Yes! My SIL and BIL don't force my 1 year-old niece to give hugs; even to family. They go around and say "Do you want to give XXXXX a hug?" And she will either move toward them for a hug or she...
Yes! My SIL and BIL don't force my 1 year-old niece to give hugs; even to family. They go around and say "Do you want to give XXXXX a hug?" And she will either move toward them for a hug or she will not move/turn away. If she doesn't feel like giving a hug, we will do high fives or waves or maybe she's just tired and wants to go home.
I love that this gives her autonomy over her own body. Aunt Gerta doesn't neeeeeeeed a hug more than my niece needs to learn that she has the right to say no.
I don't know if I like this or find this a bit of a case of overdoing it. On one hand a parent tickling their kid and the little chance that the kid despise it is so far away from real life...
I don't know if I like this or find this a bit of a case of overdoing it. On one hand a parent tickling their kid and the little chance that the kid despise it is so far away from real life troubles caused to people with problems regarding consent (people not being able to convey messages clearly or people not understanding messages or people purposefully ignoring the messages), it seems silly. OTOH, I am not sure if this can be discarded that easily as overdoing it and would like to see actual scientific pedagogical evidence supporting (or not) the premise of this article.
I don't think it necessarily implies that people will have problems regarding consent, it is simply suggesting that children learn giving mix signals from a very young age, and it can be corrected...
I don't think it necessarily implies that people will have problems regarding consent, it is simply suggesting that children learn giving mix signals from a very young age, and it can be corrected to a limited degree. Also, I say limited because I would probably want to see how something like this impacts other parts of children's lives where they could be giving mix signals e.g. like someone else commented, giving a hug.
I kind of group it in with never saying "Don't tell your mom and dad, but I brought you some candy!" I used to do that all the time to my cousins/nieces/nephews, but then my SO told me the story...
I kind of group it in with never saying "Don't tell your mom and dad, but I brought you some candy!" I used to do that all the time to my cousins/nieces/nephews, but then my SO told me the story of the old man in their apartment complex who brought him in to look at his model cars.
The old man was always hanging around near the courtyard when the kids were playing, and when he asked, my SO (somewhere between 7 and 12, I don't remember his exact age) didn't really want to go, but figured he should be polite to this old man and go look at his stuff. The old man asked my SO if he wanted to be his "special friend" or something, and SO said "sure, I guess" and the guy kind of breezes past that. Later on, he mentions that they can have secrets, as long as he promised not to tell his parents. Because sometimes friends have secrets... that sort of thing.
SO had been feeling awkward about the whole thing, but when the guy said "don't tell your parents" SO said "umm, I don't think so!" and walked out. He credits his parents for being open and telling him that it's never ok for an adult to ask you to keep a secret from your parents, because parents are there to help you and keep you safe. The old man's apartment ended up getting raided by the police a few years later and my MIL watched them escort him into a police vehicle. I'm not sure what happened to him after that.
I think it's about instilling habits in your kids. And it's made me, as an adult, absolutely think twice about the kids around me.
Yeah I can see your point. But I am not sure what you mean by thinking twice about the kids around you, like in what sense, trying to promote good habits? Sorry if it seems like an obvious thing.
Yeah I can see your point. But I am not sure what you mean by thinking twice about the kids around you, like in what sense, trying to promote good habits? Sorry if it seems like an obvious thing.
Well, I don't have children, so I don't often think about child development and how I, even as just a peripheral figure in their lives, can affect them. Just like, trying not to joke about lying...
Well, I don't have children, so I don't often think about child development and how I, even as just a peripheral figure in their lives, can affect them.
Just like, trying not to joke about lying to their parents, since they might not understand it's a joke. Or offering the option not to hug me, because I remember being a kid and hating to hug some people. Or even tickling! My whole life, I've hated being tickled! And a lot of people didn't seem to understand how helpless it makes me feel. So I guess just thinking about the kids in my life and remembering that, not only will they grow to be people, they already are people.
Cool! I do this with my kids. I think it's about teaching them to state clearly what they want and while it may seem small or silly to others, I think these foundations are important to create...
Cool! I do this with my kids. I think it's about teaching them to state clearly what they want and while it may seem small or silly to others, I think these foundations are important to create autonomous self-actualized adults. After all, you do have to start somewhere.
Thought this was an interesting, quick read about how people learn to give clear signals.
Yes! My SIL and BIL don't force my 1 year-old niece to give hugs; even to family. They go around and say "Do you want to give XXXXX a hug?" And she will either move toward them for a hug or she will not move/turn away. If she doesn't feel like giving a hug, we will do high fives or waves or maybe she's just tired and wants to go home.
I love that this gives her autonomy over her own body. Aunt Gerta doesn't neeeeeeeed a hug more than my niece needs to learn that she has the right to say no.
I don't know if I like this or find this a bit of a case of overdoing it. On one hand a parent tickling their kid and the little chance that the kid despise it is so far away from real life troubles caused to people with problems regarding consent (people not being able to convey messages clearly or people not understanding messages or people purposefully ignoring the messages), it seems silly. OTOH, I am not sure if this can be discarded that easily as overdoing it and would like to see actual scientific pedagogical evidence supporting (or not) the premise of this article.
I don't think it necessarily implies that people will have problems regarding consent, it is simply suggesting that children learn giving mix signals from a very young age, and it can be corrected to a limited degree. Also, I say limited because I would probably want to see how something like this impacts other parts of children's lives where they could be giving mix signals e.g. like someone else commented, giving a hug.
I kind of group it in with never saying "Don't tell your mom and dad, but I brought you some candy!" I used to do that all the time to my cousins/nieces/nephews, but then my SO told me the story of the old man in their apartment complex who brought him in to look at his model cars.
The old man was always hanging around near the courtyard when the kids were playing, and when he asked, my SO (somewhere between 7 and 12, I don't remember his exact age) didn't really want to go, but figured he should be polite to this old man and go look at his stuff. The old man asked my SO if he wanted to be his "special friend" or something, and SO said "sure, I guess" and the guy kind of breezes past that. Later on, he mentions that they can have secrets, as long as he promised not to tell his parents. Because sometimes friends have secrets... that sort of thing.
SO had been feeling awkward about the whole thing, but when the guy said "don't tell your parents" SO said "umm, I don't think so!" and walked out. He credits his parents for being open and telling him that it's never ok for an adult to ask you to keep a secret from your parents, because parents are there to help you and keep you safe. The old man's apartment ended up getting raided by the police a few years later and my MIL watched them escort him into a police vehicle. I'm not sure what happened to him after that.
I think it's about instilling habits in your kids. And it's made me, as an adult, absolutely think twice about the kids around me.
Yeah I can see your point. But I am not sure what you mean by thinking twice about the kids around you, like in what sense, trying to promote good habits? Sorry if it seems like an obvious thing.
Well, I don't have children, so I don't often think about child development and how I, even as just a peripheral figure in their lives, can affect them.
Just like, trying not to joke about lying to their parents, since they might not understand it's a joke. Or offering the option not to hug me, because I remember being a kid and hating to hug some people. Or even tickling! My whole life, I've hated being tickled! And a lot of people didn't seem to understand how helpless it makes me feel. So I guess just thinking about the kids in my life and remembering that, not only will they grow to be people, they already are people.
Cool! I do this with my kids. I think it's about teaching them to state clearly what they want and while it may seem small or silly to others, I think these foundations are important to create autonomous self-actualized adults. After all, you do have to start somewhere.