Gaywallet's recent activity

  1. Comment on Tildes Census Deep Dive - What do you dislike about tildes? in ~tildes

    Gaywallet
    Link Parent
    Regardless of how you design it, I can almost guarantee you that how it's used and how it's perceived is going to differ among people. I vote on things I read that I appreciate. I don't have a...

    Regardless of how you design it, I can almost guarantee you that how it's used and how it's perceived is going to differ among people.

    I vote on things I read that I appreciate. I don't have a particularly high bar for appreciation - if I got something out of reading it or I think someone else will, I hit the button. This typically means I vote a lot more than I comment.

    I don't think positive feedback needs to be curtailed, ever, so long as it's sincere. But you can't measure intent online, so you have to take it at face value.

    1 vote
  2. Comment on Tildes Census Deep Dive - What do you dislike about tildes? in ~tildes

    Gaywallet
    Link Parent
    I vote on everything I reply to, and most things that I read so long as it's not negative. It's not much, but it's honest work.

    I vote on everything I reply to, and most things that I read so long as it's not negative. It's not much, but it's honest work.

  3. Comment on What did you do this weekend? in ~talk

    Gaywallet
    Link Parent
    I hope you find some solace. It's been a rough year 💜

    I hope you find some solace. It's been a rough year 💜

    3 votes
  4. Comment on What did you do this weekend? in ~talk

    Gaywallet
    Link
    Friday evening a partner came over and did a fantastic job fucking me. I have not been properly fucked like that in A G E S. Woke up and cooked breakfast for us the next day. Saturday afternoon I...

    Friday evening a partner came over and did a fantastic job fucking me. I have not been properly fucked like that in A G E S. Woke up and cooked breakfast for us the next day.

    Saturday afternoon I went on a first date with a new person. They are genderfluid but were presenting female the day we met. We decided on a socially distanced picnic by the beach at a nice little park which ended in going to a nearby yogurtland for frozen yogurt. It was absolutely delightful. I really, really like her and I'm trying not to fall for her too quickly because the last time that happened my heart was broken in an extremely distressing manner. We have plans to meet up again on Tuesday, and they seem just as into me as I am into them.

    Saturday evening I went over to another partners place to offer some apparently very needed cuddles. We didn't do much outside of listening to music and cuddling. The next morning we decided to go to a German food place by the water and oh my god they had fantastic authentic German food and a good beer selection. We will be going back for sure.

    Sunday evening I drove to my parents house and hung out in the backyard socially distanced for a few hours. It's been awhile since I've had a chance to do that (1-2 months) and it was nice to catch up.

    2 votes
  5. Comment on Tildes Census Deep Dive - What do you dislike about tildes? in ~tildes

    Gaywallet
    Link Parent
    It's worth mentioning that the group doesn't necessarily indicate what the focus is, and there's heavy overlap. For example, the 1 posted in ~space is about satellite internet. That sounds pretty...

    There's certainly more tech than anything else, but there's definitely not an overwhelming amount of tech news - about 1 in 5 stories are tech.

    It's worth mentioning that the group doesn't necessarily indicate what the focus is, and there's heavy overlap.

    For example, the 1 posted in ~space is about satellite internet. That sounds pretty tech to me. Comp is a direct subset of tech. At least one and arguably two of the finance topics are related to technology.

    It's also important to point out that the really activity driven threads tend to be tech focused and that can skew perception. Also, as was pointed out in the survey, many of us are in tech related fields, so it's kind of to be expected.

    8 votes
  6. Comment on Tildes Census Deep Dive - What do you dislike about tildes? in ~tildes

    Gaywallet
    Link Parent
    I really don't have anything to add to this, but I wanted to highlight it because I think active participation is fundamentally important to any people-based system to work effectively and...

    Be the change you want to see.

    I really don't have anything to add to this, but I wanted to highlight it because I think active participation is fundamentally important to any people-based system to work effectively and efficiently.

    when presented with an opposing opinion people rarely change their minds and instead only dig in their heels further.

    I disagree with this, but it's mainly an issue of framing. If your goal is to change someone's mind with logic and facts, then you are absolutely correct. However, presenting an opposing opinion through alternative methods such as lightly questioning a person about their opinion and offering alternative explanations where applicable as well as appealing to someone's emotion are both rather effective tactics. Turns out that emotion is often the best way to someone's heart.

