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What are the "white spaces" or "breathing rooms" in your life?
It's easy to be wired all the time. Checking messages, performing tasks, planning for the future, making the most of every second with obvious output. But do you have any intentional inefficiency in your life? Breaks? Breaths between tasks? If so, what are they?
Last year, one of my projects was to build a wood fire hot tub.
I scrounged a free, used bathtub from someone doing a renovation and then built a frame for it. I sorted a wood stove and created a coiled tube for water to heat up and then be output into the tub.
Where I live in NZ, there are 300 people in my township which are very spread out resulting in low light pollution.
My "breathing room" is enjoying the heat from the tub, hearing the noise from the fire and the burbling water while looking up at the stars. The tub is big enough for one person to wholly enjoy, so I can use the space/time to have a solo disconnection from the world.
Apologies for not adding much to conversation beyond: Everything about this is amazing.
Thanks, it's really magic on a clear night.
Absolutely. So jealous!
Do you have to get out to add more wood, or is the time with what you've already built plenty? I don't have any experience with wood stoves, I just know I have to add a log or two to my fireplace every 15-30 minutes to keep it warm.
Hey, so typically you add all the wood during the water heating process until you're just below the right temperature. It will naturally climb a bit hotter with residual coals. Then you have to stop adding wood otherwise the water can get much too hot! It's a balancing act with the fire, but that's also part of the ritual that makes the tub so nice.
I can't recommend jogging highly enough.
It totally clears out the mind. All you have to think about is putting one foot in front of the other (although you can listen to a podcast too if you like).
You don't need any equipment other than shoes.
You can do it at literally any time of the day for as long or as little as you like. I do 30 mins a day on alternating days.
There's no skill threshold. The basic physical fitness required can be acquired in a few weeks - see for example the Couch to 5k program.
Goes without saying, but it's good for your health.
I've never been able to find that "lack of thought" with running. I've only been able to run regularly when chasing a ball is involved. I don't know if it's the ADHD, my particular brain physiology or psychology or what. But I'm envious of those who it works for.
Same. I tortured myself on and off in my youth hoping that it’d click at some point, but cranking the music, gritting my teeth, and mentally screaming encouragement was the only way I’d make it to the end of a session.
I’ve really taken to cycling, though. I spent a bunch of time setting it up so the experience is as comfortable as I can get it:
That combo — plus planning short trips to places I like to visit (parks, bakeries, cafes, etc.) — has made it the first exercise regime I look forward to. Writing this, I realize it’s the first time I’ve enjoyed exercise at all.
Though I’ve still never had a runner’s high, or the meditative experience OP mentioned, the feeling of cresting a hill and tearing down like you’re flying is incomparable. Plus, I suppose one can’t check a phone without crashing. It’s waaaaay better than drowning in my own sweat, gasping for air, and limping home on aching shins, at any rate.
Something we are in complete agreement on. I just don't "get" running. I don't know either: is it my broken brain? Am I doing it wrong somehow? I'm still trying to run regularly because it's "healthy" (read: offsets the hot dogs and beer slightly) but I have never experienced a single clear-minded moment of joy while running. My wife claims she does and I guess I just have to trust it's not some kind of long term prank she's pulling on me.
I think some people are just wired differently.
I played youth soccer competitively for close to a decade. I did track for a bit in high school. I mostly played outside growing up. I did a lot of running and had seemingly limitless endurance. Less running as an adult, but there was a time that I could comfortably run 2 hours outdoors straight after work.
I have never liked running itself, let alone felt anything remotely like a runner high or clarity. I don’t mind running when it’s part of a sport or game, but it’s not the part I enjoy. Swimming was slightly more enjoyable simply because it kept me cool, but it was still at best boring as hell.
Same with weight lifting. There was a point where I had been lifting 4 days a week consistently for close to a year and slowly but steadily improving. Still hated every second of it as much as the day I started; no rush, no energized feeling, no improved mood, nothing that the bros always go on about.
Same here! I just don't like excersizing. I do it because I know it's an important habit as I get older.
