patience_limited's recent activity
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Comment on The crisis of ethics in the United States in ~society
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Comment on Inside inventor Simone Giertz’s small Los Angeles home, 58sqm/630sqft in ~design
patience_limited Link ParentI think the hideaway table, resizable fruit bowl, and pet adjacency chair are genius products, but almost certainly take too much handwork for affordable mass production. Even the day-milestone...I think the hideaway table, resizable fruit bowl, and pet adjacency chair are genius products, but almost certainly take too much handwork for affordable mass production. Even the day-milestone calendars are expensive.
That being said, I think Giertz' living space is wonderfully realized, and I envy her talent in making it so livable, cozy, and charming.
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Comment on When it comes to Canadian politics, all bets are now off in ~society
patience_limited LinkI should pay more attention to this, since I'm giving serious thought (to the extent of paying a retainer to an immigration law firm) to applying for Canadian citizenship... Since I had a Canadian...I should pay more attention to this, since I'm giving serious thought (to the extent of paying a retainer to an immigration law firm) to applying for Canadian citizenship...
Since I had a Canadian parent, I know that Canada has some of the same party oligopoly issues the U.S. faces, as well as the identitarian issues you might expect from a demographically small country (with its own separatist minority) adjoining an overwhelming economic and military power. My understanding is that the Trudeau-led Liberals were more or less social-democratic with a helping of neoliberal internationalism. Like the U.S., that translated into obliviousness to cost-of-living and housing issues. Like the U.S., the notion of "freedom" evolved differently in the Western resource-intensive provinces versus the coasts and metros. Canadian "Conservatives" have a similar mix of religious traditionalists and free-marketers.
It seems to me that NDP/Greens/Liberals could make common cause against the Trump-esque Conservative rhetoric, on economic, environmental, and human rights grounds. How likely is this in reality?
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Comment on Megathread - Elon Musk and US politics in ~society
patience_limited (edited )LinkThe DOGE Minions List. It's already being mooted that Musk's underlying game plan is the realization of Balaji Srinivasan's Network State ideology. Summary and constructive critique.It's already being mooted that Musk's underlying game plan is the realization of Balaji Srinivasan's Network State ideology. Summary and constructive critique.
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Comment on At what age do you consider someone to be an adult? in ~talk
patience_limited (edited )LinkAnecdata: I was a free-range Gen X kid in many of the best and worst ways... moved out of my parents' house and applied for independence at age 16, working to become self-supporting and going to...Anecdata: I was a free-range Gen X kid in many of the best and worst ways... moved out of my parents' house and applied for independence at age 16, working to become self-supporting and going to college. I failed out and moved back in with my parents at age 17, moved out again at 18 and restarted college.
While I could handle the details intellectually, emotional maturity in terms of coping skills took many more years of experience. It was a time of constant terror and wild emotional swings. I didn't really feel a daily sense of competence until after age 25. When you're younger, so many events are taking place in your life for the first time - failures and losses, social engagements and rejections, victories, achievements... You don't even know what your emotional responses mean, how long they'll take to resolve (crushing grief at a friend's suicide broke me for a while), how to continue doing the necessary.
I wish I'd found out about mindfulness meditation as a teen, but the experience of surviving terrible feelings sets you up to feel less overwhelmed the next time around. In some ways, I think that's where the confidence of "adulthood" arises. As I've gotten older [old!], the sheer intensity of emotion has become less extreme and easier to get an objective handle on.
I don't think there's a hard boundary for "becoming an adult". In the Jewish tradition I grew up with, boys became men via Bar Mitzvah at age 13, girls through Bat Mitzvah at 15, and it seemed like a stupid, arbitrary boundary for anything but an archaic puberty rite. The ritual meant a modicum of religious education, not anything we would recognize as a "responsibility test" otherwise. Yet historically, it meant legal responsibility and participation as an adult in the community - marriage and other contracts, etc.