    Many people have a habit of taking any discussion as a battle to be "won" and failure to win in their eyes can trigger this feeling of intolerance by the other party.

    Agreed, and perhaps this is something we can do a better job educating against? It took me years of active participation in communities where I knew and respected individuals with differing opinions to learn how to converse properly. This is very hard to separate from my own political experience in the workplace and actively working on trying to understand how better to communicate with individuals.

    8 votes
  7. Comment on Tildes Census Deep Dive - What do you dislike about tildes? in ~tildes

    Gaywallet
    Link Parent
    I had never considered a sister space to separate content. Now that you mention it, perhaps it can exist even within tildes in some other form, such as a button that brings you to Tildes Talk, or...

    Maybe it would be a good idea to have some sister space attached to Tildes, without a dictate on 'meaningful discussion', and with separate posts but sharing the same users? Sedlit.net?

    I had never considered a sister space to separate content. Now that you mention it, perhaps it can exist even within tildes in some other form, such as a button that brings you to Tildes Talk, or as some other form of hierarchy, rather than a group (denoted by ~) such as a space (which could be denoted by another character).

    It's a good contribution, M. Gaywallet!

    I appreciate the gender neutral title! I don't have strong feelings about it, but in case you were curious how gender minority individuals self-identify titling, the 2019 Gender Census is a good resource.

    2 votes
  8. Tildes Census Deep Dive - What do you dislike about tildes?

    What do you dislike about tildes? Overview I read through the 'what do you dislike about tildes?' responses and attempted to classify them. A link to the excel document containing one row for each...

    What do you dislike about tildes?


    Overview

    I read through the 'what do you dislike about tildes?' responses and attempted to classify them. A link to the excel document containing one row for each comment, a classification, and totals is provided. I figured a deep dive into this question (I am considering doing a deep dive on the other end of the spectrum - what do you like about tildes) may provide some insight on how we, as a community, can strive to be better.

    Here's what I found:

    Total number of free-text comments: 181
    No comment, N/A, "nothing", etc.: 14

    Category Count
    Too small 74
    Diversity 39
    Intolerance 14
    Tech-centric 14
    Website Functionality 14
    Elitism 12
    Federation 2
    Too serious Not serious enough
    12 1
    Politics - too left Politics - too right
    4 2

    Tildes is too small

    44% of the user-base indicated that they felt that Tildes was currently too small. There's really not a lot to be said here, other than a large number of those who filled out the survey wanted to express that they felt Tildes should still continue to grow.

    I think a major point of discussion here should be around how best to grow. What do you like about tildes is not covered in this post, but some common themes are around enjoying the discussion and the community. Many individuals also seem to like the small community, showing an interesting division between a like and dislike of the size. From my own perspective, I enjoy how I recognize and see many of the same users on this website, but I also don't enjoy how the size leads to a lack of diversity and content.


    Diversity, Tech-centric

    Both of these topics are hitting on the same fundamental problem, which could be seen as an extension of the size of Tildes, but really refers more to who is using Tildes, rather than how many users. There is a lot of overlap between these two classifications, but sometimes people mention the tech centrism as a problem of content (too many tech/computing discussions) and not a problem of culture. In these cases there's not complete overlap.

    Many individuals commented both on the size of the community and the diversity. Overall, roughly 23% of individuals who responded commented in some fashion on the lack of diversity on the website. The general sentiment from people who commented on the need for diversity was that Tildes was white, male, and working in tech. Given that the survey found 86% of us are male, the majority work in STEM and are primarily based in the US, this is not a very surprising finding.

    An important point of reflection comes out in some of the longer form comments here and I think is also captured in many people who felt that tildes was "too serious" - discourse is firmly rooted in STEM interests. Several comments discussed a desire to see more artistic/creative discussions. There was also a strong sentiment for more non-US centric discussion. Interestingly (and perhaps described by our rather large LGBTQ+ contingent), diversity mostly focused on the dominance of male opinions (sometimes I wonder how people know what gender is behind a username unless they specifically state so) and the only comment on LGBTQ+ diversity was that there was a "lack of posts about anything other than tech or lgbt+ politics".