Yup, I'm another one on that boat. Sure, I do feel quite good after a session but compared with the mind numbing minutes spent achieving that feeling it's only a blip - for me, exercise is just pretty goddamn boring. My stupid brain will accept absolutely any excuse, no matter how flimsy, to avoid going outside for a run. However, I have recognised and made peace with this part of me and, in an effort to avoid becoming absolutely decrepit by retirement age, decided to work around it by investing in a treadmill. And it's actually done the trick. I've been consistently hitting 5k runs up to five times a week, and even the odd 10k, and thanks to the tablet I'm getting through all the crap on my streaming watch lists in the process.
I try to find more joyful movement for me. Long walks. Dance videos no one can see me do badly, etc. I want to add strength stuff but life keeps happening. I never had a lot of wind to begin with - exercise induced asthma as a teen - but it didn't get better after high school either.
Swimming though, I used to be able to swim forever.
It takes a while. I hated running every time I tried it. Until one day it clicked and since then I’m wondering how I went without it.
I loved starting with audiobooks. My first recommendation would be: born to run
Even worse, the brain keeps going and I have to distract myself. Somewhat easier with music on but running without headphones and I'm frantically looking around for anything to distract me.
Don't get me wrong, I'll hike for hours in complete silence and think nothing of it but the second I have to pick up the pace my brain is like "we need a definite end time for this activity," and then nags me from the backseat asking if we're there yet. I've yet to have a run where the best part wasn't the end.
I also have ADHD (recently diagnosed). I'm fairly confident that it is the cause of these differences with running for us. I have been able to run consistently for decent stretches of time (every M-W-F for 3+ months a handful of times) but I have learned some things from those periods of time. First, is that I absolutely hate it the entire time that I am doing it no matter what. Second is that I need some time of external reward or celebration for myself when I accomplish anything related to running, even if it's just a self-five and telling myself over and over that I did great. Unfortunately, this falls apart once I'm past a basic couch to 5k program and can't hit new records every few days. Third is that I can not run even half way decently without music to drive me, because I with otherwise focus all of my thoughts on how much running sucks, every ache and pain in my knees, every cramp, etc.
I have very foolishly not tried running yet since I've been medicated. I need to make a concerted effort to do it, because there are so many people who say there isn't anything as helpful for their ADHD as running is.
Physicality helps me with my ADHD - doing something, touching something, having a weighted blanket - but running doesn't. Hasn't changed with the Adderall, but yeah, I try to find other things.
I remember when I attempted to start running (it didn't stick -- I don't enjoy it and had an untreated chronic illness that made building stamina impossible at the time, which defeated the "it's good for your health" purpose), Couch to 5k's starting point was way too difficult to me. I'm not the only person who has criticised Couch to 5k's plan as being too difficult for beginner runners either. There are similar plans out there that attempt to solve this problem with a more reasonable starting point to ramp you up to that level, but I think it starts at a level that's simply too much for a lot of people who don't have any regular exercise habit.
Growing up in California, it was always so go-go-go. I hated that. People have always thought I'm a stoner, and I couldn't ever get into it because of the smell (yeah, I know gummies are a thing now but I work in an industry where the US Fed regulates and I'm subject to random drug tests, so nope)...
But, my thing in life is I hate the rush. Life before clocks was harsh, but not stressful. Now we have stress, but no harsh (if you ignore social media lulz). Also I have deliberately not had children, so that plays a lot into things.
My keys points are:
I suspect my methods don't work for a lot of people not like me though, so there's that.
Regarding the first three items: Years ago I figured out that I don’t need to explain myself when saying no to something. It’s a great thing to just say “no thanks, I don’t want to do that” instead of trying to come up with an excuse, or worse, doing things that you don’t need to or want to.
The best time to do this is when someone is trying to sell you something. Let’s say a stranger comes to your door. The first choice is to not answer at all, but let’s say you did answer. Then they may go into their spiel about solar power or whatever. You can just say “no thank you” and close the door.
