Our study makes clear that middle-aged Americans today are experiencing more loneliness than their peers in European nations. This coincides with existing evidence that mortality rates are rising for working-age adults in the U.S.
...
Loneliness is bad for your health. Researchers have found that loneliness is as dangerous as smoking. Loneliness increases one’s vulnerability to sickness, depression, chronic illness and premature death.
...
Why are middle-aged Americans exceptional when it comes to loneliness and poorer overall mental and physical health?
We did not directly test this in our study, but in the future we hope to zero in on the factors driving these trends. We think that the loneliness Americans are reporting compared to peer nations comes down to limited social safety nets and to cultural norms that prioritize individualism over community.
There are those who would deny it- and deny it VERY loudly- but humans are still social creatures at the end of the day. We need those human connections. Plus, there's been a study done on how...
There are those who would deny it- and deny it VERY loudly- but humans are still social creatures at the end of the day. We need those human connections.
Plus, there's been a study done on how hearing a human voice affects you. With the Internet, you just read text on screen in many social media sites... and that takes away a very-much-needed human element. Of course, as was pointed out earlier in this thread: we've gotten so used to forming echo chambers, because those hit all the dopamine receptors. I would agree that we need to have people with opposing, or at least different, viewpoints within a social circle.
The real tragedy is the loss of the "third place"- somewhere not home or work where you can go and be social with other people, AND not have to pay for a business service. The closest I've come to this is going to meet-ups and hangout parties, though there is still an admission fee. Still, it's gained me a very close circle of friends.
I can think back to my childhood and all the places I would go to hangout. There's another kicker for you: when you have online things, you kill any physical places that you could've hung out with people. Malls are the easiest one to see, but I know of other places that have become a shadow of their former selves because they can barely make enough for overhead.
And again, the issue with suburbia: why meet others in your neighborhood who have differing views, when going online puts you in a comfortable echo chamber? You end up only existing in a place because it was affordable compared to where you REALLY want to live.
I suppose the issue is - as we age it gets a bit harder to find places where you can connect with genuine people. I do realize common hobbies and interests are important but having a bit of...
I suppose the issue is - as we age it gets a bit harder to find places where you can connect with genuine people. I do realize common hobbies and interests are important but having a bit of company and just hanging out every now and then can be harder the older you get.
Even for someone like myself (I admit to being a loner 99% of the time), I like being around people - work is the big one for me. I actively enjoy company of people even if most are at where I work (small number have become genuine friends albeit its hard find time physical meet ups)
I have a bunch of close friends and live with my brother and we have a great time, but I assume I'm probably still dying fastly because there's that lonely part of my soul that would love a...
I have a bunch of close friends and live with my brother and we have a great time, but I assume I'm probably still dying fastly because there's that lonely part of my soul that would love a companion. Have to assume it's just as bad. :/
Marriage / companionship is not a solution to loneliness. There are plenty of people who still feel the same despite a committed partnership, and honestly that just might be worse.
Marriage / companionship is not a solution to loneliness. There are plenty of people who still feel the same despite a committed partnership, and honestly that just might be worse.
And also, if your partner is the only social connection you have you're still one bad experience away from being totally alone. Everyone needs to be part of a social web, not just a social bola,...
And also, if your partner is the only social connection you have you're still one bad experience away from being totally alone. Everyone needs to be part of a social web, not just a social bola, flying through space by itself.
My parents are a perfect example of this unfortunately. They have a strong marriage that's lasted multiple decades but they don't really have a social life. They were complaining to me recently...
My parents are a perfect example of this unfortunately. They have a strong marriage that's lasted multiple decades but they don't really have a social life. They were complaining to me recently about how they don't have friends and feel lonely. I mentioned that this was by design of where they chose to live. Our suburban "city" has no places to really hang out and relax. We have one mall that caters more to the neighboring rich cities than our own and that's about it. The kids in our schools literally go to the grocery store to hang out because there isn't any other place.
This might be better suited in health, but I think since it's talking about some published results it fits in science, feel free to change! Some food for thought: what are some ways that we can...
This might be better suited in health, but I think since it's talking about some published results it fits in science, feel free to change!
Some food for thought: what are some ways that we can decrease loneliness? A large contributing factor are the various technologies we use as entertainment. Are we fooling ourselves when we interact with people online that we are getting our social needs met?
