Perhaps these people should marry someone less shit? Maybe if they can't manage division of labour on floor sweeping they shouldn't have multiple kids? Not to say that I think splitting house...
Perhaps these people should marry someone less shit? Maybe if they can't manage division of labour on floor sweeping they shouldn't have multiple kids?
Not to say that I think splitting house chores is an easy task, but we've known people are crap at judging their contribution for years. My rule of thumb is I should feel like I'm doing 80% of chores to be anywhere close to even.
I also think it's nice to be appreciative and appreciated. Obviously you don't want your entire relationship to be thanking each other for sweeping the floor but if this muppet is wasting so much time announcing how clean the windows are it seems like it'd be better for them both to notice what the other is doing and thank them for it.
I don't see the problem in stating what you've done. As the current stay at home mom, I also like to give the husband a rundown of my day, chores, and accomplishments. It makes me feel good. The...
I don't see the problem in stating what you've done. As the current stay at home mom, I also like to give the husband a rundown of my day, chores, and accomplishments. It makes me feel good.
The real problem in the article is that the wife is feeling unappreciated for the work she's doing. That's what she should address directly.
My husband still announces chores he's done, but usually in a loving way. For example, "I washed all the sheets and pillow cases because I noticed you were getting sniffily," with an unsaid, a cat...
My husband still announces chores he's done, but usually in a loving way. For example, "I washed all the sheets and pillow cases because I noticed you were getting sniffily," with an unsaid, a cat probably slept on your pillow during the day. And sometimes it's announced as a list for no reason.
There's nothing wrong with talking about what you've done. I do it too. The issue is that the author of that article sounds like she married an ass. He's keeping score and munchkining in real life as if it were a competitive game, instead of truly sharing the load.
Eh, she sounds just as bad to me. “He’s making it a competition, so I’m gonna double down and make sure he knows everything that I did.” To her it’s just as much a competition as it is to him,...
Eh, she sounds just as bad to me. “He’s making it a competition, so I’m gonna double down and make sure he knows everything that I did.” To her it’s just as much a competition as it is to him, look at how she ended the article. Both of them need a slap upside the head and to be told to be an adult. It sounds like the next step in their minds is a star chart that preschoolers use to track chores instead of sitting down and having a conversation about the probable real root of neither feeling like the other appreciates what they’re doing.
Yup, she went as far as writing an article about how crap her husband is in the NYT. Maybe their relationship is nothing like this but if it is, poor kids!
Yup, she went as far as writing an article about how crap her husband is in the NYT. Maybe their relationship is nothing like this but if it is, poor kids!
I announce all the chores I've done around the house so people know what has or hasn't been done. That way we don't have to waste time asking or finding out.
I announce all the chores I've done around the house so people know what has or hasn't been done. That way we don't have to waste time asking or finding out.
I'm the dishwasher, laundry, and other "day-to-day" chores guy in my house. My wife is the spic-and-span seasonal cleaner. We don't keep track of who does what, but when I'm feeling tired, I'll...
I'm the dishwasher, laundry, and other "day-to-day" chores guy in my house. My wife is the spic-and-span seasonal cleaner. We don't keep track of who does what, but when I'm feeling tired, I'll announce the chores I did as a cue for her to give me some recognition and affection.
This isn't about household chores. This is about a husband who feels the need to be competitive with his wife about trivial shit. Toxic behavior for sure, but not about sharing household chores...
This isn't about household chores. This is about a husband who feels the need to be competitive with his wife about trivial shit. Toxic behavior for sure, but not about sharing household chores per se.
That being said, I feel that for many there's still an expectation that it's a woman's role to do household chores, and men doing it come across as unique or worthy of praise.
The most striking example I saw of this recently is one evening when I cooked dinner for my mom using one of her recipes. Just as I was thinking how great it felt to have cooked this dish myself, my mom said "Wow, food really does taste better when you're not the one making it."
Yeah... There's still a gap there to be sure!
Edit: Just to clarify, this is something of a generation gap. I'm the "designated cook" in my relationship, so I wouldn't hear my partner say that. But for my mom, having a man cook for her is a big deal as the only things my dad has ever cooked on a regular basis are breakfast and barbecue.
The spouse's and my in-joke is, "We're not really arguing about eggs." Make a list, assign "nuisance points" to tasks, and start checking them off - it's an easy, objective, mutually agreed-upon...