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Comment on Why Gen X women are having the best sex in ~life.women
patience_limited LinkArchive link: https://archive.is/g4t2z From the article: This is a cultural critic's take, freighted with all the selection bias, WEIRD bias, and other filters you might expect. Nonetheless, I...Archive link: https://archive.is/g4t2z
From the article:
I’ve come to think of this cadre of women as something like hardy garden perennials. Year after year, with the right conditions, perennials continue to flower. Likewise, the sexual Perennial finds herself still well rooted in an erotic life at an age when she may have expected it to fade or wither.
This is all the more remarkable because, for the culture as a whole, physical sex really is withering and fading. Among the most defining ongoing stories about sex in America today has been the drop-off in activity among Gen Z and Millennials. Blame for that decline has generally been placed on the way we live in the 21st century: the atomization of our social lives; the antidepressants that can kill the libido; the phones and social media that provide endless fascination, even on boring evenings when other things could be happening; the always-available porn that offers both problematic expectations of how in-person sex happens and a far less demanding alternative to it. For young parents, the intensity of modern child-rearing shrivels sex lives. For teenagers, a growing obsession with personal and psychological safety, a desire to be immune from discomfort, can flatten eroticism in some of the places it might flourish.
Last year I even saw one survey that, at a glance, seemed to me to suggest that people in their late 40s and early 50s might be having sex more frequently than those between 18 and 24. When I got in touch with the generational researcher Jean Twenge, whose best-selling books (most recently, “Generations”) have done much to explain the differences among birth cohorts, she was skeptical of those findings. But the subtler data she did pull up — mainly using General Social Survey data from 1989 to 2022 — still made a clear case for a kind of maverick sexiness among those currently in middle age.
When you track sexual frequency among age groups, something notable happens around 2007: a downward curve in activity among people 18 to 40 that turns into a sheer nosedive in the decade that follows. Today’s young adults are having sex 30 percent less often than young adults in the early 2000s. Such declines have occurred across the generational spectrum. But one generation, in its middle age, is experiencing a much less pronounced drop from the sexual frequency of its predecessors. Using the same measures, Twenge says, “the drop among Generation X is pretty small.” It’s only 9 percent.
The sexual Perennials of this generation do not fit neatly into any of the well-trodden archetypes of older women, like the cougar or the MILF — these degrading male-gaze notions of women precariously perched on the brink of undesirability. Pop culture is only now beginning to create new symbols of them, while those of the past feel silly or peculiar. (In the 1980s, Blanche Devereaux of “The Golden Girls” was often portrayed as a swooning, silk-draped clown for merely having a libido; at the start of that series she was supposed to be around 53, which is two years younger than Jennifer Lopez is now.) The Perennial’s vibe is not about finding a pocket of succor after the sun of youth has set. It is, rather, a power stance — a matter of caring less and less about such expectations the older you get.
I would love to imagine that this development is a permanent one — that the culture is finding a lasting perch for the sexuality of all older women. But I cannot shake a strong hunch that what we are seeing among middle-aged women is a function of the specific generation currently occupying those years. This is a cohort of women with formative experiences that do not resemble those of the generations surrounding them: a generation that began having sex earlier than any other on record, that stayed on the singles market for years longer than their parents, that is continuing to have sex even amid a broader sexual decline. I do not think it is a coincidence that the women I’ve written about thus far are part of Generation X, born between 1965 and 1980.
Gen X, a small generation compared with relatively larger cohorts like Millennials or Gen Z, “kind of dodged a bullet,” Twenge told me — by which she meant that while our lonely, iPhone-defined century came for everyone’s libido, some were defined by it, while others were merely affected. By the time the 21st century really landed, much of Generation X was already largely formed in terms of sexual habit. And this may be why, in middle age, it is shaping up to be possibly the sexiest generation on record. “You can even make the statement,” Twenge said, “that Gen X is the last sexy generation.”
This is a cultural critic's take, freighted with all the selection bias, WEIRD bias, and other filters you might expect. Nonetheless, I found it personally resonant.
The 1990's were a time of sexual flourishing for cis women and LGBTQ+ people, despite (or perhaps because of) the specter of HIV. Birth control for women was generally reliable and fuss-free, freeing us psychologically from fear of unplanned pregnancy. Nonetheless, we had to talk more about sex, starting with negotiating the mechanics of STD protection. Cheers to us for figuring out how to use that fear and the various cumbersome barriers as part of the excitement. The sex-positive warriors, like Susie Bright, were leading us into a brave new world of body-positivity and ownership of our own pleasure. This helped define today's sexual consent values.
