• Activity
  • Votes
  • Comments
  • New
  • All activity
  • Showing only topics with the tag "ask.advice". Back to normal view
    1. I'm getting my own place -- i.e. an apartment that I own, and not rent -- and I find myself needing to prepare for another house move (this'll be the 4th of such events for me), only this time...

      I'm getting my own place -- i.e. an apartment that I own, and not rent -- and I find myself needing to prepare for another house move (this'll be the 4th of such events for me), only this time with a lot more stuff.
      I'm in a situation where I have to plan how I proceed carefully, since the elevator isn't working yet at the new place, and I have to carry everything up 7 flights of stairs.

      Every single time I've done a house move in the past it's been a disaster; didn't plan at all, just stuffed things into my car and left for the new place when it was full; rinse and repeat. I'm positive I did at least double the number of trips I actually needed.

      I want to think ahead on this one since the number of trips matter a lot.

      What are your tips for house moving? Any weird but efficient way of packing/labeling/sorting/whatever?

      Also interested in hearing the stories of your most horrible (or most enjoyable -- although I can't imagine this being the case) house moves.

      PS: don't want to hire a moving company, I like doing things like this on my own.

      13 votes
    2. Moving out tips

      I'm moving out: in the coming weeks I'll move to an apartment in Ankara, Turkey. This is the first time I'll have a home of my own, and the first time I live in an apartment as opposed to our...

      I'm moving out: in the coming weeks I'll move to an apartment in Ankara, Turkey. This is the first time I'll have a home of my own, and the first time I live in an apartment as opposed to our detached family home. I wonder if any of you have tips for a 25yo master's student moving out and changing city!

      31 votes
    3. It can be specific or broad, and it can be aimed at a particular type of person based on your experiences (e.g. people in my city, people with fibromyalgia, etc.) or just people at large. Also,...

      It can be specific or broad, and it can be aimed at a particular type of person based on your experiences (e.g. people in my city, people with fibromyalgia, etc.) or just people at large.

      Also, given that age is a very identifying piece of information, feel free to give a range if you're not comfortable sharing your exact age (e.g. "I'm in my 40s" rather than "I'm 42").

      • What advice or wisdom would you give to someone 10 years younger than you?
      • What would you have wanted to know 10 years ago that someone older could have shared with you?
      • If you'd heard the kind of advice you're giving, would you have listened to it 10 years ago?
      29 votes
    4. I used Bullet Journal for a year, then went back to Org mode with Orgzly on mobile. I find I'm more productive with pen and paper b/c when I see a rabbit hole I can't do nothing but jump into it...

      I used Bullet Journal for a year, then went back to Org mode with Orgzly on mobile. I find I'm more productive with pen and paper b/c when I see a rabbit hole I can't do nothing but jump into it and go right down, and trying to conform to ways app devs' workflows and hack them to behave the way I want cause friction which is for me greater than that of dealing with a meatspace physical notebook. Bullet Journal was nice, but I wonder if Strikethru could be even nicer. I never fully conform to these methods, but they are generally nice starting points to build a custom one, so I generally like starting out with them.

      My use case is, I have four types of tasks: projects, like "study statistics" or "transcribe scans" which can take weeks or months to complete, and sometimes have deadlines; todos which have no specific completion time (e.g. long time shopping lists, books to buy, stuff to check back on later, things to research); tasks that are scheduled for a certain date/time or a range thereof; and lastly tasks that recur on varying intervals, like posting the thread to ~books every other week or completing a particular task that pertains to a project, say reading pages from a book that is relevant to the "study statistics" project. Bullet Journal provided a means for all of this, but the amount of rescheduling and rewriting was inconvenient, and inconvenient is the evil enemy of making habits and getting things done for a fucked up procrastinator like me. When I look at Strikethru, I am not sure if it can handle this, if it's too simple for more complex stuff. So I wonder what you guys do with it. I'd be glad if you could share your workflows and/or advice me on how I could make use of this particular system, or anything else out there!

      Edit: prior art:

      I've commented on both of these talking about how I use a modified Bullet Journal method.

