13 votes

How would you bring together friends who still don't know each other?

If you have friends who used to be in separate circles but are going to finally meet, how would you handle that property?

Let's say, you all meet, you know each of them, but they know about each other very vaguely. How to introduce everyone gently and keep conversations going in a non confusing way? What are the dos and don'ts there? Personal real experience of "joining" friends would be nice to read about too!

8 comments

  1. mrbig
    Link
    Unless there's something particularly challenging or very specific about either one of those friends (like "he is so dog-phobic you shouldn't even talk about dogs with him"), I'd just put them in...

    Unless there's something particularly challenging or very specific about either one of those friends (like "he is so dog-phobic you shouldn't even talk about dogs with him"), I'd just put them in the same physical space and let the magic happens. Sometimes they'll become friends, sometimes they won't. Just like in nature.

    7 votes
  2. [5]
    MimicSquid
    Link
    I'd invite them both/all to an event that doesn't force direct and continual contact, but gives plenty of opportunities for incidental interactions. A potluck dinner is great, or an afternoon...

    I'd invite them both/all to an event that doesn't force direct and continual contact, but gives plenty of opportunities for incidental interactions. A potluck dinner is great, or an afternoon playing a game that people enjoy (will vary hugely by group) or something like that. Any sort of group activity that gives plenty of time to talk without forcing it. A movie plus grabbing a meal afterward can be good, because you get an easy shared topic of conversation about a topic of interest.

    6 votes
    1. [2]
      guywithhair
      Link Parent
      I would absolutely agree with this. Many of my current friends I met through a mutual friend during college. I'd go out with him and that friend group to bars or a house party and I'll admit it...

      I would absolutely agree with this. Many of my current friends I met through a mutual friend during college. I'd go out with him and that friend group to bars or a house party and I'll admit it took a while to actually get to know people. Alcohol makes for a good social lubricant, but it doesn't create conversations for you unless you're too drunk for it to matter (then again, I sometimes turn into a clam when drunk so YMMV).

      Something to focus on besides the thinly veiled awkwardness makes it much easier to warm up to people. Though as a caveat, I think it's good for that activity to be something in which people have to actually participate (e.g. a game. be it a sport, table-top, etc.). Going to a concert or movie with other people is good for starting a discussion and more basic introductions, but it's hard to actually learn about someone through those since they're much more passive. Just my 2 cents.

      3 votes
      1. MimicSquid
        Link Parent
        A good point about passive experiences, that's why I specifically said movie with a meal after. The movie isn't enough by itself, it's only there to provide grist for the conversational mill.

        A good point about passive experiences, that's why I specifically said movie with a meal after. The movie isn't enough by itself, it's only there to provide grist for the conversational mill.

        3 votes
    2. [2]
      Nitta
      Link Parent
      Do you mean some kind of board game? I thought a bit about gaming on laptops but it's maybe harder to do that in such a situation, I wish I had an xbox :)

      playing a game

      Do you mean some kind of board game? I thought a bit about gaming on laptops but it's maybe harder to do that in such a situation, I wish I had an xbox :)

      1 vote
      1. MimicSquid
        Link Parent
        I left it so broad because what game might bring people together can vary hugely. It could be a board game, or soccer, or bowling, or video games. Anything that gives everyone a reason to interact...

        I left it so broad because what game might bring people together can vary hugely. It could be a board game, or soccer, or bowling, or video games. Anything that gives everyone a reason to interact in a low-pressure way and build a shared social experience.

        4 votes
  3. moocow1452
    Link
    Order Pizza, and be available to mingle. Either they click, break off into pre-existing groups, or just stare at their shoes awkwardly, but you did your part, and maybe your friends are just not...

    Order Pizza, and be available to mingle. Either they click, break off into pre-existing groups, or just stare at their shoes awkwardly, but you did your part, and maybe your friends are just not their friends.

  4. nic
    Link
    Friendship often follows familiarity.

    Friendship often follows familiarity.