It was a time of both more and less luxury. For the most part, we weren't working three jobs to make rent and pay school loans (funny that the author doesn't mention that burden on millennials and Gen Z, but she's Canadian). Sex could be a time-consuming gourmet undertaking, when we were replete with emotional resources and more deeply in tune with the positive aspects of our emotional lives. Yet there was the drain of a very hostile work life (as the article's author mentioned), and families without resources to understand our newly demanding selves.
So, fellow older female-identified (and female-leaning non-binary, agender, etc.) folks here, if you care to:
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Share your thoughts about the impact of age on your sexuality and desire;
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Has/have you and your partner(s) discussed your age and its effects on your desires;
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Have you changed your practices, added or subtracted partners, given up the whole messy business, or otherwise found an impact of age on your desires and ability to fulfill them?
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Have you separated from a spouse or partner(s) for reasons you attribute to incompatible sexual desires, or gotten closer to them?
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Do you feel you need, or have you sought, medical intervention for the changes around perimenopause/menopause? [I'll be adding estrogen cream to my routine soon, more for stress incontinence due to tissue thinning than the easily-remedied lack of lubrication. Thanks, body! 💩]
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Has what you look for in a prospective sexual partner changed?
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Do you feel comfortable thinking of yourself as still sexually attractive to your preferred partners?
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If you're part of a queer community, do you think body acceptance in aging is more or less common than in cis culture?
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If you're not North American, do you feel these questions apply differently in your cultural milieu, and if so, how?
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Given the current right-wing anti-feminist/anti-liberty backlash globally, the reductions in available medical information in the U.S. and elsewhere, the increasing censorship and religious extremism generally, do you feel safe/unsafe discussing on Tildes, and what (if anything) would make you feel better?
Looking forward to the discussion and any other questions people think of...
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Why Gen X women are having the best sex
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Comment on Family sues over adult son's fatal asthma attack after US insurance company removed medication from coverage in ~health
patience_limited (edited )LinkPutting in a word for Mark Cuban CostPlus Drug Company here. My prescription insurance changed recently, and I got to learn the current pharmacy list price of one of my meds, generic...Putting in a word for Mark Cuban CostPlus Drug Company here. My prescription insurance changed recently, and I got to learn the current pharmacy list price of one of my meds, generic hydroxychloroquine... $280 for a three month supply. Another is nearly $1000/month. My insurance is through UHC. And yes, it's an OptumRx price list.
Hydroxychloroquine is one of the WHO essential medicines (as is the common asthma inhaler drug albuterol), and among the cheapest generics globally. On the CostPlus site, hydroxychloroquine is $14 for a 90-day supply. Albuterol inhalers are $46. The only drawback is that drugs without a generic equivalent, opiates, many biologics (including insulin), and rarer drugs aren't available.
Critical medicines ought to have zero out of pocket costs, but the CostPlus pricing is transparent, free from gouging middlemen, and far more affordable if you need them. [If you need rage fuel, take a browse at the list prices compared to the CostPlus generic drug prices - sometimes thousands of dollars differential.]
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Comment on Is there a reason that we aren't seeing pushback to US President Donald Trump's blitzkreig? in ~society
patience_limited (edited )LinkInspirational watching: Indivisible mobilisation meeting last night. The immediate call to action is to pressure sitting members of Congress, regardless of party, to stop the takeover of the...Inspirational watching: Indivisible mobilisation meeting last night. The immediate call to action is to pressure sitting members of Congress, regardless of party, to stop the takeover of the Treasury and defeat Russ Vought's (Project 2025 coauthor) nomination for head of the Office of Management and Budget. There will be a protest at the Treasury Building on Tuesday.
