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Comment on [Rant? Vent? Musing?] I've become a surprisingly judgemental semi-sober person in ~life
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[Rant? Vent? Musing?] I've become a surprisingly judgemental semi-sober person
This is a discussion on recreational substance use with illegal substances. ₍^. .^₎⟆₍^. .^₎⟆₍^. .^₎⟆₍^. .^₎⟆₍^. .^₎⟆₍^. .^₎⟆₍^. .^₎⟆₍^. .^₎⟆₍^. .^₎⟆₍^. .^₎⟆₍^. .^₎⟆₍^. .^₎⟆₍^. .^₎⟆₍^. .^₎⟆₍^....
This is a discussion on recreational substance use with illegal substances.
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Pre-college / independent living, I thought most people simply drank, and maybe did weed. No one smokes unless you're 'European' (to be broad about it). Pre-covid, I thought most (young, partying) people just did alcohol, cocaine, and maybe weed (plus, again, the Europeans with the cigarettes). Post-covid, it seems that everyone has a few drinks only, but does weed edibles, nicotine vapes, increasingly partial servings / 'tabs' of Molly, Ketamine. Every few months, someone will be doing mushrooms or LSD. We range from 29-40 in age.
(I know this isn't 'everyone' and also simply a sampling of the subculture near me.)
I was a social drinker, so I largely sobered up easily and quickly during COVID, and I also started to work out. Fast forward those trends five (five, can you believe it??) years, and I have maybe 5 drinks this whole calendar year. I've had probably 15mg of edibles this whole calendar year, and 1 mushroom microdose (I simultaneously felt and did not feel this). This wasn't without total cost; I don't socialize as easily and don't have a means for getting myself in the mood to be with people, the way being tipsy could ply you into a good time. People feel somewhat rejected, too, when I don't want to share a high together; to them, it's bonding when to me, I see it as a commitment to 4+ excruciating hours of my mind being annoyed that my body and impulses are trying to defy it, plus a hangover. (Additionally, I worry about the unknowns that come accompanied with unregulated substances and new substances, like contamination / inauthentic product or psychosis.)
Amidst this health kick, I find myself having become more conscious of the way my body feels. When I live really well, I feel fantastic. Sleeping well? Incredible. Eating healthily? Amazing. No strange substances for my liver to fight? Perfect. Toss in an inherently fulfilling routine, and I wake up every day with the capacity for happiness, clarity, and control over my life. Some people laud things like the 'death of the ego' you might get with psilobiclin, but I love my ego. I think it's pretty smart and thoughtful. I understand power over self can psychologically choke you out, but honestly, I like it? Disrupted sleep kills me for days. The 'microdose'? Feels like it left me flat and depressed after an initial peppy 1-2 days.
Mental health has been a struggle for me all my life. To be stable and content, if somewhat flat, is it's own happiness. I never learned how to be 'happy' in the way that you find joy in things your brain genuinely has no interest in even when 99% of people do; I gave up on mourning that. However, I have learned that my body is a temple to be maintained for my spirit / mind. When I neglect it a little too long or hard, it spirals, and my mind goes with it. But when I rake its leaves, neaten its shelves, and polish its statues, it can look so beautiful, that I feel beautiful just existing with it.
Last night, I felt incredibly pleased just feeling the fur of a dog on my lap as I ran my hands over him, not dissimilar to the same feeling on substances, but with the mental clarity to recall the way it felt to my hands. I never used to have the capacity to notice how wonderful these things are until this last year or so, and these moments of simple, pure joy are rare. But despite people and (liberal) society at large insisting that substances are how you gain clarity or essential perspective, I can't help but now feel skeptical that these substances are really doing anything of note. Most of my friend group is maintaining very functional lives despite substance use, which I credit to either me not knowing them well or responsible usage. A few seem to use them too frequently / heavily (e.g. molly, or mixing drugs) or for the 'wrong' reasons (e.g., "feeling off"), and I can't help but notice that either their behavior on substances leads to a major conflict or they get into major conflict within 2 weeks after. It is hard for me to not feel like these problems are created by drugs, or that the fallout hanging over their heads is worsened by how I imagine they feel emotionally but can no longer elucidate to themselves. A friend of mine was concerned that I started feeling sleepy at 8pm, when I had never felt better. I never realized not feeling like shit every day was an option until I got my lifestyle together, and I wonder if they can feel that in themselves.
