I’m unsurprised. I used to like some of her music—her “Good as Hell” used to be a favorite—but in the past year had a vague, uneasy gut feeling about her. A while back I commented here about my...
I’m unsurprised. I used to like some of her music—her “Good as Hell” used to be a favorite—but in the past year had a vague, uneasy gut feeling about her.
A while back I commented here about my choice to end a friendship with a narcissist who was charming and nice at first but then over time became strangely disrespectful and emotionally abusive. A mutual friend, a clinical psychologist, arrived at the same conclusion. We’ve all since cut off contact with him because he’s shown how truly mean he is to each of us.
Up until then, I had been naive in assuming that people were genuine in what they said and did. Since then, I realized there are people out there whose entire M.O. revolves around their egos. Their words and actions serve to solely build and protect their egos. They say nice things because they want you to like them because it validates them: but those nice things don’t come from a nice place within them.
The whole episode made me aware and sensitive about narcissism red flags.
The ex-friend and Lizzo shared the same exact outward red flags.
Exuberant toxic positivity. Truly positive people have a quiet, modest way of exuding positivity. I’m now very suspicious of people who make it the central pillar of their identity to scream how positive and happy they are: it makes me wonder, what are they trying to compensate for? What are they trying to make you think of them? Make no mistake: they have an agenda. It’s hard to see when their positivity superficially aligns with one’s worldview.
Hierarchal way of seeing the social world. People are either below or above them. They have to know their place in the hierarchy, and they hate being below people.
Lack of long term friends due to inability to form genuine long-term connection that isn’t self-serving and/or they don’t end up sabotaging. Another major red flag I look out for. I knew this person for about a year until I ended the friendship. When I first met him, he said that, oh, his friends moved away, people don’t like him because of his race or his fabulousness, he’s too busy with his dance studio to keep up with people, he just doesn’t like most people, etc. Turned out his old friends were in the area; we’ve run into them at other social events in the gay community; the truth was that they arrived at the same conclusions as we did years ago.
I remember it was striking that Lizzo said she had no close friends and attributed it to being busy, ambitious, and on the road all the time, and that her only consistent social companions were her entourage.
Similarly, this ex-friend managed a dance studio for a franchisee, and his only other friends were his colleagues/employees (who he had the ability to fire)… and his boyfriend, who was also his employee at the same studio. It took me a long time to see the red flags: oh, he’s only comfortable around people he thinks he has power over.
Anyway, this turned out to be a mini essay. But, I’m unsurprised that Lizzo has been revealed to be a narcissistic bully. I see the same echoes.
Edit: Anyway anyway, I’m bummed to remove her songs from my library forever. They used to fill me with joy and energy and lift me to my feet. But now they will only make me think of the hurt and disrespect she showed to people IRL behind closed doors, and of the hurt and disrespect this former friend showed to others and me when he thought he could get away with it.
You can kill the author you know. Not in the literal sense, but metaphorically. Sometimes people write stuff that genuinely makes us feel good things, and sometimes those people turn out to be...
Edit: Anyway anyway, I’m bummed to remove her songs from my library forever. They used to fill me with joy and energy and lift me to my feet.
You can kill the author you know. Not in the literal sense, but metaphorically. Sometimes people write stuff that genuinely makes us feel good things, and sometimes those people turn out to be garbage. That does not mean that the good vibes you get from those words has to go away.
Aw dammit, I really like Lizzo. She seems like such a genuinely positive person, and has done a lot for body positivity, empowerment, and LGBT+ acceptance. So I really hope this isn't true, and...
Aw dammit, I really like Lizzo. She seems like such a genuinely positive person, and has done a lot for body positivity, empowerment, and LGBT+ acceptance. So I really hope this isn't true, and it's just a few disgruntled employees trying to hit her where they know it will hurt her image the most. Because if their allegations are true, that is hypocrisy of the highest order. :(
I’m unsurprised. I used to like some of her music—her “Good as Hell” used to be a favorite—but in the past year had a vague, uneasy gut feeling about her.
A while back I commented here about my choice to end a friendship with a narcissist who was charming and nice at first but then over time became strangely disrespectful and emotionally abusive. A mutual friend, a clinical psychologist, arrived at the same conclusion. We’ve all since cut off contact with him because he’s shown how truly mean he is to each of us.
Up until then, I had been naive in assuming that people were genuine in what they said and did. Since then, I realized there are people out there whose entire M.O. revolves around their egos. Their words and actions serve to solely build and protect their egos. They say nice things because they want you to like them because it validates them: but those nice things don’t come from a nice place within them.
The whole episode made me aware and sensitive about narcissism red flags.
The ex-friend and Lizzo shared the same exact outward red flags.
Anyway, this turned out to be a mini essay. But, I’m unsurprised that Lizzo has been revealed to be a narcissistic bully. I see the same echoes.
Edit: Anyway anyway, I’m bummed to remove her songs from my library forever. They used to fill me with joy and energy and lift me to my feet. But now they will only make me think of the hurt and disrespect she showed to people IRL behind closed doors, and of the hurt and disrespect this former friend showed to others and me when he thought he could get away with it.
You can kill the author you know. Not in the literal sense, but metaphorically. Sometimes people write stuff that genuinely makes us feel good things, and sometimes those people turn out to be garbage. That does not mean that the good vibes you get from those words has to go away.
Followup: Lizzo denies sexual harassment allegations levelled by former dancers
Aw dammit, I really like Lizzo. She seems like such a genuinely positive person, and has done a lot for body positivity, empowerment, and LGBT+ acceptance. So I really hope this isn't true, and it's just a few disgruntled employees trying to hit her where they know it will hurt her image the most. Because if their allegations are true, that is hypocrisy of the highest order. :(