sparksbet's recent activity
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Comment on Queer temperature check: how is everyone doing right now? in ~lgbt
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Comment on Queer temperature check: how is everyone doing right now? in ~lgbt
sparksbet Link ParentThis is very sweet, thank you. Things are far from perfect, but I think a lot of the worst bits have worked out for the best. And hey, at least I'm getting my money's worth from therapy now.This is very sweet, thank you. Things are far from perfect, but I think a lot of the worst bits have worked out for the best. And hey, at least I'm getting my money's worth from therapy now.
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Comment on Queer temperature check: how is everyone doing right now? in ~lgbt
sparksbet (edited )LinkThis year has been kinda a wild ride for me. My wife left me in January and not in a way that paid much consideration to me as a person, so that's been hard as shit, but weirdly it seems to have...This year has been kinda a wild ride for me. My wife left me in January and not in a way that paid much consideration to me as a person, so that's been hard as shit, but weirdly it seems to have been one of the best things that's happened to my mental health in a while. I was suicidal back in December of last year, and now I wouldn't even characterize myself as struggling with depression symptoms. Part of it is very much, I think, the fact that going through something like that forced me out of a spiral of stagnation that I was definitely trapped in. Part of it is that reaching out to friends and family in the aftermath really opened my eyes to how much love and support I have. Part of it is sort of a "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" type thing. And part of it is probably that my relationship was a lot worse than I realized it was while I was in it. All told, I'm probably in one of the best places I've been at mental health-wise since well before I got married. I still have my struggles and am definitely traumatized by the experience to at least some extent. But damn if my day-to-day isn't worlds better than it was before.
I recently started a casual thing with a guy I like, and it's the first person I've been with who thinks of me as a guy at all and calls me his boyfriend. We're long distance so there are some big limitations to what we can do together, but I'm still having fun and that's what matters. My last relationship in retrospect had a lot of pressure not to go "too far" in my transition, since my ex-wife identified as a lesbian, and I definitely was unconsciously holding myself back for the sake of others. I probably still am in some ways, but at least now I'm having fun and learning more about myself in tandem. And it feels so nice to be loveable and attractive to someone for the first time in such a long time.
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Comment on At the end of our ropes in ~health.mental
sparksbet Link ParentI'd appreciate a link to some of the mindfulness stuff you mentioned! I've always been frustrated by the meditation/mindfulness I've tried in the past, but I suspect the stuff I was being...I'd appreciate a link to some of the mindfulness stuff you mentioned! I've always been frustrated by the meditation/mindfulness I've tried in the past, but I suspect the stuff I was being recommended before wasn't CBT based.
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Comment on At the end of our ropes in ~health.mental
sparksbet Link ParentSee for me I really struggle with analog clocks because I find it too easy to just ignore them as a marker of time compared to something that shows the hard numbers. But I do highly recommend...See for me I really struggle with analog clocks because I find it too easy to just ignore them as a marker of time compared to something that shows the hard numbers. But I do highly recommend visual timers, which serve a similar purpose.
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Comment on At the end of our ropes in ~health.mental
sparksbet Link ParentI totally understand your worries there. I think @chocobean mentioned having had issues with the major stimulant based options and still finding something that worked if you want that perspectiveI totally understand your worries there. I think @chocobean mentioned having had issues with the major stimulant based options and still finding something that worked if you want that perspective
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Comment on At the end of our ropes in ~health.mental
sparksbet Link ParentI'm on the lowest dose they prescribe to adults here afaik (30 mg) and I don't really feel a different right when I take it. In fact, on several occasions I've taken it and then immediately gone...I'm on the lowest dose they prescribe to adults here afaik (30 mg) and I don't really feel a different right when I take it. In fact, on several occasions I've taken it and then immediately gone back to sleep. But then I've never had insomnia problems with my stimulants, so I'm just really good at sleeping ig.
What I do notice is a more general effect on my mood throughout the day. When I've taken my Vyvanse I'm much more likely to feel a desire to work on some sort of project and have the impetus to actually start that work. Certain types of little projects definitely appeal to my brain more when I'm medicated -- coding scratches the right itch, as do city-builders -- but it generally helps decrease the amount of energy I need to get started on almost anything.
The effects on my ability to focus are definitely still relatively mild, and I'm very much still able to get distracted, especially right as it wears off. If anything, it makes it harder to pull myself out of focusing on the wrong thing, so I have to practice some personal discipline when it comes to directing my period of better brain towards stuff that actually needs to get done. It doesn't do that part for me.
Honestly though the biggest positive effect that I would miss if I stopped taking it is on my mood, rather than my ability to focus. I had a depression diagnosis and Vyvanse has done a better job stabilizing my mood day-to-day than the SSRIs I was on before, and with decidedly fewer side effects. This is usually how I notice I've forgotten to take it -- my mood will be noticeably lower when I haven't taken it. And note that I use "lower" intentionally, as it's depression symptoms rather than irritability or what people usually mean when they say "bad mood".
Different people are different though, so work with your psychiatrist on it. If it's not helping you, maybe you do need a higher dose or maybe you need to switch to a different type of medication. Wishing you the best of luck there.