      8 votes
    5. I hope this is the right place to post my question. About me: I am 23, currently studying computer science in a university and failing it hard. I have finished school with pretty good grades,...

      I hope this is the right place to post my question.
      About me: I am 23, currently studying computer science in a university and failing it hard. I have finished school with pretty good grades, found school easy and didn't really put any effort into learning. After getting my fancy sheet of paper with my grades I applied to compsci studies. Fast forward to now, I am in my last semester with only 30% of credits I need to graduate. It is really hard, I have zero friends to work with at unversity, I make plans and detailed lists of work I have to do but always fail to follow them. I feel like I cannot control myself, one week I will do my work, next week I will struggle to get out of bed and do anything, I can spend whole day laying in bed and doing nothing. My personal life did not progress upwards too, I do not feel any joy in reading, communicating with people or doing basically anything. Everything feels like one big boring game of get a degree, work, make kids and die. My parents are disappointed, since I am failing uni, got fat and basically became a complete opposite of who I was at school. If I dont have anything to do I will just sit at home and stare at my computer, I dont even play games or watch movies, just mindlesly browse reddit or some forum without posting or commenting.

      Maybe someone out here has faced a similar situation and give me a hint/tip to start with, I feel hopeless and useless. This situation seems like an endless void to me, maybe there is a way out that I cannot see?

      32 votes
    6. Edit: meant ex-smokers. Proof reading is not something I tend to do... Some people quit cold turkey, some use something to replace it (thinking sunflower seeds), some make goals like only have 6 a...

      Edit: meant ex-smokers. Proof reading is not something I tend to do...

      Some people quit cold turkey, some use something to replace it (thinking sunflower seeds), some make goals like only have 6 a day and work their way down.

      I personally have been using nicotine products since I was about 16. Cigarettes at first, but switched to vaping at about 18. Been using them for about 6 years now and finally decided it's time to stop. I've been lowering the amount of nicotine in my vape for about 3 months, this last one being 0 nicotine in my vape. Now it's time to break the muscle memory of just mindlessly grabbing it at home and always making sure I know where it is. This last month with no nicotine was a lot harder than I thought it was going to be because I always told myself it was mostly a habit of the action and not the substance... Boy was I fucking wrong.

      So what did you do, or are you doing, to help yourself quit? Need a little inspiration.

      14 votes
    7. My premise is that you genuinely want to help the company and the next person who moves into your old position. Maybe you got a promotion, or you found an even-better job. In any case, you want...

      My premise is that you genuinely want to help the company and the next person who moves into your old position. Maybe you got a promotion, or you found an even-better job. In any case, you want the old coworkers to succeed, and you want to make a smooth transition.

      So there’s a few pieces to this:

      • What do you do when you leave a job?

      • What have other people done, when they left/moved on, that gave you the knowledge and skills you needed to excel?

      • What did they NOT provide that you wish they had?

      It’d be easy for me to focus on “what did you do” but none of us know how successful that was. So tell me, rather, about your experience as the person picking up the reins. What did that teach you about the process?

      Anecdotes welcome! (And tell me how to refer to you in the article. Private is fine.)

      10 votes
    8. I am going to be graduating with a BA in Economics in May, and I am overwhelmed, like most people, with all the stuff that I am now responsible for. I was mostly wondering what advice you wish you...

      I am going to be graduating with a BA in Economics in May, and I am overwhelmed, like most people, with all the stuff that I am now responsible for. I was mostly wondering what advice you wish you heard when you were 22.

      10 votes
    9. I hope this is the appropriate Tilde for this. If no one has any input it will still have helped me to type this out. TL;DR In over my head with marriage, foster care, family, and work. My wife...

      I hope this is the appropriate Tilde for this. If no one has any input it will still have helped me to type this out.

      TL;DR In over my head with marriage, foster care, family, and work.

