expikr's recent activity

  1. Comment on If you had up to US$250 to get one person into a hobby you're interested in, what would you do to get them started? in ~hobbies

    expikr
    Link Parent
    Could you please explain the need for self-hosting? It feels rather cumbersome for a non-tech-savvy person.

    Could you please explain the need for self-hosting? It feels rather cumbersome for a non-tech-savvy person.

    3 votes

  2. Comment on How to deal with (apparent) loss of love? in ~life.men

    expikr
    Link Parent
    I think I've the anxious-preoccupied attachment style. I've definitely seen myself over analyze situations. I've also noticed my low self-esteem and its repercussions. That article explained a lot...

    I think I've the anxious-preoccupied attachment style. I've definitely seen myself over analyze situations. I've also noticed my low self-esteem and its repercussions. That article explained a lot in simpler words, thanks.

    I should work on moving to a secure attachment style.

    2 votes

  3. Comment on How to deal with (apparent) loss of love? in ~life.men

    expikr
    Link Parent
    Thanks for the advice! Means a lot to me when you consider this angle too. As I accept these changes and learn my lessons, hopefully I draw like-minded people.

    Thanks for the advice! Means a lot to me when you consider this angle too. As I accept these changes and learn my lessons, hopefully I draw like-minded people.

  4. Comment on How to deal with (apparent) loss of love? in ~life.men

    expikr
    Link Parent
    Thanks for sending me down this road. The meeting felt distant because I feel like she shielded her emotions and struggles which she had revealed over the remote chats and said to be discussed...

    Thanks for sending me down this road.

    The meeting felt distant because I feel like she shielded her emotions and struggles which she had revealed over the remote chats and said to be discussed when we meet. Also, there wasn't even a single question on if I'm doing well. I've commented elsewhere too that we used to introspect whenever we met, like a ritual, about the things in our lives. And find some resolution (together) against the problems we faced in our individual lives. That component was out of bounds this time. I couldn't understand nor could I bring myself to ask her.

    What we did the entire evening was shoot around 50 photos of only her (unlike the previous years, where she used to yearn taking selfies with me -- I used to feel so loved and included) followed by choosing which ones should she share on IG with what song and caption combinations etc. This went on for about three hours, where towards the end, I felt a little alienated. While I'm okay with all that, I thought the real meat of these meetings was the satisfaction of having furthered a deeper bonding. I missed that this time.

    I proposed activities to roam around the city we were staying in and figure out nice places to dine. She chose to stay in and scroll through some reels on phone. This took me by surprise too. On her day of leaving, I proposed taking pictures of us both, for the sake of memories. She agreed reluctantly. We used to give a heartfelt hug before bidding goodbyes. Nothing of the sort this time.

    While I don't think this one ran it's course completely, all of this is difficult to wrap my head around. I don't want to give up after all. I understand I come across as too harsh in my judgement, perhaps. But that doesn't make it any less painful for me.

    3 votes

  5. Comment on How to deal with (apparent) loss of love? in ~life.men

    expikr
    Link Parent
    Whenever I think about my childhood, I feel lonely. I feel I didn't have anyone of my age to connect to. Both my parents had to work to keep us out of poverty. But, I often feel that I didn't...

    Whenever I think about my childhood, I feel lonely. I feel I didn't have anyone of my age to connect to. Both my parents had to work to keep us out of poverty. But, I often feel that I didn't receive the usual affection from my parents. They did provide me with every material aspect of life, but I barely remember many bonding experiences. Their way of showing love was providing a roof and food, not through physical touch or gifts. This is why I'd always wanted a sister.

    5 votes

  6. Comment on How to deal with (apparent) loss of love? in ~life.men

    expikr
    Link Parent
    This comment brought tears. Thanks for your words. You make an excellent point: she is much more expressive while chatting online. Perhaps, she is too shy to display them in person? Hopefully,...

    This comment brought tears. Thanks for your words.

    You make an excellent point: she is much more expressive while chatting online. Perhaps, she is too shy to display them in person?

    Hopefully, we'll reconnect in the future.

    2 votes

  7. Comment on How to deal with (apparent) loss of love? in ~life.men

    expikr
    Link Parent
    You're right that she doesn't share such information with everyone. Moreover, I'm probably the only one in the family to know such details of her otherwise very private life. I hope I've been a...

    You're right that she doesn't share such information with everyone. Moreover, I'm probably the only one in the family to know such details of her otherwise very private life.

    I hope I've been a brother she never had. In her words, I've been instrumental in getting her out of trenches in the worst days. However, I understand I cannot be entitled to her love.

    I have not read any developmental psychology. Do you have any recommendations?

    2 votes

  8. Comment on How to deal with (apparent) loss of love? in ~life.men

    expikr
    Link Parent
    Thank you for a wonderful answer. I realize there's more to learn and correct on my end. For the sake of clarity, let me expand. You're absolutely right. They are not so superficial overall, and I...