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Comment on At the end of our ropes in ~health.mental
sparksbet Link ParentMedikinet was the first thing they put me on! It seems to be the "starter stimulant" for adult patients here in Germany. I don't know much about what specifically makes it different from Concerta,...Medikinet was the first thing they put me on! It seems to be the "starter stimulant" for adult patients here in Germany. I don't know much about what specifically makes it different from Concerta, but it is doing something very similar by being an extended release methylphenidate-based treatment. I think especially for adults, extended release stimulants really are so helpful and important.
And yeah that psychiatrist sucked. She was a free one at the university when I was an undergrad, and I doubt any amount of ADHD symptoms would've gotten me stimulants out of paranoia over study drugs. Not even to mention how many hoops I had to jump through to see her in the first place...
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Comment on At the end of our ropes in ~health.mental
sparksbet Link Parent4/4 baby! Although in my case, the depression was more a result of the other three (alongside a broken thyroid) than anything, despite being the one therapists and psychiatrists tended to focus...Difficulties with executive functioning can also be symptomatic of autism, depression, and anxiety (among others).
4/4 baby!
Although in my case, the depression was more a result of the other three (alongside a broken thyroid) than anything, despite being the one therapists and psychiatrists tended to focus on. I recall one of my ADHD books pointing out that a lot of clinicians with limited experience with ADHD who encounter comorbid ADHD and depression will try to focus on the depression before the ADHD, when doing things the other way around tends to be more effective.
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Comment on At the end of our ropes in ~health.mental
sparksbet Link ParentYeah, while stimulants for ADHD treatment do have some of the best results statistically of any psychiatric treatment, nothing works for everyone, and it's a good reminder that there are still...Yeah, while stimulants for ADHD treatment do have some of the best results statistically of any psychiatric treatment, nothing works for everyone, and it's a good reminder that there are still other options if you do end up not responding well to them for one reason or another.
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Comment on At the end of our ropes in ~health.mental
sparksbet Link ParentConcerta is also extended-release, but it contains methylphenidate (the same active ingredient as Ritalin) rather than amphetamine. I'm definitely happy with my Vyvanse, but some people with ADHD...Concerta is also extended-release, but it contains methylphenidate (the same active ingredient as Ritalin) rather than amphetamine. I'm definitely happy with my Vyvanse, but some people with ADHD do better on methylphenidate-based meds than amphetamine-based ones and vice-versa.
I had a psychiatrist who tried putting me on Bupropion instead of pursuing an ADHD diagnosis and then tried diagnosing me with Bipolar 2 instead when I had a bad reaction to it, so that particular one left a bad taste in my mouth. That said, bupropion is commonly used off-label for ADHD, even sometimes in combination with stimulants, so it's probably not a bad idea to see how it works while you work to jump through the hoops of getting formally diagnosed.
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Comment on Who/what are your go-to sources for authentic recipes of regional cuisines? in ~food
sparksbet Link ParentMy understanding is that they are often trying to present a version of the dish that makes educated decisions about which local variations to use or at least which to present as options, which may...My understanding is that they are often trying to present a version of the dish that makes educated decisions about which local variations to use or at least which to present as options, which may be the source of whatever vibe you're getting. But it's certainly far from just recipes they've heard about -- they tend to focus in spurts on recipes from the same region because their research process involves traveling to a city and both trying a lot of the local dishes and interviewing the chefs about them. This gives them a much stronger baseline to build their own take on a given dish off of.
And that's aside from their non-recipe content, which is almost always phenomenal. Tbqh I'd be singing the channel's praises even if the only thing I'd learned from them was to buy zhacai and eat it over rice as a lazy snack.
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Comment on At the end of our ropes in ~health.mental
sparksbet (edited )Link ParentFwiw, Adderall is not necessarily more effective than Ritalin. From what I've read, different people with ADHD respond better to one or the other (and it's split about evenly), but they're equally...Fwiw, Adderall is not necessarily more effective than Ritalin. From what I've read, different people with ADHD respond better to one or the other (and it's split about evenly), but they're equally effective. There are now additional options for both that stay in your system longer, and those are the game changers imo. Vyvanse is GOAT, and I've heard people on Concerta are similarly pleased with it.
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Comment on At the end of our ropes in ~health.mental
sparksbet LinkYour son reminds me a lot of me when I was that age -- I didn't have the same technology as early on, but otherwise it's all so familiar. I didn't even pursue an ADHD diagnosis as an option until...Your son reminds me a lot of me when I was that age -- I didn't have the same technology as early on, but otherwise it's all so familiar. I didn't even pursue an ADHD diagnosis as an option until adulthood, and I too had a therapist who was poorly informed about ADHD insist I couldn't have it because I could focus sometimes -- in my case, it was that I could focus when writing an essay or something for school, despite the fact that I brought that example up because I was only able to write essays in one sitting, rather than in a more measured way with planning. Ultimately I'm going to echo the sentiments others have expressed here: find another psychiatrist. Even if your son doesn't have ADHD and it is something else, their reasoning is unscientific bullshit, and I would lose all trust in any other opinions or findings from a child psychiatrist who is so misinformed about ADHD in 2025.
