h3x's recent activity
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Comment on Dschinghis Khan - Moskau (1979) in ~music
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Comment on D&D campaign recomendation for solo/two people in ~games.tabletop
h3x Link ParentI ran a Duet game once, and it was pretty tiring. It made me appreciate how much each additional player adds not a small amount of downtime for the GM to collect themself, think ahead, or just...I ran a Duet game once, and it was pretty tiring. It made me appreciate how much each additional player adds not a small amount of downtime for the GM to collect themself, think ahead, or just take a quick break from RP. With a Duet it's pretty full on, there's no opportunity for the players to chat with each other!
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Comment on My relationship feels like it's collapsing and I don't know what to do in ~life
h3x Link ParentThanks for such a considered reply! I definitely don't want to end things if I can avoid it. I love B— so much, and I adore my step-kids as well. It would be heartbreaking to bail now, and I want...I do feel like that leaving needs to be acknowledged as a legitimate option. That said, the end of your post made it seem that you really want this to continue, so I am speaking into that frame.
Thanks for such a considered reply! I definitely don't want to end things if I can avoid it. I love B— so much, and I adore my step-kids as well. It would be heartbreaking to bail now, and I want to do everything I can to get things working again.
The therapist was able to help me understand what it's like from the inside and have more empathy. She was also able to articulate to my wife the challenges that I was feeling and acknowledge those as real. I think it helped both of us see the other person more clearly.
This sounds like something that would be really beneficial for us. I've read a lot about ADHD, and in less strained times B— and I have been able to have productive conversations about her own experience of it. I could do with it reiterating I am sure. I don't really feel like B— understands the emotions and challenges I am experiencing, but that belief could be down to my exhaustion and compassion fatigue. Absent any couples therapy, I wonder if trying to have a conversation that starts with us framing each other's perspective might be helpful.
The thing to know about therapy, in relationships in general in my view is that the only person that you can make change is yourself. So you can go to therapy with an eye toward expanding your communication and finding tools to navigate the issues between you, but it's not going to "fix" you or your partner.
This is something I'm painfully aware of. I feel a little burned right now, and so my capacity to trust that she wants or thinks she needs to change is quite low. I'm worried that it will end up with the onus being entirely on me to shift my behaviour, without any effort from B— to make changes. I think that all comes from a place of negativity and worry, and on a different day I think I'd be expressing something more optimistic about it.
I do want to acknowledge that though things are good now in general, many of those patterns still exist. Our house is still chaos. I still have to push forward a lot of the major decisions. There are times when we are centered in my wife's anxiety. But overall I feel like I have a framework for talking to her about it, and we have reached a place where we are genuinely working together. The difference to me is that before I felt alone, and it felt like she was part of the problem. Now it feels like something we are facing together. One of the metaphors is "rowing in the same direction". So I hope that is something you can find with your partner.
How did you find that reframing? It feels kind of like there's this expectation for me to just acquiesce to her anxiety and buy in all the way, without any kind of... I don't want to say pushback, but do you know what I mean? I get the impression that I'm supposed to just agree, and that she expects nothing but validation.
I'm not saying I don't want to support my fiancée when she's feeling anxious, and I certainly don't want to try to make out she's wrong. I think I'm struggling to find the balance between "I love and support you, and your worries about this thing are valid, and I agree wholeheartedly" and "I don't think getting this worked up over something so inconsequential is productive." Obviously neither response is ideal, as it completely sublimates one partner's feelings. I don't have a way to tell her that her feelings are valid but that I don't think she needs to spend the next week worrying that (for example) a letter is going to arrive in the post from an insurance company about her having possibly maybe slightly reversed into someone's car a tiny bit at 2mph. I understand that ADHD lends itself to catastrophising, and her particularly active imagination means that she does it extraordinarily well. I think I just don't know how to respond in a way that makes her feel comforted, but that protects my own peace.As far as the kids, and maybe the stressors around life in general, it sounds to me like you need a community to support you. I know you just can't manufacture one by snapping your fingers, but I think the way families are generally "on their own" is one of the hardest things about raising kids in modern society.
I feel this very strongly. I've been musing on the phrase "it takes a village" a lot lately, after I realised that I have basically no village. Part of that is a distinct sense of social anxiety, and a good deal of difficulty in making new friends. But we do both definitely recognise the need for it, and it's something that I'd like to put more effort into... When the spoons allow.
