first-must-burn's recent activity
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Comment on Claude Code is the ceiling on vibe-coded software in ~tech
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Comment on Relationship troubles in ~life
first-must-burn LinkFirst I want to say I'm sorry that you're dealing with this. It sounds very difficult, and from my own experience, I'm sure it is. I've seen a lot of comments already that suggest that your...- Exemplary
First I want to say I'm sorry that you're dealing with this. It sounds very difficult, and from my own experience, I'm sure it is.
I've seen a lot of comments already that suggest that your relationship is "over". I want to offer you a different perspective. But I want to preface that by saying that no one can tell you what the right thing to do is, and I don't mean any judgment about your specific situation with the comments I put below. I hope the best for you and your partner, but what the best is will ultimately be up to you two and not some Internet stranger.
What is possible also depends on what you and your partner are willing to do to change and compromise. And sometimes, the other person just won't do it, and then it might be time to leave.
Finally, nothing I've written here would apply if your partner was abusive or you were unsafe in your relationship. I didn't see any indication about that in your post, but I want to make that clear.
My wife and I are at 19 years, and our relationship has ebbed and flowed over the years.
When we start to drift apart, the best remedy is sincere effort in coming together to listen to each other, and it's very difficult to do that without outside help. We have been fortunate to have the resources, in both time and money, to get that help when we needed it.
One time, we did a 15 week marriage class which meant for every week, we:
- Read a chapter from a book
- Discussed it in our own
- Went to class for one hour of lecture
- Spent an additional two hours in a small group session discussing it.
More recently, it has involved
- her in individual therapy an hour a week
- Me in individual therapy an hour a week
- Us in couples therapy an average of an hour every week and a half
- Us commenting more time at home to talking and working through things on our own
My main point in in mentioning this is that it's going to take a lot of committed effort over a relatively long period of time to find your way back to each other. These problems did not appear overnight, and they're not going to disappear overnight either. Solving these problems is going to require significant commitment and significant forgiveness from both of you.
To put that into perspective, when our daughter was born, my wife was home with her, and I was working at a brand new startup. I sincerely doing my best to support her, but my idea of what was supportive to her was at odds with what she actually needed. I think she was miserable for about a year, maybe longer, before we were able to work it out.
Later, I became the stay at home Dad and she went back to work after being a stay-at-home mom for 9 years. It was a huge adjustment, and despite having been on the other side of it, neither of us was very good at meeting the other's needs when our roles changed. There was about a year where I felt almost totally indifferent to her. But what I remembered was that year before, so I gave it time.
Eventually, we were able to get back into therapy. It led to some pretty amazing breakthroughs, and it was a huge relief for me to "get her back".
Now we're both working full time, and we're back in therapy to find ways to work together. It's been great lately despite the increase in stressors, because it really feels like we're rowing in the same direction.
The other perspective I can offer is that our needs to change as we age, as we learn new things, as different things become important to us. So it doesn't have to be that one person is right and one person is wrong. It's more like (I am growing) and (she is growing) and without being intentional about it, it's easier to grow apart than to grow together.
A few words on couples therapy:
Going to therapy with the expectation that you are going to fix your partner's problems and that will make you happy is a recipe for failure. I'm not saying you or your partner think this way, but it's a very common sentiment I hear when I talk to people about couples therapy.
In our marriage class, they used to say "draw a circle around yourself and work on everyone in that circle." The point is that couples therapy, and repairing relationships in general, is about mutual compromise. But the only person's behavior you can affect is yours. So it's really about going to listen and sincerely reflecting about your own behavior, and hoping that the other person can do the same.
The other thing a good therapist will do is help you identity patterns (usually patterns of conflict) in your relationship and help you and your partner develop tools that you can use to change them.
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Comment on Introductions | July 2026 in ~talk
first-must-burn Link ParentI'm with @trim having only heard it used in the "unavailable at the moment" sense. How fascinating. A linguistic version of "where do you keep your ketchup", which I remember from this episode of...I'm with @trim having only heard it used in the "unavailable at the moment" sense.