This was mostly a ramble, on disrupted sleep from some surprise caffeine last night. I would be curious to hear if people have observed similar substance use in their social groups and whatever else.
18 votes -
Comment on How are you planning for a potentially bleaker future? in ~life
vingtcinqunvingtcinq LinkNot planning on having kids, although they are genuinely a better retirement plan than not having any, if you want to live through the climate apocalypse. It's genuinely hard to say what to do, as...Not planning on having kids, although they are genuinely a better retirement plan than not having any, if you want to live through the climate apocalypse.
It's genuinely hard to say what to do, as it is changing the climates of lots of places right now. Not much escape. I sort of subscribe now to the idea that climate change is just slow cooking us-- by the time we want to do anything, it will be too late, because we did nothing when we weren't the ones acutely suffering.
I make a lot of "low carbon footprint" lifestyle choices (I don't travel for fun anymore, I live in a city, I rarely buy new clothes, I don't eat animal products), so I feel like I'm doing more or less what I can to prevent it. To survive it, I think my only plan is ensure I'm financially prepared for my home to disappear a few times. Eventually, I probably need to make redundancies for my authentication devices / mechanisms. Homesteading and such is fascinating, but I doubt I could produce enough for myself, so I don't think I'd seriously bother.
I never planned to try to live through the apocalypse, so that plus more 'concrete' issues makes me unable to really muster much care for it. I'm more concerned about, say, being attacked in public transit, getting hit by a car, getting diseases from microplastics or PFAS, losing my job, the economy crashing, etc.
It’s hard to articulate but I feel like our future is bleaker than the previous generation’s for the first time in modern history because of factors beyond our control (i.e. neither geopolitical nor economic).
I would half-heartedly (as a non-expert) argue that something like nuclear might have helped, as long as we didn't scale up our consumption to match. We've come far enough that climate change is now also something we should be desperate to solve, leading to measures like injecting particulate into the air to reflect the sun back. So it's simultaneously bleak, yet I assume this is politically easier than say, trying to figure out how to end the Cold War ... or it should be. I think it's also a bit encouraging to see it as we have nothing to lose?
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Comment on The vast majority ~90% of us only consume, never post and never comment. So come on in, leave a tildes-worthy comment, and join the 10% my dear lurker in ~talk
vingtcinqunvingtcinq LinkMy first real foray into online life revolved around forums and the close-knit weirdos on them. At different times I've been the 90%, the 9%, and the 1%. The internet was such a crutch for me....My first real foray into online life revolved around forums and the close-knit weirdos on them. At different times I've been the 90%, the 9%, and the 1%. The internet was such a crutch for me. That has been true on Tildes too, though on this account I am in the 90%.
Between Reddit migration, the state of the world, and the slowness of Tildes, what used to be so regular to me is gone. I can still doom scroll, but I've pared down so much and disengaged so much I tend to run out of content within an hour nowadays. I enjoy simplifying my life, but miss the weird fun things I used to uncover before. I also miss the self-expression outlet, the knowledgeable subcultures, and discussing things like TV shows. However, while I worry about being out of touch with stuff like internet security and whatnot, I am sort of okay being out of the loop on things even at the cost of bonding with others. I had no idea what the CEO cheating scandal was until my partner mentioned it to me. I don't know or care what restaurants have opened. I'm increasingly unfashionable. It's fine.
On the article:
In general, I'm not a fan of reviews. I see why they exist, but largely, I prefer something more natural. They mention recommendation algorithms based on purchasing history, but I'd also say that I like how on platforms like say, Amazon Prime, it does automatically thumbs up things I complete watching. I think there's so much work to be done in easily and accurately gathering feedback in a manner that resonates with people.
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Comment on AI coding tools make developers slower but they think they're faster, study finds in ~tech
vingtcinqunvingtcinq LinkIt surprised me. I'm definitely a person of the "if I'm doing something it feels fast" fallacy. If I keep on clicking, typing, doing, whatever, I always feel like I'm "going." In public transit, I...It surprised me. I'm definitely a person of the "if I'm doing something it feels fast" fallacy. If I keep on clicking, typing, doing, whatever, I always feel like I'm "going." In public transit, I prefer walking instead of taking a transfer to another bus / train, because waiting is excruciatingly dull (among other issues, like sometimes that bus just does not come). I would have expected someone to tell me that incessant googling for debugging and whatnot feels busy but just is outdated. At the same time, it says the audience here was pretty familiar with their domain (general experience + "High developer familiarity with repositories") so it sounds like the comparison here is more about vibe coding than being tripped up by the unfamiliar?