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Comment on My relationship feels like it's collapsing and I don't know what to do in ~life
h3x Link ParentThanks for your reply! I remember reading your post and seeing a lot of myself reflected back in it. It sounds callous to say that I'm glad I'm not alone: I wouldn't wish this upon anyone. But I...Thanks for your reply! I remember reading your post and seeing a lot of myself reflected back in it. It sounds callous to say that I'm glad I'm not alone: I wouldn't wish this upon anyone. But I hope you understand what I mean by it!
I also moved very quickly in my relationship, before the honeymoon wore off. I firmly believe that was a mistake now.
I'm increasingly of this opinion too: we were slower than some lesbian couples I could mention, out of caution for our kids, but it was still pretty rapid as these things go. I don't think we had enough chance to get to know each other's ins and outs before locking in for cohabitation and for marriage, and that's definitely coming back to bite us now.
This ties in with the parenting aspect, something I also deal with. Especially with ND children it can be difficult to establish and maintain the routines needed to keep things clean/tidy. In my case (and apparently yours?) the parenting support isn't there to maintain those routines. I try with my son, but with the stepdaughters I get called controlling and nitpicky. How is it handled for you?
Similarly, although I've not been called either of those. But I have been told that I need to let more things go, and relax my insistence on certain things like table manners and bedtime routines (for examples). It's kind of like she has an aversion to my putting boundaries into place. The difficulty is, she also has a problem with the state that the kids leave the house in, and their refusal to even attempt to behave themselves at the table. But it's like she won't actually do anything about those things, but doesn't want me to either. I dunno, I find it very confusing.
Oh lordy this is a make or break - at this point having the ability to manage finances is non negotiable for me in a relationship. How do you feel about a future like this?
The budget is not as hellish as it first appears every time I look at it. We're managing to squirrel away enough to pay for the wedding, clothes, kids clubs, gym memberships, etc. I think for me it's just the cadence of regular crises. The dishwasher and washing machines both died within months of each other, the roof started leaking, we had to replace 12's PE kit multiple times in one month because they kept losing it, the boiler broke down, the extraction fan in the bathroom stopped working, there's mould around some of the windows... All of which need money to fix/replace. We are actually quite good at sitting down with the budget open and figuring things out. I think the stress comes more from the inability to build up any kind of buffer, and always feeling on the back foot. I don't think that's necessarily an us problem, but it does feel challenging every time there's a new financial crisis. I think part of that is my reflecting B—'s anxiety back to them. I do have a bad habit of modifying my personality to match the ones I am with (definitely a neurodivergent trait!), even though personally I'm quite laid back about those sorts of things. For B—, each one gets treated like the end of the world, and I find myself treating things the same way. It's kind of like I feel like I'm doing her a disservice to not be treating it with the same level of urgency as she does, y'know?
Same. It's exhausting - doing all this on top of being the one expected to plan and make meals, do the necessary shopping, make sure bills get paid on time and that we actually have money for them, have lunches packed and ready for the family every day, as well as making breakfasts in the morning, cleaning the house...
It's a never ending list and if you're not feeling supported then it's going to grind you into little pieces. Especially if you ever put in the effort to really clean up and then watch it immediately get undone in a matter of moments without a care.
For real, it makes me just not want to bother with cleaning up. What's the point, when in less than half a day it's already an absolute state again? But I can't live like that, I can't compartmentalise or ignore the chaos completely. It's always there in the back of my mind. And I do accept that to some degree having kids is a cluttered, chaotic, messy affair. But I see my siblings' homes, or the homes of friends who also have kids, and the difference is stark. I don't think it's a given for a house with kids to be a disaster area, but it needs continued, consistent buy-in from both their parents to make the home one that's nice to live in.
Same in my situation - every conversation was a dead end, every discussion terminated with a lack of introspection or self reflection. It took me too long to realize they would never change without being able to consider their own strategies. I was always met with "what do you want me to say?"
That is her precise refrain as well. I come with good intentions, wanting to try to problem solve together ("us against the problem") and I get met with stony silence and that exact phrase. It's exhausting, and I'm beginning to realise that the chances of that changing are vanishingly small. And I think this, more than anything else, is what is likely to be the death knell. I cannot spend the remainder of my time on this earth being unable to have difficult conversations about the state of my relationship with my partner.
You bring up serious outside help. Would your partner be open to that? Would they act on the ideas brought up?
