tanglisha's recent activity

  1. Comment on Men in tech #YesAllMen in ~life.women

  2. Comment on If you use your computer in a dark environment, buy a monitor light! in ~tech

    tanglisha
    Link Parent
    It was the only pic I found with a monitor for size context. My office is currently not I a state where I could get a good pic, I’m painting. In the mean time I’ve been sitting on a sofa with a...

    It was the only pic I found with a monitor for size context. My office is currently not I a state where I could get a good pic, I’m painting. In the mean time I’ve been sitting on a sofa with a cheap dimmable reading light behind me and higher than my head, it was set up for normal reading.

    The fancy light is also dimmable and you can change the color temp. The stand lets it go above my monitor when I want it out of the way and the base is so heavy I have zero fear of a cat knocking it down. I also think it’s pretty, a good selling point for past me with a bonus in my pocket that mostly went to emergency savings. The people around me kept encouraging me to also buy something I otherwise wouldn’t so it actually felt like a bonus. Other years I used my bonus to buy linen sheets and a fold up kayak. It was really nice to be in that position, I don’t regret any of those purchases. Those were the days.

  3. Comment on Men in tech #YesAllMen in ~life.women

    tanglisha
    Link Parent
    I wish I were nearby so I could help out, that is way too much for one person. Have you spoken with a social worker? They can be an almost magical font of help.

    I wish I were nearby so I could help out, that is way too much for one person. Have you spoken with a social worker? They can be an almost magical font of help.

    2 votes

  4. Comment on #YesAllMen #NotAllMen #MaybeSomeMen How to be better? in ~life.men

    tanglisha
    Link Parent
    I wouldn't put too much stock in this on social media unless you really know these people. You don't even know if they're really women, much less human. There are a lot of bots out there...

    I wouldn't put too much stock in this on social media unless you really know these people. You don't even know if they're really women, much less human. There are a lot of bots out there specifically designed to stir up trouble.

    3 votes

  5. Comment on #YesAllMen #NotAllMen #MaybeSomeMen How to be better? in ~life.men

    tanglisha
    (edited )
    Link Parent
    Not being a man, my best guess is that folks just don't know what to do. Power is dynamic, almost everyone will at some point have the ability to help someone who is being treated inappropriately...

    Not being a man, my best guess is that folks just don't know what to do.

    Power is dynamic, almost everyone will at some point have the ability to help someone who is being treated inappropriately by someone with more power, either physically or socially. But if you've never done it before and have never seen or noticed it done, how do you know what to do?

    The easiest thing to do is to think about it. If you see someone on the bus who sits next to someone else who clearly doesn't want them there, what would you do? If someone in a meeting repeats someone a person of lower social standing says and then gets credit for the idea, what would you do? If you hear folks telling inappropriate jokes at work even without the target person present, what would you do?

    The simplest solutions I've seen are mild comments (pretty sure that was their idea), and callouts followed by moving on (Dude, not cool. Anyway ... subject change).

    If someone really has no idea how to help and still wants to, I've heard good things about deescalation training.

    Edit: I apologize for my tone here. I saw the hashtag in the title and thought it was the original post in life.women.

    1 vote

  6. Comment on If you use your computer in a dark environment, buy a monitor light! in ~tech

    tanglisha
    Link Parent
    I have this ridiculously overpriced desk lamp, I got it with my bonus one year. I've got to say though, I love this thing. I didn't know I needed light along with my monitor until I had it, I'd...

    I have this ridiculously overpriced desk lamp, I got it with my bonus one year.

    I've got to say though, I love this thing. I didn't know I needed light along with my monitor until I had it, I'd gotten it for writing.

  7. Comment on Men in tech #YesAllMen in ~life.women

    tanglisha
    Link Parent
    I'm in the same spot with hbc and PCOS. What I'd suggest you do is make an appointment with your doctor. Copy down that list and add to it over the next couple of weeks as you wait for your...

    I'm in the same spot with hbc and PCOS. What I'd suggest you do is make an appointment with your doctor. Copy down that list and add to it over the next couple of weeks as you wait for your appointment, then bring it with you to the appointment. Include your caregiving responsibilities so that the doctor can get a full picture.