    Intolerance

    Intolerance is the unwillingness to accept views, beliefs, or behavior that differs from one's own. Many comments talked about users 'talking past' each other, getting into long bickering arguments that went nowhere, or targeted harassment of some sort. Several people mentioned specific users or powerusers not operating under good faith, and users which annoy or are hostile towards them.

    If a user is being hostile to you, please report their comments.

    While only 8.4% of us reported intolerance as being something they actively disliked, it is troublesome to see. I don't have a good frame of reference of what an 'acceptable' level is, because you're bound to have some people who are more emotionally sensitive than others and confrontations that don't always end the way you want them to. I hope we can discuss this in a broader context, however, because I have personally seen what I believe is an increasing number of intolerant posts often masquerading as 'honest discourse'. Whether this is me jumping to conclusions about potential alt-right trolls (which I do not discount) or an actual increase in not-so-good-faith arguments, I don't know, and would like to hear how you all feel.

    As an aside, I wonder if I'm included in any of these lists of annoying powerusers, or if I was the one who 'picked a fight' with someone and got their 'comments deleted and that REALLY annoyed me'. If I am, please send me a message. I greatly enjoy most of you but I also know that I'm human and make mistakes and whether I agree with you or not, it's not cool to forget the human on the other side of the computer.


    Elitism

    Generally speaking any comments around power-users or some users believing their opinion, culture, or viewpoint is more important or more correct landed the comment in the category of elitism. Certain users being 'combative', 'bickering', and 'pedantic' came up several times. With regards to powerusers, they were generally mentioned alongside some form of narcissism or a 'holier-than-thou' attitude. Reddit hivemind or a lack of diversity was also sometimes cited alongside complaints of elitism.

    I used to be much worse when it comes to this, and the constant back and forth with people who will not have their viewpoint changed. I believe I've learned to tailor this and cut off conversations sooner, but I know that some individuals can at times get under my skin, particularly when they are being actively harmful to minorities or other groups with limited power, speech, or representation. With that being said, I wonder how best we can provide a culture to teach others to limit their responses when they go nowhere. There was at least one mention of how limiting the response rate between individuals had cut off two users who were always bickering over politics, so perhaps a more aggressive form of this?

    But I also wonder what we can't do as a community together to actively recognize and point out when two people are not able to reach an agreement and to jump in and mediate or otherwise help them to stop a pointless argument.


    Website Functionality

    Several people commented on a lack of a mobile app, a want for embedded images and videos, and the voting system. Other suggestions - comment threading, user blocking, differentiation between reasons why a post was bumped in the activity feed (?), mobile design (easier to click links), a desire for a more robust topic log, and that the website is too minimalist/sterile.


    Tildes is too serious

    Only a single person complained that tildes was not serious enough (or perhaps not, you decide... they said, "increasing creep of low effort posts"). The majority of posts complaining about tildes being too serious were often also complaints about people bickering. When it wasn't about how users interacted, it was about the form of dicussion available - people often brought up the "meaningful conversation" portion of the tildes documentation and culture, but often had a desire to have memes, shitposts, humor, or some outlet for conversation that isn't as effort based. Perhaps they like the culture and just want to do more with the people here? Perhaps they simply want to get to know their fellow users in a way they can't currently.

    From my own perspective, I'd love to see more memes and humor. I tend to shitpost a lot on the unofficial discord. I've seen quite a few of you all on there as well, and would highly recommend it to anyone who feels like they want to get to know other users better.


    Politics

    More people complained about Tildes being too left than too right, which makes sense given the aggregated political compass from the survey. I think more people complained about there being too much politics than commented on politics whatsoever. I'm leaving this section relatively small because I'm not sure this is something that needs significant discussion at this point. But if you feel strongly, please help to direct a discussion in this thread.