I don't know, it's something that we mentioned briefly before moving in together; not to fix any problems, but to prepare us for them. It would be remiss of me to not bring it up when given the opportunity, and I don't expect her to be completely against it (she's mentioned having therapy in the past), but like everything else it's down to money, time, and childcare, and that's where things get tricky.
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My relationship feels like it's collapsing and I don't know what to do
Warning at the outset: This is mostly an unstructured rant, so no claims are made as to coherency or clarity. I am as much trying to get things off my chest as I am asking for advice. I met my...
Warning at the outset: This is mostly an unstructured rant, so no claims are made as to coherency or clarity. I am as much trying to get things off my chest as I am asking for advice.
I met my fiancée (let's call her B—) almost two years ago, and we connected immediately. Our values align closely, we have a lot of common experiences (having kids young; growing up as a middle child in a middle class family; both having come to queerness late in life being chief among them), and we were both absolutely dedicated to being silly and carefree with each other. B— calls it the "yes and," and it's something we're quite good at generally. I moved into B—'s place about 8 months after meeting, and 4 months after that we were engaged. We're due to be married in May this year. In general, it's been pretty smooth sailing, but the past four months or so have been increasingly stressful, and are making me feel like the relationship is falling apart.
The stressors in detail (TL;DR — Our jobs, our children, our house, our car, our wedding, our finances)
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Our jobs. Neither of us is particularly happy with the job that we each have. Mine is a nightmare of micromanagement and having every minute of my time tracked, with cryptic expectations, and labyrinthine processes to follow with exacting precision. B—'s is a charity job where she is required to do all sorts of tasks over and above her actual job description, including (but not limited to) dealing with her colleagues' tech support issues, despite the organisation having IT support, and B— not actually being an IT person; and constructing a whole-ass database for the team to use instead of paper records. We are both underpaid, and thoroughly overworked. The job market sucks, and it's increasingly difficult to find the energy to apply for a new position anyway.
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Our children. We have three kids from former relationships(14F, 12NB, 8F), all of whom are pretty definitively on the neurodivergent spectrum (as are we). 12 is the only one with any formal diagnoses (AuDHD), and the two girls are distinctly autistic, though with very different presentations. We adore our children, but we are also exhausted by them. The list of acceptable foods that they'll eat is such that I can't go a week without repeating a meal. We can't leave 12 alone with 8 otherwise they'll fight. 14 has absolutely no filter, and just wants to chat constantly, but refuses to do it with her (step-) siblings. All three of them are completely obsessed with video games or screentime in general, but cannot ever agree on anything to do together, so they will all just sit on their own devices. And when they've reached their screentime limit for the day, they all become listless and have apparently zero idea of how to entertain themselves without one or both parents coming up with something to do. Getting them all into bed takes at least two hours every night, no matter what we try to do. The children's respective co-parents are dreadfully difficult to work with, to cap it all off, and most of the actual parenting is falling to us.
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Our house. We live in a three-bedroom house that B— bought her former partner out of when their relationship ended. It is not large enough for the size of family that we have. There is too much stuff in the house, and never enough time to actually sort it out. Every room is a dump, beyond full to bursting with stuff. There isn't a single surface that doesn't require decluttering to be able to actually use, including the parts of the kitchen where we eat, or make food. I won't pretend that I'm completely innocent of contributing to this, but as the person in the house with the fewest possessions, I am far from the worst offender. The children all just drop whatever they're playing with wherever they stand. B— amasses new knitting/crochet projects like they're going out of fashion, but has yet to finish more than three in the time that I've known her. There is not a single place I can go in the house that I can feel peaceful in, because every room presents a massive list of chores wherever I look.
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Our car. We bought a seven-seater vehicle in July last year, and to say it has been a comedy of errors ever since is putting it mildly. The TL;DR of this particular saga is that we did not check the reputation of the place we bought from thoroughly enough, and we spent £8000 on a lemon. The car has been in and out of various garages for months, rendering us a one-car house (with all the additional stress that causes), and is looking like it will cost at least half as much as we paid in the first place to get it fixed up. The place we bought from has declared bankruptcy and stopped trading last week, so there is absolutely no chance of recouping any of our loss here. Money is tight enough already, and we are now faced with paying an enormous sum to repair the car, or to scrap it and get a new one. Neither option is palatable, since we took out a loan to buy it, and we will be stuck paying that off for the next 4 years.