I started using Gemini at work for questions about the language of the old monolith (stuff like "How do you mock things in $mock_library for $test_library in $ancient_version"-- I read the docs sometimes but I'm not invested in learning the language much) and it is kind of excruciatingly slow. It has helped me but every time I expect it to take 3 seconds and I just change tasks in the mean time.
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Comment on Is pop culture a form of "model collapse?" in ~tech
vingtcinqunvingtcinq Link ParentThat's a fair point, all ideas start somewhere! As for the negativity, I supposed it's unearned as I would still totally go to one of these aforementioned places to give it a shot. I think the...That's a fair point, all ideas start somewhere!
As for the negativity, I supposed it's unearned as I would still totally go to one of these aforementioned places to give it a shot. I think the negativity from me comes in part from my last experience at one of these, and finding it more like a pretty expensive restaurant with a so-so DJ (obviously subjective), rather than a place where music was really centered. It had an impressive look and presentation, but I think it mislabeled itself when calling itself a "listening bar."
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Is pop culture a form of "model collapse?"
Disclaimer: I do not like LLMs. I am not going to fight you on if you say LLMs are shit. One of the things I find interesting about conversations on LLMs is when have a critique about them, and...
Disclaimer: I do not like LLMs. I am not going to fight you on if you say LLMs are shit.
One of the things I find interesting about conversations on LLMs is when have a critique about them, and someone says, "Well, it's no different than people." People are only as good as their training data, people misremember / misspeak / make mistakes all the time, people will listen to you and affirm you as you think terrible things. My thought is that not being reliably consistent is a verifiable issue for automation. Still, I think it's excellent food for thought.
I was looking for new music venues the other day. I happened upon several, and as I looked at their menu and layout, it occurred to me that I had eaten there before. Not there, but in my city, and in others. The Stylish-Expensive-Small-Plates-Record-Bar was an international phenomenon. And more than that, I couldn't help but shake that it was a perversion of the original, alluring concept-- to be in a somewhat secretive record bar in Tokyo where you'll be glared into the ground if you speak over the music.
It's not a bad idea. And what's wrong with evoking a good idea, especially if the similarity is just unintentional? Isn't it helpful to be able to signal to people that you're like-that-thing instead of having to explain to people how you're different? Still, the idea of going just made me assume it'd be not simply like something I had experienced before, but played out and "fake." We're not in Tokyo, and people do talk over the music. And even if they didn't, they have silverware and such clanging. It makes me wonder if this permutation is a lossy estimation of the original concept, just chewed up, spat out, slurped, regurgitated, and expensively funded.
other forms of conceptual perversion:
- Matters of Body Image - is it a sort of collapse when we go from wanting 'conventional beauty' to frankensteining features onto ourselves? Think fox eye surgeries, buccal fat removal, etc. Rather than wanting to be conventionally attractive, we aim for the related concept of looking like people who are famous.
- (still thinking)
15 votes -
Comment on Has anyone else had issues with the new low calorie sweeteners? in ~health
vingtcinqunvingtcinq LinkIs your diet significantly lower in carbs than before? Reducing carbs is initially terrible in my experience, you basically get sapped of energy. My layman's understanding is because carbs are the...Is your diet significantly lower in carbs than before? Reducing carbs is initially terrible in my experience, you basically get sapped of energy. My layman's understanding is because carbs are the easiest energy source for people. I think eventually you adapt (or you're truly low, and you need more carbs).
Other thought is that zero-calorie sweeteners are usually for certain types of lifestyles, so even if the sweetener is okay, you might be reacting to something else. For example, I've noticed tapioca fiber is in a lot of "zero-sugar" foods, because if you up the fiber enough you can say it's a "keto" or low net carb food.
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Comment on They don’t read very well: A study of the reading comprehension skills of English majors at two midwestern universities in ~humanities.languages
vingtcinqunvingtcinq (edited )Link ParentI had a lot of trouble with this too. I consider myself above-average in language and grammar, but the sentence construction is really difficult. The sentences are fairly long, have turns of...I had a lot of trouble with this too. I consider myself above-average in language and grammar, but the sentence construction is really difficult. The sentences are fairly long, have turns of phrase that aren't encountered regularly, and have many "mappings." Where does the clause branch from? I found that difficult to discern. I had to lean on aural understanding; the sentences are very difficult to interpret if you don't know how its meant to be read aloud.