Or if you are out trying to buy a car. When they start asking you “how much are you looking to pay”, or try to get you talking about monthly payments instead of total price, or other things that are designed to manipulate you, you are entitled to change the subject and ask your questions instead.
This exactly!
I have a digital piano within my work area. I can literally swivel my office chair and start playing any time. Sometimes when I deliberately want to take a break, sometimes during a compile or build of some code, or test suite run, or such. It's kind of a good way to get in some practice minutes scattered throughout the day, which can add up to an effective amount of practice to work at a given piece.
I’m very grateful for online shopping via our local grocery stores, especially when the 7-month-old is having a tough day and we can’t step away for long. That said, if left to my own devices and I’m shopping alone, I always prefer to shop in-store. It takes more time and it doesn’t save us any money (the online service is free), but I really enjoy it. I usually pop an AirPod in and work through a new album while I’m slowly working my way through the aisles, often thinking up recipes as I meander.
My white space is a bit odd. Its on a mini bike. Riding through the forest that flourishes behind our house. Down to the river that flows through a quiet valley about a half mile down.
I rode a big street bike for 20 years, all over western Canada and down to Mexico and absolutely loved it, til the day I was hit from behind by a van and it nearly ended my life. I still daydream of long road trips again but my family is dead set against it.
So a couple of years ago I picked up this little mini bike frame at a clearance sale and last year I mounted a Predator 212cc engine. Its geared WAY down so top speed is only about 25 mph but it'll climb a hill so steep that I can barely lean forward far enough to stay on the bike. I modified the seat to add springs so my fat old ass doesn't suffer too much over the rough stuff.
And I absolutely love riding it. Its just a joy to get outside, clear my head of all other thoughts and just putt around the trails and through the forest. Sometimes I see deer, lots of squirrels and birds, mice, sometimes moose, and occasionally there are bear or cougar droppings but so far no direct contact. No matter what, at the bottom of the trail there is a bench that overlooks the river and its a very tranquil place to think about anything and nothing and just listen to the water flow. I feel incredibly lucky to have such a wondrous place so close to home.
There's a reason that 'forest bathing' is recommended for improving one's mental health. It's quite therapeutic. Even on two little wheels.
I like to drive around and listen to music on the weekend. It's a bit of a necessity and I just enjoy it.
I work from home full time. A lot of what I need is close. So I don't end up driving more than 10 minutes a lot. That slowly drains the battery. Driving around for hour or so on the weekend is good for my car and me. It also gets me away from screens and I'm generally okay with being in front of screens(s) all day haha
Oh, you might find this thread from last week interesting as well. It is not quite the same question, as it centers around being online. But a bunch of discussion certainly overlaps with what you are asking as there is a relation there.
Certainly the comment I left there covers a lot of the white space you are mentioning. Basically, my "whites space" mostly comes from being more intentional about downtime. I've worked on not automatically grabbing my phone when there is a free moment. Instead, letting myself observe the world or just let my thoughts wander. Important there is that it isn't always about organizing thoughts either. Often it's just idle, half-formed rambling in my head, which can still be helpful for reflection or letting things go.
I've also minimized the attention-grabbing features of devices around me. My phone is always on silent except for calls and even there it is just on vibrate, most app notifications are off, and I set up my work computer the same way (no constant popups from Outlook, Slack, etc.). That shift has made a big difference in keeping some mental breathing room.
I’ve picked up offline hobbies again to step away from screens, specifically reading. Writing random things down also help a lot, not with the goal to be more efficient at that time, but because it allows me to park stuff for later.
Once every weekend or two, I lug a 65 lb anvil, stump, and propane forge from my apartment porch to the grill area in the middle of the apartment complex. I'm not supposed to have an open flame within 15 feet of any buildings, but the grill is where fire is supposed to be and it's outside that distance anyway. The whole setup process probably takes 10-15 minutes, including firing up the forge and letting it heat up.