I'm really attached to the idea of having a neighborhood community. My dad and step-mom have done a great job of getting to know and making the people that live on their street a part of their lives, which I think is awesome. You can certainly run into people that might rub you the wrong way, but I think trying to foster friendly interactions with the people that live around you is an important part of being a social being. My partner and I are moving soon and I know it can be difficult to make friends as you get older, but I hope my extroversion will overcome that.
Real-world, analog community is something I've been investing in pretty heavily over the past few years. I've got a few thoughts on the matter and this seems like a pretty solid place to voice...
Exemplary
Real-world, analog community is something I've been investing in pretty heavily over the past few years. I've got a few thoughts on the matter and this seems like a pretty solid place to voice them, so I'll start by saying that you're on the right track as far as I'm concerned. Digital interaction and entertainment is social candy - it hits some of the receptors that our brains are expecting, but it's devoid of real nutrition.
The most important thing we can do to decrease loneliness is to make community accessible where we live. I frequently complain about suburbia being a cultural desert filled with people who would live somewhere else if they could - people who work elsewhere, study elsewhere, and participate in community elsewhere. I've decided that if I can build community right here in suburbia, I can probably do it almost anywhere.
That's why I started Credenso. Basically, I take money that I get as a web developer and invest it into a pay-what-you-can cafe that I operate out of the garage. Since I've organized my life around minimizing cost and maximizing free time, I have the means to coordinate and host events for people in the area, doing development work (and baking) when I can.
My hope for this project is less about getting everyone to visit my (parents) garage and more about getting people to realize that they can do it themself, wherever they are. I'm trying to make operation as transparent as possible so that anyone with access to a space (whether its a home, library, workspace, church, or literal cafe) can launch this sort of community-building operation without feeling like it requires some sort of extra investment beyond spare time.
To address your last point - it is very important to interact with people that rub you the wrong way. I might reference Matthew 5:44 on this one; there's a very real danger to the ongoing social dynamic where people are so caught up in online echo chambers and a sort of "us vs. them" mentality that we are actually losing our collective capacity for relating to and empathizing with people who hold different beliefs than ourselves. This polarization is part of what leads people to increasingly rely on online communities that validate their beliefs, over real-life ones where those beliefs may be challenged.
I really like this idea of running a community cafe out of your home. Making places where people cna meet is so important for fomenting connections in the community. I was actually having a...
I really like this idea of running a community cafe out of your home. Making places where people cna meet is so important for fomenting connections in the community.
I was actually having a discussion related to selling/giving out food in your community the other day; are there any concerns when it comes to giving food to people in regards to health safety? As in, do you need to have some sort of license or approval, or is it OK if you're not operating above a certain size?
And thank you for the support. I love having interactions with many different kinds of people so I am optimistic about making friends in the move.
“Cottage food laws” are the term for this. All depends where you live. https://cottagefoodlaws.com/
I was actually having a discussion related to selling/giving out food in your community the other day; are there any concerns when it comes to giving food to people in regards to health safety? As in, do you need to have some sort of license or approval, or is it OK if you're not operating above a certain size?
“Cottage food laws” are the term for this. All depends where you live.
My entire immediate family are all deceased including my children. I am 66 and have been living alone since 2008. I am due to retire in another year and dreading it as my colleagues fulfill a...
My entire immediate family are all deceased including my children. I am 66 and have been living alone since 2008. I am due to retire in another year and dreading it as my colleagues fulfill a daily communication need I no longer have.
I have lots of cousins and some friends that I see and travel with occasionally but it is the everyday interaction that will do me in. I am already planning on dying fairly soon after I retire and that is OK with me.
Would you consider moving to a situation where you have more options for social interaction? My mom, before her passing, lived as part of an "independent living" senior center, which was basically...
Would you consider moving to a situation where you have more options for social interaction? My mom, before her passing, lived as part of an "independent living" senior center, which was basically any other apartment building but with an extra focus on senior's needs. Among other benefits, there were regular social activities, food drives for people who needed it, community-led shared celebrations on holidays, etc. Many of the residents were in situations like yours, and together they met their shared need for community. There was a multi-year wait for an apartment, but it was worth the wait for the people who lived there.
I actually thought of that but it is not financially viable. I am not poor enough to get into the highrise/senior living in the community and far too poor to afford an independent senior community.
I actually thought of that but it is not financially viable. I am not poor enough to get into the highrise/senior living in the community and far too poor to afford an independent senior community.
When I was a volunteer at a yoga retreat, about half the volunteers were about my age and the other half were retirees. Both groups were full of frequent flyers who found being a full-time...
