I completely agree that it's terrifying to be a mother. Everything you say or do is judged and people will absolutely let you know exactly how you're fucking up according to them at any given...
I completely agree that it's terrifying to be a mother. Everything you say or do is judged and people will absolutely let you know exactly how you're fucking up according to them at any given time. That said, you shouldn't leave a four year old in a car unattended and act like people are just shaming you to do it. The my parents did it with me argument is ridiculous. So did mine, just like they didn't use a car seat and smoked near me without even thinking about it. There's a reason people's opinions on these things have changed over time, and that's because they're dangerous.
I think some people don't understand how young a four-year-old really is. I think some of the free range parenting stuff makes sense with older kids, and I think some independence is really...
I think some people don't understand how young a four-year-old really is.
I think some of the free range parenting stuff makes sense with older kids, and I think some independence is really necessary for kids to develop into functional adults. But this article felt like the author was just trying to get people to take her side about being arrested.
Yeah, I totally agree with that. Just because something has been done a certain way in the past is not really a good argument for continuing to do it in the future, especially if the studies prove...
The my parents did it with me argument is ridiculous.
Yeah, I totally agree with that. Just because something has been done a certain way in the past is not really a good argument for continuing to do it in the future, especially if the studies prove otherwise.
That said, you shouldn't leave a four year old in a car unattended and act like people are just shaming you to do it.
I think this is really interesting. I don't have a four year old myself and have had limited interactions with children of that age group so I might change my mind in the future, but what exactly is the danger of leaving a child in a car? The author said it wasn't a hot or cold day, she child-locked the doors, and was only in the store for 5 minutes. Assuming all of these things are true, I don't really see the safety concern.
I think that as a society, we have kind of decided that any perceived risk, no matter how low, is too high when it comes to children. How we see risk, though, is highly subjective and not always grounded in fact. In Canada and the States, the leading cause of death is accidental injury, the majority of which is due to motor vehicle collisions. So, if we are basing fear off the numbers, we should really be afraid of driving children anywhere. I guess the counterargument to that is that driving is a necessity, but leaving a child unattended in a car isn't.
But is it fair to parents to expect them to never do anything that could even have a chance of being remotely dangerous to children? Where do we draw the line so that we are not always living in fear? And what should be an acceptable level of risk?
Four year olds are incredibly young and unpredictable, while also being old enough to do things like unlock the car doors. If for some reason that child decides they need to find mom, or use the...
Four year olds are incredibly young and unpredictable, while also being old enough to do things like unlock the car doors. If for some reason that child decides they need to find mom, or use the bathroom, or anything really off they go. If someone approaches the car they're going to be more likely to open it. There are a lot of concerns I would have that might seem over the top, but literally no one is going to be monitoring your child in a parking lot. But really just in general a child that small is far too young to be left alone.
The woman in the article said that the car was childlocked, so he or she would not be able to open the door from the inside. But what does it mean that a child is "too young?" In what way are they...
The woman in the article said that the car was childlocked, so he or she would not be able to open the door from the inside.
literally no one is going to be monitoring your child in a parking lot. But really just in general a child that small is far too young to be left alone.
But what does it mean that a child is "too young?" In what way are they too young? Not trying to attack you, just genuinely curious on why many people like yourself believe that this is an intolerable risk. 3 year olds are left alone in a different room in the house to play for much longer periods than 5 minutes so why not a car?
Edited to add: And really, if anything, this article shows that kids are constantly being monitored.
Childlocks really don't stop most kids, and I think people underestimate just how young four is. Kids that small don't have a real grasp on how to handle stranger danger or emergency situations....
Childlocks really don't stop most kids, and I think people underestimate just how young four is. Kids that small don't have a real grasp on how to handle stranger danger or emergency situations. Being home is a lot different than being in a public place, but I think we're probably just going to have to agree to disagree.
I hadn't really considered this so I looked into this further and childlocks are only installed in the rear doors anyway, which means a child can easily get out. That does seem kind of dangerous....
Childlocks really don't stop most kids
I hadn't really considered this so I looked into this further and childlocks are only installed in the rear doors anyway, which means a child can easily get out. That does seem kind of dangerous.
What really sucks about this is the complete denial that people have a community responsibility to help each other. Why is it so impossible to say to an exhausted mother, "Don't worry, I'll keep...
What really sucks about this is the complete denial that people have a community responsibility to help each other. Why is it so impossible to say to an exhausted mother, "Don't worry, I'll keep an eye out to make sure nothing happens while you're in the store"? Who are these people whose first impulse is to call the police to be mean for them?
I agree there is a lot of judgement surrounding mothers and it's interesting that fathers are given more leeway. However leaving a 3/4 year old alone in a car seems wrong. Disclaimer, I don't have...
I agree there is a lot of judgement surrounding mothers and it's interesting that fathers are given more leeway. However leaving a 3/4 year old alone in a car seems wrong. Disclaimer, I don't have kids and live in a place that's either super hot or super cold.