    One of the super fun parts of brain fog is that you might not be able to rattle off what's happening on demand, which can harm your ability to get help with it. If that doctor doesn't order a battery of tests or some referrals to other doctors who will, go look at the list of doctors your insurance covers and try someone else. New patient appointments are given more time so they can get a full picture of what's going on.

    I keep saying doctor, but my current gp is an [ARNP](https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/advanced-practice-registered-nurse) and I adore her.

    When I moved to this area, none of the local doctors were accepting new patients. My previous doctor in a city an hour away was part of a wave that quit when that hospital was bought out by United Healthcare. I talked to a friend of mine who is a nurse and she steered me towards a higher degreed nurse because they generally have a lot of experience before they decide to go for an advanced degree. I guess they tend to be really passionate about patient care. I've had a lot of GPs over the years, including 3 that I felt really listened to me, all female, including this one. She also happens to be around my age, so it's likely that some of my health challenges are also her health challenges. I'm still upset that the VA have me a male doctor after asking me if I preferred a male or female doctor, to which I answered female. Why did they even ask?

    I don't think you're in the Puget Sound or I'd send you to her.

    3 votes

  8. Comment on Men in tech #YesAllMen in ~life.women

    tanglisha
    Link Parent
    That sucks so much, especially with chronic pain added on top. Do you have support for taking care of your husband? Some areas offer services like a day off every x days with a nurse or other...

    I have pain and exhaustion and ADHD and overwhelming stress at all times and even knowing the symptoms I can't distinguish them from my current existence.

    That sucks so much, especially with chronic pain added on top.

    Do you have support for taking care of your husband? Some areas offer services like a day off every x days with a nurse or other trained person to help out while you're out. They don't just offer it up, you have to either know to ask or have a social worker who does.

    3 votes

  9. Comment on Men in tech #YesAllMen in ~life.women

    tanglisha
    Link Parent
    I have a hormonal iud that also contains a progestin. My doctor thinks it may have delayed the onset of symptoms, but there’s no way to really know. We all experience it differently. In my case,...

    I have a hormonal iud that also contains a progestin. My doctor thinks it may have delayed the onset of symptoms, but there’s no way to really know. We all experience it differently. In my case, it was hot flashes every night and some days. I lost the ability to sleep at all, and had brain fog worse than when I had COVID, leading to my inability to keep a thought in my head more than a few seconds, I couldn’t really hold a conversation much less complete a task. No clue if those things were a cascade or separate symptoms. My hot flashes were apparently mild, but there was no question in my mind what they were once my doctor confirmed I wasn’t sick. The brain fog experience really gave me a ton of empathy for a family member in the early stages of dementia.

    If you’re concerned about it, ask for a hormonal blood test during your next doctor visit, my estrogen read 0 when I was in the thick of symptoms. I ended up digging through the /r/perimenopause, which armored me with statistics, scientific papers, and myth busting. Their wiki is incredible and I highly recommend taking a look at it even if it doesn’t apply to you yet, you’ll be ready to go when it does.

    None of this was on my radar, I remember my mom bragging 65 that she hadn’t hit menopause, so I figured it would work the same for me and never looked into it. (Yes, she’s the kind of person who brags about something like that.) I’m in my late 40s.

    7 votes

  10. Comment on Men in tech #YesAllMen in ~life.women

    tanglisha
    Link Parent
    I appreciate it. I actually didn’t have any idea what was happening until several of my friends had a conversation about it. It’s weird, we’re all span about a decade in age but things got bad for...

    I appreciate it. I actually didn’t have any idea what was happening until several of my friends had a conversation about it. It’s weird, we’re all span about a decade in age but things got bad for everyone within a few months. I’m really lucky I ended up with a doctor willing to treat me, one of my friends is on an hmo and won’t take any action.

    5 votes

  11. Comment on Men in tech #YesAllMen in ~life.women

    tanglisha
    Link
    This is the first time I've seen perimenopause bright up in any kind of tech talk. I wish I had that experience sooner, it would have helped me deal with my bombing in interviews because I...

    This is the first time I've seen perimenopause bright up in any kind of tech talk. I wish I had that experience sooner, it would have helped me deal with my bombing in interviews because I couldn't hold a thought in my head for more than 3 seconds. That time period seems to have destroyed the connections with all my contacts that were supposed to help me find my next job.

    14 votes

  12. Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (October 2026) in ~health.mental

    tanglisha
    Link Parent
    It seems pretty random until you really focus on it. It goes up and down throughout the day.