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Our wedding. We opted for a smaller-scale, pseudo-elopement to Scotland, where it's legal to get married outdoors — something we both had on our wishlist. This is a small ceremony with our children, parents, and a witness each. We are also having a not-a-reception party the week after, closer to home and with a larger number of people as a celebration of the marriage. We have mostly arranged the Scotland portion now, payments notwithstanding. But the party portion is almost completely unplanned, and it's looking like we won't be able to afford it anyway, depending how the car situation pans out. Both sides of our family are coming to us with demands and requests to accommodate their own schedules and wants for the wedding, and it's feeling less and less like we have any say in the matter whatsoever.
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Our finances. Our budget feels very tight. The cost of just being alive (let alone having three children) is skyrocketing, and our salaries are not keeping pace. We are squeaking through each month, but that is fully paycheque to paycheque and if either one of us loses our job we will be utterly fucked. We've blown through most of our savings, and each have a credit card and a loan that we're in the process of paying off to the tune of about £10k between us. When there are no surprises, things feel stable and secure, but the moment we have an unexpected expense (such as having to get the roof repaired last year), we burn through all of our savings and are right back at square one. There's barely ever any headroom or safety net. Both of us keep saying this will be sorted when we get better jobs, but neither of us seems likely to get one any time soon.
Both B— and I are in some way neurodivergent, though neither of us has a formal diagnosis. She has all the classic symptoms of ADHD, and I am very confident that I am autistic. Our needs often feel diametrically opposed, and it's putting a massive strain on the relationship. Our house is in constant disarray, and B— apportions this chaos to "just part of having kids" and "and inevitable cycle," while leaving out the fact that she does little and less to actually contribute to the smooth running of the place. The only time she will make a meal is if I'm not actually present to do so. And her capacity for cleaning up is to do approximately half a chore every few days. Meanwhile I am tasked with doing all of the cooking and meal-planning for everyone, all of the shopping to fill the cupboards, and all of the cleaning after every mealtime to ensure that there is a clean and tidy enough kitchen for the next one. B— is so consumed by stress and shame that she becomes immediately paralysed by the prospect of any task that is not for her own specific edification. I feel like I am waging a lone war against a building that is not fit for purpose, against combatants who will with absurd immediacy undo any progress I actually make.
And I think that stress and shame is one of the core problems. We both feel it, and we both handle it in unhealthy ways. My habit is to take on the lion's share of the responsibility with a view to keeping the peace, and while sublimating my own need for rest, recuperation, and solitude. B— on the other hand will meet anything that could be construed as criticism by completely shutting down and refusing to engage with any discussion. Case in point, last night in a conversation where we were trying to figure out how best to repair our relationship, I made the point that I feel unsupported in doing the housework on top of parenting and my job, and she said "fine," and immediately stalked off. Nothing was discussed. No strategies for how to find an equitable solution. Just an immediate termination of the conversation, after I had already let her talk about my own failings vis-a-vis prioritising togetherness, and accepted that I need to take steps to change my behaviour. We haven't spoken a word since, and likely won't until there is a blow-up argument about it at some stage this weekend (a familiar pattern). These conversations can and do go fine, so long as B— is able to externalise the fault: it's work, it's Christmas, it's the car, it's the wedding, it's the kids, etc. If I say anything that challenges this and suggests that her own actions are making me feel dismissed or unloved (and I am always very clear in my use of "when you do __, I feel __" language) then the conversation just stops dead.
We are both stressed up to the eyeballs, and both recognise that we're dropping the ball in terms of keeping our relationship healthy and maintained. We described it last night as "dropping the spinning plate that is our relationship." At this stage, it simply feels like we are diametrically opposed in how we want to pick the plate back up. The time we have to simply be a couple is very limited by our being parents. Invariably it's after 21:00 that the children are abed, and we can squeak out some time for ourselves. But lately this time after the kids are in bed is compressed dramatically by having to do chores that went ignored from before bedtime, or a lengthy discussion over the current thing that is at the forefront of our minds that we are stressing about. B— in particular really feels the need to get into a topic, and what feels like it should be a brief discussion over "what's the plan with the car" turns into a 90-minute epic with B—'s anxieties tumbling out one by one.