    Thank you for a wonderful answer. I realize there's more to learn and correct on my end. For the sake of clarity, let me expand.

    If those are the things she's talking about, they're not superficial. They are important to her, so try to engage her with what she's interested in. She's a complete person, view her as such. She's sharing things with you. Accept them for what they are and at face value. No sense in judging her for what she chooses to share with you. That is, if you want to maintain a healthy connection.

    You're absolutely right. They are not so superficial overall, and I should be understanding more than judging. I shouldn't have used the word superficial. Perhaps, I was expecting more towards if she is happy in life which she had told me she wasn't a couple of months ago, and we used to do this introspection together as if we it was us versus the problem. We never got to that part this time, and I felt something was at a loss. But, you're right, I respect her for what she chooses to disclose.

    Also, don't demand love from people. If they want to give it to you, they will. Demanding love from them is not a loving act on your part. Love is not an exercise in reciprocation.

    Definitely not. The question in my text was rhetorical. Nobody should demand love. It should stem from inside.

    I would advise against "finding a home for your emotions" in others (if I'm interpreting you correctly: you're searching for emotional relief from others). That's not what relationships are. Thinking about people as an outlet or means of expressing your emotions leads to toxicity. You are the home for your emotions, not them.

    This is the major takeaway for me. My emotions reside within me. Sometimes I feel the need to share them, but often find nobody connects at that level. I might attract downvotes for this, but as a man, I've found it hard to find solace by opening up. But yeah, relationships aren't for that, I should understand.

    The way this post reads to me is that you want others to give to you, but I don't see a lot of giving on your part. Calling her interests superficial is an indicator of this, to me. Nobody has superficial interests - it's unhealthy to look at people that way.

    Atleast to my cousin sister, I've given it all. I've been her closest friend (in her own words) since she was 14. From what she has told me, I've motivated her in the worst of situations. Apparently, seeing me makes her happy. For the trauma she has undergone, I found a therapist and paid for her therapy (not very common in my country to seek a therapist). But you're right however - I shouldn't judge her interests as superficial.

    The part about your cousin being a "sink" to pour your love into...that doesn't sound healthy for either of you. It sounds a bit like she's an emotional outlet for you. This isn't a good way to treat people. Consider it a good sign that she still talks to you - there is still a relationship there. But there won't be if you blow off what she's sharing with you.

    True. I came off as bit too strong there with those words. We both used to share each other's stories of the past year from when we last met. We both were each other's "outlet" (and both have others to share our stories as well). I'm not treating her like a therapist of any sort.

    But this post reads to me like you need to look inward at how you view others.

    Definitely. Perhaps, I should consider therapy.

    11 votes

  9. How to deal with (apparent) loss of love?

    ~life.men Ask (advice)
    I'm not sure if this is the place to discuss, but as a lurker in this community of sensible folks, I'd love reading your stories and opinions on this matter. Let me clarify that this loss of love...

    I'm not sure if this is the place to discuss, but as a lurker in this community of sensible folks, I'd love reading your stories and opinions on this matter.

    Let me clarify that this loss of love is not due to anyone's death. Perhaps just the same however, since they do not reciprocate your love and warmth anymore, for reasons completely unclear.

    The case in point now is this: I'm 25M single and an alone child. I've spent most of my life searching for bondings that nurtured my emotional being. Finding a home for my emotions has been a major theme across different parts of my life. I was lucky enough to be bestowed with a cousin (20F) whom I could meet (at best twice a year, at worst once) and bond over the text otherwise, offering solace and comfort as if from a like-minded sibling. Whenever I needed a sink to pour my love, it was towards her. All was well until I met her yesterday, the meeting for this year (we live continents apart and we know these meetings are limited); I felt I'm distant, and I was invisible on a deeper level to her. Nothing we talked about was related to our well-being as we used to. It was all about the boys in her life, Instagram likes, and other such superficial things. It was as if she didn't know what I care about (I'm not even on IG).

    I wasn't sure how to approach this. In general, even with a few friends, I've always had a hard time with an apparent loss of connection. How can you demand love from someone (Rhetorical; one shouldn't)? How should I let them know that the things were better and I want that? I mean nobody can force love. Should I accept (too hard to do) that those bondings have run their course?

    Sorry for the emotional dump, and feel free to edit. Thanks for your thoughts.

    17 votes

  10. Comment on Is Emacs or VIM worth learning in today's day and age? in ~comp

    expikr
    Link Parent
    As a vim enjoyer, I'm curious to know how far is Helix from vim. How do you like it? What's better in Helix over vim?

    As a vim enjoyer, I'm curious to know how far is Helix from vim. How do you like it? What's better in Helix over vim?