The 9 year playing in the park, I totally agree was fine.
Maybe someone with kids can comment. Can a kid that young open a car door for help or anything?
Edit: upon further reflection, I'm not sure if a none year old playing by herself everyday for hours is fine either... Can't remember all the details of that case though.
I'm not able to read the article as it says I've reached my limit on free articles. Is there a way around this? Sorry, but I'm not terribly tech-savvy.
I'm not able to read the article as it says I've reached my limit on free articles. Is there a way around this? Sorry, but I'm not terribly tech-savvy.
Ugh, all these free article limits lately. Try: https://outline.com/rsWFHN If I hit some sort of limit like that, I always just try editing the address and putting "outline.com/" in front and that...
I completely agree that it's terrifying to be a mother. Everything you say or do is judged and people will absolutely let you know exactly how you're fucking up according to them at any given time. That said, you shouldn't leave a four year old in a car unattended and act like people are just shaming you to do it. The my parents did it with me argument is ridiculous. So did mine, just like they didn't use a car seat and smoked near me without even thinking about it. There's a reason people's opinions on these things have changed over time, and that's because they're dangerous.
I think some people don't understand how young a four-year-old really is.
I think some of the free range parenting stuff makes sense with older kids, and I think some independence is really necessary for kids to develop into functional adults. But this article felt like the author was just trying to get people to take her side about being arrested.
Yeah, I totally agree with that. Just because something has been done a certain way in the past is not really a good argument for continuing to do it in the future, especially if the studies prove otherwise.
I think this is really interesting. I don't have a four year old myself and have had limited interactions with children of that age group so I might change my mind in the future, but what exactly is the danger of leaving a child in a car? The author said it wasn't a hot or cold day, she child-locked the doors, and was only in the store for 5 minutes. Assuming all of these things are true, I don't really see the safety concern.
I think that as a society, we have kind of decided that any perceived risk, no matter how low, is too high when it comes to children. How we see risk, though, is highly subjective and not always grounded in fact. In Canada and the States, the leading cause of death is accidental injury, the majority of which is due to motor vehicle collisions. So, if we are basing fear off the numbers, we should really be afraid of driving children anywhere. I guess the counterargument to that is that driving is a necessity, but leaving a child unattended in a car isn't.
But is it fair to parents to expect them to never do anything that could even have a chance of being remotely dangerous to children? Where do we draw the line so that we are not always living in fear? And what should be an acceptable level of risk?
Four year olds are incredibly young and unpredictable, while also being old enough to do things like unlock the car doors. If for some reason that child decides they need to find mom, or use the bathroom, or anything really off they go. If someone approaches the car they're going to be more likely to open it. There are a lot of concerns I would have that might seem over the top, but literally no one is going to be monitoring your child in a parking lot. But really just in general a child that small is far too young to be left alone.
The woman in the article said that the car was childlocked, so he or she would not be able to open the door from the inside.
But what does it mean that a child is "too young?" In what way are they too young? Not trying to attack you, just genuinely curious on why many people like yourself believe that this is an intolerable risk. 3 year olds are left alone in a different room in the house to play for much longer periods than 5 minutes so why not a car?
Edited to add: And really, if anything, this article shows that kids are constantly being monitored.
Childlocks really don't stop most kids, and I think people underestimate just how young four is. Kids that small don't have a real grasp on how to handle stranger danger or emergency situations. Being home is a lot different than being in a public place, but I think we're probably just going to have to agree to disagree.
I hadn't really considered this so I looked into this further and childlocks are only installed in the rear doors anyway, which means a child can easily get out. That does seem kind of dangerous.
Thanks for sharing your perspective!
Thanks for sharing yours as well!
What really sucks about this is the complete denial that people have a community responsibility to help each other. Why is it so impossible to say to an exhausted mother, "Don't worry, I'll keep an eye out to make sure nothing happens while you're in the store"? Who are these people whose first impulse is to call the police to be mean for them?
I agree there is a lot of judgement surrounding mothers and it's interesting that fathers are given more leeway. However leaving a 3/4 year old alone in a car seems wrong. Disclaimer, I don't have kids and live in a place that's either super hot or super cold.
The 9 year playing in the park, I totally agree was fine.
Maybe someone with kids can comment. Can a kid that young open a car door for help or anything?
Edit: upon further reflection, I'm not sure if a none year old playing by herself everyday for hours is fine either... Can't remember all the details of that case though.
I'm not able to read the article as it says I've reached my limit on free articles. Is there a way around this? Sorry, but I'm not terribly tech-savvy.
Ugh, all these free article limits lately. Try: https://outline.com/rsWFHN
If I hit some sort of limit like that, I always just try editing the address and putting "outline.com/" in front and that usually gets around it. So in this case I went to "outline.com/https://www.nytimes.com/2018/07/27/opinion/sunday/motherhood-in-the-age-of-fear.html"
I'll remember that in the future! Thanks Deimos <3