I'll also admit that I don't really read books much anymore. So the art of reading has somewhat been lost to me too. I've never had much patience for having to read and imagine something, whereas I enjoy reading about ideas and concepts.
I guess an English major is meant to understand this stuff. Still, if I wrote sentences like this, I'd have expected to not have passed my assignments in high school. (Of course, I'm no Charles Dickens.)
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What are the "white spaces" or "breathing rooms" in your life?
It's easy to be wired all the time. Checking messages, performing tasks, planning for the future, making the most of every second with obvious output. But do you have any intentional inefficiency...
It's easy to be wired all the time. Checking messages, performing tasks, planning for the future, making the most of every second with obvious output. But do you have any intentional inefficiency in your life? Breaks? Breaths between tasks? If so, what are they?
39 votes -
Comment on The “loneliness epidemic” myth in ~life
vingtcinqunvingtcinq (edited )LinkThis was an ironic link to see: I was at home stress-eating because I didn't want to go to a social outing. And I didn't want to go because, although I knew everyone, there was only one person I...This was an ironic link to see: I was at home stress-eating because I didn't want to go to a social outing. And I didn't want to go because, although I knew everyone, there was only one person I felt I could talk freely with and had interest in catching up with. Everyone else, however nice, I just didn't want to talk to right now today. I didn't want to go through the song and dance of "hi how are you hows your partner hows work hows life wow you look great" for an hour. To his point, I felt like I was walking into a situation where I didn't really belong.
- I also agree with the dude's "would you ever bother if a third place were there?" because I've spent a lot of time realizing no, I'm full up usually. Sometimes you like to meet to talk, sometimes you need an activity; I generally need an activity for my third place because it's a lot of pressure to have to put on my affable face. My third place– and maybe this is selfish– needs to be something where I'm there for myself first, and for others second.
- The "high-maintenance" friendship has high resonance with me. I'm not extroverted, and admittedly stingy with time and energy. I'm the type that wants to be there for a lot of people– some, more than others– in the bad times. The good times, you'll probably not see me so much, I'd rather be spending time alone. The bad times– your bad times– I want to try and be there for you, because I dislike the idea that you might be feeling alone and hopeless when you don't need to be. I'd love to be part of a community where it was normal for people to want to give to each other in some way without having to make sure you were "hanging out enough" and "talking enough" in between. If I like someone, I like them. As long as I know you don't have beef with me, I'll like you just as much 3, 6, 12 months from now. I have a lot of room for the small talk as I live my life (grabbing my coffee, jogging, the gym, whatever) and for favors of explicit scope. I have minimal room for high-intention relationships– I'd say max 2, 3 if the relationships are efficient (e.g. a live in partner, a nearby best friend). I've been reflecting a lot recently on how it can be hard to have multiple female friendships for this reason too (much higher expectations than with men).
- I also generally agree with his statement that loneliness is a sort of intrinsic condition. Recently, I was quite upset. It was the sort of upset that was in the body. The brain– my brain– could only scramble to try and decipher meaning. Why was I slouchy, terse, short, teary? I had to clarify: I'm not consciously upset, but I'm feeling upset, and it's just how I'm feeling. It wasn't for lack of friends or health or anything, or even a mourning of an outcome. I probably could have hopped on a plane somewhere, prompted a few people for drinks, something. But nothing would have helped. It didn't need a label or cause; it's just a feeling, like taking an emotional dump. The best I could come up with was that it was some kind of perennial loneliness. I wondered how cavemen were able to decipher mutual emotion; what in the world did it take for sad cavemen to realize they were feeling the same kind of sad? Did they define sad and then define lonely? Or was one lonely and the other was something else and they agreed to call it some collective feeling of 'sad'?