When I was a volunteer at a yoga retreat, about half the volunteers were about my age and the other half were retirees. Both groups were full of frequent flyers who found being a full-time volunteer a more fulfilling life than their outside world career or being retired.
The only opportunities near me are the library which I will likely sign up for. My health is a limiting factor since I came down with a couple unexpected long term conditions last year. On the...
The only opportunities near me are the library which I will likely sign up for. My health is a limiting factor since I came down with a couple unexpected long term conditions last year.
On the positive side I am in therapy to try to make some plans in this area and I will be setting up an appointment with an attorney to help me with a lot of the legal issues.
Appreciate your comment.
I will rise to the occasion eventually.
I am sorry to hear you don't have as much of a social group outside of work. I totally get the okayness with passing, but also I agree with MimicSquid's point that there are options to have...
I am sorry to hear you don't have as much of a social group outside of work. I totally get the okayness with passing, but also I agree with MimicSquid's point that there are options to have community, at any age.
I still don't know if it's a mercy or a tragedy that the most miserable don't live long. Observed in prisons for those serving long sentences, life expectancy is decreased by 20+ years. Loneliness...
I still don't know if it's a mercy or a tragedy that the most miserable don't live long. Observed in prisons for those serving long sentences, life expectancy is decreased by 20+ years.
Loneliness isn't that different. It's still just misery. What do you do when you find yourself in middle age and nothing to live for anyways? Why do I even ask. If anyone is going to find that out, it's probably me, lol
Some key points from the article:
There are those who would deny it- and deny it VERY loudly- but humans are still social creatures at the end of the day. We need those human connections.
Plus, there's been a study done on how hearing a human voice affects you. With the Internet, you just read text on screen in many social media sites... and that takes away a very-much-needed human element. Of course, as was pointed out earlier in this thread: we've gotten so used to forming echo chambers, because those hit all the dopamine receptors. I would agree that we need to have people with opposing, or at least different, viewpoints within a social circle.
The real tragedy is the loss of the "third place"- somewhere not home or work where you can go and be social with other people, AND not have to pay for a business service. The closest I've come to this is going to meet-ups and hangout parties, though there is still an admission fee. Still, it's gained me a very close circle of friends.
I can think back to my childhood and all the places I would go to hangout. There's another kicker for you: when you have online things, you kill any physical places that you could've hung out with people. Malls are the easiest one to see, but I know of other places that have become a shadow of their former selves because they can barely make enough for overhead.
And again, the issue with suburbia: why meet others in your neighborhood who have differing views, when going online puts you in a comfortable echo chamber? You end up only existing in a place because it was affordable compared to where you REALLY want to live.
I suppose the issue is - as we age it gets a bit harder to find places where you can connect with genuine people. I do realize common hobbies and interests are important but having a bit of company and just hanging out every now and then can be harder the older you get.
Even for someone like myself (I admit to being a loner 99% of the time), I like being around people - work is the big one for me. I actively enjoy company of people even if most are at where I work (small number have become genuine friends albeit its hard find time physical meet ups)
I have a bunch of close friends and live with my brother and we have a great time, but I assume I'm probably still dying fastly because there's that lonely part of my soul that would love a companion. Have to assume it's just as bad. :/
Marriage / companionship is not a solution to loneliness. There are plenty of people who still feel the same despite a committed partnership, and honestly that just might be worse.
And also, if your partner is the only social connection you have you're still one bad experience away from being totally alone. Everyone needs to be part of a social web, not just a social bola, flying through space by itself.
My parents are a perfect example of this unfortunately. They have a strong marriage that's lasted multiple decades but they don't really have a social life. They were complaining to me recently about how they don't have friends and feel lonely. I mentioned that this was by design of where they chose to live. Our suburban "city" has no places to really hang out and relax. We have one mall that caters more to the neighboring rich cities than our own and that's about it. The kids in our schools literally go to the grocery store to hang out because there isn't any other place.
This might be better suited in health, but I think since it's talking about some published results it fits in science, feel free to change!
Some food for thought: what are some ways that we can decrease loneliness? A large contributing factor are the various technologies we use as entertainment. Are we fooling ourselves when we interact with people online that we are getting our social needs met?
I'm really attached to the idea of having a neighborhood community. My dad and step-mom have done a great job of getting to know and making the people that live on their street a part of their lives, which I think is awesome. You can certainly run into people that might rub you the wrong way, but I think trying to foster friendly interactions with the people that live around you is an important part of being a social being. My partner and I are moving soon and I know it can be difficult to make friends as you get older, but I hope my extroversion will overcome that.