It's going to feel like baby steps. The plan is predicated on inside information that even Republican Congresspeople are frightened about the recklessness, unconstitutionality, and deep unpopularity of the Project 2025 agenda and Executive Orders so far. The Republican majorities are razor-thin, and it will only take a few defectors to stop Trump's personnel picks and start legislative pushback. If the Democrats find some spine, they can play the same kind of procedural hardball that the Republicans used to block Obama and Biden. Maybe the Blitzkrieg's momentum can be turned.
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Comment on Is there a reason that we aren't seeing pushback to US President Donald Trump's blitzkreig? in ~society
patience_limited (edited )Link ParentI don't know if you've heard, but Elon and his Musketeers absconded with the entire U.S. Federal employee database. Rumor has it that they're targeting a 50% spending cut. Prepare for a wholesale...I don't know if you've heard, but Elon and his Musketeers absconded with the entire U.S. Federal employee database. Rumor has it that they're targeting a 50% spending cut.
Prepare for a wholesale purge a la Twitter, focusing on women, minorities, the disabled, disfavored agencies, whistleblowers, discrimination claimants, and those who have any political affiliation that's not preferred.
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Comment on What are everyone’s favourite pens and stationery items? in ~creative
patience_limited (edited )Link ParentI also love the Uniball Vision and Vision Elite pens for the reasons you mention. The little divot for holding them makes them more comfortable to use than most other cheap pens, and rubberized...I also love the Uniball Vision and Vision Elite pens for the reasons you mention. The little divot for holding them makes them more comfortable to use than most other cheap pens, and rubberized ones tend to get grimy or sticky with plasticizer.
But I'll caution frequent travelers that I had a Uniball Vision leak badly from aircraft pressure changes. The Elite model is sold as airplane safe, and it's worth the modest price differential.
Further note: I've got tiny, cramped handwriting, so I usually write with the finest point available. Uniball Vision fine points have the smoothest writing experience I've found among inexpensive pens. Sakura Pigma Micron fiber-tips are also decent, if more fragile and prone to drying out.
For quick notes, I like this particular Rhodia gridded memo pad. It fits in a pocket or bag easily and is comfortable to hold securely in one hand while writing with the other. The paper is smooth, resists bleed-through, and the grid markings help keep things organized and tidy. It's great for small architectural sketches on the fly.
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Comment on Offbeat Fridays – The thread where offbeat headlines become front page news in ~news
patience_limited LinkIt turns out that cats are, in fact, liquid. Speaking of liquids, a 200 year old liquor bottle was found reused in a now-expected manner.It turns out that cats are, in fact, liquid.
Speaking of liquids, a 200 year old liquor bottle was found reused in a now-expected manner.
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Comment on Having a hard time understanding how minds.com makes money in ~tech
patience_limited LinkMinds.com has a paid advertising feature. In theory, it's not based on harvested data, but can be algorithmically driven for "engagement".Minds.com has a paid advertising feature. In theory, it's not based on harvested data, but can be algorithmically driven for "engagement".
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Comment on Joe Biden says Equal Rights Amendment is ratified, but US Supreme Court gets final say in ~society
patience_limited LinkInteresting legal analysis here. There seems to be a general consensus that Tribe's outlook is grossly overoptimistic, even if the 1982 deadline is determined to be advisory only without...Interesting legal analysis here. There seems to be a general consensus that Tribe's outlook is grossly overoptimistic, even if the 1982 deadline is determined to be advisory only without Constitutional standing.
The current Supreme Court has no respect for precedent or any legal theory that doesn't accord with the conservative majority's preferred outcomes. Even if the Supremes followed the prior legal interpretations, the Republicans are angling for a Constitutional Convention. They almost have enough states onboard to meet the threshold, and passing the ERA through the courts would add momentum.
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Comment on Offbeat Fridays – The thread where offbeat headlines become front page news in ~news
patience_limited LinkPornHub hosts an OnlyFans model's popular machine learning and mathematics explainer series. She's also been banned from LinkedIn, despite SFW content.PornHub hosts an OnlyFans model's popular machine learning and mathematics explainer series. She's also been banned from LinkedIn, despite SFW content.
