yeah, it sucks -- but don't run away. Instead, manage their expectations and be aware of how you might be sending signals that some gals take the wrong way. I pretty much can't ever see a friend's...
yeah, it sucks -- but don't run away. Instead, manage their expectations and be aware of how you might be sending signals that some gals take the wrong way.
I pretty much can't ever see a friend's sister because she thinks absolutely everything is an advance, where my friend (her sister) is the absolute opposite. Everybody is different and there will be ones you'll have to cut off, but eventually you'll end up with a few who are on the same page as you or can at least accept it.
Ultimately, you don't want to hurt anybody and you also don't want to get hurt. Communication is key. You'll likely find that it goes in waves, too. I found that my thirties were brutal -- but I found some really great life-long friends out of that.
One thing to be prepared for is being absolutely dropped or at least sidebar'd if these gals start dating someone relatively seriously. Just another thing to roll with :)
Yeah, it's often tough for single people attracted to each other's gender (hereafter "mutually attracted") to be friends. A couple of thoughts: You may not be doing this, but it's worth...
Yeah, it's often tough for single people attracted to each other's gender (hereafter "mutually attracted") to be friends. A couple of thoughts:
my style of friendship I think might also play into it (emotionally open and more one-on-one than group oriented)
You may not be doing this, but it's worth introspecting to consider if you're leading people on. Generally speaking, emotionally deep one-on-one connections between single, mutually attracted people is, while not exactly flirting, what leads to more. That's just how the world works, you know? If you know in advance you're not interested in someone, there's something to be said for not putting yourself in that position. You say this is already making friendships hard for you, so maybe you've got this covered.
I think it would be nice to have solid, platonic friendships with women (especially since I don't have many friends in general), but I'm not sure how to navigate it and it seems like it only gets harder the older you get.
Honestly it's basically exactly the same as having emotionally resonant friendships with men (or whatever gender you're not sexually interested in)... As long as neither of you is single. One or both parties being single just makes things too messy.
Personally I don't think there's any way around this. I have multiple deep, fulfilling relationships with women -- including one-on-one relationships -- but only with married women (I am married myself). I have single female friends, but I don't hang out with them one on one. So, my advice would be that there's nothing difficult about having group friends or mutual friends or whatever who are single women, but that you simply not try to have emotionally deep, one on one relationships with them.
yeah, it sucks -- but don't run away. Instead, manage their expectations and be aware of how you might be sending signals that some gals take the wrong way.
I pretty much can't ever see a friend's sister because she thinks absolutely everything is an advance, where my friend (her sister) is the absolute opposite. Everybody is different and there will be ones you'll have to cut off, but eventually you'll end up with a few who are on the same page as you or can at least accept it.
Ultimately, you don't want to hurt anybody and you also don't want to get hurt. Communication is key. You'll likely find that it goes in waves, too. I found that my thirties were brutal -- but I found some really great life-long friends out of that.
One thing to be prepared for is being absolutely dropped or at least sidebar'd if these gals start dating someone relatively seriously. Just another thing to roll with :)
Yeah, it's often tough for single people attracted to each other's gender (hereafter "mutually attracted") to be friends. A couple of thoughts:
You may not be doing this, but it's worth introspecting to consider if you're leading people on. Generally speaking, emotionally deep one-on-one connections between single, mutually attracted people is, while not exactly flirting, what leads to more. That's just how the world works, you know? If you know in advance you're not interested in someone, there's something to be said for not putting yourself in that position. You say this is already making friendships hard for you, so maybe you've got this covered.
Honestly it's basically exactly the same as having emotionally resonant friendships with men (or whatever gender you're not sexually interested in)... As long as neither of you is single. One or both parties being single just makes things too messy.
Personally I don't think there's any way around this. I have multiple deep, fulfilling relationships with women -- including one-on-one relationships -- but only with married women (I am married myself). I have single female friends, but I don't hang out with them one on one. So, my advice would be that there's nothing difficult about having group friends or mutual friends or whatever who are single women, but that you simply not try to have emotionally deep, one on one relationships with them.