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Comment on Is it time to get offline? in ~tech
vingtcinqunvingtcinq (edited )LinkI've had this top of mind. Recently I've been spending a bit more time just muscle-memory refreshing forums (Reddit and otherwise), and binging on TV, which doesn't feel great. I am also a citizen...I've had this top of mind. Recently I've been spending a bit more time just muscle-memory refreshing forums (Reddit and otherwise), and binging on TV, which doesn't feel great. I am also a citizen of my country, but I'm concerned about the surveillance of opinions. I used to go online for weirdness, human authenticity, and the wild west of honesty. The internet once seemed like more of a place to be human, if your day-to-day was regimented and constrained. (In a weird way, I loved 4chan for what it once represented-- not most of it, but the unfettered, generally benign cesspool of being able to 'do anything' online.) I also enjoyed the control and tinkering that comes of computers, but more and more, enshittification just compromises the ability to take things at face value. The only way to gain control is to reduce their access to you.
I've deleted social media (easy, minus letting go of relationships that were predicated on mutual use of it) and figured out what my alternative occupants could be: puzzles, baking, food prep. Things that busy the hands and occupy the mind without stress.
I'm trying to stop browsing Reddit entirely, decouple my finances from tech (I work as a software engineer, so being both online and on a computer is advantageous; it's hard to feel like I'm allowed to coast if I have a rent or equivalent mortgage), and eventually figure out how to decouple my phone's functionalities into other means until it's basically a fancy brick for 2FA (and only because passkeys aren't universally accepted).
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Comment on Have your COVID relationships survived, five years out? in ~talk
vingtcinqunvingtcinq Link ParentI thought they were! But maybe it's because I live in a city. People moved out enmasse, people eventually moved in enmasse. Every time things opened up for us to do, it was a new milestone /...I thought they were! But maybe it's because I live in a city. People moved out enmasse, people eventually moved in enmasse. Every time things opened up for us to do, it was a new milestone / opportunity.
I also had old friends reach out during that time, because we were all indoors for the first chunk of it so it was easy to just send an email. I would say those also count as COVID relationships in a way, as they were triggered from the cluster of circumstances that arose from COVID.
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Have your COVID relationships survived, five years out?
Recently, my COVID-era friend circle has drifted apart. It was a lot of little things that changed our priorities. We had / lost partners, went sober, got in-person jobs, got stressful jobs, made...
Recently, my COVID-era friend circle has drifted apart. It was a lot of little things that changed our priorities. We had / lost partners, went sober, got in-person jobs, got stressful jobs, made more / less money, etc. It was also the continual theme of realizing that after 3+ years, we hadn't necessarily broken the surface on our friendships with everyone in the groups.
I tend to feel relationships are generally a little ephemeral, especially in our age group (late 20s / 30s -- which is to say, anything can happen). You drift apart, and sometimes back again, and sometimes apart again, and it's just life. I feel pretty okay about it, although it's a bit sad. Given that we're at the five year mark, I thought it might be an interesting prompt.
24 votes -
Comment on High and dry: Sobriety and transcendence at Bonnaroo in ~life
vingtcinqunvingtcinq LinkI recommend just setting aside time to read this; I think it opens up really well as you read it. But, here's a submission statement with slight spoilers. Submission Statement I couldn't find a...I recommend just setting aside time to read this; I think it opens up really well as you read it. But, here's a submission statement with slight spoilers.
Submission Statement
I couldn't find a better category than "life." The author, who has been maintaining sobriety for years, goes to a music festival. He touches on many different topics, from the festival itself, to consumerism, to escapism, to sobriety. It follows him throughout Bonarroo, so it's all told pretty linearly.
Ultimately, I would say it's really an essay about "transcendence" vs. escapism. (Sobriety is a vehicle for this, but I think it's really about the aspect of transcendence where we see something we couldn't originally.)
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High and dry: Sobriety and transcendence at Bonnaroo
4 votes
Agreed tbh! Ironically, I was also going to end my trigger warning with "Chocolate is better!" but I think sugar is an addiction on some level so I didn't.
I slightly know what you mean about caffeine; I noticed a big difference in energy when I delayed caffeine consumption by 2 hours and when I started having "decaf days." I very rarely had more than 2 cups so it wasn't like I was a heavy user on paper. Now I can feel the "caffeine high" rage sometimes, where I wake up on the wrong side of the bed and the caffeine hits wrong. The best way to describe it for me is like your body is screaming at you to be annoyed at things that your mind knows is not even a problem.
My partner is a medium / heavy pot user (and has experimented with a lot of substances in the past, and uses some still). I had my qualms about it, but he can stop when life gets serious and be there for the people he loves. When he is high, the worst thing that happens is that he gets a bit 'silly' and that doesn't make for the fastest intellectual conversations. The worst thing I've ever seen him on, by far, was World of Warcraft...