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Comment on Recommend your social/softer science fiction books in ~books
patience_limited (edited )Link ParentHere are some more obscure faves: Lavie Tidhar - Central Station and Neom are great future stories. They're almost too saturated in Middle Eastern and Diaspora cultural references to follow...Here are some more obscure faves:
Lavie Tidhar - Central Station and Neom are great future stories. They're almost too saturated in Middle Eastern and Diaspora cultural references to follow easily, but it's a rich and complex tapestry of a future world.
Maureen McHugh 's China Mountain Zhang (intro with minor spoilers) is another future vision that embraces complexity.
Michael Swanwick's Vacuum Flowers is a glorious hard-ish SF romp that goes deep into the question, "if you could be anyone, who would you be?"
One of these days, I'm going to have to put together a comprehensive list...
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Comment on Recommend your social/softer science fiction books in ~books
patience_limited (edited )LinkThough not well known to Americans, I have to recommend Ian McDonald. He does a brilliant job of seeing technology through the eyes of non-European cultures. River of Gods and Cyberabad Days are...Though not well known to Americans, I have to recommend Ian McDonald. He does a brilliant job of seeing technology through the eyes of non-European cultures. River of Gods and Cyberabad Days are Indian continent cyberpunk, Brasyl does the same thing via Brazil, The Dervish House is a quieter near-future Turkish mystery. The Chaga trilogy features an alien invasion (?) in Africa (minor quibble that the main character is a European aid worker, but she's very well drawn).
One of his early works, The Broken Land (aka With Hearts, Hands, and Voices), is one of the most heart-wrenching stories I've ever read - The Troubles written as far-future biopunk.
McDonald's Luna series is more easily categoriziable as conventional hard science fiction, but the corporate feudalism makes it worth studying as social commentary.
In the same vein, though quite a bit darker, Paulo Bacigalupi's climate change fiction packs a punch. I don't know why it doesn't come up in hard science fiction lists other than its technoskepticism. The Wind-up Girl is a bitter post-peak everything story with an android at its heart, and yet it brings home the point that life goes on. These are stories for people angry at the essential injustices being done to less developed nations in the path of the worst climate effects.
Older material:
Joan Slonczewski's Elysium cycle is all biology all the time, raising questions of what constitutes intelligent life, what makes a just society, and whether we truly value all intelligent lives. She can be very moralistic and simplistic from a Quaker standpoint, yet I found these stories refreshing and thought-provoking.
One of the greats, Theodore Sturgeon, doesn't get enough love from either the hard or soft SF fans, probably because his best work is in a myriad of short stories. He was one of the most open-minded and humane writers I've ever encountered, exploring everything from gender to intentional societies to ecology. The World Well Lost was openly sympathetic to gayness in a time when that was utterly taboo. If there's a modern science fiction trope, chances are he was the first to write it, and write it better than any subsequent version.
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Comment on Bearblog: A privacy-first, no-nonsense, super-fast blogging platform in ~tech
patience_limited Link ParentChiming in to say that I greatly enjoyed your Compassionate Interpretation post, which is worthy of its own Tildes topic. Thank you!Chiming in to say that I greatly enjoyed your Compassionate Interpretation post, which is worthy of its own Tildes topic. Thank you!
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Comment on What side-gigs or passive income methods have you found helpful for earning a small amount of extra money? in ~finance
patience_limited LinkHave you considered teaching an evening or weekend Extended Education (e.g. adult/non-traditional students) course at a local community college? Example curriculum from my area. These life...Have you considered teaching an evening or weekend Extended Education (e.g. adult/non-traditional students) course at a local community college? Example curriculum from my area.
These life enrichment classes usually have commitments of no more than 10 hours/month and pay around $50 - 100/class hour. If you have specific expertise in, say, basic home maintenance, and can convince the college that you've got the teaching skills to deliver the training, it's a good gig.
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Comment on What are your favourite TV shows of all time? in ~tv
patience_limited Link Parent"Welcome to f*cking Deadwood!" [NSFW]
The Upton Sinclair quote, "It is difficult to get a man to understand something, when his salary depends on his not understanding it" has a great deal of explanatory power when applied to ethics. People don't necessarily want to do evil, they just don't want to be impoverished through doing the right things consistently.