How fascinating. A linguistic version of "where do you keep your ketchup", which I remember from this episode of the podcast Reply All back in my podcast era.
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Comment on Introductions | July 2026 in ~talk
first-must-burn Link ParentOne of the funnest things I've read in recent memory. Still laughing about it. Thank you.One of the funnest things I've read in recent memory. Still laughing about it. Thank you.
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Comment on Dune: Part Three | Official trailer in ~movies
first-must-burn Link ParentThe sci-fi channel miniseries adaptation (which covers Dune Messiah and Children of Dune) was pretty good. Though the production quality is more "made for TV movie", but the Dune miniseries and...The sci-fi channel miniseries adaptation (which covers Dune Messiah and Children of Dune) was pretty good. Though the production quality is more "made for TV movie", but the Dune miniseries and the Children of Dune miniseries are the most faithful to the original material.
The Lynch movie, though stylistically amazing, is barely even understandable unless you've read and studied the book. I respect what Villanueve is doing, both in style and in centering the movie in the female characters, but it definitely leans toward being its own story.
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Comment on Gift ideas for niece who’s into sewing? in ~life.women
first-must-burn LinkI got one of these cases for Christmas this year and it's great. Big enough to hold the sewing machine and my large plastic case that holds all the notions. Even if she doesn't plan to transport...I got one of these cases for Christmas this year and it's great. Big enough to hold the sewing machine and my large plastic case that holds all the notions. Even if she doesn't plan to transport it, it's nice to keep it all together when you store it.
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Comment on Dune: Part Three | Official trailer in ~movies
first-must-burn LinkI am curious about this adaptation, because it is more complex and strange than the first novel. Wondering about the role Alia will play. But if it's done to the same standard as the first two, I...I am curious about this adaptation, because it is more complex and strange than the first novel. Wondering about the role Alia will play. But if it's done to the same standard as the first two, I am excited about it.
No lie, I considered naming my daughter Ghanima
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Comment on What programming/technical projects have you been working on? in ~comp
first-must-burn Link ParentIf you need a place to host it, you should check out the cloudflare pages. Their free tier is very generous, and they have built-in integration with github and most of the static site generators...If you need a place to host it, you should check out the cloudflare pages. Their free tier is very generous, and they have built-in integration with github and most of the static site generators (I used Astro). Once you set it all up, a push to github triggers a build. You can also set up a preview branch, so you can push to preview, test, then PR to main.
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Comment on Cambria, California banned fireworks. Then came the dogs. in ~society
first-must-burn Link ParentYou've explained it the way I understood it. Provide a noise they can get used to that masks the sudden sporadic noises. I think how well it would work would still depend on the temperament of the...You've explained it the way I understood it. Provide a noise they can get used to that masks the sudden sporadic noises.
I think how well it would work would still depend on the temperament of the dog.
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Comment on Cambria, California banned fireworks. Then came the dogs. in ~society
first-must-burn LinkI saw a video where someone put a bunch of tennis balls in their otherwise empty dryer and turned it on so they'd be thumping around. Seemed like a pretty good idea, pending the location /...I saw a video where someone put a bunch of tennis balls in their otherwise empty dryer and turned it on so they'd be thumping around. Seemed like a pretty good idea, pending the location / availability of your dryer.
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Comment on Physical disc production ending in January 2028 for new games releasing on PlayStation consoles in ~games
first-must-burn Link ParentFor some reason, your comment called me back to the heady days of installing programs off of dozens of floppy disks. Sony will now deliver their top titles this way. Each one (... checks notes)...So what are your options then?
For some reason, your comment called me back to the heady days of installing programs off of dozens of floppy disks.
Sony will now deliver their top titles this way. Each one (... checks notes) comes in a box the size of a refrigerator weighing over 4000 lbs. It takes three weeks of non-stop disk swapping to install. The commemorative edition includes a game-themed decorative shed to store the disks in.
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Comment on I need more hilariously awful pick up lines to make my wife roll her eyes at me in ~talk
first-must-burn LinkThe word of the day is legs. Would you like to go back to (place) and help me spread the word?The word of the day is legs. Would you like to go back to (place) and help me spread the word?