    3 votes

  12. Tips on building keyboard-centric workflow

    ~tech Ask (advice)
    I do not like using mouse. I feel it disturbs the flow of things I am doing. Moreover, I like quickly pressing through a bunch of keystrokes that results in what I want. There is a sense of...

    I do not like using mouse. I feel it disturbs the flow of things I am doing. Moreover, I like quickly pressing through a bunch of keystrokes that results in what I want. There is a sense of satisfaction in that.

    For starters, I use Vim and love it. I liked it so much that all my browsers have Vim-like keybindings (through Vimium or Tridactyl). But that is as far as I have gone in making my life easier (apart from switching windows via Command+Tab, but for all else I need to use mouse).

    I recently bought a MacBook and it is kind of disappointing that the keybindings are not so intuitive or don't exist natively as they do in Windows. For example, resizing the window was easier on Windows with Win+arrow. There are many such things I find lacking on Mac. Broadly, I am asking for what other improvements can I bring into better my keyboard-centric workflow.

    19 votes

  13. Comment on Clicks: Physical keyboard for iPhone in ~tech

    expikr
    Link
    Seems like an attempt to recreate Blackberry experience. While it looks interesting, the use case is not as appealing, and it is really expensive! For context, Apple Magic Keyboard for PCs cost...

    Seems like an attempt to recreate Blackberry experience. While it looks interesting, the use case is not as appealing, and it is really expensive! For context, Apple Magic Keyboard for PCs cost less than this, which in itself is a much pricier product.

    16 votes

  15. Comment on How do you journal? in ~talk

    expikr
    Link Parent
    I have the exact same workflow but I use Vim. Also I have UltiSnips which lets me type 'datetime' followed by a Tab press that expands to YYYY-MM-DD hh:mm. I type my thoughts below that each time....

    I have the exact same workflow but I use Vim. Also I have UltiSnips which lets me type 'datetime' followed by a Tab press that expands to YYYY-MM-DD hh:mm. I type my thoughts below that each time. This helps me keep track of mood over the day.

  16. Comment on How do you journal? in ~talk

    expikr
    Link Parent
    I highly suggest the app Slowly. You make penpals based on common interests and you can choose to write to people from different countries and cultures too. You'll never have to share your real...

    I highly suggest the app Slowly. You make penpals based on common interests and you can choose to write to people from different countries and cultures too. You'll never have to share your real picture. It's a secret media that somehow gets me more social than the superficial forms such as Insta. The time it takes for a letter to reach someone depends on how far they are -- giving it a nice touch of reality.

  17. Comment on If you came into a lot of money, what would be the indulgent thing you would buy? in ~talk

    expikr
    Link
    Tech gadgets! I like to believe I am a minimalist... except when it comes to tech. I adore new, well-designed, carefully crafted pieces of hardware that are supposed to make our lives easy. A new...

    Tech gadgets! I like to believe I am a minimalist... except when it comes to tech. I adore new, well-designed, carefully crafted pieces of hardware that are supposed to make our lives easy. A new iPhone, a MacBook, a Pixel, fitness watch etc. are all my weak points. I do not buy anything immediately (FWIW, I don't own an iPhone at all, have never bought it, but I stalk it like it is my bank account). If I had infinite money, I would definitely buy any tech that comes. I know I am not being mindful of environmental percussions, pollution and so on, but I would not be careless. i.e. would not buy and leave it but take care to trade-in things I won't use anymore or make sure to properly recycle and so on.

    However, all said, I still use the tech I buy for atleast 3-4 years before I begin to think of replacing. And money is the deciding factor almost always.

    3 votes

  18. Comment on 'Not of faculty quality': How Penn mistreated Katalin Karikó, the Nobel Prize winner of 2023 in ~science

    expikr
    Link
    I hope that Penn distributes a significant portion of their $1.2 B+ windfall to Kariko and Weissman, especially after their (mis)treatment of Kariko.

    I hope that Penn distributes a significant portion of their $1.2 B+ windfall to Kariko and Weissman, especially after their (mis)treatment of Kariko.

    1 vote

  20. Comment on Headphone recommends that actually block out voices in ~tech

    expikr
    Link
    I'm joining the bandwagon of many here who are suggesting the earphones instead of your request, sorry about that. I've a Soundcore Liberty 3 Pro earphones which were on sale for $85 last year and...

    I'm joining the bandwagon of many here who are suggesting the earphones instead of your request, sorry about that. I've a Soundcore Liberty 3 Pro earphones which were on sale for $85 last year and ANC experience on LDAC mode provides an absolutely high-quality experience. These headphones come with an app to perform hearing test which recognizes which frequencies is one short of hearing. Having that equalizer turned on after the test l, I've never looked for another pair of headphones. I had Philips Fidelio and XM 4 before, but I didn't like either of them as much.

    2 votes