And I am struggling to meet those anxieties with patience and love, because the way these conversations are phrased is such that the only way that B— can not feel anxious is for her to have her own way. Which makes me feel less like a romantic partner and soon-to-be wife, and more a subordinate being asked to get on board with whatever the management team have decided. I want her to feel safe and like she can express what she's going through, but it is completely endless. One anxiety begets another, and before we know it it's 23:00 and we either have to get ready for bed ourselves, or else push through beyond midnight to gain any semblance of downtime. I love her so much, but at the moment it feels like so much of the relationship (as well as my own actions) is being driven forward by her anxieties and stresses about any given thing. I feel like I am buckling under the weight of all B—'s worries and stresses, and the accommodations that need to be made. She feels paralysed by all of the stressors we have in our lives, and so these stressors compound because she gets "stuck" and cannot do anything about them. Dishes pile up. The laundry basket overflows. Surfaces become cluttered. The children need feeding. At every turn there is another responsibility that it feels like B— is heaping onto me because she is so exhausted by constantly living in her anxiety and stress that she is rendered unable to do much beyond doomscroll on her phone. Meanwhile I am operating with the assumption that the only way out of the stress is to actually deal with the thing that's stressing me out: tidy up, clean the kitchen, do the laundry, plan the week's meals, have the conversation. But at each turn I am the one left to do the job. And I had better do it cheerfully and with a smile on my face, because B— experiences another shame spiral if she perceives someone to be cleaning around her in a bad mood.
I don't know where I'm going with this. I don't know what to do. I don't know if this relationship is sustainable in the long-term without some serious outside help. I don't know if we can afford that help. I don't know if I can continue to operate in this cycle of stress-paralysis without losing some sense of who I am. I don't know if B— still loves me. I just want to go back to when this felt easy. Our bedroom is all but dead. We don't "yes and" any more. The honeymoon period ended a long time ago, and I'm afraid that what we're left with is just an unhealthily attached relationship where neither of us feels able to lean on the other or to communicate our needs in a safe way. I'm terrified that I'm going to lose her and my step-children. We feel completely stuck in this rut, and I don't know the way out. I feel like I can't come to B— with problems, because she won't engage with them if there is any onus on her to work on herself. I miss the woman I asked to marry me.
Update: 03/02/26 (DD/MM/YY)
Thanks for all the replies everyone, it's been very helpful to read so much support! If I haven't replied to you directly, know that it's not out of anything other than mild overwhelm and feeling like I couldn't do justice to each of your comments.B— and I hashed some stuff out on Friday, and it got heated. We argued for most of the evening and into Saturday morning, but we've taken some steps to try and reduce our stress load and take some time to work on ourselves:
- This coming weekend, B—'s parents are going to be looking after 8 & 12, while 14 is going to be with her other parent. We are deliberately not filling this free time (the first kid-free weekend since I moved in!) with things to do, and are going to just focus on connecting and being together. We've also made low-key plans for Valentine's Day to get a takeaway after the kids are in bed. These are both small things, but we're both finding that it's helpful to have time as a couple in our immediate future to be looking forward to, and we're going to try and make a point to schedule more things like this into our lives.
- We are going to actively pursue relationship counseling. Our argument on Friday evening showed that both of us need to do some work on communication with the other. I am not blameless, and I have a tendency to bottle things up and let them get to the point of anger before expressing them, which is not conducive to a healthy relationship. So the plan is to create some flex in the budget for counseling. I have a job interview tomorrow which will be bringing in a good bit more money than I make now, so hopefully the money stresses will be reduced.
- We got news back about the car and the damage is not as bad as we'd feared. It's still an expensive fix, but far more affordable than trying to find a replacement vehicle that we trust. It'll be out for a while yet while it's getting fixed, but that just gives us a bit longer to squirrel away money for the repair. Knowing that it's going to be back in good, safe, working order is incredibly relieving, and both of us have commented that it feels like a burden lifting. Getting back to being a two-car household will be another point to find some relief.
- B— and I are talking about cancelling, postponing, or reducing the scope of our wedding party. To clarify, we're aiming to marry on a shoestring anyway, but it's becoming apparent that the party portion is not really as affordable as we'd like. This is still in active consideration, but it's probable that we'll pivot to something closer to a garden party at one of our parents' homes than anything more intensive than that, and possibly a meal out with friends somewhere. The knowledge that we might not have to plan (and account for) this party is very refreshing, but we're trying to balance our sense of exhaustion against our possible future regrets.