    Post-script

    I hope you all found this analysis useful and a good starting point for discussions. I really do love this platform and have found it to be quite literally life changing. If you found it useful and want to return the favor, check out my soundcloud

    48 votes
  9. Comment on JK Rowling’s latest book is about a murderous cis man who dresses as a woman to kill his victims in ~lgbt

    Gaywallet
    Link Parent
    And the part you conveniently left out

    And the part you conveniently left out

    Instead, he is a man who had “camouflaged himself behind an apparently fey and gentle facade”. Having been abused as a child, Creed begins watching women undressing in secret at the age of 12, stealing women’s underwear and wearing it while masturbating. On one work night out, he puts on the coat of a female colleague and sings a song. He has “a convivial, sexually ambiguous persona that worked well with the drunk and lonely”; when a stash of jewellery is found hidden below his floorboards, “he said he’d bought it because he liked to cross-dress”. In reality, this was a lie to cover that these were trophies taken from his victims.

    Creed is described as a “genius of misdirection in his neat little white van, dressed in the pink coat he’d stolen from [his landlady] Vi Cooper, and sometimes wearing a wig that, from a distance, to a drunk victim, gave his hazy form a feminine appearance just long enough for his large hands to close over a gasping mouth”.

    5 votes
  10. Comment on Has anyone in an online discussion/argument ever actually changed your opinion about something? in ~talk

    Gaywallet
    (edited )
    Link
    Oh absolutely, I used to be a little shit when I was a teenager and had some horrendously awful takes because I grew up around privilege and I was fed the bullshit you get fed when you're...

    Oh absolutely, I used to be a little shit when I was a teenager and had some horrendously awful takes because I grew up around privilege and I was fed the bullshit you get fed when you're insulated like that.

    Notable recent opinion changes include a kinda shitty medical gate-keep-y stance on transgender healthcare that were changed as a direct result of this website (extra embarrassing given that I now identify as trans... woopsie, lol), and a more gradual shift in opinion from being tolerant of violent resistance to actively promoting it (to be clear here, violence for violence sake is not approved of but self defense and violence aimed at reducing violence by accelerating change are different stories).

    There's likely plenty more I'm not thinking of, and plenty of a gradual shift or slide in a particular direction as I better understand arguments on either side of an issue. I've grown increasingly more radical 👉😎👉 as I age and spend more time around and really listening to the people around me. I've also grown more radical as I become more presently aware of the plethora of ways privilege poisons and society takes advantage of and uses humans as a means to elevate a few at the expense of others.


    I also want to point out that I find your choice of words interesting

    come face-to-face with an opposite, more convincing and/or more factual viewpoint

    Implies that the argument itself is what changes someone's opinion. However, I don't think this is true. The older I get the more I truly realize that it is emotion that can reach someone and change their mind and very rarely anything else.

    13 votes
  11. Comment on JK Rowling’s latest book is about a murderous cis man who dresses as a woman to kill his victims in ~lgbt

    Gaywallet
    Link Parent
    I got about a third of the way through it before I had to stop reading the first time I was linked this. I started at the beginning again, and while I made it slightly further, I had to do the...

    I got about a third of the way through it before I had to stop reading the first time I was linked this. I started at the beginning again, and while I made it slightly further, I had to do the same thing again.

    Her fear does not justify her actions and misrepresentation of what is really going on. She's painting a very rosy picture for her stance and vilifying the opposite. She's doing nothing but weaponizing fear to push her biased agenda. The way she frames her 'concerns' about de-transitioning and conveniently leaves out any numbers (let alone incidence rate), the way she claims there's a 4400% increase in trans male despite leaving out any time-frame (4,400% since a decade ago wouldn't surprise me in the least, but is probably also true for trans females 🙄) or any comparison... the whole thing just reeks of armchair politically motivated science. You know the kind that republicans push to continue to claim that there's 'not enough evidence' and a 'division among scientists' when referring to climate change.

    8 votes
  12. Comment on JK Rowling’s latest book is about a murderous cis man who dresses as a woman to kill his victims in ~lgbt

    Gaywallet
    Link Parent
    Don't do this to me... don't make me have compassion for her 😓😥

    Don't do this to me... don't make me have compassion for her 😓😥

    3 votes
  13. Comment on Fitness Weekly Discussion in ~health

    Gaywallet
    Link Parent
    Another possibility could be to lay a hand towel over the top but under the handle like this (woo mspaint drawings) so it gets pinned in place by your arm, but also helps to increase surface area.

    Another possibility could be to lay a hand towel over the top but under the handle like this (woo mspaint drawings) so it gets pinned in place by your arm, but also helps to increase surface area.