If you're interested in bridging the gap when it comes to your own knowledge about ADHD, here are some books by experts in ADHD that I was recommended when I got diagnosed. Hopefully they might give you some insight on how to cope with your son's ADHD outside of medication:
- I Always Want to Be Where I'm Not by Wes Crenshaw
- ADHD 2.0 by Edward M. Hallowell and John J. Ratey (Dr. Hallowell specifically has a metaphor I particularly resonate with, saying that people with ADHD have Ferrari brains with bicycle brakes, and your son's story definitely hits those same notes for me.)
- A New Understanding of ADHD in Children and Adults by Thomas E. Brown
- Taking Charge of ADHD by Russel Barkley (I haven't read this one myself, as it's for parents of children with ADHD, but I've read Taking Charge of Adult ADHD and I'd recommend pretty much anything he's written on this topic)
My last bit of advice is for the future, but: even if you get him put on ADHD medication and it does help him, it's not going to be a miracle cure for every issue. That doesn't mean it's not working. I still struggle with completing tasks around the house regularly even when on my ADHD medication, and I'm almost 30. Some things are still a struggle even with medication. It's just that much harder when a lack of the right medication is kneecapping you. I wish your family the best of luck here.
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Comment on Who/what are your go-to sources for authentic recipes of regional cuisines? in ~food
sparksbet LinkChinese Cooking Demystified is the go-to English-language resource when it comes to Chinese cooking imo. There are other good ones, but they're probably the most consistently good and...Chinese Cooking Demystified is the go-to English-language resource when it comes to Chinese cooking imo. There are other good ones, but they're probably the most consistently good and well-researched option out there -- they'll travel to the region where a dish is from and interview chefs at restaurants about their ingredients and technique before making their own recipe. They often do still offer suggestions for substitutions (as obviously sometimes there are ingredients that just aren't all that easy to get outside of China) but they're very clear about where the info they provide comes from and are genuinely educational. They've got a substack as well for written versions of their recipes.
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Comment on So I'm autistic after all in ~health.mental
sparksbet Link ParentI didn't get diagnosed until recently (I'm 29) in large part because I don't fit many of the stereotypes, I think. I also definitely developed social anxiety disorder and what are probably in...I didn't get diagnosed until recently (I'm 29) in large part because I don't fit many of the stereotypes, I think. I also definitely developed social anxiety disorder and what are probably in retrospect some pretty intense masking skills to avoid rejection by my peers. The autism diagnosis actually came after a session in which I basically roleplayed my own social anxiety, and ultimately a lot of it came down to trying to protect myself from fucking up and breaking rules I didn't understand or otherwise annoying or alienating people without meaning to.
I had the same problem with showering regularly growing up tho, fwiw. I still do sometimes if I let other aspects of my mental health slip.
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Comment on So I'm autistic after all in ~health.mental
sparksbet Link ParentThis reminds me very much of a popular Tumblr post on the subject:This reminds me very much of a popular Tumblr post on the subject:
the real universal autistic experience: spending your childhood slowly and unfalteringly realizing all of your friends not so secretly hated and/or merely tolerated you at best and you've missed every social signal about it ever
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Comment on So I'm autistic after all in ~health.mental
sparksbet Link ParentFriendly reminder that not all autistic people are the same either -- a lot of people are talking about how the description of allistic people doesn't really generalize well, but it's worth noting...Friendly reminder that not all autistic people are the same either -- a lot of people are talking about how the description of allistic people doesn't really generalize well, but it's worth noting that the generalizations of autistic people also aren't perfect. I was diagnosed earlier this year and eye contact with strangers has never been a problem for me. It's worth keeping in mind how much variation there is within the autism spectrum when making generalizations, because there's so many things that can be different between two given autistic people.
I don't remember who initially linked me to this article, it was probably someone here on Tildes honestly, but it's by far the best presentation of how the autism spectrum works and how you get such a wide array of different experiences therein.
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Comment on Why are so many pedestrians killed by cars in the US? in ~transport
sparksbet Link ParentThis wouldn't account for differences with Europe, though, where roundabouts are much more common, unless you think Americans specifically are less able to handle roundabouts than their European...By road design, I specifically thought of roundabouts
This wouldn't account for differences with Europe, though, where roundabouts are much more common, unless you think Americans specifically are less able to handle roundabouts than their European counterparts (or that there's something different about US roundabouts compared to European ones).
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Comment on Tildes Minecraft: What do you want to see in the next season? in ~games
sparksbet Link ParentYeah, as someone who is not very good at Minecraft but enjoys playing around on these servers anyway, I'd really prefer not to have the difficulty changed to hard without there being some option...Yeah, as someone who is not very good at Minecraft but enjoys playing around on these servers anyway, I'd really prefer not to have the difficulty changed to hard without there being some option to mitigate those changes. Making death more of a minor inconvenience than a genuine threat to be avoided would be something that would help me be able to enjoy the game more, and I think that should be taken into account in addition to any effects on harder-core players.
Honestly I think doubting whether you're really trans is a universal experience among trans people -- even the people you think of who pass perfectly and if only you could look like them.