So all in all, things are shifting in a more positive direction. I don't think I'm naïve enough to consider our problems solved; life has a way of finding new ones. But it does feel like we're mostly out of a very dark patch. There's work to do, both on ourselves, and in our lives. But I'm an insufferable optimist, as B— would say, and I think now that some of the fog of stress has cleared we're in a much stronger position to deal with what comes our way.
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Comment on Apple TV picks up rights to Brandon Sanderson's Cosmere books for adaption in ~tv
h3x Link ParentI haven’t heard this term, what does it mean?"reaping" of the IP
I haven’t heard this term, what does it mean?
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Comment on Apple TV picks up rights to Brandon Sanderson's Cosmere books for adaption in ~tv
h3x Link ParentHaving read the first era of Mistborn, and all of The Stormlight Archive, I think this can be said of many of Sanderson's novels to be honest. I found my interest waning during the middle two...The second novel in the trilogy is a bit of a slog, but the ending makes the whole thing worth it and sets up the finale.
Having read the first era of Mistborn, and all of The Stormlight Archive, I think this can be said of many of Sanderson's novels to be honest. I found my interest waning during the middle two quarters, but the first and final quarters are usually excellent. The man really knows how to write a cinematic ending! He's a prolific writer; the worlds he builds are magnificent, rich with detail, and highly original. He clearly wants to spend a lot of time in these worlds, and who can blame him?
I'm excited to see his universe on screen, but I do wonder if his work isn't more suited to animation than to live-action production. I would be absolutely thrilled with an anime of The Stormlight Archive.
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Comment on Twenty-five years of Wikipedia - an interactive retrospective ~fifteen minute read in ~tech
h3x Link ParentAnd me. It wasn't until I got to university that I was told "Wikipedia is fine if all you need is a broad overview of xyz topic. But for the level of detail we expect, Wikipedia's article is far...And me. It wasn't until I got to university that I was told "Wikipedia is fine if all you need is a broad overview of xyz topic. But for the level of detail we expect, Wikipedia's article is far from sufficient. At the bare minimum look at the footnotes, but really you should go to the library."
Which felt more reasonable, tbh. I also spotted two of my uni lecturers updating the Wikipedia pages for areas closely related to their fields of expertise, so yaknow. If PhDs in Sino-Japanese relations are proposing edits to the page about the Senkaku/Diaoyu Islands, I think I'd trust what they're putting there :P
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Comment on Star Wars shake-up: Kathleen Kennedy steps down as George Lucas protégé Dave Filoni, exec Lynwen Brennan take over Lucasfilm in ~movies
h3x Link ParentGosh I hope not, our youngest got an American Girl doll for Christmas and it's the perfect excuse to support Brennan's new venture.And take him away from his real love of making American Girl doll shoes?
Gosh I hope not, our youngest got an American Girl doll for Christmas and it's the perfect excuse to support Brennan's new venture.
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Comment on Recommendations needed: Favorite “comfort” movies in ~movies
h3x Link ParentThirding that! I saw it in the cinema for my ninth birthday, and it remains a firm favourite of mine well over two decades laterThirding that! I saw it in the cinema for my ninth birthday, and it remains a firm favourite of mine well over two decades later
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Comment on Sir Curse - Coraline (2021) in ~music
h3x Link ParentNo no, it's all good! Coraline had actually rattled around my head earlier in the week (I guess on what you could call my internal playlist), and it was really nice to listen to the actual track...No no, it's all good! Coraline had actually rattled around my head earlier in the week (I guess on what you could call my internal playlist), and it was really nice to listen to the actual track after I saw your comment. At the time we were all quite critical of it, and while I don't think time has softened all the complaints I have about it, it's still a great track, and on balance I'm sad we stopped playing it live. That kinda trancey section at the end was so much fun to play and rock out to, and was a great mid-set track to reset the energy a little bit before ratcheting it back up again.
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Comment on Sir Curse - Coraline (2021) in ~music
h3x Link ParentHonestly, same, the longer I sit with it. There's this nagging sensation that I'll never be part of a band that's quite as good as Sir Curse was, or that had a better chance of "making it." Maybe...Honestly, same, the longer I sit with it. There's this nagging sensation that I'll never be part of a band that's quite as good as Sir Curse was, or that had a better chance of "making it." Maybe one day we'll reunite, but at the moment that doesn't look to be on the cards :(
I'm hoping to have something to show for my solo efforts soon, but the imposter syndrome is strong, as is that same nagging thought. Otherwise I think the only member of the band who's working on anything original is Eric (the bass player), in Neon Rituals, a hardcore band. Hardcore isn't really my style, but they do have some cool stuff going on, and they're getting a decent amount of notice on the scene.