The spouse's and my in-joke is, "We're not really arguing about eggs." Make a list, assign "nuisance points" to tasks, and start checking them off - it's an easy, objective, mutually agreed-upon strategy to keep the load fair.
He's ahead on points because he works from home and I get random travel, so I'm usually the one who buys dinner or pays for outsourced services when neither of us has the spoons.
Granted, we don't have kids, so there isn't a constant barrage of unplanned chores. But it doesn't take a family therapist to sort these things out if all partners concerned actually have good will and are willing to discuss their concerns openly.
Perhaps these people should marry someone less shit? Maybe if they can't manage division of labour on floor sweeping they shouldn't have multiple kids?
Not to say that I think splitting house chores is an easy task, but we've known people are crap at judging their contribution for years. My rule of thumb is I should feel like I'm doing 80% of chores to be anywhere close to even.
I also think it's nice to be appreciative and appreciated. Obviously you don't want your entire relationship to be thanking each other for sweeping the floor but if this muppet is wasting so much time announcing how clean the windows are it seems like it'd be better for them both to notice what the other is doing and thank them for it.
I don't see the problem in stating what you've done. As the current stay at home mom, I also like to give the husband a rundown of my day, chores, and accomplishments. It makes me feel good.
The real problem in the article is that the wife is feeling unappreciated for the work she's doing. That's what she should address directly.
Yes! I feel like a healthier relationship would be when the two partners recognize each others' contributions regularly.
My husband still announces chores he's done, but usually in a loving way. For example, "I washed all the sheets and pillow cases because I noticed you were getting sniffily," with an unsaid, a cat probably slept on your pillow during the day. And sometimes it's announced as a list for no reason.
There's nothing wrong with talking about what you've done. I do it too. The issue is that the author of that article sounds like she married an ass. He's keeping score and munchkining in real life as if it were a competitive game, instead of truly sharing the load.
Eh, she sounds just as bad to me. “He’s making it a competition, so I’m gonna double down and make sure he knows everything that I did.” To her it’s just as much a competition as it is to him, look at how she ended the article. Both of them need a slap upside the head and to be told to be an adult. It sounds like the next step in their minds is a star chart that preschoolers use to track chores instead of sitting down and having a conversation about the probable real root of neither feeling like the other appreciates what they’re doing.
Yeah, it takes two.
Yup, she went as far as writing an article about how crap her husband is in the NYT. Maybe their relationship is nothing like this but if it is, poor kids!
I announce all the chores I've done around the house so people know what has or hasn't been done. That way we don't have to waste time asking or finding out.
I'm the dishwasher, laundry, and other "day-to-day" chores guy in my house. My wife is the spic-and-span seasonal cleaner. We don't keep track of who does what, but when I'm feeling tired, I'll announce the chores I did as a cue for her to give me some recognition and affection.
Works for us =)
This isn't about household chores. This is about a husband who feels the need to be competitive with his wife about trivial shit. Toxic behavior for sure, but not about sharing household chores per se.
That being said, I feel that for many there's still an expectation that it's a woman's role to do household chores, and men doing it come across as unique or worthy of praise.
The most striking example I saw of this recently is one evening when I cooked dinner for my mom using one of her recipes. Just as I was thinking how great it felt to have cooked this dish myself, my mom said "Wow, food really does taste better when you're not the one making it."
Yeah... There's still a gap there to be sure!
Edit: Just to clarify, this is something of a generation gap. I'm the "designated cook" in my relationship, so I wouldn't hear my partner say that. But for my mom, having a man cook for her is a big deal as the only things my dad has ever cooked on a regular basis are breakfast and barbecue.
The spouse's and my in-joke is, "We're not really arguing about eggs." Make a list, assign "nuisance points" to tasks, and start checking them off - it's an easy, objective, mutually agreed-upon strategy to keep the load fair.
He's ahead on points because he works from home and I get random travel, so I'm usually the one who buys dinner or pays for outsourced services when neither of us has the spoons.
Granted, we don't have kids, so there isn't a constant barrage of unplanned chores. But it doesn't take a family therapist to sort these things out if all partners concerned actually have good will and are willing to discuss their concerns openly.
The message I took away from this: don't have kids.
Lol.
Wooooow this was quite the vent from her.