close to no information on actions taken by school administrators in response to this bullying incident at this point, but it is at a school which previously fired a teacher for having pro-lgbtq+ thoughts and that there was a history of bullying of this particular child, in a state which recently passed an anti-lgbtq+ bathroom law.

    30 votes
  16. Comment on A US drugmaker’s feud with the DEA is exacerbating the ADHD meds crisis in ~health.mental