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Comment on Pasta al formaggio (mac & cheese): Italian chef Paolo Lopriore rewrites the American classic recipe in ~food
h3x Link ParentOmg this sounds incredible, I’ll be ordering that book!Omg this sounds incredible, I’ll be ordering that book!
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Comment on Avengers: Doomsday | X-Men teaser in ~movies
h3x Link ParentOh God, I'd completely forgotten about that one! xDOh God, I'd completely forgotten about that one! xD
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Comment on Reversing the technical interview in ~comp
h3x Link ParentI did not, in fact, need to set up a VPN at all. I run a VM in a Hetzner DC in Helsinki, so I just ran a SOCKS proxy through that and Robert's your mother's brother! For future inquiring minds,...I did not, in fact, need to set up a VPN at all. I run a VM in a Hetzner DC in Helsinki, so I just ran a SOCKS proxy through that and Robert's your mother's brother!
For future inquiring minds, run
ssh -D 9000 your.non-uk-based.server.tldand alter the proxy settings in Firefox to run SOCKS through 127.0.0.1 on port 9000 :) -
Comment on The "why does this movie exist" scene in ~movies
h3x LinkWhen I've written D&D campaigns, or attempted NaNoWriMo, I often find that I start with an Event (as you call it) and work back from there. I've no idea if this is a good way to write, and it...When I've written D&D campaigns, or attempted NaNoWriMo, I often find that I start with an Event (as you call it) and work back from there. I've no idea if this is a good way to write, and it might contribute to the fact I've never actually finished any of my writing... But you do hear a lot of writers talk about knowing the ending long before they know anything else, so I think there must be something to it.
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Comment on Avengers: Doomsday | X-Men teaser in ~movies
h3x Link ParentHonestly that might be my favourite Extras cameo. Although there are so many good ones to choose from. Daniel Radcliffe's and David Bowie's are both also hysterical.Honestly that might be my favourite Extras cameo. Although there are so many good ones to choose from. Daniel Radcliffe's and David Bowie's are both also hysterical.
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Comment on Has anyone else intentionally lowered their phone's screen's saturation? in ~tech
h3x LinkThis sounds really cool! I’ve managed to dig out the setting on my iPhone (Accessibility > Display & Text Size > Colour filters) and I’mcurrently on about 50% greyscale. I wish it was possible to...This sounds really cool! I’ve managed to dig out the setting on my iPhone (Accessibility > Display & Text Size > Colour filters) and I’mcurrently on about 50% greyscale. I wish it was possible to do the greyscale in addition to the colour filter like u/BashCrandiboot suggests, because that sounds bonkers fun!
I’ll report back about how I find the saturation alteration :)
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Comment on Reversing the technical interview in ~comp
h3x LinkThe site is blocked as a result of the UK’s Online Safety Act, making this the first time that the regulation has affected my use of the open Internet and stopped me from reading something I want...The site is blocked as a result of the UK’s Online Safety Act, making this the first time that the regulation has affected my use of the open Internet and stopped me from reading something I want to read. Time to get a VPN!
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Comment on Merry Christmas! in ~talk
h3x LinkMerry Christmas to everyone! I hope Father Christmas brought you all what your hearts desire 🎄 We’ve just got back from Christmas Day at my parents’, and all five of us are pretty exhausted. Kids...Merry Christmas to everyone! I hope Father Christmas brought you all what your hearts desire 🎄
We’ve just got back from Christmas Day at my parents’, and all five of us are pretty exhausted. Kids have gone straight to bed in their clothes, full of turkey, chocolate, cheese, and crisps.
I received some truly lovely gifts, but as I grow ever older I feel the best gift of all is the time spent with my parents, siblings, in-laws, niblings, fiancée, and three kids. I feel very fortunate to have what I am learning is not a very common dynamic, and I am grateful for every loud, chaotic, and joyful minute.
Mulled wine and a movie before bed now, and then on for round two at my parents-in-law’s tomorrow! Let the joy be unconfinéd, fa la la la la la la la la! 🎄
My friends and I used to blast this at top volume during uni house parties with open playlists, it’s such a banger!