Real-world, analog community is something I've been investing in pretty heavily over the past few years. I've got a few thoughts on the matter and this seems like a pretty solid place to voice them, so I'll start by saying that you're on the right track as far as I'm concerned. Digital interaction and entertainment is social candy - it hits some of the receptors that our brains are expecting, but it's devoid of real nutrition.
The most important thing we can do to decrease loneliness is to make community accessible where we live. I frequently complain about suburbia being a cultural desert filled with people who would live somewhere else if they could - people who work elsewhere, study elsewhere, and participate in community elsewhere. I've decided that if I can build community right here in suburbia, I can probably do it almost anywhere.
That's why I started Credenso. Basically, I take money that I get as a web developer and invest it into a pay-what-you-can cafe that I operate out of the garage. Since I've organized my life around minimizing cost and maximizing free time, I have the means to coordinate and host events for people in the area, doing development work (and baking) when I can.
My hope for this project is less about getting everyone to visit my (parents) garage and more about getting people to realize that they can do it themself, wherever they are. I'm trying to make operation as transparent as possible so that anyone with access to a space (whether its a home, library, workspace, church, or literal cafe) can launch this sort of community-building operation without feeling like it requires some sort of extra investment beyond spare time.
To address your last point - it is very important to interact with people that rub you the wrong way. I might reference Matthew 5:44 on this one; there's a very real danger to the ongoing social dynamic where people are so caught up in online echo chambers and a sort of "us vs. them" mentality that we are actually losing our collective capacity for relating to and empathizing with people who hold different beliefs than ourselves. This polarization is part of what leads people to increasingly rely on online communities that validate their beliefs, over real-life ones where those beliefs may be challenged.
You can overcome it! I believe in you!
I really like this idea of running a community cafe out of your home. Making places where people cna meet is so important for fomenting connections in the community.
I was actually having a discussion related to selling/giving out food in your community the other day; are there any concerns when it comes to giving food to people in regards to health safety? As in, do you need to have some sort of license or approval, or is it OK if you're not operating above a certain size?
And thank you for the support. I love having interactions with many different kinds of people so I am optimistic about making friends in the move.
“Cottage food laws” are the term for this. All depends where you live.
https://cottagefoodlaws.com/
Actually, cottage food laws do not apply, afaik. What I do does not qualify as a business because there is no transaction, buying, selling, etc.
Yeah, I’m just talking re: the downstream question.
Meh, I don't worry about it too much. I treat it like inviting people over for lunch - nobody needs a license for that!
My entire immediate family are all deceased including my children. I am 66 and have been living alone since 2008. I am due to retire in another year and dreading it as my colleagues fulfill a daily communication need I no longer have.
I have lots of cousins and some friends that I see and travel with occasionally but it is the everyday interaction that will do me in. I am already planning on dying fairly soon after I retire and that is OK with me.
Would you consider moving to a situation where you have more options for social interaction? My mom, before her passing, lived as part of an "independent living" senior center, which was basically any other apartment building but with an extra focus on senior's needs. Among other benefits, there were regular social activities, food drives for people who needed it, community-led shared celebrations on holidays, etc. Many of the residents were in situations like yours, and together they met their shared need for community. There was a multi-year wait for an apartment, but it was worth the wait for the people who lived there.
I actually thought of that but it is not financially viable. I am not poor enough to get into the highrise/senior living in the community and far too poor to afford an independent senior community.
When I was a volunteer at a yoga retreat, about half the volunteers were about my age and the other half were retirees. Both groups were full of frequent flyers who found being a full-time volunteer a more fulfilling life than their outside world career or being retired.
The only opportunities near me are the library which I will likely sign up for. My health is a limiting factor since I came down with a couple unexpected long term conditions last year.
On the positive side I am in therapy to try to make some plans in this area and I will be setting up an appointment with an attorney to help me with a lot of the legal issues.
Appreciate your comment.
I will rise to the occasion eventually.
I am sorry to hear you don't have as much of a social group outside of work. I totally get the okayness with passing, but also I agree with MimicSquid's point that there are options to have community, at any age.
Thank you. I do what I can but at my age I have lived a good life and fine with whatever happens.
I still don't know if it's a mercy or a tragedy that the most miserable don't live long. Observed in prisons for those serving long sentences, life expectancy is decreased by 20+ years.
Loneliness isn't that different. It's still just misery. What do you do when you find yourself in middle age and nothing to live for anyways? Why do I even ask. If anyone is going to find that out, it's probably me, lol