Then I spend 2-3 hours heating up steel and beating on it with a 2.5 lb hammer. For those hours, my only concerns are if I'm heating the steel enough, if I'm hitting the right parts to get the shape I want, and if my anvil is bouncing enough that I need to readjust its placement. I'm still learning and growing, and many items don't come out exactly as I imagined they would, but I'm still pleased with the outcome most of the time. I've had neighbors and maintenance come out to watch, comment, and enjoy the process. For most, it's a neat display that they would normally only see by paying for a ticket to the renaissance fair, so despite the noise it's fun to stop by and see what's going on.
I wrap up based on any of multiple factors - when my water bottle(s) run dry, the propane runs low, my hand gets too tired to hold the hammer, or I start feeling a sunburn. Then I shut the forge off, lug everything except the forge and firebrick insulation back to my porch, then rinse off in the shower while the forge cools enough for me to carry it as well. Any finished items get put on the kitchen table for display for a day or two, and unused materials get stacked on the porch again. I end the day physically exhausted but mentally energized, and I always look forward to the next weekend without rain or obligations that would prevent me from forging again.
I do a lot of my yard work without gas or electric powered equipment.
It takes me about an hour to trim one bush, but Ive got nothing better to do and its a good workout.
It takes me maybe 2-3 hours to edge the yard without a weed whacker, but thats because I relocate the little tree saplings haha
My hole digging skills are also improving!
The one exception is the lawn mower, I cant do that myself because of my allergies so I hire someone and they use a gas powered mower.
I'm curious now, what tools/equipment do you use? I assume loppers/shears for trimming bushes, but what about trimming the yard? I assume you're not plucking grass stems by hand, but I can't think of a truly useful tool for the task.
As for mowing, have you considered a scythe? On small lawns they can be just as fast as a push mower, and I doubt a scythe would throw up as many allergens as a lawnmower would.
I just use a variety of different sized trimmers for the edging, its a whole chore.
Never thought about using a scythe. Wouldn’t I have to wait for it to get pretty tall?
I can't find a specific height, but it depends on how tall "pretty tall" is. I've seen videos of people trimming grass less than a foot tall. It's definitely taller than an HOA would be happy with, but not tall enough that it looks like a wheat field. As a current apartment renter, I admittedly have no hands-on experience with the topic - it's just an idea that seemed to fit your modus operandi.
My yard goes through… phases. Haha. Early spring its mostly just dandelions that the lawn mower is getting, very little actual grass.
Its also patchy, Ive got patches of like 5 different kinds of grass in my yard, all of which grow to different heights at different times.
Going at it with a scythe might be more of a patch-at-a-time thing rather than a time-to-mow-the-yard thing.
Bonus is I could then avoid the patches with the little wild violets that I love that my lawn mower person cant avoid
I don't have any. It's a nightmare.
I don't have email set up on my phone. I do all browsing on my phone in private mode, so nothing logged in. And I keep a bare minimum set of apps on the phone - definitely no social media! And no apps for anything I can do just as well from the browser. The only work-related thing that I have on my phone is a 2FA app.
If someone really needs to reach me urgently for some reason, they can call or text my number.
Otherwise, I'm probably not seeing or answering anything until I next log into my personal or work desktop machines. (That also tends to mean that replies on sites like this are a bit delayed. So be it.)
Edit: Regarding breaks and breaths between tasks, since I work from home full time, I'll often seek out one of my two kitties between tasks or while compiling or running jobs. Just a few minutes of petting and snuggling, or maybe a game of tossing toys at them can be nice for getting in a bit of movement. (And sometimes they'll remind me to come take a break.)
You might be able to replace that with a (physical) security key (e.g. Yubikey). A single key will work with both phones and computers. I've gone for years now without a 2FA app. All major tech service providers I know support it, such as Github and AWS.
And I'm just like you. No email, and (almost) no logins on phone.
Going outside and birdwatching/photographing birds and other animals, especially the further into nature I go. Not only does it help me completely disconnect from the rest of the world but it's taught me the glass can be both half empty and half full at the same time. Yes, the planet is not doing well, but the birds are still migrating back almost like clockwork. Some populations doing better, others doing worse. Some species I may only ever see once in my life, but what a privilege to see them at all.