    2 votes
  14. Comment on Fitness Weekly Discussion in ~health

    Gaywallet
    Link Parent
    I was looking at some images and I'm having trouble imagining exactly the problem you are describing (is the issue the edge/lip where the sides connect to the top?), but have you considered...

    I was looking at some images and I'm having trouble imagining exactly the problem you are describing (is the issue the edge/lip where the sides connect to the top?), but have you considered wrapping or padding your arm in some fashion or taping over the edge so as to distribute the weight over a larger surface area/dull the edge/lip?

    Pieces of equipment being uncomfortable due to variability in bodies and equipment shapes is nothing new and there's usually some sort of DIY that can be done to fix the problem.

    1 vote
  15. Comment on Could we have a different color for exemplary new comments? in ~tildes

    Gaywallet
    Link Parent
    Blue/orange is colorblind friendly, but perhaps we shouldn't share the same space for both new and exemplary flagging as we end up with the problem OP listed. They are two vastly different...

    Blue/orange is colorblind friendly, but perhaps we shouldn't share the same space for both new and exemplary flagging as we end up with the problem OP listed. They are two vastly different categories for a comment, so I feel like a division in design makes sense here. Exemplary coloring on the title, header, another border, or some other flagging would be ideal.

    7 votes
  16. Comment on Fitness Weekly Discussion in ~health

    Gaywallet
    Link
    Got in 40k steps last Sunday dancing at an outdoor socially distanced music event... god I missed doing this so much

    Got in 40k steps last Sunday dancing at an outdoor socially distanced music event... god I missed doing this so much

    3 votes
  17. Comment on Tele-health privacy concerns are a barrier to therapy in ~tech

    Gaywallet
    Link Parent
    It's not so much a hurdle as it is a liability but yes. Correct BAAs are used to protect liability, it's unlikely that whomever owns/runs your provider's clinic would be willing to use any product...

    So, HIPAA compliance is such a high hurdle—or, such an expensive one to trip over—that a messaging platform’s promise of clearing it is a sufficient surety seal (that they do)

    It's not so much a hurdle as it is a liability but yes.

    I should not expect to see FOSS making such promises.

    Correct

    am I right in supposing that using Signal would not require a BAA, but would necessitate more steps in the provider's record-keeping protocol in order maintain HIPAA compliance?

    BAAs are used to protect liability, it's unlikely that whomever owns/runs your provider's clinic would be willing to use any product without a signed BAA.

    3 votes
  18. Comment on Tele-health privacy concerns are a barrier to therapy in ~tech

    Gaywallet
    Link
    This is incredibly usual, electronic health record platforms are quite extensive nowadays. The big names in the US are EPIC and Cerner. AllScripts is in 3rd place, but frankly a minor player in...

    These therapists rely on the same company for scheduling appointment reminders, recording session notes, billing insurance, and running a video chat.

    This is incredibly usual, electronic health record platforms are quite extensive nowadays. The big names in the US are EPIC and Cerner. AllScripts is in 3rd place, but frankly a minor player in comparison and primarily in the outpatient space.

    How are therapists determining the privacy and security protections of their platform?

    They aren't. Companies are only willing to advertise HIPAA compliance if they've done their due diligence and are willing to sign legal BAAs with whomever runs the physician's office.

    How do I?

    HIPAA compliance, especially with respect to digital privacy is spelled out in detail in the HITECH act of ARRA. A summary from a security perspective can be found at that link.

    The long and short of it, however, is that the potential for very substantial fines makes it so practically no one wants to ensure HIPAA compliance. It's incredibly hard to get even end to end encrypted companies to advertise their product as HIPAA compliant or sell their product to healthcare companies.

    That being said, even when zoom is used, your healthcare provider is responsible for HIPAA violations if any of your data were to be leaked or captured in any fashion, as would zoom.

    Does anyone have experience with these companies?

    Extensive. I work in data science in health care.

    9 votes
  19. Comment on The end of dispersed camping in ~enviro

    Gaywallet
    Link Parent
    Charge people more to camp, use the money to create jobs for people to clean up the trash?

    I wonder what alternatives to banning dispersed camping would be effective.

    Charge people more to camp, use the money to create jobs for people to clean up the trash?

    1 vote