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Comment on I need more hilariously awful pick up lines to make my wife roll her eyes at me in ~talk
first-must-burn Link ParentI think the variant people were using when I was in high school was "Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?" This caused great embarrassment for my oblivious history teacher when he complimented a (very...I think the variant people were using when I was in high school was "Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?"
This caused great embarrassment for my oblivious history teacher when he complimented a (very attractive) female student's shoes.
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Comment on I need more hilariously awful pick up lines to make my wife roll her eyes at me in ~talk
first-must-burn Link ParentI know it's a typo, but I spent way too long thinking about "subset of what". And the thinking about null set pickup lines. But I keep going to empty.I know it's a typo, but I spent way too long thinking about "subset of what". And the thinking about null set pickup lines. But I keep going to empty.
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Comment on Did Kamala Harris's silence on Gaza cost her the White House? in ~society
first-must-burn Link ParentI agree. If Biden had stepped aside earlier in the campaign, I think it could have been different, because she could have felt like the chosen candidate, not the default option. I don't think we...I agree. If Biden had stepped aside earlier in the campaign, I think it could have been different, because she could have felt like the chosen candidate, not the default option. I don't think we ever got to know her. She certainly wasn't able to generate the excitement as the (potentially) first female, second non-white president the way Obama had.
I'd love to see establishment democrats stand aside for the greater good instead of this "It's my turn" bullshit. I think if Hilary has stood aside for Bernie Sanders, or brought him in as a VP, we'd be in a different timeline now. If Biden had had the gumption to stop at 1 term from the beginning (or not run at all), we might have seen our first female president.
Hell, even if they aren't particularly progressive, I'd just love to see a candidate in their 40s or 50s instead of their 70s.
If wishes were horses, beggars would ride.
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Comment on Should the plural of "milf" be "milfs" or "milves"? in ~humanities.languages
first-must-burn Link ParentLettuce not put a stop to humor just because we want to be ahead.Lettuce not put a stop to humor just because we want to be ahead.
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Comment on Should the plural of "milf" be "milfs" or "milves"? in ~humanities.languages
first-must-burn Link ParentI stopped listening to broadcast radio around 15 years ago, but everywhere I lived before then had one.I stopped listening to broadcast radio around 15 years ago, but everywhere I lived before then had one.
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Comment on Should the plural of "milf" be "milfs" or "milves"? in ~humanities.languages
first-must-burn (edited )Link ParentShouldn't the collective noun for a group of moms be a minivan-load? Or (perhaps less charitably), a leather bag? The c ollective noun for Timothee Chalomet would be either a Zendaya or a sandy...Shouldn't the collective noun for a group of moms be a minivan-load? Or (perhaps less charitably), a leather bag?
The c
ollective noun for Timothee Chalomet would be either a Zendaya or a sandy cane.Also, I wanted to take this chance to share my favorite meme of collective nouns
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Comment on US Congress clears housing bill, cementing a rare bipartisan feat in ~society
first-must-burn Link ParentThank you for your analysis, this makes sense to me. Also, the diarrhea thing is ... vivid 🙃Thank you for your analysis, this makes sense to me. Also, the diarrhea thing is ... vivid 🙃
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Comment on What programming/technical projects have you been working on? in ~comp
first-must-burn Link ParentIf you can swing it, you might try making an explainer video. That's probably an easier way in for most people. You could do something funny with the park scenario to make it more interesting.If you can swing it, you might try making an explainer video. That's probably an easier way in for most people. You could do something funny with the park scenario to make it more interesting.
I ... don't think that's a reasonable conclusion to draw, and even if it was, it wouldn't be the only one.
I think it's reasonable to conclude that Anthropic sees no value in taking a position on this or assessing quality. It gives them a chance to see whether the rust port dies on the vine or wins a market share, without having taken a position on it earlier. Much better for them to see the AI port become a success and claim a role in that success, or see it fail and just let it be rogue misuse of what will by then be an older version of their product.