    It seems pretty random until you really focus on it. It goes up and down throughout the day.

    1 vote

  13. Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (October 2026) in ~health.mental

    tanglisha
    Link Parent
    Really glad to hear you're doing better. I brought up food because this sounds exactly like how I feel when my blood sugar tanks, except I get cold and feverish.

    Really glad to hear you're doing better.

    I started feeling lightheaded and anxious, could feel my heart pounding through my whole body, felt feverish. Checked temperature, normal. Checked o2 level, normal.

    I brought up food because this sounds exactly like how I feel when my blood sugar tanks, except I get cold and feverish.

    1 vote

  14. Comment on Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (October 2026) in ~health.mental

    tanglisha
    (edited )
    Link Parent
    If this is still going on, I strongly recommend starting to keep a food diary for at least a week, longer if you can manage it. Include what you ate, roughly how much, the time, when you exercise,...

    If this is still going on, I strongly recommend starting to keep a food diary for at least a week, longer if you can manage it. Include what you ate, roughly how much, the time, when you exercise, and note the time when you start feeling bad. Because you’ve changed up both diet and exercise, it’s possible they’re interacting with one another in a way you don’t expect. You (or your doctor) may start to see a pattern in what you ate or how long it takes after eating before you start feeling badly if the two are connected.

    2 votes

  15. Comment on All eighty books banned in Minnesota last year came from one school in ~books

    tanglisha
    Link Parent
    My library classes taught us how to use the card catalog and navigate the library. I wonder what they teach now.

    My library classes taught us how to use the card catalog and navigate the library. I wonder what they teach now.

    1 vote

  16. Comment on Tilderinos who split after long (10–15 years) relationships: what led to it and how did it happen? in ~life.men

    tanglisha
    Link
    I got divorced after 12 years. There were a lot of surrounding problems, but what it ultimately came down to was that I finally realized I was the only one putting any effort into the...

    I got divorced after 12 years.

    There were a lot of surrounding problems, but what it ultimately came down to was that I finally realized I was the only one putting any effort into the relationship, and I couldn't stand to be tethered to this person for the rest of my life. I told them, "I need you to go," and didn't need to explain what I meant, so they must have seen it coming. I sat there listening to them argue with and cajole me, and realized that I'd come to hate this person.

    They would not leave, so I left. A block or two away I got on a bus. They refused to ride the bus, so they had no pass and couldn't follow. I went back later with a friend to find the apartment empty.

    I regretted it very soon after. I remember multiple incidents of lying on the sofa stuck in a "What have I done?" mental loop. At some point I decided I needed to get out of the apartment, so I went to a local music festival. I got in line for an apple dumpling. The guy in front of me said I looked sad, so he paid for mine, told me to have a better day, and walked away. This stands out in my mind as one of the kindest things anyone has ever done for me. I know that sounds bad, but I've had a lot of unkind people in my life. It restored my faith that there are good people out there, despite what I'd been experiencing.

    My only regret is that I didn't do it sooner. For some reason, I felt like divorce was a personal failure. That person used me and took advantage of me for over a decade, I was too close to see it.

    23 votes

  17. Comment on What single episode of a show would you recommend as a standalone? in ~tv

    tanglisha
    Link Parent
    The Bear S2E6 - Fishes This has the best portrayal of borderline personality disorder I've ever seen. I did not handle it well and wish someone had warned me.

    The Bear S2E6 - Fishes

    This has the best portrayal of borderline personality disorder I've ever seen. I did not handle it well and wish someone had warned me.

    3 votes

  18. Comment on What single episode of a show would you recommend as a standalone? in ~tv

    tanglisha
    Link Parent
    The funniest thing to me about that episode is that The Doctor is only just barely in it.

    The funniest thing to me about that episode is that The Doctor is only just barely in it.

    2 votes

  19. Comment on Stanford violated its AI policy by turning a Hispanic student into a fake Black woman in ad in ~tech

    tanglisha
    Link Parent
    I did, but was able to read it in reader mode on Orion.

    I did, but was able to read it in reader mode on Orion.

  20. Comment on There's a new "Google Jail" for independent wikis in ~tech

    tanglisha
    Link Parent
    Webrings and stumbleupon used to be so much fun together.

    Webrings and stumbleupon used to be so much fun together.

    2 votes