      My wife and I became foster parents about 1.5 years ago with the intention to not adopt, but to care for children 3 and under while bio parents worked to regain custody or other permanent placements were arranged. Our first placement was two girls (7 mo and 2.5 yrs) despite wanting to do just one kid at a time (especially to start). We had them for 6 weeks and mom got them back. We had another placement (8 mo boy) for about another 6 weeks. There was a considerable lull and we were getting frustrated about not getting any new placements when the girls from our first placement were placed into custody again. So we were able to take them in again (now about 1.2 and 3.5 yrs). FF to now and we've had them for about 6 months.

      We never really intended to have more than one child and for quite this long and we're struggling. My wife has always had a little less ability to weather stressful situations like this and these last 2-3 weeks I'm carrying a lot of weight. In the meantime, bio mom has gotten pregnant and there's not another hearing regarding custody for another 9 months. We fully expect that she will not be able to take them back at that time (or really realistically ever). What should probably happen would be that the county could place the kids into permanent custody (basically getting them adopted). However, from what we've heard from other foster families, temporary custody could drag on for years.

      So, our main dilemma is this. We are not equipped (as a couple) to care for these kids for years. With the likely prospect of no change in custody in the near future, it feels like the best thing for these kids would be to get them into the care of someone looking to do this long-term, perhaps to eventually adopt. That being said, we absolutely love them and it feels like some kind of betrayal to force them to make yet another transition. On the other hand, with our limitations, it seems like that is inevitable anyway. Do we try to make that happen sooner?

      Some other data points:
      Our fostering license expires in October (about a month after the hearing is scheduled) and we don't intend to continue fostering (at least for a while, and definitely not with our current agency).
      We don't have many family members close by to give us a hand with the kids, making us feel isolated and making it hard to get breaks from the kids. Our agency has not been very helpful with lining up respite care, but we're trying to be more aggressive about that now.
      I've got things pretty well lined up to retire in about 5 years. My company is also just now kicking off a major project of a similar time frame and I'm in a good position to really make a mark before moving on. It will probably require some serious time commitments and effort to do it the way I want to.

      Thanks for listening.

      12 votes
    10. I've recently accepted a new developer role for a small tech company where everyone works remotely. I've had experience of working from home as a freelancer in the past and slightly more recently...

      I've recently accepted a new developer role for a small tech company where everyone works remotely. I've had experience of working from home as a freelancer in the past and slightly more recently working for a distributed company, although there I was working in a small shared office with one other colleague.

      I wondered if anyone has any tips or advice on how best to remain productive as well as avoid distractions and try to keep a work/life balance?

      I do intend to eventually find a co-working space but immediately I plan to work from home for at least the first few months.

      Thanks!

      16 votes
    11. I'm sitting here, not being able to sleep and watching every single John Mayer music video ever made, finding myself a little stuck. I've got good friends, I've got a free environment to do...

      I'm sitting here, not being able to sleep and watching every single John Mayer music video ever made, finding myself a little stuck.

      I've got good friends, I've got a free environment to do whatever I want to do, and I've got enough stuff around me to keep me alive. Somehow, this isn't what I hoped for.

      Ever since I was a kid, I always dreamed of this moment. I'm on my own. I've got my axe, and I'm ready for battle, but, I can't swing this thing, man. I don't have enough motivation, something I've been struggling with since I was born. I'm a chronic procrastinator, even when it's about something I actually want to. I want to sit down, write music, and make people smile. I want to do all these things, but I can't find enough willpower to do it. Maybe it's just my current emotional state holding me back. I miss the connection I used to have with someone that put me at my absolute peak in life.

      It's so unbelievably unfair to me that someone that seemed to help me so much and bring me up can just walk out on me like that with no explanation. She made me a better person when she was around, and a worse person when she's not. I don't understand why I still think about it every single day. I guess this is more of a rant / self help post, but I do pose one question:

      How do I get rid of the constant thought of someone? She's connected to everything I do in life and I really gotta fucking stop. Is there something I'm missing when it comes to getting over someone? Do I chase her? I've tried before, but it ended worse the second time around.

      Anyone have similar experiences? I'm sure there are some sad wrecks out there tonight. Come and share your story about the best person you've ever met that you'll never meet again.

      12 votes